RE: publicly private

RE: publicly private (Full Version)

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sailorfrank -> RE: publicly private (3/17/2009 8:04:08 AM)
Well I think a person should always present their official BDSM card from their local chapter to dissuade any doubts about them! Kidding of course![;)] Really think that credibility and confidence go together. Its not the outward appearance of a person but more in their nature. Meaning how they carry themselves, the look in their eyes, their walk, and their knowledge level that is readily visible as you talk with them!

Caillin -> RE: publicly private (3/17/2009 9:57:24 AM)
I would never judge someone's credibility just by what other people in the scene say about them. It would be a careful assessment based on a number of conversations. I think the point that feydeplume made is a good one. I can observe if someone knows how to play well with someone else. And that may give me a few ideas on whether they would play well with me. But that isn't enough on it's own. Credibility is earned for me. Anyone can say they are an expert. And I might believe they are an expert at doing x with y, but that doesn't translate to they are an expert at doing x with me.

InTonguesslut -> RE: publicly private (3/17/2009 10:43:45 AM)
quote: So how is credibility measured? I can only speak for myself here. References from people i trust about a person go a long way, but there is nothing like me personally getting to know someone and them earning credibility with me through that. quote: Could we agree that who we know isn't always the best measure of credibility? Definately. I know a lot of people who i don't think are credible but could use me as a 'well i know misst so i must be ok' kind of thing. Actually come to think of it i can't see anyone using my name in that context as i'm known as 'mental' in my community lol. In a good way of course [:D]

antipode -> RE: publicly private (3/17/2009 4:04:26 PM)
quote: So how is credibility measured I don't measure credibility - to what purpose would I conclude somebody is 62.53467% credible? I perceive somebody as credible, or not, it is an on/off switch.

StrangerThan -> RE: publicly private (3/17/2009 4:30:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: eyesopened Not sure if my thoughts will be well expressed but I've heard so very often that people who are part of smbd communities, events, groups, etc are more credible than those who have practised their interests in the privacy of their homes, or who may attend an event as a spectator rather than a public participant. For example, a supposedly well-known person may think because they have never met me, that I am less credible than his or her friends within the "community". I have attended quite a few events over the years but have never stayed for the play party, road trip to the dungeon or in a lot of cases, even been introduced to everyone at the event. I know a wonderful Dominant, extremely skilled in the emotional as well as physical aspects of smbd and he has never been a member of a group and has only attended a handful of demonstrations as a guest. No one except the submissives he has been involved with, knows him, knows of him or has ever met him. Yet he is one of the most credible people I have ever met. My Master also fits this discription. Not only is He skilled in a variety of activities, His skill with rope is equal to or better than those who have been presenters at demonstrations I've attended. Yet there is no one in our local "community" who has ever met Him. I've met quite a few people and I seriously doubt more than 5 people even remember who I am. So how is credibility measured? Could we agree that who we know isn't always the best measure of credibility? There is a bend in some folks to assume you're not real or not credible unless you've made the rounds and either assembled a list of play partners who will vouch for you or are a card carrying member of some organization. I can understand it from people who like to go play and don't put much more into it than the thought of that play, or who play with relative unknowns. I can understand it given that 'play' can have many connotations, some sexual and some not. Past that, for me, credibility is based on personality and nothing else. I don't care what cards one carries, what clubs one has belonged to, nor how many will line up in support of them. What matters is how said person approaches a situation, how they react, and what they bring in terms of expectations. I've known quite a few card carrying assholes in my life and cards did nothing to alleviate that simple fact. On the flip side, I've known some truly good people who also carried cards and some who didn't. I'm not sure what prompted your question, but if anyone is questioning your credibility over such things, they're probably not worth the time anyway. They're looking for the easy answers rather than being willing to take the time to get to know you or your man. I generally consider those folks afflicted with the butterfly syndrome - which means if you wait a bit, they'll flit off somewhere else and quit bothering you.

MasterRaid -> RE: publicly private (3/17/2009 4:38:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: eyesopened So how is credibility measured? Just like opinions everyone will have a difference in who is credible and for what reasons. The only one who can measure the credibility of a Dom is you. And, the only way to know the credibility is with knowing the Dom. Too many people use first encounters or secondhand info to base their decisions on. There are many Doms and Masters whom I cannot stand but they still have My respect in their abilities.

elleRT -> RE: publicly private (3/17/2009 7:42:51 PM)
I agree with you InTonguesslut. Mostly the level of credibility we give to someone is related to our own experiences with that person and it even stems from opinions from those we trust. However I don't put much value in the word of those that say: "I have references, I am a good person" NO ONE will give a reference contact if they would badmouth them or give them a negative report. So references don't mean much from a stranger. They do however from someone you know and trust. Still one must be careful and look mostly on personal experience, because opinions are mainly bias.... for each individual one might say good things based on good experiences but someone else might say bad things for the same someone because they had negative experiences with them. So even though opinions are good, they can not determine the level an individual's intergrity unless you have shared experiences with them directly.

