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RE: How much does your intuition influence you on meeti... - 5/22/2009 6:58:38 AM

GreedyTop

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Honestly, I don't make the distinction between friends/possibly more when choosing to meet someone. Just because it's someone I don't expect anything more than friendship from doesnt mean that they couldnt be a whackjob.

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Post #: 21

RE: How much does your intuition influence you on meeti... - 5/22/2009 7:14:52 AM

LaTigresse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

My gut is first, my head second, my heart third. All three of those have to be talking the same language.

This sums up my thoughts and feelings on the matter. Although my gut instincts have never been wrong yet. I just had to learn to listen.

Edited to add. I've made friends online that I have invited into my home and visa versa. Not even a thought, just felt totally fine with it. I've also met people online I wouldn't give my identity to, even if they promised me a million dollars, paid in advance. No reason other than my gut instincts about people.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 5/22/2009 7:17:42 AM >

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Post #: 22

RE: How much does your intuition influence you on meeti... - 5/22/2009 7:43:02 AM

kuriouswitch

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the only time my intuition has been wong is when i ignore it. Over the last year and a half there have been times when I've come close to meeting people from here or other sites and usually I listen to my gut. the few times I haven't I'd wished I had because things didn't go well at all.

I met Master in real life finally last week after almost seven months of us being together. People kept asking me how I knew he was safe, and how could I go so far away (I live in Washington and he lives in South Dakota) and meet someone from the internet. All I could tell them was I had to go. But it was more than that, I just "knew" things would work out and they did. We met, had a blast and now I'm planning a second trip back hopefully later this year. The same feeling for my friend Jennifer who's coming up from Australia, she's on here as well. things will go great with her.

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Post #: 23

RE: How much does your intuition influence you on meeti... - 5/22/2009 8:25:17 AM

LafayetteLady

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I go with my gut in all things. Honestly, it has never steered me in the wrong direction.

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Post #: 24

RE: How much does your intuition influence you on meeti... - 5/22/2009 8:32:58 AM

Fadingthought

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I agree with many that posted here. If it doesn't feel right, it isn't right. But always have an exit plan even if it feels great, there have been some real dangerous people who were the most charming, well respected individuals in their community. Not necessarily in the bdsm world, but it holds true never the less.

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Post #: 25

RE: How much does your intuition influence you on meeti... - 5/22/2009 8:40:03 AM

IronBear

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From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

My gut is first, my head second, my heart third. All three of those have to be talking the same language. They're not always right, but when the three are in sync, I have my best chance of a positive reaction.

I am in complete agreement. The times when I have gone against my gut feelings I was medivaced with 24 hours to live, after the seventh time I got the message well and truly.

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Post #: 26

RE: How much does your intuition influence you on meeti... - 5/22/2009 9:04:32 AM

antipode

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Joined: 4/19/2004
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quote:

let your intuition influence you

I am a little surprised to see that you would look for a "potential partner" or a "romantic relationship" online. I know that quite a few people do, and my personal belief is that it does not work that way. Those relationships, in my experience, happen, you don't go looking for them, you just have to be open to them.

So all I look for is a playmate, and if that quest is successful, the relationship that results can go a number of ways - more play, or friendship, and there is always the possibility that something can then turn into romantic.

Match.com advertises with four or five couples that married after meeting online. I glean from that there are actually few perfect matches out of the millions of liaisons that people get out of a dating site, making allowance for the fact that one cannot, of course, put ugly people on television. Believe me, if they had impressive statistics, they would be plastering them all over the airways.So if you double that, you still only get ten - out of how many?

So, my answer is "I go by my gut" where I make arrangements to meet my next victim vanilla, cup of coffee or lunch, as quickly as possible. People in general get so good at manipulating other online, even those that don't really intend to, the information you get from an online contact is almost always heavily censored, until you get to see their lips move, and can witness how they cut their steak, and whether they have plastic nails or not. I can't do "gut" without body language.

(in reply to emy33)

Post #: 27

RE: How much does your intuition influence you on meeti... - 5/22/2009 9:25:22 AM

ZenDragoness

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The combination of the way the person feels to me, my analysis of the way the person behaves and the way my heart reacts flow together.

Most times i know pretty soon, if somebody is interesting me, that is on- and offline the same.

I met around 20 people from online offline in my years on the net. 18 were for friendship only.

Safe calls and the like are not my cup of tea, but i understand why people do it.

