RE: Sexual advice, vanillaish(advice from everybody not just a specific subgroup)

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RE: Sexual advice, vanillaish(advice from everybody not... - 2/26/2009 9:13:09 AM

Lockit

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It sounds like he is retreating, isolating, escaping and has a problem with intimacy at this time. The trouble as you discribe it started with his basic training. Some just don't do well with basic training and do change.. they are expected to change. He is now owned by the military.

You are both young and you want to start a family... and may be pushing this. Nothing better to cause him to be determined not to get you pg. He can't handle what is going on now and you want a family on top of it and sex causes the family bit... he may be relating it all together. He might even feel you are manipulating it. It isn't too reasonable or realistic to want to start a family at this time and that is something you need to figure out for yourself in why you would want to. What is it that you need in this having a family bit?

He has the military calling the shots and a woman at home in a sense calling the shots and he wants no shots at all. You need to take care of yourself, stop looking for a reason to feel sorry for yourself and get as strong as you can in yourself. The counseling wouldn't be a bad idea for both of you, but I would encourage you to go yourself even if he doesn't.

Pushing him, pressuring him or even mild little hints or jokes and play could be seen by him as pressure. His escaping isn't good but it is the only thing he knows to do or can do at the moment. No that isn't handling it well, but it is the way he is handling it. You can't change that. He will have to see the problems himself and it is best that you don't point it out... he isn't hearing you.

I wish you well, but I think you both need to have some help with this.

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RE: Sexual advice, vanillaish(advice from everybody not... - 2/26/2009 10:15:02 AM

sensura

Posts: 71
Joined: 2/8/2009
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I know exactly how you feel I went thru the same thing he was always too tired but could stay up and play on the computer for hours and into the wee hrs of the morning. I would talk to him about it and he would half heartedly say he would try but then nothing. So I gave up and then I didnt want it anymore from him.anymore. I plsd myself and moved on, its all I could do plus the fact that when we did it he is so vanilla which bores me to tears lol. He did not start off this way so I never did figure out why he is they way he is but I had to make a decision and that was to move on and we are still friends. I dont believe in cheating but it would of happened had I stayed. Sex isnt what makes a relationship but no sex can certainly destroy it. Dont let this lower your self esteem, its his prob not yours.

sensura

(in reply to BlackPhx)

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RE: Sexual advice, vanillaish(advice from everybody not... - 2/26/2009 4:23:38 PM

MarsBonfire

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Joined: 3/6/2005
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My wife and I had the same problem several years ago. We tried all sorts of things, but we realized that what was killing our sex drives was the... routine. Get up, go to work, come home, watch TV, fuck, go to sleep. Repeat.

We finally tried making sex more of an event. We set a particular date, reserved a hotel room somewhere, (no dishes to do, no floors to vacuum, no clothing to wash) and made two weekends a month a mini "sex vacation." She was the one who always complained of being tired, so I told her I'd do all the work. I gave her a massage to start, and surprisingly, the mood shifted to something a bit more conducive to romantic fucking.

Maybe it will work for you, maybe not...

But the main thing you have to work at is to keep talking with him. If you stop communicating, you're not going to get anywhere in solving your problems. Sorry if it sounds a bit trite... but it's also very true.

(in reply to BlackPhx)

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RE: Sexual advice, vanillaish(advice from everybody not... - 2/27/2009 8:12:42 PM

came4U

Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
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Call your base chaplain and ask them if you qualify for CREDO. They have an enrichment, get-away program that might help you find out what his troubles really are.

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