eyesopened -> RE: publicly private (3/18/2009 5:38:40 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: StrangerThan I'm not sure what prompted your question, but if anyone is questioning your credibility over such things, they're probably not worth the time anyway. They're looking for the easy answers rather than being willing to take the time to get to know you or your man. I generally consider those folks afflicted with the butterfly syndrome - which means if you wait a bit, they'll flit off somewhere else and quit bothering you. My question was prompted by a variety of things I've read and a few personal experiences. There seems to be some who enjoy a spotlight and public acclaim and use that to measure themselves against others. There are a small handful of people who I could give two farts in the wind whether they think I am credible or not. I know that public play can show if someone has skills. Someone who tells me they are a long time member of the oldest and largest group in the Southeast doesnt tell me anything really. Who are they when they hang up the leather cap and lock their doors for the night? Who are they when they are stuck in traffic? Who are they when someone reaches out in private where no one can see where no public acclaim can be achieved? Hypocracy and douchebaggery abounds in all walks of life. My personal experience is that I have met more tools at munch groups than at Home Depot but through these groups have still managed to meet some exceptionally fine folks. Those are the folks who, in a non-group setting turned out to be more enjoyable once the spotlight was turned out. Just my observations.

slaveluci -> RE: publicly private (3/18/2009 6:10:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: eyesopened My personal experience is that I have met more tools at munch groups than at Home Depot [image]http://www.collarchat.com/upfiles/smiley/rofl.gif[/image]Hilarious and so true, I'm sure!!!! Master works at Home Depot and, believe me, He can tell you all about the tools He meets there. Great quote, eyesopened, and I seriously couldn't agree with your OP more. There will always be those who must have the spotlight or show their "skills" off for others to feel legit. Master and I have discussed the topic alot as we just don't do public stuff. He used to do some and really hated the whole vibe. I have no interest in joining the club, so to speak. We've often pondered about some of those who preach the loudest about how one must be a member of some "community" to be accepted or be into some public "scene." We've wondered just how into BDSM they would really be if they couldn't play dress up and perform for a crowd. If all they had was a partner and no props or observers, would it still be their "kink?" I wonder. That's fine. To each their own. I just don't need their posturing and lecturing on how I'm not "real" just because I don't want the props and the applause/critiques of the audience.................luci

sweetnurseBBW -> RE: publicly private (3/18/2009 6:24:09 AM)
I don't believe that just because a person belongs to a a local group that it gives them some sort of validity. There is some drama going on now in one of our local groups where someone was playing with someone else that was owned and collared. The owned and collared slave left her Master for the guy she was playing with behind her masters back. The said people were supposed big contributors to the local group and well known. Allot of people were hurt by both of them and shocked by what happened. Being part of a local group is more of a social thing not a reference guide for people involved in BDSM for me. There are all sorts of people involved in groups that are less than credible. Credibility comes from my own interactions with a person and interactions I have personally seen with others. Others are so subjective in their views of others and can be judgmental in their views so I rely on my own experiences not whether or not the belong to a local group.

subangi -> RE: publicly private (3/18/2009 6:41:35 AM)
When i first discovered this existed, i read all i could. Joining a group, socializing , and playing was a great learning experience. After 8 yrs of being away from the public scene, i recently went to a munch. The girls were discussing how wonderful the pain of childbirth was. i met a Dom who gave the example of how creative he is by telling me he would insert a remote vibrator in me, take me to the VFW fishfry, and zap it while i went to purchase Keno tickets. Now, these are people who supposedly have a high credibility in the community. Needless to say, i have not attended another munch since. i have rekindled my friendships that i cherished in the past, and i am happy with that.

AquaticSub -> RE: publicly private (3/18/2009 4:43:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: eyesopened Not sure if my thoughts will be well expressed but I've heard so very often that people who are part of smbd communities, events, groups, etc are more credible than those who have practised their interests in the privacy of their homes, or who may attend an event as a spectator rather than a public participant. It's not that they are more credible for being active in these events. It's that it's easier to ask around about them. And that is a valid concern for those getting into a relationship with them. It's also a lot easier to tell if someone is lying through the teeth if they are appear in public - I wouldn't be surprised if a good number of people with "ultimate domly knowledge", who may even come off very well over the 'net, don't actually a clue when it comes actually doing it. Does it mean people should play publicly or that they are somehow required to put themselves on display? No. In fact Valyraen doesn't because he doesn't to. I play publicly because he allows me and I do want to. We understand what that means as far as people being interested in him and we don't care. However, we aren't particularly concerned about our crediblity. We are who we say we are. We know it and that is what really that matters.

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