Just a brief rant to blow off some steam

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hizgeorgiapeach -> Just a brief rant to blow off some steam (6/8/2009 9:46:14 PM)
It's that time again. The time when dad is driving me absolutely crazy - not that that's much of a drive some days - and I'm on the verge of screaming and running away from home, or simply stuffing him back in a nursing home again despite the cost both financially and emotionally. Over the course of the past month, things have deteriorated Drastically on the emotional/cognitive level. He hasn't had a single day that he's been able to remember what day of the week it is for more than a few minutes at a time. He wakes up in the middle of the night, looks at the clock (digital, with a Large Am/Pm display as part of it) then looks outside and sees that it's dark..... then calls me into his room and demands that I fix him "lunch" at 230 in the morning, despite what the clock says, the fact that it's dark outside, and I go into his room saying, "It's 230 in the morning and I'm trying to sleep - what in hell do you Need, dad?" as I rub sleep out of my eyes. His reasoning - if you can call it that - is that he's Certain that he's right and everything else is wrong - that the clock needs to be reset, that I've been asleep in the middle of the day, and that it's dark out due to a thunderstorm despite there being no rain or lightning. This afternoon, he threw another temper tantrum with me - the 5th one in as many days - because he asked for a cigarette, telling me "Don't let me have any others today" - and an hour later when he Demanded that I give him one (not asked - demanded, as in an order) I told him "An hour ago you asked for one politely and told me not to give you any others today - so no, you can't have one." He picked up the TV remote that was sitting between us, threw it at the wall (it barely made it past dad's feet) and screeched at me "It's still my fucking money that runs this house now give me a godamn cigarette!" 45 minutes later, he accused me of lying, saying that he hadn't had a cigarette yet today much less thrown things when I followed what HE Wanted in not giving him a second one, and demanded a 3rd. He's always hated my maternal grandmother - the bat, his former mother-in-law - because of her manipulative nature and control issues, and her attitude that if she lived somewhere no one else in the house she lived in had any right to privacy of any sort. Yet increasingly lately, he barges into my room at all hours of the day and night to make demands - one of the very things he condemed her for doing to both me and mom years ago. This evening when he came barging in as I was changing cloths, I finally lost my temper and snarled at him, demanding that he get his ass out of my bedroom and start Knocking - only to have him sneer at me and tell me that "It's my house, I will damned well go in whatever room I want whenever I want - no one has any rights here but ME." And then demand that I (as he put it) "make a path" in my workshop so that HE can manuver to the half bathroom that's attached to that room - at the opposite end of the house from his bedroom (which has it's own bedside commode so he doesn't have to try and walk far) and the main bathroom (the room right next door to his bedroom) - because he has "decided" that I'm going to reconvert the workshop back into office space for him. When I told him no, I wasn't going to do that - he can't type, he can barely walk, he can't sit up for very long, and I'm not going to give up space that I use for multiple purposes just so he can lock himself into a room (it's the only interior door with a lock on it other than my bedroom door) - he threw another screaming, sneering fit with me, demanding that I "quit treating him like an incompitant or a 4 year old." He refuses to acknowledge that he's quit treating me as his daughter, and started treating me as hired help that acts somehow ungrateful for being allowed to wait on him hand and foot while not being paid to do so. I've got Respite time coming. It's been due since the begining of May, but I put off taking it so it would be available for a specific week in July that I already had plans for even before I took the last respite period back in February. I haven't had a day off since the middle of April. My normal babysitter that had been coming down 3 days a week hasn't been able to make it - he drives my truck back and forth between here and where he lives, an hour away, and my truck has been down so he's been stuck up there. I'm simply not sure at this point that I'm going to be able to hold out for another month, until my Scheduled respite time, without going absolutely apeshit batty. Physically the rate of deterioration has sped up as well, but not yet to the point where he's likely to do something like die in his sleep - much as I frequently find myself going to bed wishing that very thing would happen and get it over with. I will cope. I will survive this - without strangling him with his own oxygen tube, though that particularly unpleasant thought has crossed my mind a couple of times over the past 7 months when he's being extraordinarily difficult. I am absolutely determined to make it through this with my sanity still (nominally) intact. I'm simply finding it increasingly difficult to keep from snapping at him, telling him off, cussing him out, or wishing that he'd finally keel over so I could have my life back.

