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CaringandReal -> RE: just looking to talk to someone (7/24/2009 3:22:21 PM)
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I don't know you as the others do, but I wanted to say that others have been through this very thing, this same level of intensity. It's horribly hard, maybe the most devestating thing you'll ever face (outside of losing a child), and it can take many years to heal, far more than you or others expect, but eventually it starts to lighten, to get a little better.
I didn't believe it when other people told it would get better, and because it didn't for so many years, I gave up hope that I'd ever experience anything worth living for in this life. Then it started, very slowly last year to get a little bit better.
This is probably the last thing you want at this time, but if you can, do it anyway. If you don't have a pet, get one. Get a rescue animal that would otherwise be put down if you weren't there. And just take care of it. The pet is no substitute for what you have lost. But it gives you something outside of yourself to think about: a little being who needs you. It doesn't ease the pain any, but it does help you survive the long dark hell.
Initially, antidepressants are your friends. Give up any pride you may have about taking them. For the first two or three years, they're a godsend. Again, they don't make the pain go away, but they definitely make it much more bearable. You can ramp off them later, when you're ready. People sometimes talk about this (ramping off an SSRI) as if it's impossible to do, but it's not. It's just a little rocky, particularly if you go too fast. But compared to what you've been through, it's a laughably small deal.
Don't listen to music. Stay away from it as much as possible for the first two years or so. If you do listen to it, try to listen to new stuff you've never heard before, stuff with NO memories attached to it. And of course, keep it upbeat.
As soon as you can afford it, move. Even if just to another part of town. I really wish I could have afforded to do that early in my ordeal, as it adds tremendously to your peace of mind, but his death was prolonged and it left me impoverished. I lived with him for many years, and even when I put his personal items away, everything in that house, every single object held memories, ghosts, reminded me of him. Happy memories, all of them, and they made me sob my heart out. Facing those ghosts day after day made things much harder than they might have been.
I'm sorry this had to happen to you. I know what you are going through and I wish you the best.
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