quote:

Your giving her until noon, then your giving her a month of no contact ! ?

quote:

ORIGINAL: artglfr

I gave her till Noon today to phone. If she calls after 12 which I expect she will , I am going to give her a month to think about whether she really is serious and to realize that I am. During the month there will be No contact so she can hopefully realize her actions or inactions brought this on.

If she is serious and it is meant to be after a month she WILL phone and on time.

Will keep Everyone posted next month.

Thanks for the great information. It is awesome to have a forum like this. All the knowlege that I have received has been taken to heart.

Cheers,
Art

quote:

Artglfr maybe a little hesitent (It seems his first time dealing with this kind of situation) but he is heading the right direction and unless you are reading diffrent posts than I am, he has come across as anything but a jerk.

quote:

Maybe cut the guy a bit of slack?

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist
His hesitancy in this area is going to cost him in the long run...whether he is trying to find his footing or not. The girl is playing him...and playing him big time, and if he can't see that...then well fuck it...that makes him a jerk in and of itself...let's face it...in a normal vanilla setting, I doubt very much he would put up with this, why the hell should he be putting up with it now?

quote:


And darn it...you just forced me to agree with DelRey a second time...

quote:

I feel she is just playing me but as I am new to this I don't want to tell her to go away if I don't need to.

I am certain You Masters and Doms out there have already had this and dealt with it. Please help me..."What do I do?"

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

Artglfr maybe a little hesitent (It seems his first time dealing with this kind of situation) but he is heading the right direction and unless you are reading diffrent posts than I am, he has come across as anything but a jerk.

His hesitancy in this area is going to cost him in the long run...whether he is trying to find his footing or not. The girl is playing him...and playing him big time, and if he can't see that...then well fuck it...that makes him a jerk in and of itself...let's face it...in a normal vanilla setting, I doubt very much he would put up with this, why the hell should he be putting up with it now?

quote:

Maybe cut the guy a bit of slack?

Nope...sorry....

/bitch mode on

quote:

If you are reading it the way I am what is the chance of her coming into line?
Even if she does, even less of a chance of her sticking to it for long

quote:

he has realised she played him and that he should have dealt with this earlier. This way however He has set HIS terms for it ending and can take some positive lessons out of it.... namely to stop thinking like a sub and actualy BE dominant next time.

quote:

What do you gain by having a go at him what he has already heard the message and got the point

quote:

you annoyed at him for 'switching sides' or something? Or just not got a dog to kick?

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist
Exactly. She's playing him. No if's, and's or but's about it.

quote:


That's utter bullshit. He's not controlling this at all, she is. By giving her more time, he is not setting the terms...he is telling her..."hey, you're playing me...but what the fuck...it's ok...go right ahead...I'll even be so Domly as to give you another month to play your game"

quote:


Nah, not annoyed...I just enjoy being difficult

quote:

ORIGINAL: IceyOne

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

Despite what many others are saying here, I'm not yet so convinced there's something "wrong" or sinister going on with this sub. It's just as likely she's been testing the boundaries of your control and found them to be a little too flexible for her liking....

Obviously you need to put an end to being jerked around but maybe that's just what she wants from you, too! You don't get respect just for adopting a Dom persona, she's entitled to have you earn her respect with more than words.

I've said it before, it takes *2* to create a D/s dynamic, not just the sub submitting.... It works much smoother when a sub submits to a Dom who dominates - you have your part to play; and to prove you're capable of taking charge.

Focus.

Ok, I simply have to ask this question...Focus50

Are you saying that if you were to meet someone...and they refused to meet in public with you even though you both lived close enough to each other for this not to be a problem, and if they refused to give a viable phone number...or they refused to answer the phone after promising numerous times that they would...

You would stll think that they were just testing your boundaries of control?

Really curious about this here.

quote:

I'm saying I haven't heard her side of the story and nor has anyone else. The only perspective thus far has come from an inexperienced newbie dom whose been dealing with her in a, shall we say, "wishy-washy" manner. I think there's bigger issues going on between the two than appointments and phone numbers etc, *core* D/s issues....

Dom/mes lead; subs follow. Even allowing for inexperience etc, the lack of positive leadership is here for all to see and subs generally respond to the standard being set for them - good and bad! She may well be jerking him around anyway, but we really don't know that for sure. But I have seen the lead she's supposed to follow.

Example:

Post #12 - artglfr:
"I allready put an end to this situation but I have learned a lot and will be less gullible."

24hrs *later*

Post #19 - artglfr:
"I gave her till Noon today to phone. If she calls after 12 which I expect she will , I am going to give her a month to think about whether she really is serious and to realize that I am."

I prefer to address what's obviously "broken" first, then consider if the theoretical secondary issues are issues at all. For now, I'll stick with her being guilty of nothing more than responding to the standard set for her.

Hope that satisfies your curiosity....

Focus.

quote:

Petruchio

It's so easy to miscommunicate.

Just give her instructions to contact you when she wants to get serious and perhaps have her mail you a token of come kind, like a lock of hair. When she's ready, she's ready, else you may never hear from her again

quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist
Exactly. She's playing him. No if's, and's or but's about it.

Has been doing yes. Basicaly he has been thinking like a sub, it is all very well giving an order but he hasn't been setting a clear boundery and sticking to it, you subs are going to test a boundery, especialy with someone new, to ensure the dom means it and can hold it. She was allowed to walk all over any boundery that was set.

This as far as I see it is no longer about her. Its about him getting out of it in a way he makes a decision about. If he sets this boundery (Or if by some quirk she makes this one, she'll test another very soon) and she fails at submitting to it, he can hold to it at least this once. Come out of this with a better mind set, more knowledge and able to look at if he is realy cut out for being a Dom (And that is upto HIM to work out, not you or I)

quote:


That's utter bullshit. He's not controlling this at all, she is. By giving her more time, he is not setting the terms...he is telling her..."hey, you're playing me...but what the fuck...it's ok...go right ahead...I'll even be so Domly as to give you another month to play your game"

You are looking at it as if there is any chance of this continuing. Petal that would take a change on the scale of the road to Damascus. He knows what she is, he knows what he did wrong.

He has taken advice here and made a decision.... Not the way I'd handle it but he's made a decision and if he is going to continue trying to find hims Dom side then he has to start making decisions and sticking to them. Not just with a sub but with himself.

THAT is the positive bit here.

quote:


Nah, not annoyed...I just enjoy being difficult

And your sort of cute with it too

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist
Dayum it RM, stop being so intellectual...how the hell can I play the bitch if you make sense?

/glares at you