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Mother in law sleeping on the floor - 5/5/2009 8:12:35 PM

SomethingCatchy

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My boy's mom is coming for a visit, and this will be the first time I've met her. She will be staying for a week.

She is very into camping, and is actually going to be camping before her trip down here. She sent me an email asking if the boy had a sleeping bag and mat that she could use. She wants to leave her camping gear at home. I am not a huge camping person and find the idea of going out in the woods without toilet paper and deodorant appalling. I sent her back an email saying yes, he does have those things but that we have an air mattress she can use.

Somehow she found out that I actually had to buy one (glares at the boy's big mouth) and told him something to the affect 'oh don't worry about it because I know you two are having a rough financial slump.'

It's down right disgraceful to let an older person sleep on the floor of my house while I sleep in my cozy bed. I will be buying the mattress regardless of what anyone says, but I'm also bothered that she's got it in her head that we're completely broke. He is the one that talks to her, and I have no idea what he's been telling her about our financial state, but it's really got me worried. When she told him her plans for visiting, I immediately started making plans for what sort of food I would buy so that we could have meals for three instead of two, and none of that instant crap. He said 'My mom might want to pay for some of it, because she knows how rough it is.' I didn't think anything of that until now, with this bed incident.

What am I supposed to do if she insists on paying for things we're perfectly capable of covering? Granted we can't go on a cruise, but we're not flat broke and we've actually got a bit extra for some fun while she's visiting, even though most of the stuff we're all into is FREE, unless they start charging people for walking around in the woods.

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RE: Mother in law sleeping on the floor - 5/5/2009 8:18:50 PM

aravain

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~FR~

Sounds like maybe it's less money than *he's* used to having on hand, so while you're perfectly comfortable with it, he's not (and may be downright worried about it, especially if he's talking to his mom about it).

I agree with you, though, no way no how someone older than me will ever be a guest in my home and sleep on the floor, *especially* an in-law or future in-law or equivalent. For that matter... *any* guest. I'd think that was normal o.O

(in reply to SomethingCatchy)

Post #: 2

RE: Mother in law sleeping on the floor - 5/5/2009 8:31:56 PM

littlewonder

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First of all, when company visits I've always been one to always make sure their is a spare bedroom available with a comfortable bed or to give up my own bed so that they can be comfortable.

If she wishes to help you out financially by paying for some food items or things such as that then let her. Smile graciously, tell her thank you and suck it up. It's your mom-in-law.

After she leaves or before she arrives you may want to talk to your husband though about your finances and how you both feel about them and what he is telling his mother. It sounds like neither one of you are communicating very well.

Money is the number one reason marriages end in divorce.

(in reply to aravain)

Post #: 3

RE: Mother in law sleeping on the floor - 5/5/2009 8:41:47 PM

marie2

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Could be that his mother construed a minor comment and ran with it in her own head. For instance, maybe something came up in conversation about a vacation and he said, gee I don't think we can afford that right now....or something to that effect, and now in her mind it's "oh they must be having money problems". Also keep in mind that many people just assume that everyone is in a crunch right now because of the economy, so in her mind, she figures that you've been hit by the hard times that many people are feeling right now. It's not necessarily something he said to her.

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Post #: 4

RE: Mother in law sleeping on the floor - 5/5/2009 9:11:51 PM

LafayetteLady

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Assuming that you want to develop a good relationship with the in-law, I would have the air mattress set up and immediately insist that she take your room. Just a thought, don't you have a couch she can sleep on? It isn't that uncommon for guests to sleep on the couch. In any case, if she offers to pay for some food, politely explain that you would rather she didn't and tell her how much you enjoyed picking out the food and planning and preparing for her visit. If she insists, just say thank you and let it go. You could always use the money she gives you to send her a nice gift basket or flowers after her visit with a note saying how much you enjoyed meeting her and getting to know her.

Of course, you need to ask your boy if he is really feeling like you are that strapped for cash. If you are the primary care taker of the finances, he may be assuming how things are based on an offhand comment about something you can't afford. On the other hand, in the current economy, a lot of people are just plain worried and wanting to scrimp and save as much as possible just in case.

