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How do you handle finances? - 5/27/2009 4:00:46 PM   
gentlemanprince


Posts: 127
Joined: 5/19/2008
Status: offline 		For those of you living in a 24/7 D/s relationship, how do you handle finances?  Do you keep your money and earnings separate, each contributing to the household expenses?  Do you pool your money? Does the dominant take charge the money?  What do you do when there is a substantial disparity between the two in terms of earnings or financial assets?

I'm not suggesting that there is any right or wrong way of handling it.  But I am curious as to what seems to work and arrangements that have led to problems.

I am cross-posting this also to Ask a Mistress, so excuse me if you have to read this twice. 
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RE: How do you handle finances? - 5/27/2009 4:13:13 PM   
subtlebutterfly


Posts: 2230
Joined: 6/15/2008
From: Not your hood
Status: offline 		I first went to the Mistress forums then started answering but damn discoverred you'd also posted it i nthe subs forum..why don't you just make one post in the general forum instead of dividing your same question down to all the forums (but please don't make one now since you've already made this into two posts)
I'm not in a 24/7 but I'm gonna answer this anyway.

wow I need sleep I read this as fiancés n spent ages wondering why on earth the post was then about finances
There's noooooo way I'd ever hand my finances over to somebody else..EVER. There's no guarantee that you'll spend the rest of your life with the person you're with, and if you aint married with n with pre/postnuptial it's just one big mess.
Sure I'd contribute and I'm not sitting like gollum on my gold chanting my precioussssssss I mean if they needed money then sure I'd give it to them but my finances sure as hell stay on my account unless we decide to put a certain amount equally into a mutual fund..which would then be split into half if we'd break up.
Not married: my finances would sure as hell stay in one account unless this.."fund"
Married: muthafuckin rocksolid prenuptial ..and well lmy finances would probably continue to stay on my account.

but of course I'd support my partner financially etc if they need or want something or whatever but that does definitely not mean I give them up or "pool" my money and it doesn't mean "hell no I'm not using this so I'm not paying for that you can buy it yourself" but I'd surely expect that both of us would contribute equally (at least in percentage of each individual's salary) to the household.


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RE: How do you handle finances? - 5/27/2009 4:29:46 PM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

But I am curious as to what seems to work and arrangements that have led to problems.


Don't cross-post, it is not allowed.

As to your question, whether something works or not depends on the people, not on the arrangements. Some folks make things work that others can't , some read up on the plethora of websitest that exist, others "roll their own".... etc.

(in reply to gentlemanprince)
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RE: How do you handle finances? - 5/27/2009 4:50:33 PM   
peppermint


Posts: 5175
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		Almost seems not worth it to reply as this thread has a 50% chance of being deleted.  Read the rules before posting somewhere.  Posting the same question in mulitple forums is not allowed.

We keep our finances separate.  I pay for certain items such as food, RV space rent in AZ, electricity.  He pays when we travel (we live in a motor home), gas for car, internet, TV, and maintenance of vehicles.   I know of  other couples who split expenses  down the middle.  The only couples I know of who pool their money are married.  Whatever works is best.   I'm sure that no matter what method used  they have all  led  to problems if someone felt the division was unfair for whatever reasons. 

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RE: How do you handle finances? - 5/27/2009 5:04:27 PM   
allisonludwig


Posts: 56
Joined: 12/6/2008
Status: offline 		My husband and I maintain our separate accounts, but spread the bills out. but since I have been a full-time student this year, he carried the load (thank goodness!) and paid most of our bills. We both like having our separate monies but working together to take care of the bills. this way, he can buy me things when he wants and can ask me to spend my own money in different ways, too.

Allison

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RE: How do you handle finances? - 5/27/2009 5:21:15 PM   
gentlemanprince


Posts: 127
Joined: 5/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Remove both posts, then try again in Off Topic.


I checked both the Section Guidelines and the more general Collarme.com Forum Guidelines in the Administrative Announcements and didn't see anything about posting to more than one forum if the topic might be of interest to both.  Nonetheless, since this seems to be a rule, I will delete this thread if I can figure out how to do so - I think I know - and will leave it in the one.   I apologize for the inadvertent error.

I don't see why this is off-topic, since it concerns bdsm relationships.

