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RE: just looking to talk to someone - 7/8/2009 3:03:57 PM

estah

Posts: 491
Joined: 5/2/2009
Status: offline

Greetings Rainy,
I do not know you nor did I know your Dom, what I do know is that our Owners/Masters/Daddys know us often better then we know ourselves. If he saw that strength in you, then you need to continue having faith in him and find it. He is still with you and the strength he saw is a way that you can carryh is memory on. Noone else knows what you had so you need to carry that memory on for the both of you. You knew him in ways others did not, if you take your life, those special memories you had die with you, and instead of one flame fading, two flames will be lost and the world that needs the love you two shared will fade a little more into darkness, it needs it in ways you do not always see. Rainy please find the strength he saw in you and carry your flame, that which was him and that which is you, onwards.

estah

(in reply to MsFlutter)

Post #: 21

RE: just looking to talk to someone - 7/8/2009 9:01:48 PM

Mistress4Gurls

Posts: 34
Joined: 5/26/2009
Status: offline

Evening rainy

I do not know you or your Dom, however please listen to those on CM connect with those you know- even if they are not in the "lifestyle" vanilla people understand loss especially sudden loss. Find someone you can talk to-even a cousellor or Doc. You can get through this, we are only given what we can handle and someone felt you were strong enough to handle this horrible loss.

You will be stronger and better for knowing your Dom, he is looking over your shoulder and watching out for you. Let yourself remember the good, let yourself cry like you have never cried before. It is ok to feel sorry for yourself right now. This is the grieving process, let yourself go through it for as long as you need.

If you ever want to yack drop me an email I am only a click away to chat.

_____________________________

In My Chains she will find the freedom she has never had

(in reply to estah)

Post #: 22

RE: just looking to talk to someone - 7/9/2009 10:50:43 AM

pixidustpet

Posts: 857
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline

dear rainy...

i wish you didnt have to know the loss of your dom. i've had that pain, too. twice. james had a sudden heart attack, fallcon had cancer that was caught too late. they died 2 years and one week apart from one another.

so yeah, i know that pain all too well. i had two imps that needed me, and i'm still here... dec 25th will be the third anniversary of fallcon's death, dec 18 is the fifth anniversary of james' passing

my mailbox is open to you if you wish. *gentle hugs* there is still life to be had for you, dearling.

kitten

(in reply to Mistress4Gurls)

Post #: 23

RE: just looking to talk to someone - 7/13/2009 7:55:07 AM

VirginPotty

Posts: 11624
Joined: 7/16/2008
From: Virginville
Status: offline

Has anyone heard from Rainy? She responded to one message on the other side but that's been almost a week & hasn't responded to anything else.
I'm worried about her.

_____________________________

Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.

(in reply to pixidustpet)

Post #: 24

RE: just looking to talk to someone - 7/13/2009 8:12:04 AM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline

she was last on-line on the 9th.

Rainy...if you are reading this...let us know how you are doing. You have friends here.

_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)

(in reply to VirginPotty)

Post #: 25

RE: just looking to talk to someone - 7/13/2009 9:06:11 AM

CallaFirestormBW

Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline

quote:

i figure you guys will probably understand.
i've read threads by s's who've lost their D's/M's, but He was so young. and there was nothing wrong. we were on the verge of seriously and concretely attaching our lives together. it was all just a really horrible accident.
one minute he's right there laughing, and the next minute he's literally GONE.
no "goodbyes," no nothing
just gone

I commiserate completely. Most of the pain is quieter now, but in 1999 and early 2000 I went through this twice in 6 months. I'm part of a poly household, and we lost one of our beloveds in less than an hour, completely unexpectedly (ruptured aneurysm), and less than 6 months later, my mentor/trainer/lover and the head of our family for over a decade and a half was lost in a construction accident. I recognize the pain and sense of disorientation. It does fade, over time, but it took my companions and I a -long- time... almost 6 years... before life felt anywhere near 'normal' enough to really move forward again. Hold on, and hopefully you can find someone to help you hold on when it's too hard to do by yourself.

May you find strength, shelter, and peace as you work through this,
Dame Calla

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to RainydayNE)

Post #: 26

RE: just looking to talk to someone - 7/13/2009 10:25:53 AM

Esinn

Posts: 886
Joined: 6/23/2009
Status: offline

I like to talk about:

S&M, Religion, Bible, Religious History, Cosmology, Philosophy, Music(enjoyment / creation), Psychology, Chemistry, Tattoos, Art, Travel. Evolution, Body Modification, Human Experience, 'Logic' and 8 - 9 other things. That about covers everything in life :D

If you want to begin a discussion with me my mailbox is not always open but I might be receptive, who knows.

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)

Post #: 27

RE: just looking to talk to someone - 7/20/2009 8:52:06 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

Has anyone talking to Rainy lately? This thread so concerned me.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to RainydayNE)

Post #: 28

RE: just looking to talk to someone - 7/20/2009 9:00:47 AM

Loki45

Posts: 2100
Joined: 5/13/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Has anyone talking to Rainy lately? This thread so concerned me.

It doesn't appear so. Her 'last online' says July 9, 2009.

_____________________________

"'Till the roof comes off, 'till the lights go out
'Till my legs give out, can't shut my mouth."

