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No means no. - 3/26/2009 7:55:35 AM   
popeye1250


Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline 		About 8 months ago I asked a woman out and she said "no." (Vanilla)
Fine, I move along no problem. She wasn't going out with anyone.
Last week she expresses interest in me and asks about maybe going out.
I say "no." I figure that if she said "no" then that reason is still there and certainly it's in the back of (my) mind anyway.
I don't think *anyone* wants to be thought of as playing "second fiddle."
Once a woman says "no" to me any interest I had in her simply vanishes. Forever.
I have no problem with abiding by "no" it's just that to me "no" is *permanent* and any attraction I had for the woman as a love interest simply dissapears.
It's like she's, "one of the guys" after that. No "mercy dates" for me!
They say that, "a woman has the right to change her mind" and I have no problem with that I just don't think it should apply to dating. As the saying goes; "No means no."
What say you?

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RE: No means no. - 3/26/2009 7:58:41 AM   
Owner59


Posts: 17033
Joined: 3/14/2006
From: Dirty Jersey
Status: offline 		Play`n hard to get.....you`re shamless..

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RE: No means no. - 3/26/2009 8:08:09 AM   
TribeTziyon


Posts: 264
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		What ever you decide is best suited for you works. It's your personal thing.

A no might be for many reasons that have nothing to do with the person per se, other circumstances could be involed.


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RE: No means no. - 3/26/2009 8:27:13 AM   
servantforuse


Posts: 6363
Joined: 3/8/2006
Status: offline 		Was she cute ??

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RE: No means no. - 3/26/2009 8:30:52 AM   
popeye1250


Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: servantforuse

Was she cute ??


Not bad but a great body.

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RE: No means no. - 3/26/2009 8:41:52 AM   
slaveboyforyou


Posts: 3607
Joined: 1/6/2005
From: Arkansas, U.S.A.
Status: offline 		It would depend on the reason she said no.  If she's interested in someone else, and she comes back to me after a rejection.....I'm in agreement.  If a woman tells me she thinks we should just be friends, that generally indicates to me a lack of attraction.  I won't be the "good enough" guy later on down the road after the prick dumps her.  Been there, done that, won't do it again. 

Now if they aren't really dating anyone because of some personal issues, I understand that.  Sometimes, people just want to be alone for awhile.  I'll go out with them after they decide to rejoin the dating scene.  I don't see that as playing second fiddle. 

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RE: No means no. - 3/26/2009 8:42:19 AM   
kdsub


Posts: 12180
Joined: 8/16/2007
Status: offline 		hmmm maybe at your age you should not be so selective..

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RE: No means no. - 3/26/2009 8:43:20 AM   
sirsholly


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quote:

ORIGINAL: kdsub

hmmm maybe at your age you should not be so selective..
ow!

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RE: No means no. - 3/26/2009 8:47:53 AM   
SteelofUtah


Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline 		We are forgetting the Nature of "No"

Some things to consider.

Was she interested in someone else when she said no to you, and now that the other interest has faded into obscurity now she is willing to entertain You as a possibility.

She is Vanilla You are not, do you think maybe she knows and was scared but has had Fantasy time and is now willing to entertain her darker side?

Maybe she wanted to know if you would chase her. Many girls still enjoy being chased and maybe she was hoping that a guy like you would chase her and she could live a psuedo romance novela scene.

Did you bother to find out WHY she said no originally?

Steel

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RE: No means no. - 3/26/2009 8:50:49 AM   
pixidustpet


Posts: 857
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline 		i think the reason for the "no" would be a big indicator for me. 

if she'd just gotten out of a bad relationship and needed space to breathe and find who she was again?  definitely a good reason for a "no" and i can respect that.

the reason being "you arent good enough" then when she cant find anyone else to meet her "standards"?  not only no but HELL no.

honesty is the best policy.  *nodsnodsnods*

kitten

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RE: No means no. - 3/26/2009 8:52:30 AM   
ThoughtfulSwitch


Posts: 63
Joined: 2/7/2005
Status: offline 		I agree. Depending on the context of "no" this is maybe even at the edge to being disrespectful.
If there is an answer, it should be somehow explaining in my opinion. If you already take the time to answer, a second sentence doesn't ruin your day.

