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RE: Reflections - 5/27/2009 4:29:53 PM

Eleutherios

Posts: 85
Joined: 6/6/2006
From: Houston, Tx
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quote:

Missokyst:
A man might be rough or polished but I hope always to see who he is on his own merits and not because someone else has judged him good or bad. I don't want to see him through his reflection, I want to stand face to face and look into the depths of his eyes and see how he is. If he is important it is worth my time.

You're not a dinosaur, and you're not alone. You just beautifully described part of what drew me to my girl.

_____________________________

-E

~
"I would rather be exposed to the inconveniences attending too much liberty than to those attending too small a degree of it."
—Thomas Jefferson—
~

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RE: Reflections - 5/27/2009 5:13:44 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst
That is exactly what I think. I need to be OK with myself. I don't really care what people think of me, I only care what people who are important to me, think of me. And the idea that my being older, heavier, not blond, not using the correct fork, not picking out the right word, ect, should reflect on my mate in a poor way, placing value of his judgement..? This terrifies me. I grew up in a long shadow of mistakes.
Kyst

Those are shallow things. They are not the things anyone of worth would choose to decide if you were a good and healthy friend to have. Everyone gets older, blondes can lose their hair due to chemo as easily as a brunette. Most people put on weight with the years. All these things are important to teenagers which thankfully you are not anymore.

They aren't the things that matter. Things that do matter is whether or not we have respect and kindness for others. Are we honest with the world or are we manipulative bastards. Do we live in a moral manner so we can raise moral children or do we cheat and steal and raise a generation of thieves? Do we pay our debts? For noncustodial parents, are they involved with their children's lives? Do they pay support willingly so their children live in a safe place or do they abandon them? Do they treat people without power respectfully? Are they polite to waitresses and such or are they casually cruel to people who can't do anything to them?

I have divorced friends who will date men who do not stay involved with their offspring and then they wonder why their kids dislike these men. I know women who hate their husbands' children and resent the men visiting them, supporting them, involving them with the second family while on vacation. None of these are people who deserve respect.

Change the criteria you use to judge others and yourself and your thinking will change. Write it down on a list if necessary and compare the important things to the list. Remember being blonde and thin will not get you visitors in a hospital room, being someone who is kind and loving will. We want to live in such a manner that we will be sincerely mourned. And by those standards I know you are a success.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

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RE: Reflections - 5/27/2009 10:23:04 PM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone
Every relationship i have ever been in has taught me something. So in reality i am a reflection of my experiences NOT of people that were or are in my life.

This is right on par with my line of thinking as I was reading this thread. I am the reflection of me. I am the reflection of my experiences. I am the reflection of the hard (and damn hard) work I have done to be where I am today.

I am also the reflection of others' influence on me. I am the reflection of what I learned from others and where others have led me. But it was I who followed. I who made the choices I did, based on those influences and teachings. It was I who conducted my behavior, who loved, who fell down, who got back up, who chose who I would submit to and who I wouldn't...and so on.

It's not a black and white thing. I am not merely a mirror giving forth the image of another. I am a living, breathing, thriving being, who reflects who I am based on my influences and choices - be it with family, friends, employer, or dominant/master/owner.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

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RE: Reflections - 5/28/2009 6:13:56 AM

Missokyst

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Joined: 9/9/2006
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Interesting. I use the examples (all superficial, granted), because those are the ones immediately on the outside. I look back and I don't think I can even think of one you mention where I do not see those things as a given. Yep, I pay my debts, give to charities, help out animals and buddies when they need help, ect, ect. To even consider that I do things to make myself a worthy person does not even come up. It is just a thing one does to live honestly, no?
No man has ever been introduced into my family life that did not stay there for years. I am a fairly good judge of character in that if I do bring someone in, they stay there even after we part. Except one man (my ex husband), every man in my life has remained in contact with me. I really cannot say the same about the women I have met but that is my fault. I just don't have the ability to connect to women on the same mental/emotional level.
My kids are grown, and they actually have regarded me as a friend all these years. And the rest of my family still asks my advice on things. As a person, I have been pretty content to be the renegade, the loner, the very choosy woman who waits to love or to commit. I don't think I have ever considered what my foot print will leave when I exit this world. I have made it clear when I am gone I don't want people to mourn me. Life is here and now; the best anyone can do is to move on and smile when you think of the good things, not be sad or mourn for their loss.
I am relatively happy with me.. but I seriously shudder at being seen as a reflection of anyone, not my parents or my friends. I worked very hard to stand alone and I have met a lot of people over the years. I don't consider who they hang out with until they are in my life long enough for that to matter and by that time I already know the parts I find good. I do look them in the eye and only allow some people to enter my life and make an impact on me. Anyone else, whether they have decent friends, relatives, ect.. well it just doesn't matter to me because they are not in my life. They might have been close friends of Mother Theresa and it wouldn't make a bit of difference in my perception of them because I don't let a lot of people to become part of my life. I don't know if that makes sense to a lot of people because most people I know have a range of buddies to hang out with. I just chose a different path.
Kyst

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Post #: 24