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Pardon Me, you left your monkey - 6/27/2009 8:34:25 AM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline 		This has to do with the depth of guilt or blame you as a Dominant accept-
 
If I have not given clear instructions, I will accept the blame--a few times. I will not feel guilt because I want things a certain way.
 
If I have not made My wants, needs, desires, hard limits clear---I will accept the blame, maybe even a little guilt.
 
If someone is not suited to My needs, won't fit, doesn't follow My instructions and they are released or not considered further--I feel no guilt and accept no blame, no matter how they scream and holler, call Me names etc.
 
Perhaps I am cold hearted--but I won't wear the monkey of blame or guilt forced on My by a submissive.
 
How much blame or guilt do you as a D carry? How much will you assume on your back in the relationship? When is enough, enough?
 


_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"
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RE: Pardon Me, you left your monkey - 6/27/2009 9:13:09 AM   
Roselaure


Posts: 672
Joined: 4/12/2008
Status: offline 		If I screw up I accept responsibility and we move on.  If my Dominant screws up, he accepts responsibility and we move on.  We don't deal in guilt and blame, either of us.  It's a destructive force.

_____________________________

Once conform, once do what other people do because they do it, and lethargy steals over all the finer nerves and faculties of the soul.
-Virginia Woolf

(in reply to CatdeMedici)
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RE: Pardon Me, you left your monkey - 6/27/2009 9:16:02 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I just DO NOT do the guilt thing.  

I have made some bad choices, I have made some dumbass choices, but I have done it out of hopefulness, out of that "well, maybe" wish.  You never know, right, sometimes that flash of potential turns into something grand!  Sometimes, though, it is just that flash, and nothing to back it up.  Sometimes the potential is there, and it just doesn't match ME.   It's taken me a long time to know when to cut my losses, but when I do, that is that.  There are no second chances in my world.  

When it comes to blame, isn't there a saying that there is always plenty to go around?  Even in the debacle of Hugh, I was not without fault.  I learned to forgive myself for my own stupidity and weakness.   I accept my part in all failures, but I do not accept the accusations of others if they are groundless.  I do not act out of malice, ever, and I own up to my mistakes.  I learn, and I move on. 

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



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RE: Pardon Me, you left your monkey - 6/27/2009 11:19:55 AM   
justme1980


Posts: 169
Joined: 6/20/2009
Status: offline 		I, like others, do not believe it serves any real purpose other to make matters worse. If I mess, which for me is not too often thankfully, My Master sits me down, tells me what I did that was wrong, tells me why it was wrong and what I either need to do to fix it, or how I should handle the same situation in the future. If he decided I am to be punished, which again is rare, because he knows how much I beat myself up when I know I have displeased him. He will then reassure me that while I did a bad thing, I was never and never will be a "bad girl"

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RE: Pardon Me, you left your monkey - 6/27/2009 11:38:02 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I'm curious about you only accept blame at not giving clear instructions a few times. You can't mean that you continue to not express yourself clearly and blame the sub for not mind reading?

I mentioned this  because some people never communicate clearly and don't learn that they need to change their ways.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: Pardon Me, you left your monkey - 6/27/2009 11:39:23 AM   
GeekFreak


Posts: 102
Joined: 4/24/2006
Status: offline 		I was really hoping this would be a story about a scene that involved a monkey -- maybe with a little leather mask and whip.

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RE: Pardon Me, you left your monkey - 6/27/2009 11:42:37 AM   
Racquelle


Posts: 600
Joined: 4/21/2008
Status: offline 		Yeah, I wanted to hear a funny monkey story.  Monkeys are funny.

(in reply to GeekFreak)
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RE: Pardon Me, you left your monkey - 6/27/2009 12:03:05 PM   
Vendaval


Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		Guilt, the gift that keeps on giving. Unless you are a recovering Catholic, "Stop. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $2OO."

_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE


http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to CatdeMedici)
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RE: Pardon Me, you left your monkey - 6/27/2009 12:04:05 PM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I'm curious about you only accept blame at not giving clear instructions a few times. You can't mean that you continue to not express yourself clearly and blame the sub for not mind reading?

I mentioned this  because some people never communicate clearly and don't learn that they need to change their ways.


Not a bit Des, as someone who's entire job deals with conference calls with peoples from around the world, I work very hard to sharpen those communication skills--however, how many times do I have to say: "2% milk not skim"  ?

_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to DesFIP)
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RE: Pardon Me, you left your monkey - 6/27/2009 3:39:16 PM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

How much blame or guilt do you as a D carry?


I carry blame for my own lapses in judgment. If the lapse isn't solely mine, I accept whatever portion accrues to me for my own involvement or lack of management in the situation.

quote:

How much will you assume on your back in the relationship?


There are certain responsibilities that come with being the Matriarch of a household. Those include doing my absolute best to assure the safety and health of the House, and our integrity as a communal force. I absolutely accept the responsibility for those, and do my best to assure that decisions made on behalf of House Bladewing will be beneficial for the House and will not adversely affect the community in which we exist.

There are, however, things that nobody can foresee, and those I do not take responsibility for, except in agreeing to manage them as they crop up, and accepting that, when new things -do- come up, I am present and consider the House first, and my own preferences only insofar as they do not conflict with the needs of the House.

quote:

When is enough, enough?


To me, enough is enough when people expect me to apologize for -their- errors in judgment, or unwillingness to truly listen and accept that what I say is what I mean. I do my best to protect and care for the House and my responsibilities as Matriarch -- but I will not accept the blame for another person's poor choices.

With that being said, if someone in or nominally in (under probation/consideration, etc., or an associate/friend of the family) does something that impacts the community adversely, while I will not accept responsibility for that person's inappropriate actions, I -will- do what I can to ameliorate the damage, for the sake of our Household's reputation.

Dame Calla

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to CatdeMedici)
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RE: Pardon Me, you left your monkey - 6/27/2009 3:54:31 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		and I thought this thread was about me ..(sigh)

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)
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RE: Pardon Me, you left your monkey - 6/27/2009 5:11:16 PM   
Maxwell67


Posts: 435
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline 		-quick reply-
I accept responsibility for everything and everyone I have control over, according to the extent of my control.  I do not feel guilty, I just fix it or adapt. 

I always give credit where it is due, and I am not at all about blame.

I believe in unconditional love and the forgiveness that goes with that. 

I believe that discipline is the state of being ready and willing to learn without impinging on the ability of others to do the same, and I expect and enforce discipline accordingly.


_____________________________


Use your head can't you use your head? You're on Earth! There's no cure for that! - Samuel Beckett (Endgame)

(in reply to GreedyTop)
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