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Dod oh dod, Whadda I wanna do.... - 6/7/2009 8:28:22 PM   
hizgeorgiapeach


Posts: 1672
Status: offline 		I hated highschool. It was, without doubt, one of those times in life that not all the money in the world would be sufficient to pay me to relive it. I was a social outcast, I had practically no friends, I was far to intently focused on my music to have much of a life other than studying that, and I was probably one of The most despised females in my graduating class. A group of the Popular girls went so far as to "suggest" I drop out - telling me that I "wasn't good enough" to graduate with them - the same group that tormented me all through my sophomore year with fights and death threats, stolen text books that ended up dumped in toilets of the boys' bathrooms, tp'd lawn and egged cars - until I finally got fed up enough to beat the living snot out of the ringleader, terrifying the rest of them into walking much more carefully around me.

So... what does all that have to do with NOW - 25 years later?

I got an email earlier this evening. One inviting me to the 25 year Reunion which is being organized by one of the guys that was a football star during all 3 of our years in highschool. I took the time to look over the list of names of those who have responded that they'll be there, and compared the names with both my memory and my senior yearbook. (I kept it all these years, despite having hated highschool, as a reminder of Why I hated it so much.) The reunion is in Mid-July. The weekend after I get back from a brief respite trip to Texas, in fact. Practically all of the people who have said they plan to attend are folks that I detested during school almost as much as they detested me. The few people whom I considered friends - either said no, they aren't going, or haven't responded at all. I haven't missed any of the ones that I know Will be there. Quite the opposite - I've been happy as a lark not to have to deal with any of them, or see their hateful faces.

Things are....... so different now for me than they were then. I'm a business owner. I'm federally certificated in a difficult area (as a pilot.) I own a home, all my debts are paid off or close to it, and I've even managed to get a few of those luxery toy/goodies. I'm in a great relationship with an incredible man. And I did NOT end up the incarcerated loser they all expected me to be.

So I guess the question is......

Do I go, or do I pass on it knowing that most of them will have forgotten who I was or will remember the outcast that they tormented? If I go, do I rub their noses in the fact that I'm pretty much the Opposite of what they all Expected me to become, and tried their damnedest to make certain I would become? Or do I go and smile graciously, pretending that I don't remember what obnoxiously unholy cunts they all were - or perhaps admitting that I remember it, but that I've rather graciously forgiven them for the error of their youthful ways. (I haven't - and frankly, I don't feel like I Should - not unless they offer an Honest Appology. I don't forgive those who haven't saught forgiveness.)

My instinct is to either stay home, or to go and offer smiles that are closer to a ritual bearing of teeth while rubbing their noses in the fact that life has significantly improved since I was a teen. But, there's part of my brain (a very, Very SMALL part) that's saying if I go, I shouldn't go with the intent of making them turn green and choke on their own past actions.

I've got until July 16th to make up my mind and decide. I'm just not certain which I should decide.

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RE: Dod oh dod, Whadda I wanna do.... - 6/7/2009 8:36:36 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		I was the same person, Rhi.    I've moved beyond it, but still would not attend a reunion (even if they knew where to find me).  Why? Because since I wasnt worth their time THEN, THEY are not worth my time now.   I have developed wonderful, healthy and mutually nurturing relationships sonce then.. I dont need their toxicity in my life...even if they WERE to repent of their high school bullshit, the damage they did to me then was too real.  Like I said, I've moved past it (mostly), but I personally am not able to forgive the 'slings and arrows' I was subjected to at the time. 


JMHO

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RE: Dod oh dod, Whadda I wanna do.... - 6/7/2009 9:10:26 PM   
Loki45


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Status: offline 		Certificated?

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RE: Dod oh dod, Whadda I wanna do.... - 6/7/2009 9:11:43 PM   
Marc2b


Posts: 6660
Joined: 8/7/2006
Status: offline 		I guess I was lucky.  My four years of high school (at a Catholic school no less), while not without a few down spots, were four of the better years of my life.  Perhaps because it was a small class (only 46 when we graduated) and we all knew each other and all partied together on the weekends.

My twenty-fifth reunion is also coming up in a few weeks.  Based upon previous ones I went to as well as from hearing stories about other people’s reunions, there is one thing I am certain of: most people do change.  Maybe for the better, maybe for the worse, but they do change. 

My recommendation:  Go to the reunion.  You may just be surprised to discover that some of the biggest assholes you knew have evolved into decent people who feel true regret over how they have treated you and have the courage to apologize for it (to be sure, some of them may feel regret but still lack the courage to apologize).  If on the other hand some of them are still assholes at least you’ll have the satisfaction of showing them that their negativity and cruelty did not beat you down (plus you get the satisfaction that you were a decent enough person to have given them a chance).  Either way you’ve only invested a single night to learn the outcomes of these people.    