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Profile   Post #: 6
RE: How do you handle finances? - 5/27/2009 6:04:59 PM   
janiebelle


Posts: 332
Joined: 4/29/2009
Status: offline 		FR

I was married, so finances were pooled.  Oh, who am I kidding.  My LH put money in the joint checking account.  I put money I made into my own account. 
So I guess our mode of handling finances was "he earned, I spent".
Let me clarify- I spent his money on our household.  I spent my money on my business, trivial personal stuff, and the occasional gift for him (like his annual fall hunting trip which was a gift for both of us, his vacation in the mountains and my vacation at home).
j

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RE: How do you handle finances? - 5/27/2009 6:49:11 PM   
OrionTheWolf


Posts: 7803
Joined: 10/11/2006
Status: offline 		All money made by my slave are my assets. I determine all spending, and handle all cash. She may do some online bill pay and keep records, but she carries no cash. In case of an emergency, she does have access to one of my checking accounts that is set up for emergency funds, and there are a couple of places (car, night stand, etc.) that have $20 in them just in case. Otherwise she does not touch money unless it is to accept her tips from work, or tip out at work.


quote:

ORIGINAL: gentlemanprince

For those of you living in a 24/7 D/s relationship, how do you handle finances?  Do you keep your money and earnings separate, each contributing to the household expenses?  Do you pool your money? Does the dominant take charge the money?  What do you do when there is a substantial disparity between the two in terms of earnings or financial assets?

I'm not suggesting that there is any right or wrong way of handling it.  But I am curious as to what seems to work and arrangements that have led to problems.

I am cross-posting this also to Ask a Mistress, so excuse me if you have to read this twice. 


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RE: How do you handle finances? - 5/27/2009 7:14:37 PM   
janiebelle


Posts: 332
Joined: 4/29/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OrionTheWolf

All money made by my slave are my assets. I determine all spending, and handle all cash. She may do some online bill pay and keep records, but she carries no cash. In case of an emergency, she does have access to one of my checking accounts that is set up for emergency funds, and there are a couple of places (car, night stand, etc.) that have $20 in them just in case. Otherwise she does not touch money unless it is to accept her tips from work, or tip out at work.


Is that fairly typical?  Handling the bills and shopping was just another of my duties, one more thing he didn't have to worry about.
I never thought of it in the context you mention; I can now see the power dynamic involved.
j

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RE: How do you handle finances? - 5/27/2009 7:15:04 PM   
SomethingCatchy


Posts: 796
Joined: 7/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OrionTheWolf

All money made by my slave are my assets. I determine all spending, and handle all cash. She may do some online bill pay and keep records, but she carries no cash. In case of an emergency, she does have access to one of my checking accounts that is set up for emergency funds, and there are a couple of places (car, night stand, etc.) that have $20 in them just in case. Otherwise she does not touch money unless it is to accept her tips from work, or tip out at work.



I realize this works for you, but have you set up something to protect her if you decided to dump her or is she shit out of luck? What if you were struck by lightening?

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RE: How do you handle finances? - 5/27/2009 7:15:09 PM   
Drakontos


Posts: 167
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline 		zaphira does not worry about such things. When this slave begged Master's collar, everything that was once her's, became his; and Master does not allow his property to work outside the home.

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Drakontos
zaphira

Live with honor; serve with grace and beauty

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RE: How do you handle finances? - 5/27/2009 7:20:10 PM   
janiebelle


Posts: 332
Joined: 4/29/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SomethingCatchy


quote:

ORIGINAL: OrionTheWolf

All money made by my slave are my assets. I determine all spending, and handle all cash. She may do some online bill pay and keep records, but she carries no cash. In case of an emergency, she does have access to one of my checking accounts that is set up for emergency funds, and there are a couple of places (car, night stand, etc.) that have $20 in them just in case. Otherwise she does not touch money unless it is to accept her tips from work, or tip out at work.



I realize this works for you, but have you set up something to protect her if you decided to dump her or is she shit out of luck? What if you were struck by lightening?


I can tell you firsthand how glad I was to already have finances organized my way when my LH died unexpectedly.
I can't imagine the additional stress of having to try to make heads or tails of accounts, investments, insurance policies, etc. on top of planning a funeral, being hysterical with grief, and the 101 other things that overwhelmed me at the time.
j

(in reply to SomethingCatchy)
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RE: How do you handle finances? - 5/27/2009 7:55:25 PM   
AlexandraLynch


Posts: 778
Joined: 3/24/2008
Status: offline 		If we were to have a slave who lived in, an account would be established in hir name that would hold hir emergency reserve money, in case of a breakup, enough for an apartment rental and a month's expenses.

