RE: Just a brief rant to blow off some steam (Full Version)

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outlier -> RE: Just a brief rant to blow off some steam (6/9/2009 9:42:07 AM)

Actually they do,

That is why you have to have a lock tight
Medical Power of Attorney, not the one provided
by the hospital, and have it on file with everyone.

Then if the doctors try and pull the kind of high
handed crap they did in my situation you just tell them
your way or you will get another doctor. And if they
tell you they will all stick togeter at that hospital
you tell them to prepare to move ther paient.

I was lied to by doctors and nurses. They were
killing the woman I cared for and would not listen to
the fact that she had paradoxical reaction to a drug.

I told them they would listen or I would move her get the drug
out of her system and then they could deal with the attorney.

I offered to put them on the phone with the attorney and
then they listened. I repeat, hired help. High priced technical
hired help. Paid for by the insurance company.

You have to have the paper work in place and have an the
right relationship with the attorney but that is better than
watching you loved one killed by people with your attitude
who will not listen.








sirsholly -> RE: Just a brief rant to blow off some steam (6/9/2009 10:15:57 AM)

quote:

You have to have the paper work in place and have an the
right relationship with the attorney but that is better than
watching you loved one killed by people with your attitude
who will not listen.
My attitude, as is most of the doctors and nurses, is to do the best for the patient. On occasion we have the freaking JOY of running into a family member such as yourself whom thinks he is going to call the shots and wave his non-existent medical degree all over the hospital. Bet the medical staff was less than impressed with you.

If any significant other/medical POA has an issue with the care received, the hospital will be more than willing to transfer the patient to the next hospital/facility that you will piss off...unless the patient is unstable for transport...in which case you will be told to hump off, and take your attorny with you. The hospitals attorny's will then be in touch with you.


Apologies to GeorgiaPeach for this rant.





outlier -> RE: Just a brief rant to blow off some steam (6/9/2009 11:28:54 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

You have to have the paper work in place and have an the
right relationship with the attorney but that is better than
watching you loved one killed by people with your attitude
who will not listen.


My attitude, as is most of the doctors and nurses, is to do the best for the patient. On occasion we have the freaking JOY of running into a family member such as yourself whom thinks he is going to call the shots and wave his non-existent medical degree all over the hospital. Bet the medical staff was less than impressed with you.

If any significant other/medical POA has an issue with the care received, the hospital will be more than willing to transfer the patient to the next hospital/facility that you will piss off...unless the patient is unstable for transport...in which case you will be told to hump off, and take your attorny with you. The hospitals attorny's will then be in touch with you.


Apologies to GeorgiaPeach for this rant.



That is what they all said. The doctor who was showing a nurse how
to buy a camera on line while my woman lay writhing in pain 15 feet
away in the ER. I am sure it was for the good of the patient and that
was why she got upset when I called them on it.

The nurse who lied to me about what medication she had been given
when I asked if she had been given the one she had the reaction to.
I am sure she lied to me for the good of the patient.

I have a lot more examples but I will not bother. Everybody knows
the right things to say. But there are far too many who are in the
business of medicine and far too few who really care. At least that
was what I experienced at that hospital.

I had no problems at another hospital, but you made the assumption
that they would all piss me off. Is that indicitive of your usual level
of professionalism?

OL








sirsholly -> RE: Just a brief rant to blow off some steam (6/9/2009 11:33:29 AM)

quote:

I had no problems at another hospital, but you made the assumption
that they would all piss me off.
read what i said.
i clearly said YOU would piss THEM off.

If you want to go tit for tat about the medical professionals that are "hired help"..c-mail please.



outlier -> RE: Just a brief rant to blow off some steam (6/9/2009 11:52:30 AM)

For the record.

I didn't piss off all of them. Just the ones who earned it.

I also had more than one nurse quietly tell me that my woman
was lucky to have me. And some even gave me coffee from the
private nurses pot.

As for the ones I pissed off, tough. If they were professional
I would not have had to call them for not being so. My responsibility
was to my woman. So I did what had to be done to see she was
given proper care.

I do agree with you that we should end this here.




JstAnotherSub -> RE: Just a brief rant to blow off some steam (6/9/2009 12:39:35 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: hizgeorgiapeach

JaS, it's definately at least partially control issues with dad. He's been very in control my whole life - and the longer it goes since his stroke, the less control he has - even over his own bodily functions. He's been grasping for control over something - anything - since I moved him home. Some days, it's like dealing with a spoiled 3 year old, simply from the sheer number of power plays and temper tantrums. And much like it is in raising a child, I have an obligation to him to do what's best for him - not necessarily what he Wants, but what's Best.
snip


been there done that hon.....take care of you too.

when i brought mom home to die, my brother had promised we would alternate days, he would help. all that jazz.  when he came to see her he realized he couldnt stand to see her that way, as he put it.  this was par for the course for him, and i had expected it.  it left me to deal alone, and i did it, being screamed at by mom, walking around in a coat and hat because she was too hot and swore i was trying to kill her, many stories that i can look back on now and smile, as it was not really her doing it i know, but at the time i told the nurse i thought home hospice was a mistake.

