RE: Unwanted

RE: Unwanted (Full Version)

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IrishMist -> RE: Unwanted (2/3/2006 5:25:46 PM)
quote: I guess I was trying too hard to write "what I thought they wanted to hear"..... but I guess it's all about what I can offer Basically, yes, its about what you can offer to them. quote: As much as it sounds like "bargaining" and not a relationship, I'll be glad to go that way if that's what they want to hear No, its very much about a relationship. Unless you plan to go into service only? quote: But as for my skills, you are right, I am pretty useless Hmm, if you truly believe this in yourself...then yes, you must be quote: The only skill I have is to love, respect and be loyal. sometimes, that is all that is required quote: It made me realize that being a submissive or slave is NOT about submitting, but about promoting yourself, then submitting. No...its about putting someone elses needs and wants before your own

Dollbecky -> RE: Unwanted (2/3/2006 5:35:16 PM)
Um I prefer uni students ... mainly as I have more in common with them.. I would look twice at someone who was listed his course of study...hmmm[;)] computer sci, history, eng lit, pol sci ....math! Give me a sub (please!)that can make me proud at a party with his manners and brains. By writing what you think Dommes want to hear you are not really seeing them as individuals with their own passions and interests...You are just responding to your own sterotypes and fantasies. I respond better if someone writes to me engaging my interests... just a thought

blackpearl81 -> RE: Unwanted (2/3/2006 5:36:58 PM)
quote: As much as it sounds like "bargaining" and not a relationship, I'll be glad to go that way if that's what they want to hear. Its not what they want to "hear" It's what they want to be SHOWN... It's not hard to develop skills... Go to any barnes and noble, (or any reasonable facsimile) and pick up a book on massage... or pick up a book on gardening.. or pick up a book about cooking... Trust me.. if theres any thing that you'd like to do for your potential partner...pick up a book about it.. How many Madam's here would like to have their submissive/slave give them a sponge bath? or bake their favorite cake.. :) Secondly...don't approach Her as a Dominant... approach Her as a Lady.. Lemme ask you... would you walk into ANY social event.. be it a bar/resteraunt/library.. etc etc etc.. and ask them to discipline you? Find out what She likes.. be it food, music, books, etc.. you'd be surprised what you find out about if you take this approach..not only that.. it'll give you some common ground OUTSIDE (i cant emphasize this enough) of BDSM... I'm not a Woman.. but rest assured.. 99.9% of the Women here.. dont live /eat/sleep/breathe the lifestyle.... hope this helps :) BP

veronicaofML -> RE: Unwanted (2/3/2006 6:01:47 PM)
99.9% of the Women here.. dont live /eat/sleep/breathe the lifestyle.... ===== damn............thats an awful high ratio.. i hope like hell there are more than you indicate. it'd be nice to know if i could get a ratio down to 80% hell, otherwise..why bother trying? i hate to think everyone here is just a damned weekend warrior YOU gonna tell me,...YOU figure...99.99% of ALL the women here..are straight ass vanilla broads?????? every damned one of em..is nothing but a cheap imitation fake weekend warrior???????? gawd damn son... i am SURE glad i found MY Mistress then coz SHE....IS...24/7/365 Domme..there aint 1 vanilla bone in Her body.. damn i musta got me the cream o' the crop!!!! hoooooweeeee for sure! ======= LADIES????????????? how many of YOU are mere weekend warriors on here????????? is MY Mistress the ONLY one among You that is REAL 24/7/365????? let's hear it Gals????????????????? anyone else a 24/7 Domme????????

michaelGA -> RE: Unwanted (2/3/2006 6:29:42 PM)
quote: You cant just walk into a bar and expect every woman to want to go home with you man. you can't? [:o] well that sucks...LOL

blackpearl81 -> RE: Unwanted (2/3/2006 7:31:42 PM)
quote: 99.9% of the Women here.. dont live /eat/sleep/breathe the lifestyle.... lol.. you know what i meant quote: you can't? well that sucks...LOL tell me about it :\| imagine how much easier things would be :\| BP

