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Slowness and stupidity - 4/15/2009 3:20:54 PM

stella41b

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I find myself these days very rarely surprised by anything. The Princess Di like adulation at Jade Goody's funeral procession might have raised an eyebrow and the media generated antics of the Geldof offspring continues to annoy me, but nothing is that surprising. Until now.

I'm reading a London newspaper last night and I read that we're about to have a 10 day 'festival' forced upon us, - it's called 'Slow Down London'. The plan? To get all Londoners to walk slowly. Events include, and I quote, 'meditation classes, a workshop in the lost art of letter-writing and an organized stroll across Waterloo Bridge.' Do what?

Help M'Boab! Did anyone else burst into tears at the letter-writing bit? Why don't they demand land ownership rights for sadistic sperm whales whilst they're at it?

This is stark raving bonkers! We want people to walk SLOWER? Slower than they already do? That's impossible. I've seen sloths in leg-irons move faster than the average tourist along the South Bank. Couples out shopping in Clapham Junction can actually make time stop, and those families of four who walk side by side blocking the entire pavement should all be sent to Australia.

How about we get people to walk faster? Or to stop using their bloody Blackberry cellphones or iPods? Or to not astop suddenly in front of people? In summary, to have an ounce of common sense and the same amount of consideration for their fellow pedestrians.

The festival's organizers - all this starts on April 24, just in case you were planning a brisk march - are even threatening to hand out 'mock speeding tickets'.

Those eejits - when I read that. I laughed until I stopped. Can you imagine the reaction when someone walking quickly (probably because they're late for a meeting or are trying to get to a medical emergency) is stopped and presented with a speeding fine?

Put it this way: I'm guessing the organizers will hand out an average of one ticket each. They will then spend the final nine days of the festival in hospital having the ticket removed from any one of a possible nine orifices. (C'mon you guys, hands up those who are stuck after six).

Anyway, as much as I think this festival is a colossal waste of time, good luck to the well-meaning organizers. Just keep out of my way. I'm running late for my time management classes.

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RE: Slowness and stupidity - 4/15/2009 3:37:36 PM

InTonguesslut

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I've just been in London for five days. I don't really care how fast people walk or how slow they walk as long as they are consistent and don't just slow down when i'm right up their ass.
My huge bug bear with peeps in london is them stopping dead in front of me ehilst im wheeling my suitcase so i ram myself in the ankles or nearly knock myself over with it.
Would you believe that as i was emerging from the tube at victoria station the other day a womn stopped and blocked the whole stair exit with her fat ass and suitcase? I was carrying mine up them and had to stop, it was fucking heavy and everyone behind me had to stop. There was a pile up, traffic jam on the steps. Mond boggling and fucking annoying.

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RE: Slowness and stupidity - 4/15/2009 6:02:32 PM

sappatoti

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That walking phenomenon isn't just a problem in London. It's rampant at Walt Disney World, SeaWorld, Busch Gardens, the local shopping malls, ... here in the U.S. as well.

My mother has a particular time with this nonsense as she operates a power scooter while in crowds. Someone stops short in front of her and she just plows into them. She used to become horrified whenever that happened; now she just sarcastically tells them, "Guess you won't be doing that again."

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RE: Slowness and stupidity - 4/15/2009 6:44:36 PM

Vendaval

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Fast Reply -

This is why I refuse to go grocery shopping during peak times when the herds converge on the stores and block the aisles.

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RE: Slowness and stupidity - 4/15/2009 6:46:19 PM

LadyPact

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LOL. I thought I'd be escaping that when leaving GA. Thanks for bursting My bubble, Ven.

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RE: Slowness and stupidity - 4/15/2009 6:50:12 PM

Vendaval

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Have you tried shopping during late night or early morning hours? It is much easier and you can race the shopping carts in the parking lot.

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RE: Slowness and stupidity - 4/15/2009 9:59:06 PM

LadyPact

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I am soooooo not a morning person.

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RE: Slowness and stupidity - 4/15/2009 10:35:43 PM

GreedyTop

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Stella... as usual, a brilliant piece of writing!!!!

