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OwnedLilMegan -> RE: Dominant As Teacher/Submissive as Student? (3/31/2009 10:32:17 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: catize
<the following is from my experiences: YMMV>
Much of what I have learned about submission came about because I spent time reflecting on my own thoughts regarding what was required of me.
No dominant taught me about subspace or how to increase my pain tolerance or how to find joy in service. And OMG (grins) I taught myself to cum on command.
The dominant(s) certainly were very clear regarding what would please them. But I came up with the ‘action plan’, so to speak. I set goals for myself and figured out ways and means to serve to the best of my abilities. For the most part, I was encouraged to discuss my mental and physical goals (oft referred to as growth) and that was helpful to me.
S. in particular was instrumental in this process. He was always willing to listen and show support when I made the next leap of understanding. I used a journal as a means to review my D/s relationships and my own learning curve. When I would write about something I could see clearly not only what I had accomplished but how I had reached that point.
I am not saying that **I did the work** negates their decided influence on me. There were some areas where they had to explain things s-l-o-w-l-y (sometimes I can be quite thick headed!) or had to redirect my focus. And I asked a lot of questions in the beginning. Some of my questions were quite naïve. There were several times I asked something and they would have to stop laughing before they could answer.
But once I grasped what they wanted, it was up to me to ‘get there’.
Maybe some of you are thinking ‘damn, that sounds like hard labor!’ . Not every submissive is born a ‘natural’. I, for one, do not possess that thingy called ‘a slave’s heart’. And so I decided to discover what sort of heart I did have. For me it was a wondrous time of exploration and discovery. I was having too much fun to consider it a chore.
Where am I going with this you may ask? My question is about dominants who promote the idea that they are singularly the ‘teachers’ in the D/s dynamic. They suggest the education of a submissive comes solely from the dominant. They wax eloquent on their ability to lead someone into submission. Which is all fine and good, except they give little credence to the submissive’s ability for self-study and self motivation. I think that is a myopic and somewhat stifling outlook. I can certainly say and do what a dominant wants me to say and do, but if I don’t examine my own internal dialog about those expectations, I have only memorized, I have not learned.
The only question I can formulate at the moment is … Do you see it as teacher/student or is it research?
Comments, disagreements, other points of view are welcomed!
if it doesn't come naturally, you've got to learn somehow. and learning from yourself something considered foreign to you...sounds a bit impractical.
my "Teacher" counts on the wheels in my head to start turning every time He "presents a new lesson," so to speak, and He knows that's exactly what's going to happen. sometimes He stands back and watches, and if i falter He corrects me. so the way i see it, everything i am doing is all a calculated part of the "lesson" anyway. i'd call that guidance, so i definitely see it as a teacher/student sort of relationship.
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