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Problems Associated With Non-Play or Lack of Play? - 3/14/2009 6:10:42 PM   
SassySarijane


Posts: 1558
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: KC Area Missouri
Status: offline 		This is for both sadists and masochists.

Do you find yourself feeling re centered after play for awhile, especially if it has been awhile since you last played before that?

Do you find yourself getting stressed quicker and easier when you go for awhile between play sessions? Do you tend to feel off kilter and react more in a negative manner to things that otherwise wouldn't be much of a blip on your irritation radar?

What kinds of things do you do to get through until you can play again if so?

I deal with it regularly. I only get to play on average every 4-8 weeks and tend to play as hard as I can at those times to get as much out of it as I can. The harder and longer I play, the more re centered I am after and the longer I feel re centered after. I really enjoy the campouts I get to go to because I can play more times and have more variety of play like the "softer" play times such as cupping, massage, fire play, etc. I really love a wide variety of play. In between times, I tend to use distraction techniques to get my mind focused elsewhere when the urges start growing and I know I have awhile to wait before I can play again. It helps me to not slip as deeply into being snappy and mouthy and quick to fly off  the handle that way. Reading is a big thing for me and helps a lot and there are other things I do as well. Horsing around and towell snapping get me laughing and in a good mood and take the edge off. Now this topic of conversation with others generated mention of submission and it's link to masochism, and their own experience and need for it to be connected,  and this is what I have to say about it. As to submission, for me that is separate from my masochism needs. It requires entirely different things to be fed and can never really be fed or well fed until I am in a relationship. When I wrote the OP, submission and dominance weren't even a factor in my questions. They were solely focused on sadistic and masochistic needs. A mentioning of submission got me thinking on it as well and hence my response on it being separate for me from masochism. It is and yet both can and do go together and blend together wonderfully. They just don't necessarily have to all the time if that makes sense. I know several people who don't or can't separate submission and masochism at all. For them they go together and stay together. I can understand it to a degree, but I can't fully grasp it because for me the two are completely separate needs and desires that don't ever have to blend together.  I can satisfy them independent of each other completely. I can also blend them and get essentially double the satisfaction at once by both needs getting met simultaniously, though that has been very rare because I am single and am not someone who can or does submit to the person topping me generally.  It takes a certain something different for me to submit than it does for me to bottom for play; and I have to really know the person extremely well along with that certain something, certain connection, before I can actually submit to them. Another thing that comes to mind with the whole can't separate submission and masochism is that there are dominant masochists and sadistic submissives and those who are just sadists or masochists without any dominance or submission at all as well as those who are dominant or submissive without any sadism or masochism. They fit in too and connecting submission and masochism as some do totally overlooks them or negates them and their place in bdsm.

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Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers
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RE: Problems Associated With Non-Play or Lack of Play? - 3/14/2009 7:45:16 PM   
Miyani


Posts: 248
Joined: 12/4/2007
Status: offline 		I know this problem exactly, and intimately. Hell, I'm dealing with it right now, which is part of why I'm trolling BDSM forums. I need the kink (not kinky, just talk about kink) talk to give Me something to do with Myself.

I went a couple of years without getting to play much at all. During that time, My mind essentially said "OK, you're not playing, I won't bug you about it." I went into hibernation, I guess, I was still looking for a sub, but didn't get all messed up about not playing.

Now that I've found one? Well, I'm getting to play every few weeks (between 2 and 6), and I start really feeling the lack around day 10. I've found a couple of things that help. The first is getting My endorphins elsewhere. I -hate- running, but I'll go for a run, or just go do something active. The other is planning. It's not play, sure, but making very detailed plans about what I'm going to do with him when I do see him lets Me flex My sadistic muscles a bit. Not to mention that when I get there I've got about 15 ideas for fun scenes.

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RE: Problems Associated With Non-Play or Lack of Play? - 3/14/2009 7:46:24 PM   
AcademyForSlaves


Posts: 712
Joined: 2/24/2006
Status: offline 		Hi.

