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RE: True submission? - 6/25/2009 9:26:39 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		FR
This is the reason I advocate a reasonably long courting period including some time spent together over night etc. At least you have the chance to see each other at their worst.... First thing in the morning without make-up unshaven and what ever. showering together you can pick up all sorts of good info about the other person too like skid marks in undies and other stuff vital to start a good relationship. perhaps he snores or even grabs you by the hair and holds your head under the bed clothes after he has farted as punishment... So much you need to learn before you even consider submitting to anyone. 

< Message edited by IronBear -- 6/25/2009 9:27:24 AM >

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RE: True submission? - 6/25/2009 11:51:33 AM   
CaptainSex


Posts: 34
Joined: 5/15/2008
Status: offline 		TPE is true submission.

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RE: True submission? - 6/25/2009 2:26:15 PM   
xiam


Posts: 148
Joined: 7/1/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHexx

....and didnt get yourself into something that was abusive.


Calling it "abusive" is a bit extreme, IMHO.  It's purely a matter of taste.

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RE: True submission? - 6/25/2009 7:55:03 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14449
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From: United States
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CaptainSex

TPE is true submission.
What is "twue" to you, is not always "twue" to someone else.

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RE: True submission? - 6/25/2009 8:34:33 PM   
kdsub


Posts: 12180
Joined: 8/16/2007
Status: offline 		Will my 2 bits...You did exactly the right thing...There should be a reasonable meeting of the minds between you two before you enter a relationship. Another agreement on how to address problems that may come up after the initial agreement.

Sounds like a contract...will it should. You must know what you are agreeing to physically and mentally. If not you are asking for a failed relationship and perhaps putting yourself in danger.

Butch


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RE: True submission? - 6/26/2009 4:32:00 PM   
Subbieariana


Posts: 4
Joined: 3/23/2009
Status: offline 		Thank you for all your advice... and yes I had my profile in Hidden mode..now it's available for viewing.

I was uncertain of my decision, and I needed some feedback from more experienced people so I could read and think things through...I tried to explain to him that I was uncomfortable with the scenario he was proposing, and mentioned that I wanted to get to know him better.
To which he replied that spending the night/weekend together was bonding time... to get to know each other... and in a way I agree but wasnt that comfortable with giing myself 100% to a man I've never met...

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RE: True submission? - 6/26/2009 4:40:46 PM   
Subbieariana


Posts: 4
Joined: 3/23/2009
Status: offline 		NihilusZero,

I asked this question like I said to get feedback from more experienced people here on the message board, and I wanted to read their answers, not  criticism as to why I am asking this question.

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RE: True submission? - 6/26/2009 4:42:14 PM   
Subbieariana


Posts: 4
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Status: offline 		I had put my profile in Hidden mode... and no it was not gone.

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RE: True submission? - 6/26/2009 4:57:33 PM   
QuixoticErrant


Posts: 260
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		My honest response is that you have a creeper.

You are clearly not experienced, and if he is pulling this, either he is not so experienced himself, or he should know better.

The fact is you need to get to know people before you play. You need to do a thorough negotiation without the constraints of control. The whole point is negotiating how much control you will surrender.

I am not going to rule out play on a first date happening spontaneously, if both parties are that comfortable with each other and honestly had spoken enough before hand, but to expect such a thing is a very big red flag.

To me, it means that he does not respect you enough to play with. Either that, or he is just really new himself, living out a fantasy of what he thinks you two both want, and doesn't know any better. I am leaning toward the former though.

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RE: True submission? - 6/27/2009 12:33:50 PM   
SpankU2tears


Posts: 2
Joined: 6/25/2009
Status: offline 		...insecurity about letting you set ground rules?

(in reply to QuixoticErrant)
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RE: True submission? - 6/27/2009 12:51:36 PM   
WyldHrt


Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

I tried to explain to him that I was uncomfortable with the scenario he was proposing, and mentioned that I wanted to get to know him better.
To which he replied that spending the night/weekend together was bonding time... to get to know each other...

It's fairly obvious that he wasn't listening to you, just trying to manipulate you into doing something you had already told him made you uncomfortable. For me, this is a major red flag, as I prefer a dominant that wants me to be comfortable with him before things progress.

Going with your gut instinct is always the best move, and something that is easy to forget when you are new to this.
Good on you for doing the right thing


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Profile   Post #: 51
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