bamabbwsub -> RE: Just a brief rant to blow off some steam (6/8/2009 10:06:45 PM)
Wow, peach, hang in there, if you can. You are doing a wonderful thing for your dad, but you certainly have your hands full, and I can't blame you for your rant. Switching roles with our parents is never easy, and especially when they have some sort of dementia, which your dad apparently has. When my dad was in the hospital, dying of cancer, and we couldn't get the f*****g doctors to give permission for him to have a catheter put in, he kept trying to get out of bed to go to the restroom. Unfortunately, the morphine that he was on made him a little disoriented, and he didn't realize that he had an IV hooked to his arm and a stint in his abdomen. So when he tried to get out of bed, I had to tell him that he couldn't. He looked at me, and in the harshest tone he had ever used with me, said, "Linda, get out of my way so that I can go to the bathroom!" And he proceeded to pee where he stood, which happened to be on my foot. He was mortified, and he didn't understand what had happened because, in his mind, he had made it to the bathroom. As for me, I was stunned by his hatefulness (and the fact that he had peed on me), and through my tears and hurt, I gently laid him back on the bed and called for the nurses to come and clean up. (Needless to say, he got a catheter the next day.) That isn't one of the fondest memories that I have of my dad, and I wish I didn't have that particular one, but I can look back on it without too much hurt because I know that that wasn't really* him; he wasn't the man who had cared for me and loved me all throughout my childhood. Illness sometimes just makes people behave differently than they normally would. I know it's hard, and I'm sure you've been told this a million times already, but...try to imagine how your dad feels. I'm sure he's very frustrated because he thinks he told you one thing, but you insist he told you something else. Not to mention, his physical infirmities are making him seem more and more infantile, which would be hard for any person to deal with, much less a man who wants to retain some of his pride, especially in front of his daughter. This is probably why he lashes out at you. I admire your decision to try to keep your dad at home, but if it gets to be too much, then place him in a nursing home if you can afford to. In my opinion, it would be better to do that than to have the last memories of your dad being less than pleasant ones. The best of luck to you and your dad.

GreedyTop -> RE: Just a brief rant to blow off some steam (6/8/2009 10:27:28 PM)
hugs Rhi

Asherdelampyr -> RE: Just a brief rant to blow off some steam (6/8/2009 10:44:36 PM)
Smells pits Ok, im clean Big hugs all around :D

hizgeorgiapeach -> RE: Just a brief rant to blow off some steam (6/8/2009 11:03:38 PM)
I realized a lil while ago - a lot of his dementia problems wouldn't be quite so frustrating, if not for the fact that the primary hospice nurse (who only checks on him once a month - it's the LPN and the CNA that are here several times a week) was sooooo quick to tell me "well, it's obvious his mental faculties are still intact" the last time she visited. When I assured her that such was NOT the case - and detailed what I deal with daily as far as his mental state - I was given a disbelieving look down the length of her nose, and told "I'm fairly certain you're exagerating the extent of things" as she got in her car and drove off, without even bothering to really Register what I was telling her. This is someone who is by for 20 minutes once a month and does little more than take his vitals and put a blood ox moniter on him for the 20 minutes that she's here, writing down notes about what his current complaints are. She's sure as shit not around frequently enough to treat me - the one who is here DAILY, 24/7 (which often feels like 25/8 any more) that I'm Exagerating - essentially Lying - about how he acts and what his emotional/mental state is like. Days like this are when it's hard for me not to flat out Hate my idiot brother. I have to remind myself - Frequently - that it's not worth the emotional energy that it would require. It doesn't seem to be doing a whole lot of good to tell myself that lately, though. When dad is in the midst of a hissy fit demanding that I allow him to gorge himself on chocolate, even though he has refused to eat any real Food that day, and has spent the morning with intestinal distress and the runs because he managed to sneak into the kitchen and grab extra the day before - leaving me to clean up the repeated messes, do extra laundry, struggle to keep stuff in the house that he Will eat without sneering or throwing a temper tantrum because it's not a cheeseburger and fries 3 times a day from McDonalds ...... oh yeah, it's Easy to hate my brother on those days, knowing that he's never lifted a finger to Help with dad, has tried to commit fraud against dad several times, has tried to kill me or get me thrown in jail so he could steal from dad with impunity, and will no doubt show up on my doorstep demanding that I give him anything Remaining of dad's that he thinks might make him a quick buck in the pawn shop when dad Does finally die. Those are the times when I go to the gun range, put a couple of clips through the .45, and picture the idiot boy's face on the target as I'm pulling the trigger. If I could count on my brother to actually HELP - to pull his share of the responcibility, to not be a low life alcoholic drug addicted fraud who's only use for his Family is what he can steal from them - then maybe it would be easier to cope. Maybe...... just maybe..... I could actually look forward to some regular time off, to not wearing myself down to the point where I have to wonder some days if I'm going to end up running myself sick or into a mental institution, to having a LIFE rather than feeling like I'm trapped most days, to feeling like I live in a Prison rather than a Home. Gods it hurts sometimes - knowing that my best chance of actually having a life again means someone that I care about has to die for me to achieve it.....