When I get back to doing play or session I feel like I'm back to being myself. I'm me again and I am happy and content. In everyday life I'm sort of an empty shell or a robot living the way society expects like in the movie Metropolis but when I'm with my subs I'm able to relax and be me and do what I was born to do. It's a breath of fresh air. My subs feel the same. They hate having to be a boss at work or not being able to kneel at my feet so they like to talk to me in the middle of their work day and get back into their headspace, or they carry a pic of me in their wallet so they can look at me during their work day.

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http://www.academyforslaves.com/home.html

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RE: Problems Associated With Non-Play or Lack of Play? - 3/14/2009 8:03:15 PM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline 		I lead a fairly balanced life.  Play time is great for relaxation, but if it isn’t available I don’t stress about it.  I’m a ‘here and now’ kind of person.
 
I read, I spend time with my friends, I waste time on here!  I clean house. I write my own fantasies. 
 
And I agree, submission and masochism are not the same.   Lucky for me, both R. and S. are sadistic enough to enjoy and take advantage of my masochism.  Life could be less complicated for me as a masochistic bottom; but I want to submit, also and that makes my days …something else entirely!

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"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
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RE: Problems Associated With Non-Play or Lack of Play? - 3/14/2009 8:59:54 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I love to play, and while I don't miss it, whenever I go back to it after a long break, I think, Dang,why don't I do this allllll the time?   Getting to indulge my sadism really relaxes me, and gives me a sense of "cheerful peace" that is what I always figured getting stoned was like.

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RE: Problems Associated With Non-Play or Lack of Play? - 3/15/2009 7:30:22 AM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SassySarijane

This is for both sadists and masochists.

Do you find yourself feeling re centered after play for awhile, especially if it has been awhile since you last played before that?

Yes, I find I am less cranky and feel more balanced.

Do you find yourself getting stressed quicker and easier when you go for awhile between play sessions? Do you tend to feel off kilter and react more in a negative manner to things that otherwise wouldn't be much of a blip on your irritation radar?
I tend to get very cranky if it has been a while and more irritable at times.

What kinds of things do you do to get through until you can play again if so?
I just try and stay busy so I can divert myself.



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RE: Problems Associated With Non-Play or Lack of Play? - 3/15/2009 8:40:08 AM   
SassySarijane


Posts: 1558
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: KC Area Missouri
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Miyani

I know this problem exactly, and intimately. Hell, I'm dealing with it right now, which is part of why I'm trolling BDSM forums. I need the kink (not kinky, just talk about kink) talk to give Me something to do with Myself.




The forums here, the forums I own and the groups I own, mod, or belong to are another way that helps me keep on an even keel. Being able to discuss things and learn things is a huge positive for me.

_____________________________

Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers
LPTnB

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RE: Problems Associated With Non-Play or Lack of Play? - 3/15/2009 8:55:43 AM   
SassySarijane


Posts: 1558
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: KC Area Missouri
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: catize

I lead a fairly balanced life.  Play time is great for relaxation, but if it isn’t available I don’t stress about it.  I’m a ‘here and now’ kind of person. 
 


I don't actively stress about it when I can't play either. I have just noticed some subtle changes over time both between play and close to having played. I didn't see it for a long time. The pattern was and is subtle enough that it is not readily apparent until you look back over a long period of time and then you can see it.

When I saw the pattern, I began to almost automatically use things I have learned over time in dealing with stress and depression to minimize this further. By focusing on something I can do and enjoy, I'm not nearly as likely to exhibit the symptoms of stress that I otherwise might. By being aware of the changes, I see them more clearly and take those steps to overcome, and don't get to a point of actively stressing over lack of play.

_____________________________

Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers
LPTnB

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RE: Problems Associated With Non-Play or Lack of Play? - 3/15/2009 9:03:54 AM   
SassySarijane


Posts: 1558
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: KC Area Missouri
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I love to play, and while I don't miss it, whenever I go back to it after a long break, I think, Dang,why don't I do this allllll the time?   Getting to indulge my sadism really relaxes me, and gives me a sense of "cheerful peace" that is what I always figured getting stoned was like.


