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ThatDamnedPanda -> RE: Learning to validate yourself (6/11/2009 2:44:49 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LadyEllen
honestly - my secret is to not give a flying one what anyone else thinks or says about me, on the grounds that nine times out of ten experience has told me that I'm right and theyre wrong, usually because nine times out of ten (or more) I'm far cleverer and more capable than they will ever be.
Wow. I could have written this post, almost word for word. Thing is, though, I couldn't have written it 10 or 15 years ago, or maybe not even 5 years ago. In my case, much of what you're talking about here took me many years to figure out. It never would have dawned on the 25- or 30-year old me that most people really aren't as capable as they present themselves. I was well into my late 30s or early 40s before I really started to notice that, and it was years after that before it felt so entirely natural to trust myself completely. Feels pretty good, though, doesn't it? Going through your life knowing that no matter what jumps out in front of you on the path, you can handle it?
quote:
ORIGINAL: LadyEllen
yes, it borders on arrogance of course but I dont think anyone I know personally (in real life) would think me so, regardless of how it comes across online.
One thing where we differ is, I know i came across as somewhat arrogant to some people. Sometimes even to people who know me. Oh, well; c'est la vie. You can't please everyone. Even people who know me, and think I have a little bit of a chip on my shoulder, aren't put off by it though; partly because in person I tend to be a rather humble man, whose humility more than balances out his arrogance, and partly because they recognize that that's just the flip side of being very self-confident. There will inevitably be times when it goes a little too far and manifests as arrogance.
quote:
ORIGINAL: LadyEllen
from there, if others approve of (like me) me then thats just great - if they dont then it doesnt bother me; after all, theyre likely wrong!
And even if they're not, it's none of their business. One thing I've come to realize over the years is that as a single man, with no close family or dependents, I am the only human being on the planet who is going to have to live the rest of his life with the consequences of my decisions. So ultimately, when push comes to shove, I am the only person to whom I am really answerable. The decisions i make in my life reflect that underlying awareness, and I do not concern myself with whether others agree with my personal choices - except, of course, to the extent that their contrary opinions provide me with an opportunity to test the soundness of my decisions.
quote:
ORIGINAL: LadyEllen
and the odd thing is, the more I moved to this position - because I once sought and relied on validation - the more others accept and respect me, even if theyre sufficiently in the wrong to not like me! its quite odd coming from that position needing validation to find that the more independent and even bolshy one becomes, the more one finds that validation that one no longer needs....
E
Odd, that, is it not? The less I care about what other people think of me, the more they seem to care about what I think. We live in such an ironic and paradoxical world....
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