Starting Out New to Lifestyle

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Prime28 -> Starting Out New to Lifestyle (6/16/2009 9:34:22 PM)
I was wondering how do i start out in my search for my first slave when i am new to the lifestyle?

peppermint -> RE: Starting Out New to Lifestyle (6/16/2009 9:41:07 PM)
Take small steps. Perhaps a submissive would be more in line with your lack of experience. Read and learn from some good books. (The Loving Dominant, Screw the Roses, SM 101 to name a few). Then find your local group and join it. There will be people in the group to teach you the skills you may need. Do some soul searching. A person who is not in control of his/her own life should not be trying to control another's life. You local group will also be the place where you are most likely to find a submissive who may be compatible with you.

AlexandraLynch -> RE: Starting Out New to Lifestyle (6/16/2009 10:37:17 PM)
As someone fairly new to the lifestyle, I cannot recommend enough that a new dominant get involved with the local group. You'll have the opportunity to learn a lot just by watching more experienced people interact with their subs/slaves, and by watching play. You really can't tell so much from online what is going to be your particular kink; I never would have expected knife play would get me going, but yeah! You also may have the opportunity to find a mentor there, which is a good thing. In my own local group, I have had the option to watch various demos, see various scenes, handle various implements to decide what I want to buy, and even have had the opportunity to play with new toys with the in-scene guidance of a more experienced domme. It's very important that you go in with a humble attitude, though, even as a dominant. You don't know everything. It never hurts to smile and nod politely. Your good name as someone who doesn't repeat gossip, who is careful and thoughtful, is one of the best assets you can have, and it will open opportunities for you to scene and to meet people. But it takes a little time to build a good reputation.

ZenDragoness -> RE: Starting Out New to Lifestyle (6/17/2009 1:59:15 AM)
The best way to get good insight is to search for local bdsm groups. Go there and let not your need or want for a slave cloud your brain. Look for meeting people and talk to others, see how they conduct their relationships. If you are looking online, write here on the boards, if you are actice here people will notice you. Good luck!

Saint -> RE: Starting Out New to Lifestyle (6/17/2009 5:14:39 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Prime28 I was wondering how do i start out in my search for my first slave when i am new to the lifestyle? First, learn your desires, wants and needs. Spend a lot of time in self-examination. Then as to finding a slave, well that is more difficult. The best success you will have will be to find someone vanilla and convert them gradually and subtly. Do not waste 8 years of your life searching for someone at munches, play parties, local or national events because if you do, you will not succeed. You will end up finding out that only couples attend events, the singles will be limited to two classes (the desireable and undesireable) and that most people are not going to be serious themselves. The best real relationships I have seen within this lifestyle all stemmed from one person or the other being completely vanilla at first. Perhaps 10, 15 or 20 years ago you would have been able to find someone already self-aware of their role within this lifestyle, but you wont anymore. Thank you media and the internet for ruining that. So to sum it up, run, run, run away now and find someone vanilla before it is too late.

IronBear -> RE: Starting Out New to Lifestyle (6/17/2009 5:24:03 AM)
I agree with those who posted before me. I can't stress enough the value of taking things slowly, If you join a local community you can learn a great deal by watching the interactions at a play party for example. If you are also lucky enough to locate an experienced Master who is willing to mentor you, he can unravel many of what may appear mysteries and how/why some things are done. From personal experience I would not be seeking a slave at first but a subby is ideal and especially an experienced subby who is willing to help you along the way.. Welcome to our community here, don't hold back in asking questions and the best of luck to you on your journey..

CatdeMedici -> RE: Starting Out New to Lifestyle (6/17/2009 5:30:38 AM)
Think of the lifestyle as a "buffet"-- it defines a style of presentation, BUT the end result is a satisfying and enjoyable meal--not everyone HAS to eat everything on the buffet---you might sample and go back, or you might head straight for an item--but at the end it has to be YOUR meal, no one elses

DesFIP -> RE: Starting Out New to Lifestyle (6/17/2009 6:08:02 AM)
To get someone willing to follow your lead, you have to prove that your lead is worth following. No good demanding she be perfectly dressed and made up all the time if you lounge around in sweats and a ripped tee. No good demanding control of her finances if you can't hold a job and are always in debt. You want her to trust in you so you have to be trustworthy. Which means if she tells you that you screwed up, you have to be able to listen without automatically attacking her in return. Do that once and you've proved yourself untrustworthy of her vulnerabilities. Do you go off the deep end frequently? Then don't expect her to tell you anything you need to hear which will cause you to lose it. If you have anger problems, deal with them first. Honestly, if you are someone worth trusting, worth following, you wouldn't have any problem getting someone to trust you and follow you. So become that someone.

OsideGirl -> RE: Starting Out New to Lifestyle (6/17/2009 7:35:11 AM)
You could start by taking the advice listed in the three other posts that you started asking the same question. Sheesh.