All in all though, meeting the "in-laws" is a big deal. Try to relax and enjoy the visit without sweating the financial end of things.

(in reply to marie2)

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RE: Mother in law sleeping on the floor - 5/6/2009 4:28:35 AM

CatdeMedici

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Don't put all the blame on him, people respond based on their definition of things and mothers NEVA think a woman is good enough for sonny boy. Take those two things into account.

In My house, if there was no bed, sorry, she'd get Mine till she left.

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RE: Mother in law sleeping on the floor - 5/6/2009 4:40:48 AM

RCdc

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There is a difference between making a snarky comment about someones financial ability and just being considerate, which by your post, that is the way it comes across.
Depending which was meant depends on whether you are selfish and over reacting, or justified in feeling offended.

Either way, it's not your boys fault and you are over reacting in laying blame where it isn't appropriate. Be dignified and accept with grace and not with billigerence.

the.dark.

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RE: Mother in law sleeping on the floor - 5/6/2009 5:38:09 AM

Fitznicely

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That's just MIL's, Catchy

Me, I bite My tongue clean off every time the MIL visits. Best advice: Deep breath, make the best impression you can and hope it's not a long visit.

I feel for you, I do.

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RE: Mother in law sleeping on the floor - 5/6/2009 6:16:53 AM

MsFlutter

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From: East Coast
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I put my guests (yes - even relatives) up in a very clean, very acceptable local hotel. Before they arrive, I inspect the room then stock it with fresh flowers, some magazines, and a basket of fruit/snacks/juices. It works very well - everybody has their space/sanctuary and my household is not in an uproar.

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RE: Mother in law sleeping on the floor - 5/6/2009 6:23:18 AM

sirsholly

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As a guest i refuse to put my hostess/host out in any way. I will not sleep in their bed, nor will i allow them and added expense to their household.

As a host i refuse to allow my guests to sleep anywhere but in the best bed and i refuse to allow them to pay for anything.

If i were ever to visit me i would end up beating the hell out of myself...

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RE: Mother in law sleeping on the floor - 5/6/2009 8:16:50 AM

SomethingCatchy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Fitznicely

That's just MIL's, Catchy

Me, I bite My tongue clean off every time the MIL visits. Best advice: Deep breath, make the best impression you can and hope it's not a long visit.

I feel for you, I do.

Oh, I'm sure it won't be a bad visit. She seems like a nice lady, I'm just bothered that she might demand to pay for everything (I have relatives that do that).

And I would love to put her up in a nice hotel room, but that's not possible. This is a vacation area and not only are hotel prices jacked up for the summer, I couldn't choke out a week's worth of boarding.

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RE: Mother in law sleeping on the floor - 5/6/2009 9:51:48 AM

housesub4you

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1. Step back, and relax, she is just as nervous as you are. If you can set up the air mattress is a private area. Clean towels..you know the whole thing.

2. Money....Well, if she wants to offer money, instead let her take everyone out for dinner. This is what I do with my Mother in Law, she wants to think she is not being a burden on you. Offering people money for letting them stay in their home is not meant to be offensive, it is the way some people where raised. My Mom is that way, They just want to help and for some money is the only way they know how.

3. It's really no ones fault, nothing has happened other than things being taken out of context and peoples minds blowing things up. Relax,

(in reply to SomethingCatchy)

Post #: 12

RE: Mother in law sleeping on the floor - 5/6/2009 11:20:54 AM

pahunkboy

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Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
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why not the couch?

couches can be comfy. If she offers to pay- so be it. On your part- splurge on some good cooking. I mean make your home aromatic with the best most kickazz cooking- go all out. Maybe a ceterpiece for the table. fresh flower- you get the idea.

(in reply to housesub4you)

Post #: 13

RE: Mother in law sleeping on the floor - 5/6/2009 5:16:27 PM

pissthirstysub

Posts: 3901
Joined: 5/1/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: marie2

Could be that his mother construed a minor comment and ran with it in her own head. For instance, maybe something came up in conversation about a vacation and he said, gee I don't think we can afford that right now....or something to that effect, and now in her mind it's "oh they must be having money problems".

