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Keep your nose out of it - 7/5/2009 6:55:31 AM

LATEXBABY64

Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
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In the lifestyle we have friends who think they no more about the person your seeing or have better ways of doing things some even feel they have right know our every personal session with someone or event Do they have a right or should they just keep their nose out of it when it comes to your relationships

Post #: 1

RE: Keep your nose out of it - 7/5/2009 6:57:56 AM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
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My private life is private, unless i choose to discuss it. Ask personal questions and you will get shot down.

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Post #: 2

RE: Keep your nose out of it - 7/5/2009 7:00:37 AM

DarkSteven

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Anyone has the right to give me advice. Whether I take it or even listen to it is my choice.

If anyone outside knows of a session I had, if it wasn't a play party scene, my submissive will have a lot of explaining to do.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)

Post #: 3

RE: Keep your nose out of it - 7/5/2009 7:02:14 AM

tazzygirl

Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
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if you ask for their opinion, go into details of your private life, ect, then you are pulling their nose into it. if you dont want it to be up for scrutiny, then keep those events to yourself. if they ask, simply say... my private life is just that... we prefer to keep it that way.. said with a smile most people will accept that answer. if they dont and push for more, do you really want them as friends?

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Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)

Post #: 4

RE: Keep your nose out of it - 7/5/2009 7:03:27 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
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They can assume any right they wish to.......Whether they get to exercise their self-appointed *right* .....would be up to me.

People that *assume* that kind of thing wouldn't be remotely able to be a *friend* of mine.

agirl

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)

Post #: 5

RE: Keep your nose out of it - 7/5/2009 7:06:52 AM

CatdeMedici

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Joined: 10/20/2008
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If you hang your wash on an outside line, everyone feel the right to comment, if you keep it inside, they don't---some people put it out there to start shit, some want the attention, some adore the drama--as Ms Flutter stated recently, I have no use for toxic relationships--stick your nose in and you'll be off the buddy list UNLESS I asked.

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(in reply to LATEXBABY64)

Post #: 6

RE: Keep your nose out of it - 7/5/2009 7:25:13 AM

oceanwinds

Posts: 530
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I'm a very private person and so is my friend, Sir. What we do or don't do is not anyone's business. I have never felt the need to devulge information when asked to me from those outside any relationship I have had. My close friends wouldnt consider asking information either. I don't deal with nosey people, never have and don't plan on starting.

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Post #: 7

RE: Keep your nose out of it - 7/5/2009 9:07:54 AM

lizi

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Joined: 2/1/2009
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I'm going to bring up something a little different and say it depends on the friend and who she/he is to you. How close the friend is to yourself.

If someone very close sees something they are concerned about and feels is detrimental, then they may choose to say something and bring it to your attention...after all, this kind of friend cares about you. Still, I'd have to say that even this type of close friend would have to be sure that first of all it is indeed a negative situation and not simply your choice, secondly the friend would have to bring it up in a non confrontational way.

I'm not recommending this course of action I'm just saying that it exists amongst people of a certain emotional closeness. Overall I'm of the general opinion that everyone else seems to have, you keep your mouth shut about others and don't offer anything about your own private life to the public.

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)

Post #: 8

RE: Keep your nose out of it - 7/5/2009 9:22:20 AM

susie

Posts: 1699
Joined: 11/21/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

My private life is private, unless i choose to discuss it. Ask personal questions and you will get shot down.

Agreed. Our private life is just that. Thats why it is called private. Nobody knows our relationship like we do. From the outside I am sure it would attract all sorts of negative comments but it is our life and our choice. So basically those on the outside can keep their noses out.

(in reply to sirsholly)

Post #: 9

RE: Keep your nose out of it - 7/5/2009 9:25:18 AM

sweetsub1957

Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline

I don't so much have a problem with "lifestyle friends," as I don't really know any in person yet. I've had a couple vanilla know-it-all friends that I did not tell, think they had the right to tell me what to do. I found out they were standing outside my apartment door listening when Sir was over, and they fast became ex-friends. What I do behind closed, locked doors when the curtains are drawn is no one's business to comment on.

There's also a police liason that comes to our apartment building, and one of those meddling know-it-alls told him what they found out. Now that officer is going around asking my friends if they ever see bruises on me and they always say "No." So much for people minding their own business and respecting boundaries.

After all the above happening, if someone starts meddling in my personal (read "none of their business") life, they are told to butt out and if I want their opinion of my personal life I will ask for it.

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Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

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In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)

Post #: 10

RE: Keep your nose out of it - 7/5/2009 10:48:20 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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My closest friends say very little unless they are sure I am about to make a serious mistake. For that reason I place a higher value and credibility on what advise they offer either asked for or unasked. Others who think they know me well enough to offer advise, whilst I will be polite and actually listen to what they have to say and then thank them with a comment that I have things in hand, I may or may not take any of the advice. If they try to force their advise or opinions they are again politely asked to back off. Those who disregard this request/warning are shown the proverbial door. Politically, I can't always do this with family especially when their advice of offered with love and kindness but then we just deal with it. people who go behind my back even with the best of intentions, but by their actions are in effect saying that I am too stupid to do something without their help, get the rough end of a pineapple and asked to screww themselves with it whilst I try to repair the dammage they have done.

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(in reply to sweetsub1957)

Post #: 11

RE: Keep your nose out of it - 7/5/2009 11:03:20 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Perhaps I'm looking at this a different way. If it's a new relationship and I happen to know that the other person has treated people poorly in the past or cheated on the last three people they were with, yes, as a friend, I would probably tell you something like that. Feel free to tell Me to butt out if it turns out this is something you already know. I'm good with that. However, I'm probably still going to tell you in the event that you don't know, because as your friend, I wouldn't want to see you setting yourself up to get hurt. (Not the good kind of hurt anyway.)