Oh yeah… if you can, bring your significant other along and have them fetch your drinks and do other things at your command.  That’ll give everyone something to talk about until the next reunion. 

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RE: Dod oh dod, Whadda I wanna do.... - 6/7/2009 9:28:46 PM   
DomKen


Posts: 19457
Joined: 7/4/2004
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		I hated high school but had a few good friends. Went to my 20th reunion and quite enjoyed it. The people who were insufferable then were mostly failures or had grown up and had the decency to say they were sorry for things from back then. Many of the people treated like crap were successful and we had a good time hanging out.

It's up to you but remember most of those people have grown up and likely regret a lot of what they did back then but YMMV.

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RE: Dod oh dod, Whadda I wanna do.... - 6/7/2009 10:10:41 PM   
YoursMistress


Posts: 894
Joined: 12/17/2008
Status: offline 		Don't go with the intention of proving anything.  I suspect that nothing has ever actually been proven at a high school reunion.  If you want to see anyone that is planning to go, by all means go see them and have fun.  If you want to show off,  look down with disdain, or any other motive with a negative connotation, please pass on it and go somewhere you'll enjoy.  

yours


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RE: Dod oh dod, Whadda I wanna do.... - 6/7/2009 10:14:34 PM   
ThatDamnedPanda


Posts: 6060
Joined: 1/26/2009
Status: offline 		Peach, the only conceivable reason you should go is if you think you might somehow enjoy it. And since it doesn't sound as though you would, I'd opt for not going at all.

What would be the point?  What is there to rub in their faces? Look at how much you've changed in the intervening 25 years; surely you must realize that every one of them has probably changed as well, right? It's very unlikely that any of them are even close to being the same person they were in high school. Hell, most of them probably don't even remember you. When they think back to their high school years, the only thing they probably remember is how miserable they were most of the time too. Those of them who do remember how terribly they treated you probably already feel badly about it; what would be the use of making them feel even more badly about something they did when they were children?

I'd say let it go and move on, but if you can't let go of it don't go to the reunion. I'm guessing you won't miss much; I've never been to one either, and it doesn't keep me awake all that many nights. I really hated most of the fuckers i went to school with, and while I no longer hate them, I don't feel any strong urge to drive 200 miles to see them again. Fuck 'em. It was a different lifetime, and they're no more a part of my world than dinosaurs or woolly mammoths are.


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RE: Dod oh dod, Whadda I wanna do.... - 6/7/2009 10:24:45 PM   
Vendaval


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Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		Peach,

I started to type a reply but Greedy already stated everything very well.

Do what makes you happy, darlin!

Ven

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RE: Dod oh dod, Whadda I wanna do.... - 6/7/2009 11:02:44 PM   
hizgeorgiapeach


Posts: 1672
Status: offline 		I've been thinking about it all evening since I got the email. Spent most of the past couple of hours talking to the other half concerning the whole thing, as well. And yes, GT & Ven, he's pointed out much of the same stuff that yall have. Being who and what he is, though, he's also made it plain that it's strictly my decision to make as to whether or not we go - and he'll stand by the decision whatever it happens to be. (Gods it still feels weird to have someone in my life who is willing to do that, when my past has been plagued with "partners" who wouldn't have considered unconditional support!)

What I will probably do is put off a final decision until closer to when it's actually going to take place. I want to see whether or not the few people I Would enjoy visiting with show up on the list of those who plan to attend. If any of them do, Will and I will likely go, just so I can play catch up with those few. If they don't, I'll probably refrain from going at all. While the URGE to go and be snotty is there - it's Not an Overwhelming Urge. I know from gosip garnered from a couple of friendly aquaintances who went to the 10 year that most of those who tormented me the Most - wound up as hugely overweight (they had been size 0s and 1s, and gave me grief for being a size 7 back then!) with half a dozen kids in tow, mostly on welfare and disparing of how they were going to survive.

One thing I would Not have to do is actually Travel to go to a reunion. I live now in the house I grew up in - the same house I lived in during highschool, less than 2 miles From that highschool. My graduating class had several hundred students in it. Most of those were military brats from Tinker - I was one of the few strictly civie kids in my class.

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RE: Dod oh dod, Whadda I wanna do.... - 6/8/2009 2:48:49 AM   
hlen5


Posts: 5890
Joined: 3/2/2008
Status: offline 		If there are people you want to see from your class that won't be attending, why don't you get their contact info and get together with those people you DO want to see?