the nurse asked me why, and i told her how upset mom was at me most, if not all the time. she assured me that the folks they screamed at and were meanest to were the ones they loved the most and hated to leave behind the most.  maybe it was a lie, but i cracked up and said well dammit she really loves me!

i know what you are going thru to an extent, but i would never try to tell you how to handle your dad.  but just please think on this if you will.

you mentioned a hospice nurse, so i am guessing that death is not far.  if i am incorrect on that, please forgive me.

you want to do whats best for your dad.  if he is dying, the best thing you can do is to make him as comfortable and calm in his last days as is possible. 

if you let him eat nothing healthy, that will not kill him.  the things that put him in hospice to begin with will kill him.  if you let him smoke, that wont kill him.    he is in hospice because he is going to die regardless of what is done for him. 

i had to realize that my thoughts of what was "right" did not matter.  i tried to get mom to eat, she wouldnt.  whats normally "right" and "best" changes when someone is dying.  her having ice cream and a cig made her comfy.  morphine made her comfy.  letting her scream at me made her comfy too i guess.

in the end, her last meal was some chicken and dumplins and some chex mix. she began to fade quickly, eventually her body shut down completely, and she slept.

she woke up to call my dads name, looking off to the foot of her bed, and i said mom you can go with daddy if you want to.  she smiled and she went.  its the most spiritual thing i have even been through in my life and i wouldnt trade those last few weeks with her for anything.

so let him scream, let him eat badly, and know that when its all over, you will have some comfort in the fact that you did all you could to make him comfy and calm as he prepared to leave this world.

you are not killing him......you are helping him die with dignity.



purepleasure -> RE: Just a brief rant to blow off some steam (6/9/2009 1:14:16 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: JstAnotherSub

<snip>

in the end, her last meal was some chicken and dumplins and some chex mix. she began to fade quickly, eventually her body shut down completely, and she slept.

she woke up to call my dads name, looking off to the foot of her bed, and i said mom you can go with daddy if you want to.  she smiled and she went.  its the most spiritual thing i have even been through in my life and i wouldnt trade those last few weeks with her for anything.

so let him scream, let him eat badly, and know that when its all over, you will have some comfort in the fact that you did all you could to make him comfy and calm as he prepared to leave this world.

you are not killing him......you are helping him die with dignity.


This is the best any of us can ask for, when our times come.



pahunkboy -> RE: Just a brief rant to blow off some steam (6/9/2009 1:47:52 PM)

as to the nurse- if she gets worse complain to the state licensing board.   You would be surprised how that can fix the attitude gap.



hizgeorgiapeach -> RE: Just a brief rant to blow off some steam (6/9/2009 5:18:04 PM)

In all honesty, during the times when it's quiet enough for me to think, I can almost understand her attitude. Much like the DHS worker, who sees an awful lot of people out there who Aren't completely up front with them, she's used to family members Not being honest, to them exagerating, to them blowing things out of proportion. The more rational portions of my brain acknowledge that fact - and the fact that she's got absolutely Zero means of knowing that I'm the exception to the rule.

Fortunately, the LPN and CNA are both here frequently. The skilled aide that isn't specifically part of the hospice Medical staff is here frequently. They know from the original aide - this is the second one, the first dad hated and refused to cooperate with, so they assigned someone else (personally, I liked her - she was a tough ol' broad, and able to bully him into cooperation for his own good, where the current one just shrugs and tells him if he isn't willing to do something it's not her place to make him do so - which is why he actually Likes this one - that, and she's quite young, and considerably better looking than the original!) - that dad can be downright abusive in his attitude when it's something he doesn't want to do and you're telling him he Has to, or something he Does want to do that you're telling him he Can't for whatever reason. That poor gal got cussed out pretty much 3 days a week by dad - but damnit, she got her job done. I had to tell him Frequently when she was assigned to his case - if he continued to act verbally abusive and snotty and uncooperative, I'd stick him back in a nursing home - and I'd make damn certain that this time it would be one he did NOT like. That threat alone (which he still has not yet figured out is a bluff) is usually sufficient to make him cooperative for about 2 weeks at a time.

He's definately dying, and no - nothing can be done about it, or even to slow it down. He signed a DNR and Advance Directive years ago, at the same time he put his PoA, Medical Proxy, Will, and Living Trust into effect. He knows that he's dying. The doctor is frankly surprised that he's held out as long as he has - and to an extent so am I, since they were only giving him 6 to 9 months back in December when I moved him home. We figure the only things that have managed to keep him around so far is his stubborn intentness on seeing particular dates one final time - Mom's birthday back in February, then the anniversary of Mom's Death in March, then Easter in April, then their wedding Anniversary was the first of this month (it would have been 35 years on the 1st, had she still been living) - and his birthday coming up at the end of July. He's never been big on any of the end of the year (fall/winter) holidays, and there are no further birthdays or such except my childrens' birthdays in September - and he's been having problems for months even remembering their names, so it's doubtful that their birthdays will hold enough significance to him to make him want to stick around for them. Especially since neither he nor I have seen either of my spawn since 2004.