LMAO!!

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RE: Slowness and stupidity - 4/15/2009 10:47:45 PM

girlygurl

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You are so funny and spot on!

Oblivious people, stopping in mid stride, in the middle of the sidewalk deserve a slap upside the head. I got stuck after eight Stella, yea I'll admit it, I forgot my mouth. Doh!

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RE: Slowness and stupidity - 4/15/2009 11:02:21 PM

popeye1250

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Stella, who is, or was, "Jade Goody?"

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RE: Slowness and stupidity - 4/16/2009 12:08:31 AM

pahunkboy

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...that can be fun with a back injury. Jerking-veering left or right can triggar the pain.
People do tend to block the isles. I agree.

People dont need to walk slower. They need to smash their TVs, get some excercise, read, plant a garden, and dispose of the cell phone.

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RE: Slowness and stupidity - 4/16/2009 12:25:31 AM

susie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: InTonguesslut

I've just been in London for five days. I don't really care how fast people walk or how slow they walk as long as they are consistent and don't just slow down when i'm right up their ass.
My huge bug bear with peeps in london is them stopping dead in front of me ehilst im wheeling my suitcase so i ram myself in the ankles or nearly knock myself over with it.
Would you believe that as i was emerging from the tube at victoria station the other day a womn stopped and blocked the whole stair exit with her fat ass and suitcase? I was carrying mine up them and had to stop, it was fucking heavy and everyone behind me had to stop. There was a pile up, traffic jam on the steps. Mond boggling and fucking annoying.

Wait until you experience my favourite: a crowded escalator in a store or on the underground and someone in front gets off and stands there trying to decide which direction to go in. The pile up of bodies behind can stack up many high!

When my father was working he had to walk a fair way down Oxford Street at rush hour. He got so fed up with having to weave round the window shoppers, tourists and general slow goers that he got himself a great sturdy hard leather briefcase. He would then walk holding the briefcase in front of him and literally plow through everyone. He guessed that he left many bruised bodies along the way.

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RE: Slowness and stupidity - 4/16/2009 1:14:57 PM

FullCircle

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Slow people could be avoided if we had people lanes similar to on a motor way. Part of me thinks a lot of people rush places, get there early and then wait around like pillocks though. Bad transport planning because they put the train times boards right in the middle of the corridor and regulars that know where they are going get held by those staring at the ceiling looking like they want god to tell them which platform their train is on and when it will be arriving.

< Message edited by FullCircle -- 4/16/2009 1:15:31 PM >

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RE: Slowness and stupidity - 4/16/2009 1:42:27 PM

angelikaJ

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*raises hand*

I seem to be short 1 orifice...

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RE: Slowness and stupidity - 4/16/2009 11:23:31 PM

GreedyTop

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I hate when people on escalators (especially at the airport, when everyone has luggage) don't stand to the right. For pete's sake! SOME people would like to actually walk up the damn thing....

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RE: Slowness and stupidity - 4/17/2009 3:52:25 PM

LadyEllen

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quote:

ORIGINAL: popeye1250

Stella, who is, or was, "Jade Goody?"

A reality TV star who variously held the dubious distinction of being the poster child for Britain's broken society, the epitome of the modern loud, ignorant and uncouth lower orders, someone selected to be put up, laughed at and knocked down by the middle class TV producers for those characteristics and who yet managed to take the opportunity she was given that way and rather admirably turn it very much to her advantage.

She died from cancer last month.

E

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RE: Slowness and stupidity - 4/17/2009 6:55:29 PM

windchymes

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I'm always amazed at how wrapped up in their own world people can be while out in public, especially in stores. Yakking on their cell phones, blocking store aisles with their asses and their shopping carts, yelling at their kids from across the store....oh wait, I did that

....ok, yelling at their kids repeatedly while their kids ignore them and keep right on acting up, or just ignoring the kids while they're acting up, and the list goes on.

I actually enjoy grabbing their shopping carts and physically moving them out of the way.

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RE: Slowness and stupidity - 4/17/2009 7:22:16 PM

numuncular

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slow down london is not just about the speed at which people walk!

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