LadyJulieAnn -> RE: Unwanted (2/3/2006 7:36:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: devoted2u i want to live for You. i want to look forward to worhshipping You and being disciplined by You. i want to make You happy. That's all i'll want from You, because what really matters is what You want. Please let me know. mark I usually back away from anyone who uses a statement like this, because there is no way possible that you could really know me based on a profile alone. It sounds like you are simply repeating what you think Dommes want to hear, and I would also guess that you sent this same statement to several other Dommes. I would suggest that you keep your initial email simple, complimentary, and personal to the Domme you are emailing. If you don't get a response, just move on. I've emailed subs to compliment them on their profiles and have received no response back, so it happens to everyone. Be well, Julie

devoted2u -> RE: Unwanted (2/3/2006 10:27:23 PM)
Bascially, from all this reading the conclusion is: -Use the vanilla approach. Because approaching as a slave (considering that slave has no rights and no skills other than what Master teaches) is NOT a way to go. Women want a skillfull, worthy, loving man, not a slave (in which case 'slave' would refer more like a nickname). Do you all agree on this?

AAkasha -> RE: Unwanted (2/3/2006 10:33:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: devoted2u Bascially, from all this reading the conclusion is: -Use the vanilla approach. Because approaching as a slave (considering that slave has no rights and no skills other than what Master teaches) is NOT a way to go. Women want a skillfull, worthy, loving man, not a slave (in which case 'slave' would refer more like a nickname). Do you all agree on this? If a submissive thinks he has zero chances with a vanilla woman -- courting, dating, bonding with, laughing with, romancing and developing intimacy with -- he doesn't have a shot at courting a femdom. Femdoms want everything a vanilla woman wants in a relationship PLUS a keen understanding of BDSM & a "bdsm love connection." And most femdoms want to be approached as a woman first and foremost, and let the kink develop as an aside. Akasha

MistressOfGa -> RE: Unwanted (2/3/2006 11:37:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: devoted2u Wow. I am stunned. I guess I was trying too hard to write "what I thought they wanted to hear"..... but I guess it's all about what I can offer? As much as it sounds like "bargaining" and not a relationship, I'll be glad to go that way if that's what they want to hear. But as for my skills, you are right, I am pretty useless. I mean, I am a university student who has never done any labour. I only have skills of analyzing data, but how is that going to help? Maybe this lifestyle is just not for younger people who haven't developed any skills yet. The only skill I have is to love, respect and be loyal. But I am glad you said what you did. It made me realize that being a submissive or slave is NOT about submitting, but about promoting yourself, then submitting. If you notice anything more, plase post. Thanks Devoted, please do not give up. I am 49 and my submissive is 18 years old. I have to be honest, I did consider his age an issue, but after so many emails and chats on the phone I realized that his age is only an obstacle if I allowed it to be. True, he can not attend over 21 events with me, but that's ok, I am not much of a public person anyway, which is kind of funny since I work in the entertainment business lol but you get my drift. My point is, there is a Mistress who is out there just waiting for you to find her. Good luck :)

MistressOfGa -> RE: Unwanted (2/3/2006 11:42:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: veronicaofML 99.9% of the Women here.. dont live /eat/sleep/breathe the lifestyle.... ===== damn............thats an awful high ratio.. i hope like hell there are more than you indicate. it'd be nice to know if i could get a ratio down to 80% hell, otherwise..why bother trying? i hate to think everyone here is just a damned weekend warrior YOU gonna tell me,...YOU figure...99.99% of ALL the women here..are straight ass vanilla broads?????? every damned one of em..is nothing but a cheap imitation fake weekend warrior???????? gawd damn son... i am SURE glad i found MY Mistress then coz SHE....IS...24/7/365 Domme..there aint 1 vanilla bone in Her body.. damn i musta got me the cream o' the crop!!!! hoooooweeeee for sure! ======= LADIES????????????? how many of YOU are mere weekend warriors on here????????? is MY Mistress the ONLY one among You that is REAL 24/7/365????? let's hear it Gals????????????????? anyone else a 24/7 Domme???????? Weekend warrior? Hmm..No, I am not dominant only on the weekends, although the weekend is when I do my playing <s> The rest of the week is filled with school, work, and other things that interupt my being the almighty Mistress that I know I could be, if I didnt have any other obligations or interuptions.

