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Prinsexx -> RE: Real life gets in the way again... (6/9/2009 10:17:14 AM)
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It's a day on. My um stayed up most of the night talking to her step mom and her aunt. She is processing this whole thing very well. An extended family fals into place when it's needed.
I went to work and coached students all day even through lunch. Helping and serving others is how i look after myself.
It's the end of a long cycle of domestic abuse. At last. I was two years in group therapy. For two years a frequent poster on ivillage abuse boards http://love.ivillage.com/lnsproblems/0,,85cfgfnd,00.html. When this started it operated as a life line here in the UK to so many women who were otherwise isolated and very often in fear of their lives.A prolonged period of cognitive behavioural therapy and close to my Church community in order to finally break free.
When officers used to ask: why did you stay? the question should be: how on earth did you escape? The physical, emotional, psychological and financial abuse was profound.
The crux was this: the abuser confused my submission with passivity. He used and then abused my natural ability to serve. I on my part really didn't figure out the difference between active consent and and passive victimisation. My wires are crossed and pain and restraint do equal pleasure.
The difference is that my consent is what gives me my power. In the process of consent abuse becomes use and i am proud that i allow myself consciously and by choice to be used.
That old victim is what i can finally say goodbye to. It will die with him and i can be safe.
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