pahunkboy -> RE: Just a brief rant to blow off some steam (6/8/2009 11:42:53 PM)
my gram has the start of dementia. when I dont know what to say- I say "you know gram, I really love you". When she goes on about 'that woman", after a while I say she is just a mean lady. If she thinks that Kevin across the street is in her cellar- running up her electric bill playing a record player. I go thru- the - "are you sure it isnt just a loud radio". She called the police so often they told her not to call them any more. I told her to listen. I verbalized what situations that you Do call the police. I also told her that if she continues it- they will send someone from the county and that person can put you in a home. It sure is a sad thing. She told me "that woman" broke the light in the yard. I told her I would fix it. But then she did not want me to. When mom lived out her- she would phone 5-6x a day. The water isnt working- the heat isnt working... but then upon the visit- everything IS working. When mom moved out of state- I did not hear about "that woman" for 6 whole months. Gram was so mad at mom- she forgot about it. My gram has lived in the same house for over 60 years. The neighbors know full well who I am. During a visit gram is kind- both she and her house are ALWAYS in better shape then my place!!!! But later- there is a risk that "it doesnt look right to have a gentleman caller" ....It is hard to go thru. I noticed my brother and sister stare at the floor when gram does this. Where as mom and I will say things to, humor her. It is a fine line to be sure. As to your dad. remove the clock from his bedroom. refocus his outbursts. This line I use in life. "I am having a bad day right now" "I have my own problems". When all else fails..... it is "I love you" and I try to throw in a pleasant memory from years past. One time she told me my uncle was mean to her. He yelled at her. At firtst I am all OMG- that jerk. But upon mulling it over- it did not happen. Maybe he told her not to do something. But it wasnt an abuse thing. The risk when you confront a dementia is they then can take YOU to be the enemy. So one does have to find the line of being cordial- chatty- but not condescining. But to also diffuse nonsensical rants- particularly those which if carried too far could harm the elder. HUGS

PanthersMom -> RE: Just a brief rant to blow off some steam (6/8/2009 11:49:07 PM)
Rhi, i don't know what to say to help you. perhaps getting ahold of your visiting nurse's boss might help. documenting the behaviors he's exhibiting might also give you some assistance in showing the bat what he's really doing. my grandfather used to get up in the middle of the night like your dad does. it's common in dementia patients to not be able to tell time and be suspicious of anyone trying to tell them anything is different from what they believe. it's hard to imagine you can't trust your own mind, that everything you think you know may not be true. if your own brain is lying to you, how can you tell if anyone is being honest with you? his confusion and rationalizations are completely understandable from my vantage point, having seen them in my own grandfather. he once demanded i drive him to his brother's house a few blocks away, but his brother had moved to california 40 years earlier and had died back in 1975. he swore up and down his brother was alive and he'd just spoken to him on the phone. as another poster said, he's not himself when he's behaving badly. he's a frightened man who knows he's not what he should be, but doesn't understand why so he lashes out. whatever he did understand when he first got sick isn't there anymore. it's sort of like knowing you know something, it's on the tip of your tongue and you just can't get it to gel so you can express it. frustrating even for healthy people, maddening for those who are dealing with dementia, and that's what is coming out now. i have to tell you, i admire your strength in being able to deal with him as you have been. i know it's frustrating and there are times when you wish he'd never needed you like this, even times when strangling him might not sound all that bad in a morbid sense of humor way. please try to find the humor in some situations, even when it seems like there is nothing possibly to laugh at. develop a warped sense of humor. write out your frustrations. get it out, even if it's just to blog someplace it helps to express those things and get them out before they fester and cause you more problems. better out than in is what my therapist told me. i sincerely hope that if my parents need the kind of care your dad has needed that i could be as gracious and loving a daughter as you have been. hang in there, someday you will remember these days fondly, maybe even with a chuckle as you tell the stories to others. there has to be some sort of emergency respite available to you, maybe his doctor could help you find some more help. is there another dementia patient in your area, maybe you and that person's caregiver could trade respites, you take the other patient for a couple hours, then that person could reciprocate? i wish there was something more i could suggest, but not knowing what supports there are in your area makes that difficult. PM edited for stupidity behind the keyboard, the meds are kicking in!