veronicaofML -> RE: Unwanted (2/3/2006 11:44:18 PM)
No...its about putting someone elses needs and wants before your own ========== with the small provision that YOUR needs get met...by Them.. they take of you while take care of them. that IS how it IS supposed to go! tell me i'm wrong! ----------------- its all i've heard preached... later

MistressOfGa -> RE: Unwanted (2/3/2006 11:47:06 PM)
And most femdoms want to be approached as a woman first and foremost, and let the kink develop as an aside. Absolutely!! Here! Here! <applauds> I recently got an email from a sub who told me nothing about himself, only what he wanted to be for me. My bitch boy, maid, toilet, slave ect ect...and I wrote him back and asked him about his other interests and he just didnt understand what I was talking about. He thought the only thing that I could possibly want from him was his service, he didnt understand that I wanted a well rounded submissive who could actually think for himself and carry on an intelligent conversation with me. Imagine that.

BeachMystress -> RE: Unwanted (2/4/2006 12:30:35 AM)
Your profile is much better now. :-) And yes, self promotion is an essential for a submissive or slave. You can be the best cook in the world, an accomplished musician, a master web designer and able to hold your breath under water for 20 minutes. If you aren't able to convey the fact that you know these things in an interesting manner, you may be overlooked. You are wrong, however that this makes it ""bargaining" and not a relationship." It just tells her why she'd be interested in having a relationship with you. The one problem I see with your profile still is that you run yourself down in a minor way. "with my looks i can't offer anything except a devoted face" Personally, when I viewed your photo, I considered you a nice looking young man. Let your photo speak for itself. Some will find you plain, others will find you attractive. Do not make up their minds for them. :-) blackpearl81 pretty much distilled what was on the courtship sites for you. We're looking for someone we'll be proud to have at our sides. Your statement " Women want a skillful, worthy, loving man, not a slave" is totally incorrect, because a slave IS a skillful, worthy, loving and accomplished person. I'm starting to worry about you self identifying as a slave when you seem to have a low opinion of them. It takes a very strong person to give up their ego to another person. Serving is not easy. I sometimes watch the play of emotions across my subhub's face when I've given a command that conflicts with what he wants. The momentary rebellion/"hey, what about me" that flashes past while he schools himself into acceptance of my will is fascinating to watch. What you're going through now is actually a part of newbies in BDSM. It is giving up what you thought BDSM should be in light of information others are providing about the lifestyle. Fantasy is almost always more fun. The lifestyle can be a lot of hard work. You seem well on your way. Go out and get a basic cookbook, learn how to make a couple of basic recipes. Read a couple of sites about massage. http://www.massagefree.com/ http://www.soyouwanna.com/site/syws/massage/massage.html Learn how to play an instrument.. Build your skill set to increase your confidence. And go read those links I gave you in the last post. I don't agree with the 99.9% of the Domme on this site "dont live /eat/sleep/breathe the lifestyle." Most of the women in my local community are 24/7 with their subs. While we may not wear a corset into the grocery store, that doesn't mean we're not Dominant at that point. I AM Domme. It isn't a role to me and I can't turn it on and off. It is who I am and how I live. I have a large number of friends who are the same way. This isn't a game to us nor is it a part time thing. The only Domme I personally know who are not involved in long term relationships with a submissive are because they're having trouble finding one that pleases them. Not every Domme feels the need to be 24/7, but I think your estimation of the numbers of women who are is on the low side.