My sister's in-laws do this all the time, it is what I thought of as well.
As a frequent guest, I feel guilty if I don't help pay for myself, replace the things I've used, help pay for gas if I am not driving. Not doing so just makes me feel like a bad guest, and I'd hate to feel like I've put people out- ruin an otherwise good time. So, I can see where your mother-in-law is coming from.

(in reply to marie2)

Post #: 14

RE: Mother in law sleeping on the floor - 5/8/2009 4:07:29 PM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
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LOL Not my moms couch,, and I have had the misfortune of having to sleep on it quite a feew times when Daddy was in bed snoring away and I couldn't sleep, and it was to late to pull out the rickety roll away bed.

quote:

ORIGINAL: pahunkboy

why not the couch?

couches can be comfy.

(in reply to pahunkboy)

Post #: 15

RE: Mother in law sleeping on the floor - 5/8/2009 7:31:37 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SomethingCatchy

My boy's mom is coming for a visit, and this will be the first time I've met her. She will be staying for a week.

She is very into camping, and is actually going to be camping before her trip down here. She sent me an email asking if the boy had a sleeping bag and mat that she could use. She wants to leave her camping gear at home. I am not a huge camping person and find the idea of going out in the woods without toilet paper and deodorant appalling. I sent her back an email saying yes, he does have those things but that we have an air mattress she can use.

Somehow she found out that I actually had to buy one (glares at the boy's big mouth) and told him something to the affect 'oh don't worry about it because I know you two are having a rough financial slump.'

It's down right disgraceful to let an older person sleep on the floor of my house while I sleep in my cozy bed. I will be buying the mattress regardless of what anyone says, but I'm also bothered that she's got it in her head that we're completely broke. He is the one that talks to her, and I have no idea what he's been telling her about our financial state, but it's really got me worried. When she told him her plans for visiting, I immediately started making plans for what sort of food I would buy so that we could have meals for three instead of two, and none of that instant crap. He said 'My mom might want to pay for some of it, because she knows how rough it is.' I didn't think anything of that until now, with this bed incident.

What am I supposed to do if she insists on paying for things we're perfectly capable of covering? Granted we can't go on a cruise, but we're not flat broke and we've actually got a bit extra for some fun while she's visiting, even though most of the stuff we're all into is FREE, unless they start charging people for walking around in the woods.

You're 23, the world's gone to hell in a handbasket...and unless your last name is "Gates" (and his first name is "Bill"), it's entirely natural for the Mom to assume you have less than she might feel is ideal for this world.

Lose your pride....she'll be there for a week....and when it's all done...you'll have a new Beemer, 20K in the bank, 2 - 47 inch flat screens....and a full pantry.

Trust me...she wants to do this for you.

Be quiet, enjoy the ride, say "thank you" a lot, accept that she wants to give...and smile a lot when she does so.

(It probably gives her a great deal of pleasure).

(in reply to SomethingCatchy)

Post #: 16

RE: Mother in law sleeping on the floor - 5/8/2009 8:04:43 PM

windchymes

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I'm smiling as I read this....I'm staying with my adult son right now, since he's getting married tomorrow. Anytime I visit, I go into "Mom" mode....I think I should help, I try to pay for everything and then some, I buy him things for the apartment...it's just a Mom thing, you really should try not to take it personally. It's a "bachelor pad"...horrible uncomfortable furniture and he refuses to put curtains at the windows. But it's his place, and I don't say anything anymore.

When he first moved in, I went into extreme "Mom" mode....thinking, Awww, poor thing, he shouldn't have to be paying for an apartment all by himself". And then I realized, he's 26 years old...of COURSE he should be paying for his own apartment! lol

I find it "cute" because he insists I take his bed, and he sleeps on the couch, and he feels good because he can. And I let him. I bet your guy's mom is just being a mom....you'll find out someday what it's like.

< Message edited by windchymes -- 5/8/2009 8:06:14 PM >

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