pahunkboy -> RE: Just a brief rant to blow off some steam (6/8/2009 11:55:35 PM)
I admire her as well. Feel free to rant all you want here. I see a hero - unsung. ...with frazzled nerves and whose other family members are knuckleheads.

pahunkboy -> RE: Just a brief rant to blow off some steam (6/8/2009 11:57:45 PM)
Luckily grams dementia has not gotten worse. I had a neighbor that she did not even know her own name. Then there is always an elderly person that wanders off- has no idea who they are or where they live. sad but true.

pahunkboy -> RE: Just a brief rant to blow off some steam (6/9/2009 12:08:23 AM)
... the argument- it could be that he is arguing with himself. he needs help for the brain synspes to connect the thoughts to the conclusion. So- when you talk- you are not you.... you are the him, his thoughts that he does not want to have. his turmoil is with in- but you are becoming a target of the anguish. Attempt to use gravity as its force. dont fight it. but with the demands. my sister used the phraze "not on a Sunday" at the old follks home. it worked. At the group home I would say- "everyone is going to be good today" "right?" "I am taking a break" "the kitchen is closed" .....LOLOL... my favorite one is one Jim used to use. It is abit underhanded. "you said you wanted to help". LMAO!@!!!! I will repeat that. "you said you wanted to help"/ :-)

pahunkboy -> RE: Just a brief rant to blow off some steam (6/9/2009 12:28:02 AM)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DP2VyquMAaM in the meantime- this song seems to fit. paint it black. How does Mick do it? Wow.

BrokenSaint -> RE: Just a brief rant to blow off some steam (6/9/2009 12:39:24 AM)
Difficult situation. Are we talking a progressive alzheimers type dementia? Or vascular? Reason being vascular sometimes takes a while to get worse, if it even does. Alzheimers he's going to progressively lose more and more until his brain basically dies from holes in it. It sounds like the latter, as you mentioned he gets angry when accused of not remembering things (common with alz, even when they know they are forgetting something. Even in the diagnostic tests, they generally tend to get at least fairly irritated, if not outright angry). In the latter case you may (if you already haven't, and you probably have) want to look into what I call around here an arcadia style unit. Essentially it would be a nursing home ward specializing in dementia of varying types. My grandfather was in one for quite some time, and was happy and well taken care of (not even close to what I've seen at various other homes, which are absolutely mindblowingly awful, this place was great). He eventually had to leave because he started getting increasingly more violent, due to the progressive degeneration of his neural tissue, and he was still a very large and strong man (about 6'6, 210 when he was there, and in his 80's, pretty fit). The places they had him in after were not nearly as nice unfortunately. But in worse case scenario, as he starts getting worse...Which it sounds like he will. You can't expect to shoulder the burden all by yourself, no matter how much you may want to. In any case though, hang in there. I won't say it will get better. You know that would be a lie. Just gotta trust you're doing the right thing, and hold on as long as you can. Feelings such as you're experiencing are normal. Keep the faith, and remain strong. You'll be glad for it, someday.

purepleasure -> RE: Just a brief rant to blow off some steam (6/9/2009 4:34:37 AM)
Rhi, Because you are the one with him 24/7, document his erratic behavior, and the times he exhibits it. A simple spiral notebook will suffice. Keep notes as a nurse would , if your father were in a hospital or nursing home. Let his doctors know of his behaviors, frequency of outburst or violent/inappropriate behavior, and if he's taking his medications properly. This may help you get more in home help, in order to care for him, or if a change in his medications are in order. If you are able to get a home health aide, don't turn down the offer of help. You cannot imagine the burden that is lifted off your shoulders if you have someone even 2 hours a day. Let them do the laundry, or just stay with him, so that you can run errands, or even go for a coffee away from the house. I've been where you are. It's not easy, and when your dad time does come, you can rest easy that you made him as comfortable as possible, while hanging on to your sanity. If you need a sympathetic ear, my inbox is open. Hugs, Pure