RedMagic1 -> RE: Starting Out New to Lifestyle (6/17/2009 7:39:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl You could start by taking the advice listed in the three other posts that you started asking the same question. Sheesh. I missed that. But... that sounds too much like WORK. I swear, part of the reason the "buy-a-slave" scams are successful is that men want shortcuts to constructing a quality relationship with another person. I try to remember that anything worth having is hard to achieve.

CarrieO -> RE: Starting Out New to Lifestyle (6/17/2009 7:58:38 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Prime28 I was wondering how do i start out in my search for my first slave when i am new to the lifestyle? Well, it seems you took some of the advice and changed your screen name and profile, somewhat. You were given some great advice on the other threads...like OsideGirl said...are you going to listen to it? My question to you....If you're new to this, why the rush for a slave? What would having a slave mean to you? What are the implications for you in having a slave, given your lack of experience? Like I said in one of your other threads....don't put the cart before the horse.

OsideGirl -> RE: Starting Out New to Lifestyle (6/17/2009 8:04:31 AM)
New member: How do I get to fly a plane and be a pilot? Board Members: Well, first you need to do the reading, find an instructor, take classes, take instruction and pass the test. New member: Nah, just tell me how I get to fly the plane.

SmokingGun82 -> RE: Starting Out New to Lifestyle (6/17/2009 8:20:03 AM)
Ok, everyone seems to be jerking you around. Here's how you do it, for reals, yo. First, make up a ridiculous title for yourself. Mention it in the first line of your profile- something like "You must address me as Lord Master King Spacegod." That'll make you stand out, and prove that this is serious business. Second, find something that sounds kinda historical, add some numbers, and put that in the second line. You could try "I am a forty seventh level member of the International Kitty Kicking Society, founded in Hungary in the seventh century." Elaborate and explain how only members above level forty-five know anything about BDSM, and how submitting to anyone else would be a waste of time and an insult to you, Lord Master King Spacegod Prime28. Third, make lots of promises you can't possibly keep. Promise it'll never rain, or that you'll keep them in a cage 24/7 (which implies the cage will never be cleaned- chicks dig living in their own filth), or that they will eat nothing but your come forever. All of this proves how cool you are. Fourth, list thirty or forty random names and claim they're part of your harem. You gotta let people know you're not a lonely dude, after all. And you can't have them thinking you're going to give them all your time. Fifth, find a bunch of female profiles that have hot glamor shots on them, especially if it's obvious the girl in them is on porn sites. Email them your checking and savings account numbers, to prove how much you have. That should do it. You'll have hundreds of slaves by morning.

dreamerdreaming -> RE: Starting Out New to Lifestyle (6/17/2009 12:16:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Saint quote: ORIGINAL: Prime28 I was wondering how do i start out in my search for my first slave when i am new to the lifestyle? First, learn your desires, wants and needs. Spend a lot of time in self-examination. Then as to finding a slave, well that is more difficult. The best success you will have will be to find someone vanilla and convert them gradually and subtly. Do not waste 8 years of your life searching for someone at munches, play parties, local or national events because if you do, you will not succeed. You will end up finding out that only couples attend events, the singles will be limited to two classes (the desireable and undesireable) and that most people are not going to be serious themselves. The best real relationships I have seen within this lifestyle all stemmed from one person or the other being completely vanilla at first. Perhaps 10, 15 or 20 years ago you would have been able to find someone already self-aware of their role within this lifestyle, but you wont anymore. Thank you media and the internet for ruining that. So to sum it up, run, run, run away now and find someone vanilla before it is too late. [8\|] LOL!!!

Musicmystery -> RE: Starting Out New to Lifestyle (6/17/2009 1:37:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Prime28 I was wondering how do i start out in my search for my first slave when i am new to the lifestyle? I agree with what others said about slow and asking the same question multiple times. Start by asking yourself seriously why a girl would agree to be a slave. Next, seriously examine why such a girl would agree to be your slave. If you are serious about those questions, this will take you a few years. Yes, for real.

leadership527 -> RE: Starting Out New to Lifestyle (6/17/2009 4:56:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Prime28 I was wondering how do i start out in my search for my first slave when i am new to the lifestyle? sighs I have been struggling to figure out how to answer this question in some reasonable way. I think, perhaps, you haven't asked exactly the right question. For starters, finding a slave is easy. There are quite a few of them on collarme that are available as we speak. Then, of course, there's all the slaves that don't know their slaves yet out in the world at large. Finding someone really isn't that difficult. WHere it starts to get hard though is when you ask the next question, "How do I convince a woman to let me put a collar around her neck?" When you say it like that, the question starts to be answerable. So let's turn it around. Let's suppose that I walked up to you and suggested that you should completely obey me. What sorts of things would you want from me? That, sadly, is still the WAY easy part. Of all the available slaves, quite a few of them are hungry/desparate/lonely enough to let you put the collar there with minimal effort. Where it really gets hard is this question, "How do I convince her to KEEP the collar around her neck?" Answer that one and you're all set. So again, I'd suggest turning it around. Assuming that you had let me put a collar around your neck and were totally obeying me in all things, what exactly would encourage you to keep it there the first time you got some nasty command you didn't like?

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