If we're talking about a long standing relationship, I'm pretty sure you know your SO better than I do. If something major were to come up, and I do consider Myself your friend, My door is always open to you. I'll help you with darn near anything that you bring to Me.

I don't throw that word friend around very casually, and I tend to be a bit protective of those I consider to be in that category.

_____________________________

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 12

RE: Keep your nose out of it - 7/5/2009 11:36:00 AM

allthatjaz

Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
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When I first met Steve I was in with a group of friends that I had known and been around for years. Because I was spending less time with them and more and more time with Stephen, they took it upon themselves to set up an investigation (on my behalf but without me knowing!). It turned out that Stephen did have a past. Nothing awful but one that they deemed bad enough to try and drive a wedge between him and me. They clearly disproved of him and in the end that disapproval ended our friendships.
I know every last jot about my man, as he does me and I don't need anyone deciding on my behalf that I'm too good for him. I will go as far to say that I find that hugely insulting.

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Fan of edgeplay.co.uk

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 13

RE: Keep your nose out of it - 7/5/2009 12:12:35 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

When I first met Steve I was in with a group of friends that I had known and been around for years. Because I was spending less time with them and more and more time with Stephen, they took it upon themselves to set up an investigation (on my behalf but without me knowing!). It turned out that Stephen did have a past. Nothing awful but one that they deemed bad enough to try and drive a wedge between him and me. They clearly disproved of him and in the end that disapproval ended our friendships.
I know every last jot about my man, as he does me and I don't need anyone deciding on my behalf that I'm too good for him. I will go as far to say that I find that hugely insulting.

That sounds to Me something more along the lines of the friends being jealous of the time Stephen was getting, rather than really looking out for your best interest. I'm not sure how 'new' the relationship was at the time and certainly not from someone's personal knowledge of whatever it was. (They really had him investigated? That would have creeped Me out.)

A lot of years back, I was friends with a couple who were supposedly in a monogamous relationship. They weren't poly. She was straight out cheating on him and having unprotected sex. It wasn't something I thought, it was something I knew. (She told Me herself but I'm not going to drag that part out.) She also had no intentions of stopping.

When that last part came to My attention, I looked her straight in the eye and told her that she had a choice. Either she would stop the behavior, tell him, or I would, because she was putting his health at risk without his knowledge.

She didn't.

I did.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to allthatjaz)

Post #: 14

RE: Keep your nose out of it - 7/5/2009 1:58:32 PM

subtee

Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
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Might they just be caring for you? I would certainly expect my friends to ask about my relationship. They may be doing this awkwardly, however, and you always have the right to state your boundaries.

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Don't believe everything you think...

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Post #: 15

RE: Keep your nose out of it - 7/5/2009 1:58:37 PM

frazzle

Posts: 1212
Joined: 6/20/2009
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smiles we think alike, even from opposite sides of the kneel.

To the OP. Only person who can interfere, stick there nose in, is my son.

Son knows me better than anyone. He's been right everytime, when i couldnt see it.
Told me my first master wasnt, he was just a bully. Son was right.

I'll listen to others, but you have to know me, to know if things are wrong.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 16

RE: Keep your nose out of it - 7/5/2009 2:20:06 PM

allthatjaz

Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline

Friends are only friends till they cross you. I very clearly set my boundaries but they chose to ignore them. Once they knew I wasn't interested they stopped saying things to me and were soooo nice to his face but behind his back were creating this little war zone and reveling in it.
People who know me know that I'm a really nice person up until the point of being crossed. Once crossed then I become very direct and if they can't deal with that then its their issue..... in this case they couldn't deal with my directness.

Lady Pact I would of done exactly like you, in fact I have done, in such a situation but I think what you did is very different from what was happening to us.

< Message edited by allthatjaz -- 7/5/2009 2:31:49 PM >

_____________________________

S&M (Steve and Maria) persona libre de convencionalismos

Fan of edgeplay.co.uk

(in reply to frazzle)

Post #: 17

RE: Keep your nose out of it - 7/5/2009 4:33:59 PM

kuriouswitch

Posts: 325
Joined: 6/17/2008
Status: offline

there's only one other person besides Master that I tell everything to, anyone else only knows what they need to know. If I want them to know, I tell them otherwise it's none of their business.

(in reply to allthatjaz)

Post #: 18

RE: Keep your nose out of it - 7/5/2009 5:09:12 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

If you didn't broadcast all those details, they wouldn't know them. Your fault, that.

In general, if you have healthy boundaries you won't be drawn to people with unhealthy boundaries, or none at all. So fix your own problems and find healthier friends.

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Post #: 19

RE: Keep your nose out of it - 7/5/2009 5:17:58 PM

DehumanizedPooch

Posts: 2
Joined: 7/3/2009
Status: offline

There are some friends who know when your hiding something about yourself especially those its hard to keep secrets from, being if they know you well enough they can read your body languages. In the past with my close friend, she got over weight thinking the man I served was trying to keep me away from my friends which to a point she was right. However being I told my friend bits and peices the dom got possessive over me and I tried to play peacemaker between the two trying not to let them get too riled up, in the end it felt like they were playing tug of war. Finally things didn't work out,for other reasons with the specific friend. Go with your gut feeling to decide what people need to know being they may care for you, yet even if you tell them they may not understand why you need things this way.

My Advice keep your friends out of your relationship,it usually doesn't end well.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 20

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