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I disagree with a previous poster who said that there was no such thing as clinginess, but rather it was a compatability issue.

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ORIGINAL: MissMorrigan

It can be, but doesn't necessarily mean that it is depending on why it is there. Insecurity in a person is bourne from various issues, just b/c that issue exists doesn't mean people can't overcome them, it depends to the degree with which a person is willing to venture.

yeah i agree it can be worked through as i said in my first post depending on the reason for it in the first place

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ORIGINAL: MissMorrigan

I disagree with a previous poster who said that there was no such thing as clinginess, but rather it was a compatability issue. When I first entered into a relationship with Reality I couldn't pee without him being there, it was as if I had an extra shadow, one that needed constant reassurance/physical touch, numerous daily phonecalls/texts and it was suffocating. HIs neediness was to a degree that very few people would feel comfortable experiencing. However, knowing his background/experiences with other women I knew from where that insecurity stemmed and that given time he would gain confidence, and feel secure within our relationship enough to relax and allow us both time to breathe. It took a year of perserverence, understanding and acceptance he has grown in so many ways, has developed a confidence that sees him walk proudly and take on just about any situation that once had him avoiding, and while we relish as much time together as we possibly can have, it is no longer with the urgency that fear of losing someone brings.

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ORIGINAL: lilgirl2008

\I think it depends what one's definition of clinginess is. My ex dom said i was clingy. I don't tihnk I was clingy. We talked on the phone once a day. We used to talk more but over time it declined. We used to see each other every weekend, unless something else got in the way. Over the last year together that declined as well. Was I clingy? No. Did i miss what we used to share together and want it again, you betcha.  I work, have friends and would keep myself busy. So I don't understand where this idea that becuase I wanted to see him and spend time with him, that made me clingy? Maybe someone could explain that to me.

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ORIGINAL: pridedenied

Does anyone else out there have the problem of either being too clingy toward their Mistress/Master or having their sub/slave be too clingy? How does it make you feel? How do you deal with it? Are there things that are always too clingy to do or say or does it really depend on the circumstances?

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There's no such thing as being too clingy. What there is, is incompatibility in the amount of contact and attention you both need.

There's a poster on another site who talks to her owner once briefly during the week to set up weekend plans. That's all the contact either of them want or need.

Then there's The Man and I, who are happiest when together damn near 24/7. And when we are separated we send multiple emails during the day, multiple quick phone calls and the occasional text. Neither of us have a qwerty keyboard phone so we get frustrated easily hitting wrong keys. If we had qwerty phones, we'd be texting a dozen times a day also. This amount of contact is just right for both of us.

Now you could be pejorative and characterize the previously mentioned couple as cold fish and emotionally detached. And you could make snide comments about us being codependent and needy and clingy. But both couples are perfectly happy with the amount of contact in their relationships. We're compatible with our partners.

If someone calls you clingy or needy, you need to figure out why you didn't discover this glaring incompatibility before getting involved first, and second why you picked someone who isn't willing to try to discover a win/win solution but instead blame you for something that is as much his fault as yours. Because he picked you despite your need for more contact without discussing it and how to solve the discrepancy.