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Miss Misery - 2/23/2009 2:30:02 PM

Lovemetomorrow

Posts: 17
Joined: 1/9/2009
Status: offline

I would a few opinions. I don't care who posts a reply just as long as you are honest.

Please do not bother bashing me or any of the other people involved. I am not here to be judged. I am here hoping someone can shed some light on a very dark and painful situation. So please do not make it more painful by making insulting comments.

A while back my boyfriend had the chance to sleep with another women. I gave him my approval and so he did. Little did I know just how much it would kill me inside. He slept with her and a part of me died.

Now months down the road we are still together and I met another a guy. My boyfriend is well aware of the fact that I am into BDSM. He is not. He agreed to an open relationship for this reason. I met with the guy and we had a great time. Things felt natural and somehow right with him. I will admit that I did sleep with him and we did engage in some light BDSM play. And I mean LIGHT. Just a little spanking, hair pulling and a whole lot of teasing. Neither one of us wanted to play so much as experiance each other. He returned to the state that he lives in and we talk daily on the phone for hours on end.

My boyfriend and I found out that I am pregnant. It is his. We know this for a fact by how far along I am. The Dom involved knows this and has accepted it. My boyfriend is away for the week. He explained to me that he would staying with a female friend of his. I did not approve of this and explained as much. We have been having... issues with our relationship and I asked that he stay with his family instead. We got into a huge screaming match that resulted in nothing being solved. I asked that he not sleep with said female friend and he threw the Dom in face. I explained to him that we did not need to involve another person in our relationship. He refused to listen. The friend that he is staying with... she lost her virginity to him and still confeses her love for him to this day. I spoke with him on the phone earlier today because I am having complications with my pregnancy. The doctors are unsure if it will be a viable pregnancy. Before he left he had told me that he would do his best to not sleep with his old friend. When I spoke with him on the phone today he informed me that they had sex last night. It hurts something fierce to know that he is fucking another women after I strongly asked him not to involve another person in our relationship. He cut me off when I was on the phone and hung up. It seems as if he does not care that he could lose his child because of complications. I am at a lose of what to do right now and my emotions are so twisted that I am finding it rather hard to think. The Dom that I am intrested in has told me that as long as things continue to go well he wants to move me in with him.

Does anyone have any insight, suggestions, comments to offer that might help me feel better or figure somethiing out.

Again, please do not critizie me.

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Post #: 1

RE: Miss Misery - 2/23/2009 2:57:05 PM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
Status: offline

Focus on your health or you may lose your baby.

Forget about your boyfriend as anything except the father of your baby.

Focus on your own inner peace. Drama (screaming matches, emotional distress, etc.) can be a factor in miscarriage. I KNOW.

< Message edited by dreamerdreaming -- 2/23/2009 3:01:09 PM >

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(in reply to Lovemetomorrow)

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RE: Miss Misery - 2/23/2009 3:10:36 PM

DomKen

Posts: 19457
Joined: 7/4/2004
From: Chicago, IL
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You agreed to an open relationship and have a lover you talk to on the phone for hours everyday. You're breaking a fairly basic premise of open relationships by being emotionally intimate with someone besides your primary partner. You have a problem with your bf being physically intimate with someone else but seem to have no problem with doing the same thing yourself.

You need to decide what you need. If you can live without bsdm then cut off contact with the dom and make it clear to your bf that moving forward you want a committed relationship. Or leave the bf and go to the dom and deal with your baby's daddy in a mature fashion.

(in reply to dreamerdreaming)

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RE: Miss Misery - 2/23/2009 3:20:46 PM

Aylee

Posts: 24103
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline

Oh good Gary!

You are like the person that eats an entire bag of Oreos and then writes to Nabisco to tell them, "You know, I think that your Oreos are terrible."

My suggestion is for you to get an abortion. Just because you have a uterus does not make it obligatory to breed. You need to pull yourself togeather before you even consider becoming a parent.