It would be nice to give all the one-time shits a chance to apologize, but I think I agree with Panda, unless you think you would truly enjoy it, don't go.

For a good laugh if you haven't already seen it, watch "Romy and Michelle's Class Reunion (I think that's the title).

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RE: Dod oh dod, Whadda I wanna do.... - 6/8/2009 3:51:06 AM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline 		I can relate to this post on so many levels, I am out 40 years--we moved 38 years ago and never looked back. Now with facebook, I have "reconnected" with some of My classmates--who seem to think or thought of Me differently then they appeared to at the time.
 
I am no way that person, in fact, I left that person at the state line--so many of My classmates never left the small town area where we lived and I like you have travelled, excelled, gotten degrees, created the life I never could have had--if we had stayed--I too am in the same quandry---do I go? do I leave it behind as I once did? Will I feel left out? Will I feel that discomfort?
 
And here is the kicker--why do I even care?  Do stay in touch and let Me know how you do on this one.

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RE: Dod oh dod, Whadda I wanna do.... - 6/8/2009 6:47:16 AM   
slaveboyforyou


Posts: 3607
Joined: 1/6/2005
From: Arkansas, U.S.A.
Status: offline 		I hated high school when I was there; I felt like I was paroled when I graduated.  I hung out with the potheads and the nerds; I was kind of both.  I was overweight, I had horrible acne, I was a goof-off and class clown, I spent more time in the principal's office and detention than I did in extracurricular activities, I had a reputation because I had been to juvenile court twice, I didn't go to my prom, I skipped pep rallies, my guidance counselor told me to forget college and go to vocational school, etc, etc.  So I hear you georgia. 

I went and got accepted to college on my own and I walked into my guidance counselors office and dropped the letter on her desk.  I said, "thanks for all your help."  I only went to my graduation for my parent's benefit.  At my graduation I ran into my Jr. High principal who said, "Congratulations you actually made it." as if it was a major feat for me, like I was a retard or something.  She used to paddle me at least once a month when I was in Jr. High.  I hated her, I still hate her. 

All that being said, I did actually go to my 10 year reunion.  My childhood buddy talked me into it.  He's the kind of guy that is always happy, he doesn't care what you think about him.  He's like a 6'3, 250 lbs version of Gomer Pyle .  So we went.  I was glad I did.  Most of the popular kids I remembered had humbled.  Several of them gained weight and were bald .  But most everyone was nice, I even got a few apologies from people.  It did help that there was an open bar . 

So I say go, you might be surprised. 

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RE: Dod oh dod, Whadda I wanna do.... - 6/8/2009 7:00:25 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline 		I went.
I wanted to see the nun who used to tell us we were trash that would never amount to anything (i am serious here)
I went for the purpose of telling Sister Mary Rhino Rump to and to kiss my


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RE: Dod oh dod, Whadda I wanna do.... - 6/8/2009 9:27:20 AM   
pixidustpet


Posts: 857
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline 		i skipped my high school reunion.  one reason was that i couldnt decide to take my husband, my boyfriend, or my girlfriend as my date.  *shrugs*  any of them were willing to go.

i went to three different high schools in 4 years.  i dont really feel any connection to any of it.  so for me, why bother?

kitten

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RE: Dod oh dod, Whadda I wanna do.... - 6/8/2009 9:57:59 AM   
hizgeorgiapeach


Posts: 1672
Status: offline 		I went to graduation and walked across the stage specifically with the intent of doing exactly one thing - which I accomplished in spades - and that was to piss off the group of girls who had tried to harass me into dropping out and had told me I wasn't "good enough" to walk across the same stage as them.

The few folks from my graduating class that I would actually enjoy seeing, I don't have direct contact info on. I've managed to stumble across a few of them on Classmates.com, but that's pretty much it. It's like they've fallen off the face of the planet, and prefer to stay that way. One of them is now a tenured college professor (English Lit) somewhere up in Kansas. One of them is somewhere out in central California, working in the movie industry in animation and CGI affects. One of them is dying of HIV because he was careless during his multitude of affairs after he got married to his highschool sweetheart who was in the class after ours - his ex-wife and I are still close friends, so I know what's gone on with him. The other two or three - the gods alone know where they are, what they're doing, or if they're even still alive.

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RE: Dod oh dod, Whadda I wanna do.... - 6/8/2009 9:59:45 AM   
LadyEllen


Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline 		If you dont go, you'll never know. If you do and dont like it you can always leave again.

I went to mine last year (also 25 year gap) just to put two fingers up; when I got there it was all so different - life had affected them all; humbled, matured and just people like any others.

Mind you, no one recognised me. Cant think why.