As you cannot be sure what the reason for this denial is you need to believe that it's not a "no, not now" but anything more serious. So you just reflect the former "no" - and I believe it is okay - without further explanation either.

As far as I have had contacts being rarely able to answer my question with more than three words, I can say that your decision is okay. I've never been able to built an enduring "comeradeship" or something like this, because I've always had the feeling that I am the only person being interested keeping the contact alive. This makes you feel very dispensable, as you describe it as 2nd fiddler.
There's no matter wether she's cute or not, being some kind of replacement for number one ends the fun before it begins.

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RE: No means no. - 3/26/2009 8:55:10 AM   
Anarrus


Posts: 475
Joined: 11/8/2005
Status: offline 		I say it'd all depend on her reason for saying no the first time. I'll give benefit of the doubt in this case.  Maybe her first no wasn't a " you're ugly as my dogs butt and on top of that you stink" no but a "I'm not in a good headspace right now" kind of no. Who knows?
No doesn't neccessarily turn me off or shut me down. Often it inspires me to be a little more insistent and a lot more creative. But it really all depends on the circumstances involving the "no".

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RE: No means no. - 3/26/2009 9:02:59 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: popeye1250

About 8 months ago I asked a woman out and she said "no." (Vanilla)
Fine, I move along no problem. She wasn't going out with anyone.
Last week she expresses interest in me and asks about maybe going out.
I say "no." I figure that if she said "no" then that reason is still there and certainly it's in the back of (my) mind anyway.
I don't think *anyone* wants to be thought of as playing "second fiddle."
Once a woman says "no" to me any interest I had in her simply vanishes. Forever.
I have no problem with abiding by "no" it's just that to me "no" is *permanent* and any attraction I had for the woman as a love interest simply dissapears.
It's like she's, "one of the guys" after that. No "mercy dates" for me!
They say that, "a woman has the right to change her mind" and I have no problem with that I just don't think it should apply to dating. As the saying goes; "No means no."
What say you?


I say, if you really have lost interest like you say you have, the reason for her "no" doesn't matter.

BUT, if your "no" stems from a bruise to your male ego and you really would like to date her..........then you should ask her (novel concept I know) why she said no the first time.


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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: No means no. - 3/26/2009 9:09:39 AM   
popeye1250


Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline 		Well, when I asked her out she looked at me made a scowl and said, "nah."

_____________________________

"But Your Honor, this is not a Jury of my Peers, these people are all decent, honest, law-abiding citizens!"

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RE: No means no. - 3/26/2009 9:10:05 AM   
MsFlutter


Posts: 1305
Joined: 11/12/2008
From: East Coast
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kdsub

hmmm maybe at your age you should not be so selective..


Oh dayum  

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RE: No means no. - 3/26/2009 9:13:59 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

"No means no."


This is pretty clear to me, because this is how I am. No means NO.

~Lashra


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RE: No means no. - 3/26/2009 9:15:55 AM   
popeye1250


Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsFlutter

quote:

ORIGINAL: kdsub

hmmm maybe at your age you should not be so selective..


Oh dayum  


LOL, I know, I don't "feel" "58" at all!
I've gone to the gym everyday for the last month or so and do some fierce workouts.
I look at guys in their 20's and I know I can out fuck and out fight most of them.


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RE: No means no. - 3/26/2009 9:18:18 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		sounds like ego

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to popeye1250)
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RE: No means no. - 3/26/2009 9:18:26 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

hmmm maybe at your age you should not be so selective


The funny thing about age is, it catches up to all of us.  I keep reminding my 18 year old that one day she will be (GASP) 40......
But no matter what age, never give up on being selective. There are plenty of people out there looking.

~Lashra




_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






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RE: No means no. - 3/26/2009 9:19:01 AM   
VampiresLair


Posts: 1307
Joined: 9/3/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: popeye1250

Well, when I asked her out she looked at me made a scowl and said, "nah."


I dont know that that would sound to me like she even took your offer seriously. Did she know you were making a real offer to date, and not just a one time offer to, say dinner or something? That sort of flippant response sounds appropriate to not wanting to join someone on a dinner date to a restaurant you hate or to see a movie youve already watched. Not so much an offer to date someone.

DV


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