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RE: In denial !! - 4/16/2009 11:34:51 AM

InTonguesslave

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ive boggled over this (from my perspective) over again in my head, and ive come to the conclusion that i am (some sort of) masochist.

actually i loved 'lovingpets' thread, i definitely identify with cuddle slut there, i definitely dont identify with pain slut, and yet, i need what it does to me afterwards.

Sir is a sadist, it turns him on to see me struggle and it turns him on to see misst enjoy herself and struggle - that to me is the definition of sadism, an enjoyment of inflicting pain, whatever that level of enjoyment is.

i couldnt submit to Sir for pain play if i thought he wasnt enjoying himself. i know that he is, which makes my type of masochism indulgeable (new word!)

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RE: In denial !! - 4/16/2009 2:07:46 PM

InTonguesslut

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quote:

ORIGINAL: InTonguesslave

quote:

Not accepting the label isn't necessarily the same as being "in denial" about how he feels.

I haven't gone into the reasons here why Sir felt at first he wasn't a masochist but he was deffo in denial

i think she means sadist here guys...

I think you might be right lol.
Although saying that he puts up with us two so maybe a masochist too lol.

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RE: In denial !! - 4/16/2009 3:41:39 PM

whiteslavebitch

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No, I don't think you're in denial. MasterK has some toys that I despise the feel of. However I'm still turned on after they are used on me. I believe I'm getting turned on by accepting the pain that MasterK wishes to deliver in that instance.

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RE: In denial !! - 4/17/2009 5:05:35 AM

agirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: InTonguesslave

ive boggled over this (from my perspective) over again in my head, and ive come to the conclusion that i am (some sort of) masochist.

actually i loved 'lovingpets' thread, i definitely identify with cuddle slut there, i definitely dont identify with pain slut, and yet, i need what it does to me afterwards.

Sir is a sadist, it turns him on to see me struggle and it turns him on to see misst enjoy herself and struggle - that to me is the definition of sadism, an enjoyment of inflicting pain, whatever that level of enjoyment is.

i couldnt submit to Sir for pain play if i thought he wasnt enjoying himself. i know that he is, which makes my type of masochism indulgeable (new word!)

If you're owned, you submit to it for whatever reasons. If you're owned you don't get to choose *how* or *what for*.

You know it gives him a stiffy.......so being his bottom makes you feel good. You wouldn't do it if it didn;t give him a stiffy ?

agirl

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RE: In denial !! - 4/17/2009 5:23:28 AM

Kana

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This is ironic.
I was having a conversation recently with a slave about this exact topic: Why she is with a sadist when she has contradictory reactions to pain.
Her assignment was to look within and write me an essay about it.
This is her response, and yes, I discussed it with her before I posted her words.

.

"Why do I want a sadist? This is not a question easily answered.

I have never intentionally sought one out however it does seem to play a part in the type of man I want to spend the rest of my life with.I’m not a masochist so this makes my choice a little more difficult to understand.

I do not like pain in general. I do not get that endorphin rush from pain alone like masochists do. Pain does not feel good. It just hurts like hell! Yes there are times I crave pain but it is not for pain’s sake. It’s the suffering, the surrender, to endure for something, someone else. At times it is an escape. Other times it is a religious, ecstatic experience. Most times it is to hurt for him, to bring him pleasure. My happiness is his happiness."You bleed just to know you’re alive".

The suffering is a way of giving meaning and value to human weaknesses. By suffering I bring to light a consciousness that has been lost in the daily grind of everyday life that has made me numb to my own soul and enlightenment. The enduring for him makes me feel useful. It reminds me that I am his. I am owned. I am taken.

My experiences in searching have been that a sadist will not give in to whims. He will take what he wants when he wants and do with it what he wishes. I become an object for his perverse pleasures. That loss of control is where I feel comfortable. When I live a life where I am always catered to I find that I lose my humbleness. I become indifferent, cold and I forget my humanity.

A sadist helps me to remember that there are others more important than myself. He brings my soul to the forefront and awakens the spirit that is dying inside. Without his pain I would find my life to lack creativity, eagerness, enjoyment. Surrendering myself to a sadist brings me freedom. I hurt therefore I am."

P.S.: Apologies for the font size, freaking CM, grrrrrrrr

< Message edited by Kana -- 4/17/2009 5:47:25 AM >

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RE: In denial !! - 4/17/2009 8:47:45 AM

SteelofUtah

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Fast Reply~Have not read entire Thread sorry if I repeated someone else

I have held off on answering this until I could figure out how to put it in words that didn’t sound so hypocritical, however that seems to be a fantasy. So let’s just jump in.

Sadist, as a word, is something that my mind attempts to reject when used as a description for myself. The reason for this is that I don’t feel I get off on the infliction of pain. I require the person I am with to enjoy what is being done to them. Within this idea I am not inflicting pain but pleasure and a Sadist is not by most accepted definitions someone who gets off on the infliction of pleasure.

Also my own vision of a Sadist is not how I envision myself. I see a sadist as someone whose goal is to hurt, whereas my own goal is to pleasure. I see what I do as a natural eroticism between me and my partner. Before anyone gets all up in arms about my choice in words here I think it is important to state that I accept today that I am a Sadist. I finally came to terms with it at the Green Door in Las Vegas last year at my birthday. I have been in this lifestyle for about 12 years and only last year was I willing to accept that Yes I too am a Sadist.

Here is the thing, I am a big person who dealt with anger for a large part of my youth. Violence was always something I tried to shine away from due to the fact that when I lost control people got seriously hurt. In fights I always held back out of fear that I was going to hurt that person who kept taking swings at me. When I lost control people got harmed and due to my believe in what role I play in the BDSM world I felt that if I were a Sadist someone could get harmed and that wasn’t something I was willing to accept.

I considered myself a Dominant only and anything physical contact I had was just "Kinky" not "Sadistic" it wasn’t until the Green Door Dungeon that not only was it okay to be a Sadist I wasn’t a bad person for being one.

It isn’t a Matter of Denial as much as it is a matter of self-image. I didn’t see what I did as Sadist because of how I saw Sadism and the fears that the brought with it.
Perhaps your Master just isn’t okay with the label of Sadist.

What would you rather have? A Master you know to be a Sadist who says he isn’t, or a Master who accepts that he a Sadist but doesn’t like the way it feels to do so?

Sometimes a Cigar is just a Cigar.

Steel

< Message edited by SteelofUtah -- 4/17/2009 8:48:08 AM >

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RE: In denial !! - 4/17/2009 8:58:33 AM

allthatjaz

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Kana that was an moonlighting read... thanks

agirl said; You wouldn't do it if it didn;t give him a stiffy ?

That pretty much sums it up for me. I am more than happy to take pain without any submission. I would even let a woman deliver pain but I would never let a woman dominate me.

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