E

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RE: Dod oh dod, Whadda I wanna do.... - 6/8/2009 10:30:15 AM   
subtlebutterfly


Posts: 2230
Joined: 6/15/2008
From: Not your hood
Status: offline 		Loved highschool...hated college..love da university (different school systems..) I've fortunately been busy all the times the 'chick reunions' are ..which are way too often for my tastes but I can't avoid it forever so I guess I'll attend next one but doh..it doesn't excite me one bit, however if I was in your shoes I definitely wouldn't go.
I went to the highschool reunion because the people I'm still in contact with were going to attend and so were a few other people I felt like meeting..besides I was going out with friends right afterwards so I didn't have to stay that long. The rest of the peeps..I couldn't have cared less if I met or not, I literally HATE facebook when it comes to the  "old schoolmate" shit they trace you down n add you n just grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Anyway the short answer: I wouldn't go if nobody I wanted to meet was going.


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RE: Dod oh dod, Whadda I wanna do.... - 6/8/2009 2:21:12 PM   
PyrotheClown


Posts: 1950
Joined: 5/18/2009
Status: offline 		I had a very similar experience in high school, and have found that many of the people who tormented me then are now my friends and good acquaitences(not that I haven't been known to hold a grudge >;) )it's weird, those who despised you and made your life a living hell have most likely mellowed out since then, they might have even found themselves in a very similar situation after leaving their "kingdom" and entering the real world. Then again, I went to high school when columbine happened, and many of my former students treated me much differently after that..

You should go, if nothing else to see if any of the popular click girls managed to find themselves being wasted has been already(and I'm sure a few have).

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RE: Dod oh dod, Whadda I wanna do.... - 6/8/2009 3:14:37 PM   
hizgeorgiapeach


Posts: 1672
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quote:

ORIGINAL: PyrotheClown

I had a very similar experience in high school, and have found that many of the people who tormented me then are now my friends and good acquaitences(not that I haven't been known to hold a grudge >;) )


Heh - one thing I can guarentee - the ones that made me so miserable for 3 years of my life will NEVER be amongst those I consider Friends - nor even Friendly Aquaintances. The Christian hell will freeze over, the Norse Hel will thaw, and the Stars will grow Cold before I call any of that group my Friend nor would I grieve (or be above a sigh of relief for the planet in general) should I be suddenly informed of their deaths.

While I ceased desiring Revenge against them almost 2 decades ago, and I refuse to waste the energy it would require to Hate them - it will definately be a cold day in hell before I can bring myself to specifically think Kindly of any of them. There are far, Far to many emotional scars left behind - to much buried pain, to many emotional issues dealing with the struggle for a sense of self worth and self esteem, to many years in and out of therapy with a psych, that those females are at the root of. I spent too many years through my late teens and twenties hating myself - detesting myself - ashamed of my body, feeling like I could never measure up, doubting my own abilities - to ever completely forgive them. Granted, there's another part of me - Now, much older, much more certain of myself, considerably better educated, self reliant, capable and self sufficient - that feels like I ought to somehow Thank them for those years of torment. Those years drove me. They spurred me into becoming someone who CAN be self reliant and has studied sufficiently diverse subjects to know at least a little about a lot of different things. The self doubt they fostered, that they encouraged, that they delighted in inflicting on anyone who was the least bit Different than them or not one of their fawning sycophants - it shaped me, sometimes in good ways, sometimes not so good. It turned me into a perfectionist. It drove me to learn how to work with my hands in more artistic areas than I would ever have considered had I not faced their constant torment through some of my formative years. It's been a motivating factor in going to college not just once but 4 times over the years - to prove to them, and More Importantly to MYSELF, that I was just as good as any of them if not significantly Better than they were.

To this day, I find myself with an instinct towards sneering - or simply baring teeth - at the cheerleader types, the Pretty people, the ones with more money than sense. And with a desire to intentionally snub them, turn up my nose at them and make Damned Certain they know that I consider them (in some portion of myself) so far beneath my contempt simply for existing that I wouldn't take the time to walk across the street and piss on them if they were on fire.

< Message edited by hizgeorgiapeach -- 6/8/2009 3:21:22 PM >

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RE: Dod oh dod, Whadda I wanna do.... - 6/8/2009 3:20:56 PM   
LadyEllen


Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline 		But thats the great thing about these reunions; you need no longer feel hate or even dislike.

Those who tormented you, you now find are worthy only of pity and condescension, whilst they look at you with grudging admiration from lives that never turned out to consist of eternal youth and fairy tales and which destroyed them with disappointment.

I'd do a gleeful cackle at this point, but it would wake the kitties.

E

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