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RE: Good Pain / Bad Pain - 6/29/2009 3:10:41 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		A good example for me is nipple clamps.  Those things hurt like a mofo, especially coming off , but to me, it's still a fun activity and I enjoy playing with them.  Definitely "good pain".

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Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

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RE: Good Pain / Bad Pain - 6/29/2009 3:41:46 PM   
ChasingOblivion


Posts: 125
Joined: 5/19/2009
Status: offline 		It's hard for me to explain the difference from my perspective. I've been whipped bloody and slapped across the face hard enough to see stars, and loved every second of it. But a bad migraine makes me pray for death every time. I guess for me the difference between good and bad pain has something to do with having the power to make it stop if it gets to be too much. There's no safe word for a migraine. They go away when they feel like it.

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RE: Good Pain / Bad Pain - 6/29/2009 3:42:29 PM   
TreasureKY


Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		I'm quick to admit that I'm not a masochist... however that does not mean that I do not enjoy a little pain.  Reading a lot of the comments by masochists, I get the impression that for some, pain will cause an erotic response.  For me, if I am already in an erotic state, certain pain (light to moderate "thuddy", for example) will heighten that, whereas other types of pain (particularly anything sharp or "stingy") will cause me to immediately lose any erotic feelings.  Under no circumstances will pain sexually arouse me... though thoughts of it will.

lol... Go figure.

(in reply to windchymes)
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RE: Good Pain / Bad Pain - 6/29/2009 4:09:42 PM   
variation30


Posts: 1190
Joined: 12/1/2007
From: Alabama
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DemonKia

I went to a class the other night, a very safety-focused bondage class, & I was quite captivated by the teacher's emphasis on 'good pain, good; bad pain, bad' . . . .

So. Do you recognize a 'good pain, bad pain' model in your life, whether you're a top or a bottom? Or is all pain good for a masochist? & is there a difference between the emotional & physical with regard to 'good pain, bad pain'?

This might seem like a silly or obvious question, but I've heard plenty of tops say some variant of 'my ______ will take whatever I dish out & like it', which to me is a whoop-whoop-whoop red flag. But I'm sure there are those for whom this is a turn-on, which is fine.

As usual, I'm hoping this might generate some interesting conversation.


good pain - consensual and desired
bad pain - not consensual and not desired

good pain would be me caning my woman, even if she wasn't in the proper mood.
bad pain would be me losing control of the cane and it somehow putting out her eye.

< Message edited by variation30 -- 6/29/2009 4:25:55 PM >

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or old.

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RE: Good Pain / Bad Pain - 6/29/2009 4:24:24 PM   
variation30


Posts: 1190
Joined: 12/1/2007
From: Alabama
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Has anyone else ever noticed that honest sincere questions about cbt will shut people up?  LOL.



it sure as hell shuts me up.


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all the good ones are collared or lesbians.

or old.

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RE: Good Pain / Bad Pain - 6/29/2009 4:46:24 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		I joke that good pain causes me to cuss softly and bad pain makes me cuss loudly, but really it is kind of that subtle to me.  I live in pretty much a permanent pain state, so most things are more or less indifferent with me.  A sudden pain that is endogenous or from some less than welcomed outside source is going to go badly.  I am not in the right frame of mind to handle it.  The same level of pain delivered when I am expecting it is experienced differently.  I haven't been through punishment, but it is the way I work that I would have myself set for what was coming and it would translate differently, so physical pain punishments are not going to be terribly effective for me.

I have told those I've played with that tears mean nothing in the midst of pain play.  As a matter of fact, the deeper the sob the better things are for me.  It is a scream that may mean you need to check up on me.  I am very quiet in a scene, not silent and stoic, but not particularly vocal.  If I have become extremely vocal, something is probably wrong.

Mental and emotional play, I think it is a keen attention to my eyes that is needed.  If I am zooming away, then I may be going somewhere you don't want me and it is likely going to be a bad place.  Keeping me focused and in the here and now is very important.  I think hitting triggers or opening floodgates tends to be a bad pain, but in the end could be quite a healing thing.  Anything that causes long term issues processing through the experience probably was not a good area to have entered.  Unfortunately, I think this kind of pain is often stumbled upon and only shows how bad it really is after the fact.  Trying to avoid these kinds of things through intimate knowledge and strong awareness of mental states during play is the best way to keep from going there.

lovingpet

(in reply to BOUNTYHUNTER)
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RE: Good Pain / Bad Pain - 6/29/2009 5:16:55 PM   
Viridana


Posts: 754
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DemonKia

So. Do you recognize a 'good pain, bad pain' model in your life, whether you're a top or a bottom? Or is all pain good for a masochist? & is there a difference between the emotional & physical with regard to 'good pain, bad pain'?



