Long distance control? (Full Version)

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dominika -> Long distance control? (3/13/2009 8:43:55 AM)

Hello all. I want to know what ways can you establish and keep control in a long distance relationship. I've never been successful with LD not because I'm not dominant, I just don't have much use in a sub who is not near me and I don't get off on webcam/autoerotica/phone play. BUT on the other hand I want to get to know the sub who may possibly have the means to relocate to me and serve me the way I like. I just don't have 6 months of going back and forward. I can't do it with a vanilla relationship, damn sure ain't gone try to control someone thousands of miles away. Maybe it's just because I don't know how, like I said I don't have the USE or interest.

What are ways you use a LD slave or keep the interest in a LD relationship?
I know, why not stick with locals, the web is a whole lot wider. I want to give it a try.

Thank you



devotedOwner19 -> RE: Long distance control? (3/13/2009 8:48:10 AM)

Howdy my sub in the army and at times serve place where im not allowed to go to sometimes thousands of miles away. i find small things is what works best dont go huge go small make them do little things that can be proven i.e picture or text. and alway be able to have long conversations and be able to laugh so at least you feel somewhat normal.



missturbation -> RE: Long distance control? (3/13/2009 9:27:44 AM)

For me there are a few things i need to make LD work.
Frequent communication. A text, a call, an msn convo.
Consistency. Treatment when together and when apart should be on a par. It is easy for example to make someone feel cared for, nurtured when in the same room but not so easy when miles apart.
Time shared as equally as possible. If poly time should be as equally spent between all parties as possible.
Isolation. It is really easy especially in poly for one party to come to feel they are being isolated, treat differently etc. I'm not sure how you ab=void this, but avoid this i would.



Freyathelady -> RE: Long distance control? (3/13/2009 9:47:10 AM)

I think certain kinds of BDSM work well long distance and others don't so it kind of depends on what you're into.  Verbal humiliation works well (obviously) and certain types of role play, like confession scenes.  Also simply giving orders.  I know there are even some dommes who live in the same city as a sub or client but don't see them every single day who will send them email ordering them to do various acts to keep their mind where it should be while the two are appart.  Sometime, a sub will be directed to do something embarrassing and send the domme a picture or video to prove he did it (having a perminant record makes it more embarrassing too).  I know some people do virtual sessions where they talk through their actions (like cyber sex) but I don't get this.  I love flogging but hearing someone talk about flogging is nothing like the real thinig.  And virtual maid service just makes me laugh. If I still have to clean the house it's no good.  If you want your long distance interactions to feel "real" try focusing on those things that are primarially mental/verbal as opposed to those that have a smell or tactile component. 



DesFIP -> RE: Long distance control? (3/13/2009 4:16:26 PM)

Back when we were ldr we did phone sex and cyber sex, but mainly we just kept in touch. Talked endlessly about everything that was going on in our lives so he could know that the reason I was upset was the strange noise the car was making, etc.

Mostly it wasn't play stuff, but relationship stuff. Establishing communication. Figuring out what worked and what didn't.



kuriouswitch -> RE: Long distance control? (3/13/2009 6:10:11 PM)

Master and I have a long distance relationship right now, with plans for me relocating to him next summer. It's hard sometimes if I hit subdrop and need to cuddle and we can't but we do as much as we can together. We find ways to share expereiences such as him sending me to an adult store for the first time the other day and when I got there I sent him a text message and he had me describe the available toys to him and we had discussed prior to the visit what I would be looking for. When he could tell I was getting very nervous he had me call him and hearing his voice as I shopped and he teased me about the toys I saw and the other customers I felt better, safer. It's just a matter of finding a way to share experiences across the distance. We have come to a kind of weekly schedule, and talk at least twice a day and make sure that we share our days with the other. We have even gotten into the habit of calling at night when it's time for bed and cuddling in bed with one another and talking until we fall asleep. As for discipline if it's needed I do get spanked, I have to lay on my side in front of the camera and call him and I spank myself as hard as he tells me to while he lectures me as well (it is hard to hit as hard as he would but that's cause 1) i don't have the right angle 2) it's natural to stop yourself but I do try so that counts) sometimes it's corner time, sometimes an essay, and once I had to sleep on my mat instead of sharing "his" bed.



