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LafayetteLady -> RE: Confused, lost and at wits end! (5/14/2009 3:21:53 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: seleneresona
I thank everyone for you responses. I don't know, maybe I just needed to rant and hear it from others that were unbiased or at least didn't really know either of us. Obviously, you are only hearing my side of the story in the situation at hand. It would be nice if he and I actually spoke on the problems we are having. At least then I would know if he sees my frustration and if he, himself, is also frustrated with anything going on.
I do know this though. He isn't really used to having nicer things in life. He didn't understand me wanting to get renter's insurance when I got the new computer. As far as he is concerned, these are just objects that can be replaced. I, on the other hand, come from the middle-upper class who is used to alarm systems, 4 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms, along with anything that was a necessity to live comfortably. With this I have to add, I was far from really spoiled. There was no such thing as a game system in our home or really any sort of electronic entertainment. My parent's believed in saving extra money for vacations or if some emergency should take place.
Basically, we come from two totally different worlds. And, at this point, I question if I only stayed and married him for the sake of our child. Don't get me wrong, I do love him. But then, some of my close friends words ring in my head at this that "sometimes love isn't enough". I don't want to hurt him and take his child away, or take the grandparent's away from their grandchildren.
At this point, I am going to do exactly what I have told those personally I would do. I will go to the therapist for myself. Discuss the matters at hand with them and see if they see any solutions to them.
There is a reason your support system will side with you. First of all they are YOUR support system, and secondly, they see what is happening. There are always problems when people from "two different worlds" marry, whether it be religious worlds, social class worlds, etc.
Leaving him does not mean he no longer has a child. It doesn't sound like he takes a very active role in your child's life to begin with and should you leave, the visitation schedule may even cause him to become a more attentive parent. As for the grandparents, again, nothing says that if you leave, you are taking their grandchild away. Unless they decide that your leaving severed the relationship and they choose not to be in their grandson's life anymore. You can maintain the relationship if you choose.
Independent counselling for yourself is a good first step, but keep in mind that all they will be able to do in the way of "solutions" is not going to change him in any way, so ultimately your situation will not change. You can learn to accept that this is what your life will be if you stay with him. You can learn to accept that you will really be the one who is responsible for the maintenance of your home, the health and well being of yourself and your children. You can learn that he isn't going to change. But sorry, as long as you remain in a situation that you can not change alone, you will continue to be overloaded with all the responsibilities and no support from your spouse and your frustration will continue to grow.
I don't advocate giving up easily on relationships, but honestly, by the time someone reaches the point where they are posting on a forum for advice, things are already long since going down the toilet.
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