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NihilusZero -> RE: Being a Realist has it's faults. (5/21/2009 11:28:36 PM)
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ORIGINAL: leadership527
Careful there. Normal to whom? Normal to Joe-I-Invented-BDSM or normal to a mostly vanilla girl (or guy in my case). I got it wrong too and to my knowlege I don't have any particular axe to grind in this question at all.
I may go back and reread, but what I was referring to was actually just an individual way of perceiving words, irrelevant, actually, of whether the topic was kink-related or not. My suspicion (which could be wrong) is still that there was a slightly knee-jerk reaction to what could have been interpreted as a refusal to take someone's feelings into consideration when, in actuality, it was a neutral, objective expression of the reality of things. Some people just naturally have a more defensive way of reading or hearing certain things...and that's a reference of "normal" to anyone.
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ORIGINAL: leadership527
In fact, I kind of think highly of Steel so I would've tended towards optimisim and still I interpreted it as him, the dom, saying "If you're mine, you'll let me bruise you if I want and yes, I want to." To which she said, "Well I don't want that." I think there are two potential communications that she might've heard and her responses would've varied wildly depending on which one she actually heard.
Possibly. But, what struck me is that her response was an immediate hang-up (presumably without the allowance for continued discussion and explanation in specifics). That, moreso than the actual reaction, is what would worry me as far as being, myself, someone who could potentially enter into a relationship with such a person. I try to make myself utterly clear when I'm talking to someone (particularly in relationships) and would feel uncomfortable with someone I felt was prone to make hasty decisions based on an interpretation of something I said before asking me to elaborate.
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ORIGINAL: leadership527
This is one reason I am soo glad that Carol and I didn't try to start our M/s relationship from scratch. With both of us exploring together, it was and still is way easy to say, "well, we'll just hold hands and walk this road together." Nobody has any prewritten needs or desires or fears. I've often wondered how differently it would've gone (both better and worse) if we had just met with me as a prospective M and her a prospective s. It certainly would've put a different flavor on the whole thing if nothing else.
Well, that probably certainly helped because you both had a number of years of getting accustomed to how the other acts and reacts. Even in something as simple as knowing when someone with a more dry sense of humor is being facetious (argh...I can't stand that word yet it's contextually ideal here) or if that person is actually being scathingly blunt, familiarity with the likelihood of each is built through time with the person (I'm sure you can probably recount a time when you and/or her meant something and the other took it completely the wrong way).
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