You need to take some responsibility for your decisions. YOU told him that it was okay if he slept with someone else. So he did. "A part of you DIED"? Like, gag me with a toothbrush, on full. Deal with it. Get over it. Things that seem like a fine idea at the time do not always work out so well. That is a part of life. For example, it seemed like a fine idea to fuck someone without using protection. Without thinking about the possible ramifications. Without thinking period, it sounds like. And now you are pregnant.

Frankly, if a fuck that YOU agreed to is going to "kill a part of you inside," you are not mature enough to be having any sex, let alone becoming a parent. "Having been fucked is no excuse for being fucked up." -- Kimya Dawson from the song "My Heroes".

Get the abortion. Figure out who, if anyone, you want to be in a relationship with. (My reccomendation is that you try and have a relationship with yourself first.) And do better next time. Try and become the author of your own life. Take responsibility for your actions, their consequences, and your life.

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(in reply to dreamerdreaming)

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RE: Miss Misery - 2/23/2009 4:11:14 PM

maybemaybenot

Posts: 2817
Joined: 9/22/2005
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Dump the BF, he is showing you no responsibility as a potential father. I promise you, if he reacts this way to a potential miscarriage, it will only get worse if the baby comes to term. And if the baby doesn't come to term, do you really want to keep someone who has shown you what life would be like if this happened again, or God forbid, you yourself became seriously ill ?
You are right, he doesn't seem concerned with this pregnancy. That speaks volumes as to what your future with him will be like.

Do not move in with the Dom.

Right now, that baby should be your main concern, and your health with the possiblity of miscarrying.

Take time to figure out what it is that you really want. If that baby comes to term, do you really want to raise him or her in this lunacy ? It * appears* that this pregnancy is not your primary concern. It should be.

You're pregnant, my dear. If you don't lose this baby or have an abortion, your primary and most important role is as a mother.
And that trumps a BF or Dom every time.

I won't comment too much on the majority of your post about the open relationship, hurt feelings, him sleeping with someone you don't want him to and playing with the dom. You agreed to it and you could have re visited it at anytime. I * suspect * you agreed to this open relationship so that YOU could explore your BDSM desires. Be careful what you wish for in the future.

mbmbn

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Tolerance of evil is suicide.- NYC Firefighter

When tolerance is not reciprocated, tolerance becomes surrender.

(in reply to Aylee)

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RE: Miss Misery - 2/23/2009 5:15:37 PM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
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You agreed to him sleeping with another woman. You need to process what happened and leave it behind. What exactly about it has you so hot and bothered? Is it the purely physical act, or that you feel he had an emotional reaction to the other woman? While the act of sex is a very intimate act, it is just a physical act for a lot of men.

At the tender age of 21, you have a live-in boyfriend, who has another woman that he is having sex with, and a dom who is doing a headgame on you.

Right now, you need to decide if you want the boyfriend or the dom, because i get the feeling you can't have both.
The whole thing sounds very tit-for-tat to me. He slept with someone, so you slept with someone and now you both have hurt feelings, and neither of you knows how to get back to the way things were. And it may be that you can't.

If you were my daughter -and at your age, you could be, i would be thumping you up the side of your head and telling you to use some sense. Prioritize - first take care of your physical health. Second, decide which way you want your life to go - and it may well not be with either of these men - or even with a baby. You may even want to adopt it out. I'm not seeing much in the way of maturity from either you or your bf - especially not the sort of maturity that puts another ahead of your own desires - and this is not a put-down to you specifically - it is a statement born of my (many) years, and having lived through "21 years old."

If you are able to access mental health care, you might talk to a therapist. An unbiased person may help you to sort out what you need or want to do. You really do have some major life issues to work through.

Good luck.

(in reply to maybemaybenot)

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RE: Miss Misery - 2/23/2009 5:32:41 PM

sensura

Posts: 71
Joined: 2/8/2009
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I would focus on your baby first and foremost, Take time for yourself, your bf obviously isnt interested in the fact he is going to be a father. As far as the Dom just be friends for now. You need to decide who you want to be with and since you agreed to an open relationship with the bf you cant get mad at him for doing what you gave him permission to do. However, your baby is number one right now and your health. In time things will come together, even if it meens losing both males in your life.

(in reply to kiwisub12)

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