For me, yes there is definately a good pain and a bad pain.

Good pain is a sensation from the skin, administered in a crescendo fashion on certain areas on my body when the mind is in the right place (i.e. craving an endorphine high)

Bad pain is all visceral pain, any pain that is accidental (i.e. toe on threshold etc.) and pain administered to certain skin areas on my body (flanks, neck, axillae, arm from elbow down, back of knees, basically all the thin skin areas) which are a no-no.

I'm a purring kitten with good pain, but one stroke/incident of bad pain makes pissed off just as much as the next guy.


(in reply to DemonKia)
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RE: Good Pain / Bad Pain - 6/29/2009 5:38:32 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I have met ONE maso for whom even organic pain is good pain!  Root canals are good pain!  By and large, most folks do not enjoy a migraine the same way that they enjoy a flogging!  

Even a serious maso can have a "bad day" where nothing feels right.  Everyone has stuff that they hate.  To a degree, yes, the sub has to take what the top dishes out---if I am in the mood to cane, well, the canes are coming out!  Does the sub have to take every damn thing in spite of injury?  of course not.

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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Good Pain / Bad Pain - 6/29/2009 5:44:18 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		I forgot to address that part of the OP.  I take what I am given.  My partner must be responsible in doing so, especially when it is something not well tolerated.  I enjoy that I can give him such pleasure regardless of what I am experiencing.  I could say no, I guess or say it was too much, but I tend to simply not do so.  He knows I will deal as best I can and seems to always know when to stop.

I have had those bad days.  I had one time in particular that I had to stop within 10 minutes because I just couldn't process it at all.  Let's just say, it was something that really rocked that particular relationship and that partner never recovered from it.  I think it is very important to know that you, as the dominant, did not bring on that bad day and not carry guilt over it.  Talk about it.  Work through it, but certainly do not let it mess up a good thing.

lovingpet

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Good Pain / Bad Pain - 6/29/2009 5:45:47 PM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		I'm not sure exactly what you're getting at, but yes in my life there is most certainly good pain and most certainly bad pain. Bad pain is the un wanted and un erotic pain, good naturally then being the wanted and erotic pain.
quote:

ORIGINAL: DemonKia

I went to a class the other night, a very safety-focused bondage class, & I was quite captivated by the teacher's emphasis on 'good pain, good; bad pain, bad' . . . .

So. Do you recognize a 'good pain, bad pain' model in your life, whether you're a top or a bottom? Or is all pain good for a masochist? & is there a difference between the emotional & physical with regard to 'good pain, bad pain'?

This might seem like a silly or obvious question, but I've heard plenty of tops say some variant of 'my ______ will take whatever I dish out & like it', which to me is a whoop-whoop-whoop red flag. But I'm sure there are those for whom this is a turn-on, which is fine.

As usual, I'm hoping this might generate some interesting conversation.

(in reply to DemonKia)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Good Pain / Bad Pain - 6/29/2009 6:47:09 PM   
DemonKia


Posts: 5521
Joined: 10/13/2007
From: Chico, Nor-Cali
Status: offline 		FR, after read thru

lol . . . . Excellent conversation so far; thanks to all who've participated.

Despite my power & control issues, I try not to over-control these conversations & deliberately try to make my OPs loose & open enough that unexpected stuff comes into the thread . . . . . .

& I never know what others will make of an OP until the replies start coming in, which is part of the fun. The unexpected is an important part of learning, for me.

(in reply to Toppingfrmbottom)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Good Pain / Bad Pain - 6/29/2009 7:08:08 PM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

  it might not be the *pain itself* that was positive and pleasurable but the shared activity and the reasons behind it.


This sums up my thinking pretty well.  It has a lot to do with my level of trust.  S. frequently gives me bad pain in between the good stuff.  I’m talking bad as in screaming, crying, begging him to stop.  I hate it, don’t get any pleasure from it, it f***ing hurts!   He doesn’t stop until I safe word; I could use the safe word immediately but I hang tough for as long as I can.  From our discussions about it, he loves to put me off balance and then enjoys helping me regain my equilibrium, so to speak.  It is a secondary gain for me to please him with the intensity.   

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"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

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Profile   Post #: 32
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