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RE: How do you handle finances? - 5/27/2009 8:17:03 PM   
peppermint


Posts: 5175
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: gentlemanprince

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Remove both posts, then try again in Off Topic.


I checked both the Section Guidelines and the more general Collarme.com Forum Guidelines in the Administrative Announcements and didn't see anything about posting to more than one forum if the topic might be of interest to both.  Nonetheless, since this seems to be a rule, I will delete this thread if I can figure out how to do so - I think I know - and will leave it in the one.   I apologize for the inadvertent error.

I don't see why this is off-topic, since it concerns bdsm relationships.


Here is what you missed.

Duplicate and Repeat posts - Please do not make posts bringing peoples attention to another post in the same or a different area. If you have something to contribute to the topic then please post to the original topic. Please do not start a duplicate or similar thread if there is an active thread on the subject already or was fairly recently.

You first brought attention to another post in a different area.  You also started a duplicate thread. 

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RE: How do you handle finances? - 5/27/2009 8:31:33 PM   
TreasureKY


Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		When I moved in with Firm, he took responsibility for me and takes care of all expenses.  It is his preference that I not work outside the home, but I do help him with his business.  Money that I had saved, he required that I keep in my own personal account. 

I manage the bill paying, grocery shopping, and decisions on minor household expenditures.  He makes the major decisions, and sets the parameters and goals.  He placed me on his personal account, and I have access to all other accounts.

I works for us. 

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RE: How do you handle finances? - 5/27/2009 10:54:47 PM   
liks2plzlf


Posts: 390
Joined: 7/21/2005
Status: offline 		If I were a slave. I would expect to surrender my income to her.

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RE: How do you handle finances? - 5/28/2009 3:59:15 AM   
Fitznicely


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline 		We have three income routes: My wages when working (and unemployment cheques when not in work), her social security benefits as a stay-home mom of two, and money she earns from her part-time holistic therapy.

My income and the benefits are pooled, with each of us having equal access - we know each other's PIN numbers and online banking login details - to the money, and she's free to spend sensibly and as necessary out of the pool, but I have ultimate veto and handle all budgetting.

She keeps what she earns from her therapy clients, and I don't make any claim over it.

Why does this work for us? Cos she panics about money. I expect to be in control of such things and things work out much calmer that way. Strangely enough, we are much more affluent that way too...

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RE: How do you handle finances? - 5/28/2009 5:28:37 AM   
pixidustpet


Posts: 857
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline 		TheEngineer works for a wage.  i do not.  he handles the money, but i know the details because he wants me informed.  i have a set amount of emergency funds that i carry at all times, i have credit cards that i can use, i have an "allowance".  i have a joint account with him that i use to pay the rent here, or anything else he needs me to.

i ASK before most spending because i dont bring in any monies.  my allowance money is free to be spent as i wish. 

kitten

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Profile   Post #: 18
RE: How do you handle finances? - 5/28/2009 5:34:40 AM   
Rainfire


Posts: 4047
Joined: 1/5/2009
Status: offline 		We started out with separate banking accounts but eventually made them joint and know each other's PIN's and full banking info. Lumus works and takes care of most of the household expenses, I have a small income that goes as needed towards household expenses as well. We live quietly and modestly and like it that way. It's just worked out that we basically pool everything, if I need something like a doctor's visit and my cheque hasn't arrived yet, I use Lumus' account. If we need groceries and His payday isn't for a few days, we use my account. We use what is needed, not His or mine, but OURS. Money is money.

Now, it so happens that yes, we are married, we're also 24/7. It saves me a lot of panic attacks having Him handle the majority of the finances. But He knows He can count on me to not spend foolishly or throw our budget out of whack and overspend. It's a very nice change from my ex-husband.


_____________________________

"I have sold my soul to the devil for You, will You still love me when I am soiled, stained and souless in my love for You?
Or is this the beginning of the end?"
Proud member of the Clan Scarlett O'Hair

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RE: How do you handle finances? - 5/28/2009 5:52:10 AM   
MissJanice2


Posts: 178
Joined: 3/4/2009
Status: offline 		We lived together one year.   We found that for us it works out better to have our own homes and own finances.    We help each other when one of us needs help.  Financial Domination does not work for us.

Respectfully,

Mistress_Jan

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