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RE: Master has gone.... - 6/30/2009 8:37:28 PM   
meretricis


Posts: 7
Joined: 6/29/2009
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cmail?

(in reply to janiebelle)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Master has gone.... - 6/30/2009 8:43:40 PM   
MAMandSlave


Posts: 110
Joined: 8/15/2008
Status: offline
Hello, I am very sorry for you loss. I once had a similar conversation with my late wife (my submissive for 8 years), and she had a similar comment. This was several years before she died or had been diagnosed with cancer. Your master's comment may have been in a moment of extreme possessiveness.
As for respecting his wishes, while he will always be your master in your heart and memories, but he has passed away, and a survivor, your job is now to grieve, then move on with your life. His wishes in life do not rule you in death, unless you choose for them to, which might keep you from moving forward in life.
I am a marriage family therapist, and as such, I highly recommend that you find a kink friendly therapist that specializes in grief therapy. You might look here. http://www.ncsfreedom.org/index.php?option=com_wrapper&Itemid=75 you can also contact your insurance company to find if there is a therapist that is near you specializing in grief. They can help you examine where you are in life now, and how you want to move forward. They also might help you deal with any guilt you might have for moving forward in your life after losing the one you love. (I experienced this. I met my current girl two months after my wife died, although we did not get together full time for a year.) I truly wish you the best, if you need to chat ever please feel free to say hello to us.
John

(in reply to Esinn)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Master has gone.... - 6/30/2009 8:44:22 PM   
janiebelle


Posts: 332
Joined: 4/29/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: meretricis

cmail?

A message in your mailbox on "the other side".  Use the black link (the collarme.com) at the top left of this page to get back there.  Click on the red "new messages".
j

(in reply to meretricis)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Master has gone.... - 6/30/2009 8:59:31 PM   
justme1980


Posts: 169
Joined: 6/20/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: meretricis

One of the hardest parts of imagining the future is knowing that He asked me last winter to promise to never be with anyone else if He should die before me. This was of course before he was diagnosed with his illness. Even after that we thought he had a few years and he only had four months. So I don't know if He really would've wanted me to move on at some point or not. I hate the thought of disrespecting His wishes.


I am sorry for your loss. I can't believe that he would want you to go through life all alone.

(in reply to meretricis)
Profile   Post #: 24
please read this - 6/30/2009 9:03:40 PM   
vasha


Posts: 99
Joined: 2/20/2009
Status: offline
One Last Time
A Story of Freedom
By Norische


Kneeling before her Master one last time, tears fall silently on her cheeks.

“Back straight, knees apart, hands behind the back, chin up, eyes down.” She heard her Master instruct her patiently, gentle but never weak. His voice whispered low and soft, so full of pride. She could always hear the pride in his voice whenever she served him well. As she listened to his voice her heart swelled, the sound of his voice made her tremble. His pride was her pride; her body was his body…to mold, to use, to have for as long as eternity existed.

Her heart burned at the thought that this is the last time she will ever have the honor to kneel before him. She tried so hard to keep her head up and remain in position but her heart would not allow it. Slowly her chin fell, slowly her heart fell, slowly ever so slowly her world fell. No hope. No love…the loneliness, oh the weight of it all. As her chin fell, her shoulders began to fall.

“Chin UP!” His orders echoed through her mind. Immediately her posture was corrected, her shoulders square, her chin up. Try as she may, she could not stop the tears. “Why Master? Why must I leave you?” she begged. Unable to refrain for one second more, her heart begged for answers.

“You have been my slave for 8 yrs now. Never once I have considered turning you away, not once have you given me a reason to. But today you must go, you may not stay with me any longer. You have been my pride, my hope and my faith for long enough. I cannot allow you to stay with me…you are free.”

She could hear the tears in his voice, even though she could not see his face. “I don’t want to be free. I am your slave, I wish no one else. I wish only to be with you. Please Master, I beg you let me come with you. I will do all that you ask, I will never disobey, never disappoint you…I promise.” Her words came out as sobs, no longer could she maintain her emotions.

“You have never disobeyed me, nor have you ever disappointed me. I do not release you because of something you have done, I release you because I love you.”

She felt his hand touch her shoulder, she could no longer stand the weight of her own body; she felt forward onto the soft earth, her cheek resting on the cold lifeless stone. Lying there her body shook as she sobbed. Fear! Loneliness! Confusion! Pain! Oh the Pain!

A gentle hand touched her, wrapping a jacket around her shoulders. It was Master’s brother, Thomas. He helped her to her feet and led her gently away. Looking over her shoulder one last time she saw him, tears fell from his eyes as he watcher her being led away. Standing there he looked so handsome, so strong…but his eyes told the truth.

She broke free and ran back to her Master, but he was not there. Only the cold heartless stone, met her embrace.

Jacob P. Farrington
1954
to
2003
Loved by All
Teacher to Many
Master to One

Thomas took her hands in his own and helped her rise, but her feet would not hold her.
Unable to move on her own, Thomas picked her up and carried her away from the grave, that which marked the end of her world; the end of everything that she once knew.

Free...what a terrifying thought.

Freedom… how could anything be so cruel.

Free…how she hated the sound of the word.



As with everything this is just my opinion, take what you will and leave the rest. If  you would wish to read other writings I have them posted at  http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Norisches_Quill/?yguid=99788111 .
 
 
Norische

[Mod Note:  email address removed]



< Message edited by ModeratorEleven -- 6/30/2009 9:27:55 PM >

(in reply to meretricis)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: please read this - 7/1/2009 1:48:17 AM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline
youve had lots of great advice, im just going to agree with everyone here.  in youre own time allow whoever comes along to ease you into youre next chapter.  life is for living, experiencing and enjoying.

i am sure that if he could tell you to move on and be happy he would.  remember who he was and the sort of Master he was to you.  in all honesty, do you really believe now, after what has happened, that he would be selfish enough to expect you to put yorueself up on a dusty shelf and spend the rest of youre days living in the past.

remember him and remind youreself of who he was and what he wished for you when he was with you. to be happy and cared for and fulfilled.  im sure that hasnt changed.

take care xx

(in reply to vasha)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: please read this - 7/1/2009 2:16:30 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
My deepest condolences for your loss.

Please allow yourself time to grieve.  I know that is hard, but it is something you will have to endure.  Let friends and family help you in this time.

Also, know this.  Many of us in this lifestyle have looked into a casket.  We know your pain and remember it when it was a fresh wound.  Seek us out.  Strength and comfort can be found there.  I know it's hard to believe just now, but you will heal.  Don't rush.  It will happen in it's own time.

Peace be with you.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to lally2)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: please read this - 7/2/2009 12:48:45 AM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline
meretricis - sad for your deep loss and the way in which it all happened quite quickly. Very hard to adjust and no wonder you are feeling so lost right now. Do as others have said and give yourself time to grieve, to mourn, to miss Him terribly. Get some help if you can, the insight of someone who isn't directly sharing your grief can be very helpful. Continue to live in the way He instructed for now at least, those familiar structures will help you feel safe.

But like the others, I find it hard to believe He truly wanted and expected you not to move on after His passing. I can understand that He wouldn't want that to happen straight away for sure, but ultimately you should heal to the point where you can again look outward rather than inward. And if you were His great submissive, you have lots of skills and gifts to offer someone else who can inspire your submission. There are indeed many rooms in the heart, it's not replacing, it's supplementing!

All the very best
Maam Jay aka violet[A]

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 28
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