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break up and relationship question - 6/13/2009 3:48:21 PM   
jeninvegas


Posts: 79
Joined: 6/11/2009
Status: offline 		So the situation is this:  girl breaks up with guy after a three month (semi-vanilla) relationship because she felt like the relationship wasn't going anywhere.  Events happened prior that led her to keep feeling that way.  The main one that will be elaborated is that three months into the relationship and they were not sexually intimate for two and half weeks or so.  First week was because she had the common cold, second because she was on her womanly time, half the week was just because it didn't happen...reasons unknown.  Girl feels unwanted and undesired and expressed her feelings.  Nothing really changed so she decided that it was about time to end it.  My question is this: was she too hasty in her decision?  What else could have been done?  What else could be done now if girl feels like she made a hasty decision?

I am asking for genuine and honest opinions.  No disrespect please. 

Thanks! 


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RE: break up and relationship question - 6/13/2009 3:53:00 PM   
GreedyTop


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Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		did girl consider that guy may have shit going on in his life that may be affecting his sex drive?  Things that girls is not aware of? 

did girl consider TALKING to guy to attempt COMMUNICATION and try to discover what might be going on?


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RE: break up and relationship question - 6/13/2009 3:55:22 PM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		Are you telling me someone actually broke up with somebody because they didn't have sex for about 2 weeks!!?? Seriously.....something is NOT being told here..... NOBODY that i know of would throw away a promising relationship of  3 months, just because schedules and illness prevented sex for a SHORT time...the guy should THANK HIS LUCKY STARS this silly girl walked....Saved him A LOT of headache i'm sure.




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RE: break up and relationship question - 6/13/2009 3:56:08 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		It sounds like there were communication issues.

Perhaps he thought he was trying to be considerate of her not feeling well.

Maybe he did not wish to catch her cold or did not find cold symptoms to be particularly sexy.

Did she want to have sex during her period and did he enjoy that?

It sounds like she did not get sex for 1/2 a week (4 days) and she got impatient.
It was a new relationship.
If the guy wasn't doing it for her it was a kindness to him to end it.

The girl now has time to work on her issues and learn better communication skills.


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RE: break up and relationship question - 6/13/2009 3:57:30 PM   
oceanwinds


Posts: 530
Status: offline 		I do not know jen

Life really does happen and with Sir and I he was very patient when my mom got very ill and he could not have me there at his house when he wanted me. This went on for a year and a half. Then in January things in Sir's life went out of control due to economics etc. I stepped aside giving him time, since he is studying to improve his life. I have seen Sir only once since Jan. for a whole week, when I stayed with him. I do not drive, and my finances are needed to be saved for my own financial needs. He will not let me pay for things. So right now I wait, while he studies and gets his finances in a better place. Some people think I am crazy for waiting, but it is in me too do so. I am taking this time to do things for me, that I been wanting to do for a long time. Perhaps it is just me, since I not in need of a relationship or to serve Sir, though i desire too. Maybe it is wrong for me to wait, however i will until i choose not to anymore.

You felt your needs were not being taken care of and decided to leave this relationship. This is your life and you must make decisions based on your wants. For me it would have been too hasty, since outside reality is always there, and our fantasies just are those..puffs of clouds that disappear after awhile. We are on the opposite end i will wait for eternity if someone has touched my heart. I am also ancient:) and also working hard at creating the life I choose as a creative inspired person.


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RE: break up and relationship question - 6/13/2009 3:59:09 PM   
jeninvegas


Posts: 79
Joined: 6/11/2009
Status: offline 		Yes, communication did happen.  Guy says nothing is going on and nothing is wrong...but girl did express her concerns and feelings.  Nothing really changed after that.  Perhaps girl should have been more persistant?  She was afraid that would be an act of clingy-ness and needy-ness...

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RE: break up and relationship question - 6/13/2009 4:00:56 PM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		Ocean....thats SUCH great NEWS....i'm glad you are back together....i hope it goes well for you.

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RE: break up and relationship question - 6/13/2009 4:03:26 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		ok, frankly.. this is how I am seeing this...
\

define "communication"

was it....I WANNA FUCK!! WHY ARENT YOU FUCKING ME?????????/

or was it "hey, hon.. our sexual relationship has changed.. is there anything going on I should know about? is there something *I* am doing that is putting you off? is there some outside source *I* am  not aware of that might be affecting us? is there ANYTHING that *I* might be able to help with?"


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RE: break up and relationship question - 6/13/2009 4:15:04 PM   
oceanwinds


Posts: 530
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

Ocean....thats SUCH great NEWS....i'm glad you are back together....i hope it goes well for you.


Thanks you Candy. Patience and quitting smoking sometimes doesn't mix, but i am glad my patience won out. He's worth the wait for me.

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RE: break up and relationship question - 6/13/2009 4:16:57 PM   
Vampz


Posts: 44
Joined: 7/27/2007
Status: offline 		Yikes, not sure if I understand... Are you saying someone had been trying to intimate (imply subtly) sex and kept getting turned down? Thus the direct communication (words) and was told all is cool?
 
Well then, romance him til he is turned on. If that doesn't work, touch yourself in front of him, that way you can watch him (eye candy). And it would seem if he was still 'cool/cold' time to move on!

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RE: break up and relationship question - 6/13/2009 4:24:04 PM   
Vampz


Posts: 44
Joined: 7/27/2007
Status: offline 		But then again, warm snuggles and kind words do do a lot towards healing things.

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RE: break up and relationship question - 6/13/2009 4:38:59 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		To my mind.. warm snuggles etc are band-aids.

If there is an underlying problem then all the snuggles in the world are at best a stopgap measure.




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polysnortatious
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RE: break up and relationship question - 6/13/2009 4:39:02 PM   
Rule


Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jeninvegas
My question is this: was she too hasty in her decision?  What else could have been done?  What else could be done now if girl feels like she made a hasty decision?

What is done is done. It is his move now.
 
Better not start such hastily abandoned short term relationships in the future.

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RE: break up and relationship question - 6/13/2009 4:58:26 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		There's way too little information here for a solid determination but it sounds like you regret breaking it off.  If you do, see if he's willing to give it another go but you guys need to work on communicating or it's going to happen again.  :>
  Davan

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RE: break up and relationship question - 6/13/2009 5:19:11 PM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		diamonds.  I vote for diamonds.

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RE: break up and relationship question - 6/13/2009 5:19:43 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		The only discernible pattern I see here is that you broke up way too abruptly IMO and you are contemplating getting back together almost equally impulsively.  My advice is to slow down.

Also, I'm a little confused.  You identify as a submissive but it sounds as though you are completely in control of the relationship and fine with that.


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RE: break up and relationship question - 6/13/2009 5:31:45 PM   
Vampz


Posts: 44
Joined: 7/27/2007
Status: offline 		Another vote for the DIAMONDS!

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RE: break up and relationship question - 6/13/2009 5:33:11 PM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		...A word to the wise.   Dont base a LTR on sex.      The sex is bonus.    Not the 1st on the list.




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RE: break up and relationship question - 6/13/2009 8:57:16 PM   
DomImus


Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone
Are you telling me someone actually broke up with somebody because they didn't have sex for about 2 weeks!!??


If you subtract the week she was sick and the week she was otherwise out of commission it's more like three days. I wish more of my exes would have bailed because of that. Man, the grief that would have saved me.

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RE: break up and relationship question - 6/13/2009 10:00:36 PM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		Maybe he was just annoyed that you keep referring to yourself as girl.

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