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 29

RE: just looking to talk to someone - 7/20/2009 9:02:10 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

I saw that she had not been on Collarme since, the 9th. That was the first place I checked. I was hoping that she had friends from here than had spoke with her either via phone, in person, or at least through email.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Loki45)

Post #: 30

RE: just looking to talk to someone - 7/20/2009 9:04:49 AM

Loki45

Posts: 2100
Joined: 5/13/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I saw that she had not been on Collarme since, the 9th. That was the first place I checked. I was hoping that she had friends from here than had spoke with her either via phone, in person, or at least through email.

Ahh.

_____________________________

"'Till the roof comes off, 'till the lights go out
'Till my legs give out, can't shut my mouth."

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 31

RE: just looking to talk to someone - 7/20/2009 9:55:35 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

I sent her my phone #..but not heard a word on the phone... I hope to god she's ok

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to Loki45)

Post #: 32

RE: just looking to talk to someone - 7/20/2009 10:41:53 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

Well damn!

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 33

RE: just looking to talk to someone - 7/20/2009 11:44:38 AM

Marc2b

Posts: 6660
Joined: 8/7/2006
Status: offline

quote:

Has anyone talking to Rainy lately? This thread so concerned me.

I've been wondering myself. I kept the subscription going on this thread and have been checking her profile almost every day. More than once I thought of asking if anybody knew anything but I always chickened out - afraid of appearing insensitive (not that I am accusing you of such LaTigresse, on the contrary I am crediting you with the courage of compoassion). After all, the death of loved one brings on not just a flood of grief and other emotions but of activity (funeral arrangements, sympathy visits from friends and family, insurance matters to be worked out, etc) as well. In the midst of all that, Collarme would be a very low priority. So she could, I hope, be simply to busy (and to grieving) to come on. I certainly hope that is the case. I will continue to pray for her.

_____________________________

Do you know what the most awesome thing about being an Atheist is? You're not required to hate anybody!

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 34

RE: just looking to talk to someone - 7/20/2009 12:51:44 PM

Rule

Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline

I am concerned as well. Somehow, though, I think that she is still in the realm of the living.

(in reply to Marc2b)

Post #: 35

RE: just looking to talk to someone - 7/24/2009 12:26:06 PM

Marc2b

Posts: 6660
Joined: 8/7/2006
Status: offline

I just checked RainydayNE's profile (yeah, I'm still worrying) and see that she was online yesterday (7/23). I hope that this means she is okay - well, as okay as anybody could be in her situation.

I'm keeping you in my prayers Rainy.

_____________________________

Do you know what the most awesome thing about being an Atheist is? You're not required to hate anybody!

(in reply to estah)

Post #: 36

RE: just looking to talk to someone - 7/24/2009 12:28:20 PM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline

quote:

I'm keeping you in my prayers Rainy.

i am too. Please let us know how you are doing.

_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)

(in reply to Marc2b)

Post #: 37

RE: just looking to talk to someone - 7/24/2009 3:22:21 PM

CaringandReal

Posts: 1397
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline

I don't know you as the others do, but I wanted to say that others have been through this very thing, this same level of intensity. It's horribly hard, maybe the most devestating thing you'll ever face (outside of losing a child), and it can take many years to heal, far more than you or others expect, but eventually it starts to lighten, to get a little better.

I didn't believe it when other people told it would get better, and because it didn't for so many years, I gave up hope that I'd ever experience anything worth living for in this life. Then it started, very slowly last year to get a little bit better.

This is probably the last thing you want at this time, but if you can, do it anyway. If you don't have a pet, get one. Get a rescue animal that would otherwise be put down if you weren't there. And just take care of it. The pet is no substitute for what you have lost. But it gives you something outside of yourself to think about: a little being who needs you. It doesn't ease the pain any, but it does help you survive the long dark hell.

Initially, antidepressants are your friends. Give up any pride you may have about taking them. For the first two or three years, they're a godsend. Again, they don't make the pain go away, but they definitely make it much more bearable. You can ramp off them later, when you're ready. People sometimes talk about this (ramping off an SSRI) as if it's impossible to do, but it's not. It's just a little rocky, particularly if you go too fast. But compared to what you've been through, it's a laughably small deal.

Don't listen to music. Stay away from it as much as possible for the first two years or so. If you do listen to it, try to listen to new stuff you've never heard before, stuff with NO memories attached to it. And of course, keep it upbeat.

As soon as you can afford it, move. Even if just to another part of town. I really wish I could have afforded to do that early in my ordeal, as it adds tremendously to your peace of mind, but his death was prolonged and it left me impoverished. I lived with him for many years, and even when I put his personal items away, everything in that house, every single object held memories, ghosts, reminded me of him. Happy memories, all of them, and they made me sob my heart out. Facing those ghosts day after day made things much harder than they might have been.

I'm sorry this had to happen to you. I know what you are going through and I wish you the best.

(in reply to Rule)

Post #: 38

RE: just looking to talk to someone - 7/24/2009 3:31:49 PM

Rule

Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline

I agree with the moving, but I am extremely suspicious of any medication as I think that interferes with the natural process of mourning.

(in reply to CaringandReal)

Post #: 39

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