Master has gone.... (Full Version)

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meretricis -> Master has gone.... (6/30/2009 7:53:05 AM)

My Master died recently. He had been ill and I becaome His 24/7 caretaker right up until His final breath. I don't know what I am supposed to do now. I know He can never be replaced. I also know that I need the guidance that I came to depend on Him for. Any advice?



GreedyTop -> RE: Master has gone.... (6/30/2009 7:55:54 AM)

*hugs and condolences*
First, allow yourself time to grieve.  Also, when you're in doubt about something, just ask yourself what HE would have said.  But with time, allow yourself to be open to finding someone new.  Surely he wouldnt want you to be alone for the rest of your life? You wouldnt be replacing him.  There are many rooms in the heart... 



lovingpet -> RE: Master has gone.... (6/30/2009 7:57:04 AM)

Mourn.  Cherish those memories and lessons.  Honor him in moving forward and not self destructing.  My deepest sympathies.

lovingpet



meretricis -> RE: Master has gone.... (6/30/2009 8:00:57 AM)

One of the hardest parts of imagining the future is knowing that He asked me last winter to promise to never be with anyone else if He should die before me. This was of course before he was diagnosed with his illness. Even after that we thought he had a few years and he only had four months. So I don't know if He really would've wanted me to move on at some point or not. I hate the thought of disrespecting His wishes.



sirsholly -> RE: Master has gone.... (6/30/2009 8:01:08 AM)

Grieve. And understand there is no right or wrong way to do so. I am so very sorry.



Aileen1968 -> RE: Master has gone.... (6/30/2009 8:04:18 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: meretricis

One of the hardest parts of imagining the future is knowing that He asked me last winter to promise to never be with anyone else if He should die before me. This was of course before he was diagnosed with his illness. Even after that we thought he had a few years and he only had four months. So I don't know if He really would've wanted me to move on at some point or not. I hate the thought of disrespecting His wishes.


Sorry for your loss, but that was pretty selfish.



RedMagic1 -> RE: Master has gone.... (6/30/2009 8:09:19 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: meretricis

One of the hardest parts of imagining the future is knowing that He asked me last winter to promise to never be with anyone else if He should die before me. This was of course before he was diagnosed with his illness. Even after that we thought he had a few years and he only had four months. So I don't know if He really would've wanted me to move on at some point or not. I hate the thought of disrespecting His wishes.

Of course he would want you to be happy.  People say silly, romantic things all the time, because they think they are immortal, and it "will never happen to them."  As you said, he had no idea that he would actually die when the two of you had that conversation.

As long as you honor his memory forever, you are not disobeying him or cheating on him if you eventually give your body or your heart to someone else.



sirsholly -> RE: Master has gone.... (6/30/2009 8:11:20 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: meretricis

One of the hardest parts of imagining the future is knowing that He asked me last winter to promise to never be with anyone else if He should die before me. This was of course before he was diagnosed with his illness. Even after that we thought he had a few years and he only had four months. So I don't know if He really would've wanted me to move on at some point or not. I hate the thought of disrespecting His wishes.
you are not disrespecting him by moving on...rather, you are respecting yourself.

What he asked of you was unfair and i cannot begin to imagine his rational for doing so. Irregardless of his reasons, they no longer matter. What matters is your take on his request.
He is not going to feel you dishonored him by moving on...the negativity will be held by you. Let it go before it destroys you.



GreedyTop -> RE: Master has gone.... (6/30/2009 8:14:19 AM)

What Aileen, Red, and Holly said.   



lovingpet -> RE: Master has gone.... (6/30/2009 8:22:05 AM)

He didn't know how the story ended when he asked that of you.  Regardless, I can't imagine he would truly want you to pine after him for the rest of your days.  It is too soon for you to let go.  I know this place very well.  One day you will have to, however.  You can't live in the realm of the dead.  They will claim you as one of their own if you do.  Right  now that sounds preferable on some level I am sure.  One day, though, you will find something that makes you determined you will live again.  For now, just mourn.  The rest is just too far out of reach right now.

Hugs,
lovingpet



Prinsexx -> RE: Master has gone.... (6/30/2009 8:42:32 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: meretricis

My Master died recently. He had been ill and I becaome His 24/7 caretaker right up until His final breath. I don't know what I am supposed to do now. I know He can never be replaced. I also know that I need the guidance that I came to depend on Him for. Any advice?