MidMichCowboy -> RE: Long distance control? (3/13/2009 6:16:01 PM)

It has never worked for me. I'm not saying it won't for anyone else, but I will not do it.
I will talk and make friends. Until we meet face to face, I will not invest anything more.



catize -> RE: Long distance control? (3/13/2009 6:29:30 PM)

quote:

 what ways can you establish and keep control in a long distance relationship.


You have no means to ‘control’ long distance.  If the submissive/slave has integrity then he/she will follow your instructions to the letter.  If they don’t, they won’t. 



daddysliloneds -> RE: Long distance control? (3/13/2009 6:29:48 PM)

my suggestion would be to meet first and worry about control later, then again, it's going to take way more than one meeting for anyone to wish to allow you control, so if you don't have a way of meeting, a desire or need for anyone that isn't near you now, then don't expect to control didly squat until a relationship has been established.



antipode -> RE: Long distance control? (3/13/2009 8:09:01 PM)

quote:

what ways can you establish and keep control in a long distance relationship


It is just bloody hard work, is what it is. I used to spend much of my time working 20 hours' flight from where the wife was, and that was hard, and we didn't have to worry about the phone bills, or seeing each other, every couple of months. Communication, and reliability, it had better be worth it, it is like an investment.



MsDDom -> RE: Long distance control? (3/13/2009 9:23:59 PM)

quote:

BUT on the other hand I want to get to know the sub who may possibly have the means to relocate to me and serve me the way I like. I just don't have 6 months of going back and forward. I can't do it with a vanilla relationship, damn sure ain't gone try to control someone thousands of miles away. Maybe it's just because I don't know how, like I said I don't have the USE or interest.

What are ways you use a LD slave or keep the interest in a LD relationship?


i am just a bit confused...do u really want to know? thinking b/c of the net, it would be easier to connect w/ someone faster than locally? i am just reading what u typed and maybe i sense ur r torn, but really uninterested in LDs period...?  if u feel u cannot do a LD vanilla, it is even harder in a D/s situation (antipode stated the same).

LD situations are definitely workable if there is the intent and then consistent face-to-face, w/ eventual relocation of one of the involved party.







GoddessTeaze -> RE: Long distance control? (3/14/2009 12:36:49 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: dominika

Hello all. I want to know what ways can you establish and keep control in a long distance relationship. I've never been successful with LD not because I'm not dominant, I just don't have much use in a sub who is not near me and I don't get off on webcam/autoerotica/phone play.So if it doesn't do anything to you why bother??? 

quote:

ORIGINAL: dominika BUT on the other hand I want to get to know the sub who may possibly have the means to relocate to me and serve me the way I like. I just don't have 6 months of going back and forward. which means? It should be solved in 3?? Building a relationship cost allot of time. And especially if you want the sub to move in. I don't have the impression that you're really motivated, so why start something you don't believe in in the first place?? As if other's ways will help you convince you doing it?  Building up an LD relationship cost allot of time and patience, and a way to find the time to have qualitytime together, think about the timezones, which can B a true bitch. Make the sub write a journal helps, to get a better idea how he/she is, what he/she thinks, and does.
Another thing to think of is giving asignments, always good to keep them busy!

I wish you enough with whatever choise you make.

GoddezzT`



AcademyForSlaves -> RE: Long distance control? (3/14/2009 7:53:32 PM)

Hi.

We find LD training and ownership easy because the subs that come to us are sincere and they know if they don't do what we tell them to it'll be their loss or we'll punish them severely. There are ways to do this LD. We don't let distance be a issue. There's plenty of ways to punish and control a sub long distance. We give free tutoring to Mistresses so if you need more help email us.



heartbound -> RE: Long distance control? (3/15/2009 3:57:31 PM)

It is definitely more difficult to have a D/s relationship from a distance.  Mistress and  I have a long distance relationship, as it is about a 2 hour drive to see her.  One of her requirements is that I contact her every day, whether it be via IM, text message, e-mail or phone call.  As to other requirements, all other orders are followed on the honor system. 