DesFIP -> RE: Just a brief rant to blow off some steam (6/9/2009 5:07:31 AM)
The anger and outbursts stopped with my dad after he was put on a SSRI. Last month he was pleasant as could be except that he kept insisting he was in Florida visiting a friend, not in his own apartment in NYC. He'll eat dinner at 6:30 and then again at 7:30 if you let him, since he doesn't remember eating. He was alternating crying and raging and the idiot psychiatrist kept insisting he wasn't depressed. She refused to listen to a family history, refused to listen to us detailing his rages in the past. We just found a different doctor who did listen. But yeah, he'll go to the geriatric neurologist and be really sharp for those 15 minutes, and then not know who his grandchildren are an hour later. Maybe leave a light on in his room, and a plate of cheese and crackers and vegetables for munching during the night. Otherwise, just tell him you'll do it in ten minutes because the odds are he will have forgotten about it then. But Rhi, he's dying anyway so give him a cigarette. At this point it doesn't matter.

hizgeorgiapeach -> RE: Just a brief rant to blow off some steam (6/9/2009 7:01:54 AM)
Broken, dad's dementia is a combination problem. Part of it is from the stroke, part of it is from Alzheimer's. And it's that second part that I think upsets him the most during those increasingly rare lucid moments. His mother has been in a nursing home for about 10 years now - not knowing who any of us are, thinking he's his father or his uncle when he was still able to visit if she didn't think he was simply a complete stranger. When I moved him home from the nursing center he was in (one of the better ones in this state, but which had become prohibitively expensive) I expected to see things like progressive memory loss and increasingly rapid deterioration. I still expect it. It will get worse - and it won't get "better" - it will simply end when he dies, rather than continuing to get worse. Pure, I've been documenting - when I think of it lol - which sometimes is inconsistant. Fortunately the aide that gives him his showers 3 days a week, and the LPN who is in to check his vitals and such 3 days a week are both around frequently enough that they have seen the changes, and have documented things to an extent in their notes as well. They've both been on the recieving end of a few of his temper tantrums - or witnessed it when he threw a temper fit aimed at me. It's just the primary hospice nurse - she's literally the equivalant of their nursing chief of staff - who is only here once a month, and who tends to blow things off. I keep reminding myself that she's got around 300 patients to deal with, which is why she's only here for a few minutes a month to look through the notes taken by the ones who are here frequently. I remind myself that it's easy for her to forget the details of individual cases, for all of them to perhaps blur themselves together in her mind - and that there's an awful lot of families that shes' dealing with, and many of them may be prone to exagerating some of the problems with their loved ones. Des, yes - he's dying. He's also uncoordinated, forgetful, and accident prone due to the lack of coordinate combined with lack of good physical balance. It's NOT primarily his Health that I'm worried about at this point - it's Mine, should I allow him to have his way every time he demands a cigarette. He's as apt to demand that I bring him one in his room - where there's portable oxygen tanks stored and an oxygen seperator unit that runs 24/7 - as he is to do so in the living room or out on the back deck. The days that he wants to come out on the back deck are the days that the state weather service has issued an Air Quality /Ozone alert, advising that those with heart or lung problems (he's got both) not be outside unless it's absolutely necessary. He'll come out, I'll warn him about the alert that's been issued, he'll assure me he'll be fine - then he'll be wheezing and gasping 5 minutes later, railing at me for allowing him to come outside where he can't breath. He's as likely to try and put his cigarette out On The Couch as he is in the ashtray - either because his aim is off, or because he honestly thinks he IS in the ashtray when he's not. That's not a matter of health, that's a matter of safety - both mine and his. There are days when it's a couple of hours before he forgets that he's had a smoke - and there are days when it's literally the amount of time it takes for him to walk from the living room to the bathroom and back again that he forgets. Letting him eat what he wants - sounds great on the surface, until what he wants means trying to figure out how to explain to him that the resturant he's demanding I go through the drivethru for (at 3 in the morning) either isn't open that time of day - or the worse ones are local places that have been closed and out of business for 20 years and no longer exist. It also sounds great on the surface until you consider that allowing him to eat nothing but chocolate, ice cream sandwichs, and the occassional cheeseburger is a surefire means of allowing malnutrition to set in - something which would (a) be grossly negligent on my part, (b) get the Department of Human Services, Adult Protection Division, living so far up my ass I wouldn't be able to Breath without them questioning it, and (c) would hasten his death to the point where I might as well consider it murder. Premeditated murder at that, since I know and acknowledge just how negiligent it would be on my part to allow it to happen. The bedside lamp stays on in his room pretty much 24/7. I don't turn it off unless it's to change a burnt out lightbulb. The rare times it does get turned off, it's done by him. When I leave snacks in there for him, either he complains that they aren't what he wants right then (unless it's chocolate, which he is Always willing to gorge on) or I have to contend with the nurse or aide grinching at me about it. I don't mind listening to the aide kvetch - I shrug it off, chuckle, and suggest that she trade places with me for a week to see whether SHE could deal listening to his constant bitching and whining - at which point she looks chagrined and drops it. Fortunately, J nearly has the truck fixed, and he's eager to get back to the prior schedule of coming down for 5 or 6 hours 3 days a week. He needs the income (yes, I pay him to stay with dad) and being stuck at home is driving him stir crazy. So hopefully by the end of this week, the truck will be back up and running consistantly and I will get to start escaping again. Because it is indeed Sooooo much easier to cope with when there's an opportunity to Escape for a few hours at a time without having to rush back and worry the whole time I'm gone.