Time might heal for you.
No-one can ever be eplaced as we are all unique.
But there will come a time when you will be able to stop comparing others to him.
There is always a spiritual reason for everything that appears to happen suddenly and for no reason.
There is a spiritual reason and by definition it is not ours to know.
My life has also been full of grief recently.
It is very very hard to bear especially when you have had a Master who has born so mush for you and on your behalf.
Love and hugs.
You are a youmg and beautiful woman. The future holds everything for you.
Prin xx



meretricis -> RE: Master has gone.... (6/30/2009 8:51:35 AM)

thank you



Prinsexx -> RE: Master has gone.... (6/30/2009 8:58:04 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: meretricis

One of the hardest parts of imagining the future is knowing that He asked me last winter to promise to never be with anyone else if He should die before me. This was of course before he was diagnosed with his illness. Even after that we thought he had a few years and he only had four months. So I don't know if He really would've wanted me to move on at some point or not. I hate the thought of disrespecting His wishes.

My thoughts are:
even marriage vows say until death do us part.
And you signed that promise during his living days: it was a living contract regardless of it's content.Promises are human...to forgive is divine.
Finally... everything geta resolved in my idea of heaven: that's the nature of the place.



Lashra -> RE: Master has gone.... (6/30/2009 9:19:27 AM)

quote:

He really would've wanted me to move on at some point or not. I hate the thought of disrespecting His wishes.


You need to move on, you are young and have a lot of living to do. Personally, I would never want my male sub to be alone if I died, I would want him to find someone who would love and adore him as much as I do. I don't know why your Master would have said something like that. But I am sure he would want you to be happy again someday.

~Lashra



oceanwinds -> RE: Master has gone.... (6/30/2009 9:26:54 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: meretricis

My Master died recently. He had been ill and I becaome His 24/7 caretaker right up until His final breath. I don't know what I am supposed to do now. I know He can never be replaced. I also know that I need the guidance that I came to depend on Him for. Any advice?


Gentle (()) meretricis
I am sorry for your lost.
Mourn him hun, as this is natural. When you need guidance, think of what he has already told you and do that. People say strange things while alive, but was not meant to be after death. You will get through this, and you will find another Master to love. Our hearts are to big to close others out.

My motto that I used when my husband died was to carry what we had forward and offer it to another. That honors what we had and him and keeps me in the physical world.

Blessings
oceanwinds



kallisto -> RE: Master has gone.... (6/30/2009 4:43:22 PM)

Everyone here has given you wonderful guidance and thoughts.   There is no set timetable, nor pattern, or footsteps that you can follow.   Grieve, remember him and the life you had with him, and honor him by moving on with your life.   No one, not even him, would want you to be lonely and miserable for the rest of your life.    Live life for you for a while.  Get your feet steady beneath you again, without him.   Find your happiness within yourself.   You will know when it's time to venture into a new relationship.   



DarkSteven -> RE: Master has gone.... (6/30/2009 5:25:51 PM)

My sympathies for your loss.  Welcome to the community here.



janiebelle -> RE: Master has gone.... (6/30/2009 5:33:03 PM)

FR

It's not going to be easy.  The biggest thing you can do to help yourself is allow others to help you.
j
PS, you have cmail



janiebelle -> RE: Master has gone.... (6/30/2009 5:46:18 PM)

 
quote:

ORIGINAL: meretricis

One of the hardest parts of imagining the future is knowing that He asked me last winter to promise to never be with anyone else if He should die before me. This was of course before he was diagnosed with his illness. Even after that we thought he had a few years and he only had four months. So I don't know if He really would've wanted me to move on at some point or not. I hate the thought of disrespecting His wishes.


That's terribly hard.  You have to know that he would have wanted you to be not just happy, but also safe and secure. 
And that will require your eventually moving to fill that hole in your soul.
When the time is right, you will be ready to do that, knowing that you have his blessing.
j



Esinn -> RE: Master has gone.... (6/30/2009 8:19:19 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

quote:

ORIGINAL: meretricis

My Master died recently. He had been ill and I becaome His 24/7 caretaker right up until His final breath. I don't know what I am supposed to do now. I know He can never be replaced. I also know that I need the guidance that I came to depend on Him for. Any advice?

There is always a spiritual reason for everything that appears to happen suddenly and for no reason.
There is a spiritual reason and by definition it is not ours to know.


What? Say if she is not spiritual? 

Things that happen for no reason; yet the reason they happen are spiritual.  Because the nature of the reason, it is spiritual, it is unknown.

That is rough as hell Meret.  I can not begin to relate to how that feels.  Do not imply from this I am callous.  I know time takes everything we know from us.  Almost always it is unexpected and offers us little dignity.  But, it is my belief time if used effectively can heal us.  Use the time to find someone to listen.  Simply talking is an amazing and proven way to assist one self during any trauma. Find some methods to remove the stress.
http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealthinformation/mentalhealthproblems/bereavement/bereavement.aspx




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