RE: Not a Sub, sure as heck not a Domme

RE: Not a Sub, sure as heck not a Domme (Full Version)

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Missokyst -> RE: Not a Sub, sure as heck not a Domme (5/6/2009 10:22:33 PM)
Like you, I see pleasing your mate as just a good girlfriend thing to do. It's not submitting to me, it is being attentive. I would do that even if I did nilla. lol beats me why people have to put a tag on that part but.. meh..what ever gets them hard and wet can't be a bad thing. And regarding the movie.. I wonder if that is why those scenes are always called the climax? Kyst quote: ORIGINAL: Elisabella Kyst - I can totally see how it reminds you of Vikings. I always imagine it as sort of a scene in a fantasy movie where I'm a warrior princess who totally gets out-combatted by the warrior prince. And you all know what happens next [;)] XO, Bella

ZenDragoness -> RE: Not a Sub, sure as heck not a Domme (5/6/2009 10:29:49 PM)
The fun of it all, is for me the fighting and the experience we both actually have with martial arts, before we met. Due to that we never set the rules, but have a kind of codex we follow. Because it sometimes is a very long fight, in many varieties it is surely a part of your sport program. But i love the moments when all intertwines. The are sometimes short dangerous moments, but they are fleeting and only proof that we are still developing our skills and love. In 9 years nothing serious happened, but we surely need our adrenaline kicks and the balance the "working out" together brings.

ShellyD -> RE: Not a Sub, sure as heck not a Domme (5/7/2009 12:01:10 AM)
In response to the OP. I too have trouble with the 'label' submissive not really describing who and what I am. It has proven difficult and I have had little joy in finding someone who is looking for a similar type of relationship to me. By nature I am submissive at times, but before I discovered this lifestyle, I too felt it the act of a lover to fulfil my partners needs. I am independant and autonomous, I also get nothing out of the submissive /slave behaviours of eg, begging, kneeling, toilet privelages and the like, I just can't understand the thinking behind these activities, and yes, I have tried it. I am fine with others needing it in their lives. The thing is though, I love kink, I love the sensuality of pain and the deep place that pain allows me to reach psychologically. I also love the struggle with a strong man both physically and mentally that is positive and uplifting for us both. So I am not vanilla, nor can I be purely S&M as I want it in the context of a loving relationship.... A quandary for sure,

LATEXBABY64 -> RE: Not a Sub, sure as heck not a Domme (5/7/2009 6:39:53 AM)
I think people that keep changing the label thingy are trying to find themselves you have to have lables in order for mental orginization other wise why have the alpha bit in a to z you know somethings are just what it is if you can not find your role in life you need to take time to your self and find out who what you are not try and change the world to fit in a persons box cause thats not going to happen how ever you can choose to fit iinto what made up thing you want in life

pdv99 -> RE: Not a Sub, sure as heck not a Domme (5/7/2009 10:02:52 AM)
Once again we illustrate how inadequate one-word labels are. They may summarise a few people, but most humans are way more complex, and the only way to find out what someone means by a label is to talk to them. It's called "getting to know someone" and it's important even in the age of the interweb thingy. Try not to make too many assumptions about someone's character from one word. Mind you, one word labels can be useful. I used to order a coffee and now I have to ask for a grande americano (arabica, preferably Kenyan) with a dash of cold milk and definitely no added syrups, sprinkles or whatever else. And I'd rather have it in a reusable ceramic mug not a paper cup, so that'd be "Eat in" not "Take away". But you don't EAT coffee. Unless it's the chocolate covered beans. And no I don't want a muffing with it (sic). I think I'm digressing. Must be lack of coffee. or alcohol. (Don't ever put alcohol in my coffee it spoils 2 perfectly delicious liquids.) Cheers Peter. Switch. Well, switchy, but not with the same person usually, (though it could happen) and not necessarily both ever, though top and sub might be a better way of putting it 'cos I'm definitely not into resistance play, and heterosexual but more than curious about bi....DAMN I hate labels. Except in the COSHH cupboard. (Non Brits can ask for explanation of that one)

