have you ever had a dom or a sub and

have you ever had a dom or a sub and (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion

Message

intoxicatinggirl -> have you ever had a dom or a sub and (6/12/2009 12:21:23 AM)
later in the relationship they decide they dont want to be in that role anymore? If so what did you do?

Kana -> RE: have you ever had a dom or a sub and (6/12/2009 12:30:32 AM)
Set them free. Why would I be with someone who isn't what I want/need?

GreedyTop -> RE: have you ever had a dom or a sub and (6/12/2009 12:53:36 AM)
what Kana said.

MistressSunny -> RE: have you ever had a dom or a sub and (6/12/2009 1:56:30 AM)
ditto

Ialdabaoth -> RE: have you ever had a dom or a sub and (6/12/2009 2:10:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: intoxicatinggirl later in the relationship they decide they dont want to be in that role anymore? If so what did you do? Immediately re-negotiated, to establish what roles we could both still be happy with. A warning: this can sometimes backfire, as some subs will learn that they can keep re-negotiating until they get the terms they want, and the process of invoking re-negotiation becomes itself just another bargaining chip. At which point, have the strength to say "I don't think you're operating in good faith", and then walk away.

stella41b -> RE: have you ever had a dom or a sub and (6/12/2009 4:07:31 AM)
Settle for friendship.

sirsholly -> RE: have you ever had a dom or a sub and (6/12/2009 4:08:49 AM)
quote: Set them free. Why would I be with someone who isn't what I want/need? quote: ORIGINAL: stella41b Settle for friendship. both are good suggestions

leadership527 -> RE: have you ever had a dom or a sub and (6/12/2009 6:14:18 AM)
I'm in agreement with Ialdabaoth here. First, see if there are other mutually acceptable terms that might work out. Failing that, separate. I'm not big one on the "baby out with the bathwater" strategy of life. It's important to remember that whatever new terms are worked out might, in fact, be better for everyone than the old terms. People sometimes assume that if there's an adjustment, it must be to the detriment of one of the partners. I personally like win-win scenariors.

antipode -> RE: have you ever had a dom or a sub and (6/12/2009 6:34:53 AM)
quote: what did you do Crossed my legs [;)] No, seriously, I have over time actually had a number of subs, girls who came to me in their early twenties, revert to vanilla as they reached mid-to-late twenties. For many, I derive from that, it is a phase. In most cases, I have supported their change, and have mentored a few as they progressed in life, even through new vanilla relationships - not because of my need to interfere with their lives, they stayed in touch with me. That has been very satisfying - one particular success story is the 21 y.o. sub who asked me to advise her husband in a career choice, where I ended up mentoring him for years, and assisting them in getting a job related relocation from Europe to the Pacific Northwest, they became close friends. I like to do a little more than just "let them go" and be there for them if they need that leg up. One recently emailed me in the doldrums after her new boyfriend dumped her, and I flew to Beijing to buy her birthday dinner (and abused to opportunity to have a free tour guide who speaks the language [:D]). Life is about friends..

LafayetteLady -> RE: have you ever had a dom or a sub and (6/12/2009 6:44:41 AM)
A lot depends on the type of relationship that exists in the first place. By that I mean whether or not it was a loving relationship or strictly D/s. If it is strictly a D/s situation where you don't consider yourselves a "couple" as well, then I would say that ending things would probably be best. If you are in a romantic relationship, then it is time to sit down and talk and figure out together how to proceed. Your question is really too general. Things like how long the two have been together and such make a world of difference. Many people here, like Leadership and breathasone are married, in which case, you don't simply just walk away.

LafayetteLady -> RE: have you ever had a dom or a sub and (6/12/2009 6:45:43 AM)
Deleted because my "borrowed" internet connection glitched and posted the same thing twice.

DragonNphoenix -> RE: have you ever had a dom or a sub and (6/13/2009 3:45:04 AM)
My first thought would be to set them free... but with thinking... I relized that I am just not that kind of person. I would have to look at the type of relationship that we had. It would be just like a girlfriend wanting her own 'space' but not wanting to break up. Does that make since?? But, if she was wanting to move in with someone else but still stay together.. I would tell her that we were done. I think communication is what is needed here. Phe

antipode -> RE: have you ever had a dom or a sub and (6/13/2009 4:58:39 AM)
quote: Your question is really too general You mean the OP's..

LadyVillen -> RE: have you ever had a dom or a sub and (6/13/2009 6:16:25 AM)
ive never had it mid relationship for the dymanics to change. But have found that a lot of preported Doms and Masters have contacted me, not because of my submissive side, but to be Dommed by my Domme side.

lronitulstahp -> RE: have you ever had a dom or a sub and (6/13/2009 6:23:34 AM)
i had a Dom that decided later in the relationship he couldn't really be a Dom/Master, but was in essence, a Top. We focused more on the sexual stuff, the play, but let go of the D/s. i found out (over a couple years) the D/s was essential for me. It took a while, but the important part was keeping a strong line of communication, and being honest about our needs throughout all of it. If the relationship has friendship, and trust at it's foundation, it's amazing what can be salvaged

LafayetteLady -> RE: have you ever had a dom or a sub and (6/13/2009 6:26:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: antipode quote: Your question is really too general You mean the OP's.. Yes, I meant the OP's question. Didn't mean to confuse anyone by not hitting the "reply" button to a specific person.

littlewonder -> RE: have you ever had a dom or a sub and (6/13/2009 6:44:45 AM)
We ended the relationship. We no longer were two compatible people. He was no longer the same person who I thought he was from the beginning.

LovingMistress45 -> RE: have you ever had a dom or a sub and (6/13/2009 6:58:15 AM)
Yes a long time ago when I was first entering the lifestyle. He was my first sub and I was maddly in love with him. It was he who decided he was not ready for a relationship. It broke my heart and it took a long time to get over. I tried to remain friends but it turned out not to be healthy for me so in the end we are no longer in contact. It has been many years now and I remember our time together fondly and I learned a lot about myself in that relationship so for that I am grateful to him.

Prinsexx -> RE: have you ever had a dom or a sub and (6/13/2009 3:03:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: stella41b Settle for friendship. For me friendship trumps al. To be released or to ask for release and keep a friendship is something i have always striven for but rarely been able to achieve. I have learned it's best to start with friendship.

pompeii -> RE: have you ever had a dom or a sub and (6/13/2009 3:17:28 PM)
If they don't wanna' be in the situation, find someone else who does ...

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.671875