19 times all was good, 1 one time i discoverd why a man whom a considered an aquaintance was so unreliable online, because i found out that he was drinking heavily.

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Post #: 28

RE: How much does your intuition influence you on meeti... - 5/22/2009 9:34:41 AM

CallaFirestormBW

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My intuition is my biggest guide. I have certain ground rules that are near-automatic, and I use those in -every- meeting situation, whether it is an online meetup or a business meeting or whatever. Outside of those ground rules, my intuition guides whom I meet, how I present myself for the interaction, and how things progress beyond that meeting. Intuition is, to me, equal parts experience, exposure, and empathy. If I were weak in either of these areas (not a lot of experience, poor at reading body language and non-verbal communication, etc.) I would either need to augment the weaker portion with comparable strength from one or both of the other areas (getting input from others, doing some investigation of the other party, etc.,) or I would want to take additional steps to assure that I would come out of the encounter with the desired result. Intuition/gut instinct are valuable tools, but like any other tool, if we don't it consistently and recalibrate it when there is new input in the 3 e's, it may not work for our benefit as well as it should. At the same time, the fact that intuition exists is pretty well documented in the human population... if we weren't meant to -use- it, we wouldn't have it.

Dame Calla

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Post #: 29

RE: How much does your intuition influence you on meeti... - 5/22/2009 9:42:12 AM

Vendaval

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Fast Reply -

Always listen to your inner voice and the signals that your body sends. You are responsible for your survival and safety.

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Post #: 30

RE: How much does your intuition influence you on meeti... - 5/22/2009 11:06:22 AM

AlexandraLynch

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Well, I have a wingman. (grin) Actually, we're each other's wingman. It's very easy for both of us to get interested and excited by someone new who mightbecouldbe something. But my husband and I always go to first meetings together for these reasons....

1) No better way to prove, "No, really, my husband knows and he's cool with it."
2) Someone else to talk the person over with on the drive home.
3)If I start thinking with my crotch, there's someone with a brain there to keep me from being stupid.

And if the person freaks out and isn't willing to meet us both for coffee or lunch in public? Well, then, I guess they aren't suitable.

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Post #: 31

RE: How much does your intuition influence you on meeti... - 5/22/2009 11:30:07 AM

CallaFirestormBW

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AlexandraLynch

Well, I have a wingman. (grin) Actually, we're each other's wingman. It's very easy for both of us to get interested and excited by someone new who mightbecouldbe something. But my husband and I always go to first meetings together for these reasons....

Yup, yup... I concur. Actually, in my earlier post, I mentioned some 'ground rules'... this is one of mine. I attend every 'first meeting' (business or pleasure) with another person of my choosing. Usually, it's one of the members of my family (these days, often SR or ALHB, one of the people that I share a physical domicile with), though for some meetings it might be a servant on secretarial duty or a business colleague. While I trust my instincts, I am prone to memory problems due to some neuro issues, so I like to have someone to back up that I heard/saw what I thought I heard/saw, and to fill in pieces I might not have caught. No matter who is with me, I also ask for hir intuitive feedback of the meeting as well -- additional input can often clarify places where I was wavering or where everything was so well balanced for me that I couldn't use my own data in the decision-making process.

Just one comment on the whole issue of 'safe calls'. While they're an interesting idea, a safe-call is, essentially, worthless. A lot can happen in the few hours between when call 1 is made and when call 2 is due, and even then, what can your 'safe call' do? Call the cops and say "Three hours ago, my friend was -here-, and said xhe was going -here- with this guy, who said his name was so-and-so. My friend was supposed to call me back, but never did." So now, hours have gone by, and you may or may not be where you said you were going to be, and the person's name that your with may or may not be what xhe said it was... and it doesn't take nearly that long (or even physical contact) to really mess someone up. Either we understand the risks or we don't, but you cannot look at the safe call as a way to protect you if you decide to take the risk, because it is essentially useless as a protection tool, so if that kind of safety net is necessary, maybe its time to reconsider the terms under which you're meeting OnlineDominantPerson or OnlineSubmissivePerson and choose tools that -are- effective in your situation.

Dame Calla

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***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to AlexandraLynch)

Post #: 32

RE: How much does your intuition influence you on meeti... - 5/22/2009 1:52:20 PM

Prinsexx

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Joined: 8/27/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

Honestly, I don't make the distinction between friends/possibly more when choosing to meet someone. Just because it's someone I don't expect anything more than friendship from doesnt mean that they couldnt be a whackjob.

whackjob has taken over as my favourite word from blowjob...
am i learning?