Jeptha -> RE: Not a Sub, sure as heck not a Domme (5/7/2009 10:37:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant ... if I have to take your submission from you by forcing it from you, then I end up feeling like I have to prove my dominance. I end up feeling like I did in my vanilla marriage wherein even after 17 years together, I was expected to prove that I cared for her by bringing flowers or taking her to dinner/and or a movie to get fucked. Sorry...I don't play that anymore...you either feel submission and get what it means at its most basic level or you do not... I definitely understand that. At the end of the day, if my partner doesn't want to submit to me, then I don't want them to. I have no interest in trying to convince them or "force" them. Life has enough challenges as it is. It either works or it doesn't. Still, it has made me curious when I hear about things others do that I don't quite understand, like the fussin' and fightin' thing, or the online relationships thing, to use an example from another thread that's going around now.

Elisabella -> RE: Not a Sub, sure as heck not a Domme (5/7/2009 11:14:17 AM)
quote: At the end of the day, if my partner doesn't want to submit to me, then I don't want them to. I have no interest in trying to convince them or "force" them. Life has enough challenges as it is. grins Thats where knife play comes in...I'm quite compliant with a knife to my throat [:D]

CreativeDominant -> RE: Not a Sub, sure as heck not a Domme (5/7/2009 12:13:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Elisabella quote: At the end of the day, if my partner doesn't want to submit to me, then I don't want them to. I have no interest in trying to convince them or "force" them. Life has enough challenges as it is. grins Thats where knife play comes in...I'm quite compliant with a knife to my throat [:D] Ahhhhhhhhhhhh but you see, for me in an everyday situation, that would indicate compliance with the knife...not me. [:)] What you describe sounds to me what I...and my description/thoughts here...as the type of dominant I am would describe as a loving partner who is into kink from a "bottom" orientation with your significant other; one whose submission can be obtained through force play and then, it is of a short-term duration. As I said, if it works for you and he...tis great. But I can see where using the term submissive can be a bit of a problem because...as you yourself noted...you really aren't.

Andalusite -> RE: Not a Sub, sure as heck not a Domme (5/7/2009 5:31:55 PM)
CD, I agree that there's a big difference between compliance and submission. Personally, while I do like rough/force play, if I feel submissive or dominant toward someone, I feel that way all the time, not just during play. I'm usually pretty cooperative, even in vanilla situations.

Jeptha -> RE: Not a Sub, sure as heck not a Domme (5/10/2009 10:21:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant quote: ORIGINAL: Elisabella quote: At the end of the day, if my partner doesn't want to submit to me, then I don't want them to. I have no interest in trying to convince them or "force" them.... grins Thats where knife play comes in...I'm quite compliant with a knife to my throat [:D] Ahhhhhhhhhhhh but you see, for me in an everyday situation, that would indicate compliance with the knife...not me. [:)] ... While I tend to see it like CreativeDominant has said, I do note that often I've enjoyed "abuse of power" kinds of play that has some of the same features... I've had partners who wanted to feel like I was making them do things.... And I've enjoyed playing the role of the one who wields and "abuses" power in various kinds of relationships... So, I've enjoyed playing around with some of those kinds of things, but instead of force being the turning point, the kind of relationship that we imagined we had would be the setting in which stuff could take place. After a while, we got pretty good at going in and out of that space at will, with just a tone of voice or something very simple being the activating event (instead of the knife, for example.)

bamabbwsub -> RE: Not a Sub, sure as heck not a Domme (5/10/2009 10:25:32 PM)
This is an interesting thread, IMO. I view what the OP has stated as what I call the "bodice ripper" type of submission. For those of you who read what I call "smutty romance novels," you may recognize the scenario: defiant, capable heroine finds herself at the mercy of a forceful, dominant man; she defies him at every turn, until finally he rips off her bodice (thus the term) and takes her, proving to her that he is her physical superior and she must do what he wants. She, of course, swoons right into his arms and his bed under the onslaught of his irrefutable masculinity. Since I stand at only 5 feet tall and am a self-professed wimp, the physical superiority is a moot point. For me, a man who is my intellectual superior and who can dominate my mind is what makes me swoon. [8D]

MistressRouge -> RE: Not a Sub, sure as heck not a Domme (5/11/2009 1:16:20 AM)
Switch maybe more apt :)

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