JstAnotherSub -> RE: Just a brief rant to blow off some steam (6/9/2009 8:14:28 AM)
i had my mom in home hospice...she had the oxygen separator and tanks in case of emergency. she had smoked all her life, and she wanted to smoke even then. so i talked to the hospice nurse about it and we decided to go ahead and let her. i lit them for her and stood by her while she smoked them. she had the oxygen tube in her nose. 2 or 3 liters of oxygen is not going to cause an explosion, and once i let mom smoke, the urges faded quickly for her. it let her feel a sense of being in control. losing control is a big part of why they get so "mean" and cranky. just a thought.

outlier -> RE: Just a brief rant to blow off some steam (6/9/2009 9:06:26 AM)
Peach, Doctors and nurses are just high priced technical hired help. They don't like to be reminded of that but they are. I can tell you from personal experience they really don't like to hear it in the middle of an ICU. But sometimes they need to be reminded. And you don't take crap from the hired help. Document her attitute and behaviour in a letter to her supervisor. Tell them you want a phone number so that when he does this at 2:30 you can put him on the phone to them so he can complain. They won't want that. Demand a different nurse who will work with you as the employer. Or hire a different nursing provider. Trust yourself, you are the pilot on this journey. Nobody knows the situation or cares for him the way you do. Just be sure to document everything, just in case someone gets pissed off that you won't give them the controls. OL

sirsholly -> RE: Just a brief rant to blow off some steam (6/9/2009 9:15:37 AM)
quote: Doctors and nurses are just high priced technical hired help. They don't like to be reminded of that but they are. I can tell you from personal experience they really don't like to hear it in the middle of an ICU. But sometimes they need to be reminded. And you don't take crap from the hired help. the "hired help" as you so charmingly call the doctors and nurses, can and will KICK YOUR ASS OUT OF ICU, via security if needed, if a disturbance is created that causes detriment to ANY patient...including the one you are there to see. I have been the one to call security, and i have also had security called on me (much to my shame) for insisting on getting into the middle of something i had no business getting into the middle of. Calling security was not nastiness on their part...it was their last option. Doctors and nurses do not...i repeat...DO NOT...work for you.

hizgeorgiapeach -> RE: Just a brief rant to blow off some steam (6/9/2009 9:35:33 AM)
JaS, it's definately at least partially control issues with dad. He's been very in control my whole life - and the longer it goes since his stroke, the less control he has - even over his own bodily functions. He's been grasping for control over something - anything - since I moved him home. Some days, it's like dealing with a spoiled 3 year old, simply from the sheer number of power plays and temper tantrums. And much like it is in raising a child, I have an obligation to him to do what's best for him - not necessarily what he Wants, but what's Best. The CNA got here a little while ago, and I let her know about some of the problems he's been having over the weekend (she normally comes in on Tuesday and Thursday, and I let her know how things stand during the rest of the week.) She started taking a look at various things that have been problematic - and it's worse than I thought. His left side is what was affected by the stroke, and both his left arm and his left leg are swelling. Badly. His foot is currently almost twice the size it should be, and it's not confined to just the foot. He's been put under orders from the nurse to stay in bed with his foot propped up - and I've been put under orders to make certain he actually Stays there. (That is Sooooo going to make dealing with him more difficult for the next few days.) She's worried about the circulation in the limbs on that side being damaged to the point of failure at this point, and the potential for him to throw a clot - not to mention the likelihood now of periferal neuropathy causing damage to one of the extremities and making things worse. It's all getting more and more pronounced, and the frequency of increased problems has sped up to a rate that I'm not certain can go on for very long before he simply suffers from massive systemic failure.

sirsholly -> RE: Just a brief rant to blow off some steam (6/9/2009 9:38:22 AM)
HisGeorgiaPeach...what are you doing for YOU? How in heavens name are you coping with this?

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