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ORIGINAL: eyesopened

I mention this in about every third post I respond to.  The definition of disappointment is when circumstances fail to meet our expectations.  We write and internal script and since no one else has read our script the play bombs.

What if we change expectation to goal?  Having a goal means we first know what we want and a goal should suggest that we have come up with some idea of how it is achieved or at least a direction to travel.  It is far less depressing to say "I haven't yet reached my goal" than to say "I guess I'll have to lower my expectations."  A goal is a horizon, an expectation is a wall.

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ORIGINAL: eyesopened

I mention this in about every third post I respond to.  The definition of disappointment is when circumstances fail to meet our expectations.  We write and internal script and since no one else has read our script the play bombs.

What if we change expectation to goal?  Having a goal means we first know what we want and a goal should suggest that we have come up with some idea of how it is achieved or at least a direction to travel.  It is far less depressing to say "I haven't yet reached my goal" than to say "I guess I'll have to lower my expectations."  A goal is a horizon, an expectation is a wall.

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ORIGINAL: subtlebutterfly

More expectations = more disappointments. I can't believe a dude was able to write a whole book about H=R/E! Now THAT's talent!

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ORIGINAL: TaoWoman

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ORIGINAL: eyesopened

I mention this in about every third post I respond to.  The definition of disappointment is when circumstances fail to meet our expectations.  We write and internal script and since no one else has read our script the play bombs.

What if we change expectation to goal?  Having a goal means we first know what we want and a goal should suggest that we have come up with some idea of how it is achieved or at least a direction to travel.  It is far less depressing to say "I haven't yet reached my goal" than to say "I guess I'll have to lower my expectations."  A goal is a horizon, an expectation is a wall.

I agree totally with the above post by eyesopened and would expand it to this: When in relationships, a goal is shared and becomes a living energy between the two involved - it's success dependent upon the contributions of both.

In regards to the OP's original question, I actually do not focus on happiness - I appreciate it when it is present but it is never my goal or expectation. Joy, on the other hand, is something I strive to acheive in my daily life and is totally nondependent on others.

As to expectations, I work at not attaching any emotion to them at all. They fall into a catagory with choice and consequence and I do my best not to give them any power to affect my joy~

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ORIGINAL: persephonee

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ORIGINAL: subangi

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ORIGINAL: SailingBum

Other ppl can't make you happy.  Only you can make YOU happy.

BadOne

But, but....BadOne,  you make me happy.

Hey there, subangi...get offa mah man!. Just kidding, hes way too crabby for me! *blinkblink* but i hear there is a fan club.

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ORIGINAL: InTonguesslut

A book i'm reading suggests happiness equals reality divided by expectation, hence the H=R/E title  This then would suggest the more expectations we have the less happiness we would tend to have due to expectations not being met.
For example if Dom A has 25 expectations of his sub and Dom B has 10 then obviously Dom A has a higher happiness number. This is assuming reality is the same number for all of us.
Dom A - 100 / 25 = 4
Dom B - 100 / 10 = 10
 

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I have no clue why I respond to the OP... she never will get it.  off to cut my grass

I don't know why you bother either my little case of thrush

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ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

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ORIGINAL: TaoWoman

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ORIGINAL: eyesopened

I mention this in about every third post I respond to.  The definition of disappointment is when circumstances fail to meet our expectations.  We write and internal script and since no one else has read our script the play bombs.

What if we change expectation to goal?  Having a goal means we first know what we want and a goal should suggest that we have come up with some idea of how it is achieved or at least a direction to travel.  It is far less depressing to say "I haven't yet reached my goal" than to say "I guess I'll have to lower my expectations."  A goal is a horizon, an expectation is a wall.

I agree totally with the above post by eyesopened and would expand it to this: When in relationships, a goal is shared and becomes a living energy between the two involved - it's success dependent upon the contributions of both.

In regards to the OP's original question, I actually do not focus on happiness - I appreciate it when it is present but it is never my goal or expectation. Joy, on the other hand, is something I strive to acheive in my daily life and is totally nondependent on others.

As to expectations, I work at not attaching any emotion to them at all. They fall into a catagory with choice and consequence and I do my best not to give them any power to affect my joy~

I wanted to emphasize the part I bolded. TaoWoman and I think alike in this regard. Happiness to me, is like an unexpected little present. Rather like one of those perfect weather days, here in Iowa. They can be rare, I don't expect them, but when they happen, they are a delight to be treasured and enjoyed.

Living with joy is an entirely different cuppa and not dependent upon any external influences at all.

Another thing that I see popping up is expectations of other people. All too often we place completely unrealistic expectations on others, even on ourselves. We base those expectations on what we want, or wish, them to be, instead of the reality of who they, or we, are. Then we allow ourselves to be disappointed when those unrealistic expectations were not met. It is a self defeating, vicious circle.

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actions in placing reasonable levels of expectation that would bring you happiness

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ORIGINAL: Jeptha

I think expectations are ok, as long as you realize that there are always going to be exceptions to every rule (excluding possibly some laws of physics, death, taxes, and a few other exceptions that just prove the rule...literally!)

I expect my car to start tomorrow morning and the next, etc; but I realize that one day it will not.

I expect my interactions with others to be generally pleasant, but I realize that there will sometimes be exceptions to that rule.

People can be particularly tricky to place expectations upon because they are such free agents; subject to their own whimsical thoughts, feelings, hopes, dreams, etc.

I think having expectations is ok, as long as one takes into account variability.

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I read through what you posted here, it is just total anathema to me that you would think happiness is a calculation.

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ORIGINAL: eyesopened
... If my goal is for my car to start in the morning, then I will do the kind of actions to assure as best I can that it will start. I will make sure the car has the necessary maintenance to achieve my goal. If my goal is to have pleasant interactions with people today then I will greet people with cheefulness and count the number of pleasant interactions and my goal will have been met more easily when I adjust my actions (the only ones I can control) to meet this goal...