I'm just... tired. And when I'm tired, it's not as easy to cope. That's why I'm so looking forward to July, when my Respite is scheduled - so I can leave for a few days, and hopefully come home at least partially recharged. One of my local friends is making noises about babysitting for me for part of this weekend, so I can go out to the lake or something for a while, since Sunday is my birthday. I'm thinking I'll probably take her up on it, since she's a CNA and going back to nursing school to finish out her degree as an RN.



angelikaJ -> RE: Just a brief rant to blow off some steam (6/9/2009 5:21:59 PM)

If hospice is involved then I am guessing the agency has a social worker.
If that is true then it might be good to request him/her.

Usually, the hospice approach is a team approach and you are a vital part of the team.
If you are becoming overwhelmed then something might need adjusting and the social worker would be a good resource.

If he becomes too agitated/belligerent re: staying put then perhaps his physician could arrange a brief hospital stay?

Edit: spelling




popeye1250 -> RE: Just a brief rant to blow off some steam (6/9/2009 5:31:09 PM)

Peach, this is why caregivers need a "break" too.
When my mother was sick I was in the same situation as you only we had two women come in and clean her up.She wasn't senile but died from liver disease/diabetes.
I tried to get out for a couple of hours each day just to take a walk or do something and so should you.
You need to have some time to clear your head each day.



JstAnotherSub -> RE: Just a brief rant to blow off some steam (6/9/2009 6:00:20 PM)

dont think you have to leave the house to recharge either...the one break i got each week was my cousin coming and staying and i got to go to the back of the house and not have to worry about responding to anything.  it was 18 lovely hours.

i called folks crying, i mean sobbing, saying i can not do this.....i was so fucking tired and stressed -even recalling it makes me cringe.

so even if you get someone to come give you a break where you can spend an afternoon in the yard and not have to deal with him....take it....

and be proud....some day, i think you will look back on this and, mistakes and temper tantrums and all, know that you were there for him and YOU did everything you could.

edited to add....after the first week, neither my self or mom had gotten any rest...o called the nurse and told her. and asked was there something that she could give mom to get her to sleep.  they did find something, and i normally got 5 to 6 hours straight then, with a few rough nights thrown in.

yeah i felt bad about it for a bit, but it gave mom and me both a much needed sleeping time.



hizgeorgiapeach -> RE: Just a brief rant to blow off some steam (6/9/2009 6:13:46 PM)

Apparently the CNA noticed that I looked a lil worn around the edges today, from dad not sleeping well the past couple of weeks. When his med refills showed up from their pharmacy, there was a sleeping pill in it for him, along with a note from the CNA telling me to just slip it in with the rest of his night meds so that he'll actually give me some peace and quiet! Gods bless that woman - I honestly think sometimes shes' a mindreader.

Once J has the truck back up and running (he called earlier to say it's almost finished) - he'll be down to stay with dad 3 days a week for anywhere from 4 to 6 hours at a time, so I can start getting regular breaks again. He tends to come sweeping in, shoo me out the door to go do - whatever (usually he chides me to go to the gym and work out some of the frustration, but other days it's "Hey, you have money in the bank - go to the day spa, get yerself a massage and facial and lunch, I don't have to be back home for 6 hours.") and I get some blessed peace. If the truck hadn't had the oil pump AND both oxygen sensors go bad all at the same time - making it expensive to get the parts so it could be fixed - but less expensive to buy the parts and do the work ourselves than to put it in the shop, by about $900 - then this wouldn't have gotten as built up as it did.



angelikaJ -> RE: Just a brief rant to blow off some steam (6/9/2009 6:29:49 PM)

A sleeping pill for him and perhaps a prn for anxiety are both quality of life measures for him.
You might want to discuss that with his Dr or other providers.



hizgeorgiapeach -> RE: Just a brief rant to blow off some steam (6/9/2009 7:06:47 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

A sleeping pill for him and perhaps a prn for anxiety are both quality of life measures for him.
You might want to discuss that with his Dr or other providers.


Heh - he's already on anti-anxiety meds, an anti-psychotic, a pair of anti-seisure, a mood stabilizer, and a pain med. His night meds are like going "X, Y, Z" in the pharmacology dictionary - Xanax, Zoloft, Zyprexa, and one of his 2 anti-seisures. (The other anti-seisure he only takes once a day, but one of them he takes 3 times a day.) Unfortunately, it's looking like it's probably time to increase the dosage on the anti-psychotic and the mood stabilizer, since he's been experiencing increasingly frequent auditory and visual halucenations.



angelikaJ -> RE: Just a brief rant to blow off some steam (6/9/2009 7:11:01 PM)

I am glad you came and vented.



purepleasure -> RE: Just a brief rant to blow off some steam (6/9/2009 7:45:41 PM)

I too am glad you came to be amongst friends.

Ya know...  we DO care about you!



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