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Post #: 33

RE: How much does your intuition influence you on meeti... - 5/22/2009 2:24:55 PM

DemonKia

Posts: 5521
Joined: 10/13/2007
From: Chico, Nor-Cali
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To clarify. (Can't speak for others, this is just me.)

I'm a belt-&-suspenders type. First meetings I only do in a very public venue, during the day. & I use a safe call with a friend from my local BDSM community who knows exactly what's going on.

& I absolutely specify that we're meeting briefly to establish that basic in-person first contact, nothing more . . .. . . . .

I do phone my safe-call person during the meeting & give them pertinent details . . . . . . But I'm a kinda paranoid type, prone to anxiety & so on . . . . . .

I don't do casual sex, one night stands, or any of that, so that 'going to a hotel room' kinda thing is never an option.

Given all that, I'm aware that 'safe calls' are only a 'cleaning up the mess after' kinda thing, not a preventive . . . . . .

&, as I said earlier, the simple discussion of my 'safe call' set-up with a person who wants to meet me (before any potential meeting) has sent some running, so I find the mere discussion of safe calls to be a useful filtering tool above & beyond it's other more obvious uses . . ... .

quote:

ORIGINAL: CallaFirestormBW

Just one comment on the whole issue of 'safe calls'. While they're an interesting idea, a safe-call is, essentially, worthless. A lot can happen in the few hours between when call 1 is made and when call 2 is due, and even then, what can your 'safe call' do? Call the cops and say "Three hours ago, my friend was -here-, and said xhe was going -here- with this guy, who said his name was so-and-so. My friend was supposed to call me back, but never did." So now, hours have gone by, and you may or may not be where you said you were going to be, and the person's name that your with may or may not be what xhe said it was... and it doesn't take nearly that long (or even physical contact) to really mess someone up. Either we understand the risks or we don't, but you cannot look at the safe call as a way to protect you if you decide to take the risk, because it is essentially useless as a protection tool, so if that kind of safety net is necessary, maybe its time to reconsider the terms under which you're meeting OnlineDominantPerson or OnlineSubmissivePerson and choose tools that -are- effective in your situation.

Dame Calla

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)

Post #: 34

RE: How much does your intuition influence you on meeti... - 5/22/2009 2:36:41 PM

Phoenixpower

Posts: 8098
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My gut feeling has priority but sometimes it seems to go into the 100year-sleep-mode...however, if I meet someone and regret it afterwards then I place it under the chapter "life experience" and aim to avoid it again...when I met Mr. Adorable in person in may I had realised how it had affected me...whilst I can smile about it, it did make me damn nervous...because in the past it happened that I met people double the weight they claimed to be or using mobility aids which were never mentioned either...now when I picked up Mr. Adorable over here ther was one bloke looking a bit lost...waiting for someone...and my heart was banging big time in me, screaming "you are NOT Mr. Adorable...DO NOT approach me...STAY where you ARE...". It was quite amazing for me to experience how I was seriously hoping that this is NOT him.

Now, don't get me wrong, that bloke was looking decent and ok...but he was NOT at all looking like his pictures and as he said that his pictures are from last year I knew that if THIS guy is him, then he lied big time as well...BUT by then I discovered him coming out of the passenger area and walking towards the wrong end (though he was walking to the right end, as I expected him at a different terminal he walked where I described to be...so I guess I was at the right end...) HOWEVER, so I delighted passed that lost looking guy and walked towards him...relieved that he was what he claimed to be...not more but not less either

So some not-so-good-experiences can also have an impact on our intuition when we observe people

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RE: How much does your intuition influence you on meeti... - 5/22/2009 5:38:02 PM

lizi

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Joined: 2/1/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: antipode

I can't do "gut" without body language.

This is so true. You can learn a lot online but you cannot see a person for who she/he really is until you meet. Online is a great tool for getting together a group of some people you may be interested in, then you have to meet them to know for sure.

I tend to meet asap, because nothing tells me if there is truly interest there on either side like meeting someone in real life. There are a finite number of things you can learn about someone until you meet and that doesn't account for the deception of a person who simply is not exactly what they've led you to believe.

Sure intuition works up to a point. It doesn't really cover the type of thing where you are being misled. We all have our stories of being excited over someone online and then finding out real life just doesn't match up.

(in reply to antipode)

Post #: 36

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