BeachMystress -> RE: Unwanted (2/4/2006 12:41:14 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: IrishMist quote: Therefore, i am simply going to say that i am a humble, simple, submissive/slave. Unlike most vanilla people, i am simple and i never ask for much. As a matter of fact, i don't like to ask. i like being told what to do, especially by someone who knows what they want. And You Mistress, sounds like You know what You want. Ok...first...why would you compare yourself to a vanilla? Second...how do you know what she wants? Did you read her profile in depth? Did you comment on something in it that made your knees go weak? quote: want to live for You. i want to look forward to worhshipping You and being disciplined by You. i want to make You happy. That's all i'll want from You, because what really matters is what You want. There are lots of " I WANT'S " in here. It's not about what you want. At all. It's about WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR HIM/HER. I'd missed Irish Mist's post, probably because we posted at about the same time. She is very right and this is something I'd forgotten to say.. the focus is on the Dominant. This is why you be very darned careful in selecting one who fits you and your needs, because your job is to focus on THEM, not what you want. Your wants and needs should be satisfied by the service you provide, be it sexual, domestic, mechanical, technical or such. Oh yeah, and a goodly number of Domme will find it crass that you express a desire for (seem to expect) any type of sexual relationship with them. Being a sub/slave is not about sex; it is about power. While sex is often a way of expressing that power, there are many more ways that do not include sex.

naughtynick -> RE: Unwanted (2/4/2006 1:35:30 AM)
devoted2u, It's not just dommes that ignore you the internet, it's people in general. Even women who are not into BDSM or even if you are a guy not asking for sex, it is not easy to get someone interested in chatting with you. The fact is, most women on the internet have at least 5 or so guys at the one time trying to get their attention while a guy is lucky to have more than one woman trying to get his attention on the net. The net is too much of a competition for guys. I have wanted to join local BDSM groups but I am sort of shy about meeting big groups and trying to tell them my fantasies the right way. I prefer it to be discreet and one on one with a person on the internet. But unfortunately you will get a better chance if you meet BDSM groups in person.

veronicaofML -> RE: Unwanted (2/4/2006 2:13:25 AM)
The net is too much of a competition for guys. =========== yeah go figure THIS...MY Mistress has something like 70 + ONLINE guys She talks to, on the messenger..but "I" am THEE only one actually here real time. i am Her 1st livein 24/7.... how's THAT for competition?

dave1212 -> RE: Unwanted (2/4/2006 5:23:48 AM)
Congrat's to you veronicaofML on being the r/t one !! Do you ever get any emotion's such as jelousy due to Mistress having so many o/l guy's ?? Just curious if so how do you manage to deal with it ?? devoted2u i was also interested in all the reply's you had from all of the people on this forum !

FTopinMichigan -> RE: Unwanted (2/4/2006 5:46:37 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: devoted2u Here is an example of one of the many emails I sent: <snip> i want to live for You. i want to look forward to worhshipping You and being disciplined by You. i want to make You happy. That's all i'll want from You, because what really matters is what You want. How can you "want to live" for someone you don't know a thing about? I personally detest a blind offer of submission, and I'm thinking some other women might feel the same. This statement means that since you know NOTHING about the women you are responding to, that ANY woman will do. Hardly attractive to me. quote: ORIGINAL: devoted2u If You wish, we can arrange for a professional session before You can consider me for R\T. And, am I the only one that finds the closing statement a bit insulting? He offers to pay for a "session?" Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful to ProDommes and appreciate all they offer and do, but when a man offers to PAY "me" with the offer of a "professional session," as if he's making an appointment, he's insulting me. K

MysticalPhoenix -> RE: Unwanted (2/4/2006 6:20:06 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: devoted2u If You wish, we can arrange for a professional session before You can consider me for R\T. quote: ORIGINAL: FTopinMichigan And, am I the only one that finds the closing statement a bit insulting? He offers to pay for a "session?" No you are not. Had I received an email like that, once I got to that sentence, I would have closed it, deleted it and forgotten about it. I would not have responded to it. The OP needs to learn that all dominant women are not professional dominants. And offering to pay someone for a session who isn't a pro, can be considered very offensive. To use a vanilla metaphor, would you write to someone on a personals site that you were interested in dating, and offer to pay them to have sex with you? You might get some responses to that offer, but they'd really make you feel unwanted. I've only known a couple of Pro Dominants, so I wouldn't consider it a large enough sampling to make a sweeping generalization, but they had a very clear dividing line between paying clients, and people who they played with for fun or for love. Writing one of them and then offering to pay for a session when you were actually looking for a relationship would not go over well, at all. Regarding Veronica's earlier question about 24/7/365 dominance, Dominant for me describes something I am, not something I do, therefore I am Dominant 24/7, regardless of what I'm doing at the particular moment. Phoenix

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