"Cheerful Peace" is a pretty good description though for me the peace doesn't kick in for awhile after play. It's more like a spacey energy at first for me and then it becomes the other after I am done and sitting down resting. Oh and in my opinion  it is way better than getting stoned could ever be *grin*. Much better and different feeling.

_____________________________

Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers
LPTnB

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RE: Problems Associated With Non-Play or Lack of Play? - 3/15/2009 9:19:42 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		We have been doing this for 5 years now and I can say it can be very tough to deal with. But I try to keep my mind on other things and I try to keep him busy with a calendar that I set him up with. On this calendar it has daily tasks for him to perform as well as letting him have some playtime online with me.

But even with that going on it can be depressing and the only thing you can do it make yourself not think about it and focus on something else.

~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






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RE: Problems Associated With Non-Play or Lack of Play? - 3/15/2009 10:35:52 AM   
azropedntied


Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline 		When the lull happens , Yes i do feel out of sorts , out of balance ,Can not find my center , i am irritable , depressed , down right grouchy ,stressed out and more . 
To date i have yet to find a substitute for  bdsm , nor would i want one , instead it would  be much better to just have the needs be met .

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RE: Problems Associated With Non-Play or Lack of Play? - 3/15/2009 11:15:43 AM   
InTonguesslut


Posts: 401
Joined: 3/5/2009
Status: offline
quote:

Do you find yourself feeling re centered after play for awhile, especially if it has been awhile since you last played before that?


Whether it has been a while or ten minutes i always feel rebalanced after a good beating.
 
quote:

Do you find yourself getting stressed quicker and easier when you go for awhile between play sessions? Do you tend to feel off kilter and react more in a negative manner to things that otherwise wouldn't be much of a blip on your irritation radar?


If i am being beaten regularly then yes i can get quite stressed between sessions. However it is something that if i go too long without the need for it seems to settle and i become calmer.
 
quote:

What kinds of things do you do to get through until you can play again if so?


I rebalance myself with a little self torture. Clamps, pin wheel, candle wax, knives.



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It's not shopping if you buy 10 items or less.

If it fits in a toaster, i can cook it.

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RE: Problems Associated With Non-Play or Lack of Play? - 3/15/2009 5:58:41 PM   
SassySarijane


Posts: 1558
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: KC Area Missouri
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: azropedntied

When the lull happens , Yes i do feel out of sorts , out of balance ,Can not find my center , i am irritable , depressed , down right grouchy ,stressed out and more . 
To date i have yet to find a substitute for  bdsm , nor would i want one , instead it would  be much better to just have the needs be met .



I don't look for a substitute for bdsm, nor would I want one. It is one part of what makes me, me. I also don't look for substitutes for play, but rather look to other things I also enjoy to more or less take up the slack by focusing more on those things when I can't play and won't be for several weeks or so.

As to just getting the needs met, I certainly would more often if I could, but it's not possible currently and so I have to redirect myself. I'm sure I am not the only one who is unable to get those needs met regularly enough, but I am blessed to be able to as often as i do. Until the time comes when I can get them met more regularly, I continue to refocus on the other things I enjoy between times and overall it seems to be working fairly well. I can handle it ok.

_____________________________

Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers
LPTnB

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RE: Problems Associated With Non-Play or Lack of Play? - 3/15/2009 7:44:24 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		I would posit that this problem you allude to is not so much a BDSM issue per se, but is one faced my people generally when they recommence some activity including a sporting activity which they have not been involved in for a while. I notice this when I pick up a sword to do Medieval Combat because I am not as active as I used to be (Lack of human targets lol). I also get this if I haven’t been combat shooting for a few weeks. In come cases it is a lack of self esteem or confidence which is understandable and in some other cases it may be due to personal pride in keeping up a standard.

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Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

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