Another thing you could do is require your sub to complete assignments.  Some examples of this are writing a fantasy for you to read, finding an erotic story for you and sending you the link, having him/her take a picture of themselves and sending it to you 

I hope this helps :)



Prinsexx -> RE: Long distance control? (3/15/2009 4:51:42 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: dominika

Hello all. I want to know what ways can you establish and keep control in a long distance relationship. I've never been successful with LD not because I'm not dominant, I just don't have much use in a sub who is not near me and I don't get off on webcam/autoerotica/phone play. BUT on the other hand I want to get to know the sub who may possibly have the means to relocate to me and serve me the way I like. I just don't have 6 months of going back and forward. I can't do it with a vanilla relationship, damn sure ain't gone try to control someone thousands of miles away. Maybe it's just because I don't know how, like I said I don't have the USE or interest.

What are ways you use a LD slave or keep the interest in a LD relationship?
I know, why not stick with locals, the web is a whole lot wider. I want to give it a try.

Thank you

I used to love long distance back in the old days blah blah...there are crucial elements missing in my opinion. Simple things like tough but above all else the sense of smell. So swapping underwear by snail nail mail is a good ploy.
Emailing obviously although things can be misconstrued unless you are quite literary. Text in more immediate but can also be mis-read. Micro inequities abound in short texts. So too when you have to keep you phone on silent or there are inconsistencies of time between mails being sent and mails being received. What does it mean? Where is she/he? What are they doing they haven't replied to my mail.text for five whole hours and so on.
Afterall email relationships are only projections of feelings onto words on a screen.
Camming sometimes workd.
But the worse aspect of LDR? Time slots. The further the distance the greater the tome distance and I have always found this truly difficult.
Things that work> Journals, chastuty wear, asking the other to make commitments over tasks. But ib my opinion real tome touch works best and so promises kept of meets is truly important. A promised meet can motivate the other and the self incredibly.
But lets face it some peopke kive in the same house and might as well be thousands of miles apart for all the difference it makes. Indifference is the killer.



masterlink65 -> RE: Long distance control? (3/15/2009 5:21:18 PM)

the only way it works is if the sub, submits. you cannot dominate from a distance or from close range, if the sub does not submit



ranja -> RE: Long distance control? (3/18/2009 3:33:58 AM)

If you want a real relationship i would be iffy to start with virtual play because you might get totally different ideas about eachother than what is the reality when you finally meet...just keep it real and send eachother letters and arrange a meet first...and take it from there.
If however you are interested in cyber all you need is a vivid imagination, confidence and an ability to trust your chosen playmate and you can take it anywhere...
The golden rule is always to check for and respond to mail and always keep in mind that though aspects might be real the whole concept is fiction.
have fun



MistressMeltz -> RE: Long distance control? (3/18/2009 9:26:07 AM)

I am interested in long distance and phone training. I would be the keyholder. I am very wise and understand that I would be truly limited on making sure that my sub is adhereing to my rules (webcam, phone calls)



BalletBob -> RE: Long distance control? (3/20/2009 3:17:31 PM)

Control someone far away? It is very easy, if the LD sub is honest. MADAM and I started online, till we got to meet, but there were a few other Mistress/Switch friends I had online, and WE had FUN ! You don't have to see the sub, to control him/her. Just think of things that make YOU HAPPY (like my online friends done), and tell Him/Her to do it. I always done what they told me, because I knew they, and I were getting FUN out of it.

It was useless to just say I've done something they told me, when I didn't. What is the use of having a relationship, LD or close, if your not going to follow directions/orders. You may as well just be one your own, as I am for now.
And maybe it will lead to a RT situation. If not, then JUST HAVE FUN ! Do things you like to do, weather Gags, C&BT or whatever. Males (and Females), are here by the hundreds, just waiting for a chance, to please a Misterss/Master.

Still hoping and waiting, sub balletbob



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