Sadness (Full Version)

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NorthernGent -> Sadness (2/22/2009 8:28:03 AM)

There seems to be an awful lot of posts concerning 'feeling low', so in my state of meglomania and quest for adoration I thought I'd pen a line or two in order to place some of this in context.

Sadness and anxiety are as much a part of human existence as joy. You could of course attempt to wipe this out by drinking yourself into oblivion or going to the doctor for anti-depressants, but then you'd rob yourself of what it means to be a human being. It is the lows that make the highs so joyous, and we learn more from our failures than successes - the lows drive us forward. That is the trick of evolution: we are free to choose and this choice can only possibly lead to success and failure, joy and sadness. Imagine a world where everything went right: what a boring, load of old bollocks that would be. This alternative world would render us docile and devoid of emotion and meaning. Life can't be a bed of roses, by virtue of our state as human beings. I'm not attempting to devalue people's situations, but failure and its consequences, in broad terms, are unavoidable; so it's how you deal with failure that matters, not the failure itself.

So, next time you're feeling pissed off because something hasn't gone your way, well, every cloud has a silver lining and there's always something good around the corner.....assuming you want it, that is.

There you go, brought to you from a small corner of the world where the streets are paved with gold, and tits and beer are served up every Sunday afternoon by the local charity shop.



CatdeMedici -> RE: Sadness (2/22/2009 8:31:52 AM)

Stellar.
 
The one thing you forgot is that just when you think your life sucks, there is someone whose life sucks more--sure it isn't you--but in any given quirk of fate it could be.
 
 



colouredin -> RE: Sadness (2/22/2009 8:33:29 AM)

Hmm the other thing being forgotten is that while you feel like shit thats all you feel, you dont think ohhhh isnt this a wonderful learning experience or well its not that bad people are worse off, no what you think is this is fucking shit



kiwisub12 -> RE: Sadness (2/22/2009 8:43:50 AM)

Well   -   not to devalue the benefits of sadness   -   but i sure could have done without Sirs' cancer diagnosis.



catize -> RE: Sadness (2/22/2009 8:44:48 AM)

 
It’s easy to share happiness and joy, the good things.  When we are sad or angry many people ‘don’t want to hear it.’  So I think we reach out at those times for a listening ear. It doesn’t mean we want anyone to fix us, we just want to be able to express what we are feeling. 
And yes, all emotions are normal.  It’s common to feel nervous when faced with something new.  It’s natural to feel sad when we have lost someone or something. 
I work in mental health.  Some people call me and want medication to help them through a crisis or series of crises.  They believe they should not have to feel badly.  I try to help them see that these feelings are not only normal, but they are necessary for the healing process.  I call it the “There’s not Enough Xanax in the World to Make Your Husband Stop Beating You (or Wife Come Back to You) Speech.
Clichés aren’t really helpful though.  Simply listen, let them know you understand they are hurting, be a friend. 





quote:

  and tits and beer are served up every Sunday afternoon by the local charity shop.  

What?? No equal opportunity Cock and Beer????



KatyLied -> RE: Sadness (2/22/2009 8:50:14 AM)

quote:

there's always something good around the corner.....assuming you want it, that is.


I think this is key.  You need to:  1) want it; 2) think about what exactly it is, 3) be open to it...



cjan -> RE: Sadness (2/22/2009 8:51:25 AM)

And penguins...don't forget the peguins.



NorthernGent -> RE: Sadness (2/22/2009 8:53:31 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: catize

we just want to be able to express what we are feeling. 
 


I'd imagine that most people have experienced similar situations, and I'd say empathy is fairly common among people.

quote:

ORIGINAL: catize

What?? No equal opportunity Cock and Beer????



'Fraid not. The best you'll get over here is jam making lessons from the Women's Institute. They're an instincitively conservative crowd and believe everything can be resolved over a cup of tea. They'll definitely lend an ear, though!



persephonee -> RE: Sadness (2/22/2009 8:56:01 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12

Well   -   not to devalue the benefits of sadness   -   but i sure could have done without Sirs' cancer diagnosis.


*nods vehemently, and hugs the crap outta kiwi*



catize -> RE: Sadness (2/22/2009 8:56:58 AM)

quote:

 
'Fraid not. The best you'll get over here is jam making lessons from the Women's Institute. They're an instincitively conservative crowd and believe everything can be resolved over a cup of tea. They'll definitely lend an ear, though!

Guess I'll put my passport away then!
 



NorthernGent -> RE: Sadness (2/22/2009 9:00:52 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12

Well   -   not to devalue the benefits of sadness   -   but i sure could have done without Sirs' cancer diagnosis.



I can imagine, but if it helps, I watched my dad die of cancer and my mum fall apart for a few years afterwards. Pretty hard to take, but I suppose when you experience something so personal, then you can take life's trivial matters in your stride. Would I say the death of one of my parents was a lesson worth learning? Absolutely not, but it was unavoidable on my part, and what can you do apart from learn to live with it?



NorthernGent -> RE: Sadness (2/22/2009 9:06:11 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: catize

quote:

 
'Fraid not. The best you'll get over here is jam making lessons from the Women's Institute. They're an instincitively conservative crowd and believe everything can be resolved over a cup of tea. They'll definitely lend an ear, though!


Guess I'll put my passport away then!
 


If it'll help change your mind, we have no natural predators, we have one of the lowest murder rates in the developed world (though we have a high rate of robbery, so if you value your life but don't mind having your bag stolen, then it's the place for you), we haven't been invaded since 1066 so we're a fairly stable, docile people, and we only ever speak in cliches such as 'life ain't a bed of roses, but there's always something good around the corner'.

How could you turn that down?



susie -> RE: Sadness (2/22/2009 9:18:30 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12

Well   -   not to devalue the benefits of sadness   -   but i sure could have done without Sirs' cancer diagnosis.


Big hugs from me. I have had some down moments since my diagnosis and I know it is very sad for those around me. Hardest thing is to try to keep positive but there are always times when that is just not possible.



catize -> RE: Sadness (2/22/2009 9:35:19 AM)

quote:

 and I'd say empathy is fairly common among people.

 
There are many people who are empathetic.  It might be that sometimes the person feeling sad just thinks no one wants to hear it.



quote:

  (though we have a high rate of robbery, so if you value your life but don't mind having your bag stolen, then it's the place for you),  <snipped> and we only ever speak in cliches

I’ll put on my thinking cap, and when all is said and done, I won’t put all my eggs in one basket and be happy as a clam.



Maya2001 -> RE: Sadness (2/22/2009 9:42:58 AM)

quote:

When we are sad or angry many people ‘don’t want to hear it.’ So I think we reach out at those times for a listening ear. It doesn’t mean we want anyone to fix us, we just want to be able to express what we are feeling.


that plays a large role. everyone needs some sort of emotional support, it is not hard to find someone to cheer you on, give you the high 5 or congratulations during the good times, but when the bad strikes instead of support, you get told to quit whining, your pain is devalued with being told someone has it worse or you are shunned ... when what you need more is the acknowledgement  , the hug and or the shoulder to cry on to help get the pain out rather than bury and internalize it.  We live in a society which is teaching us it is wrong to make our pain public, we treat it like it should be some hidden dirty secret.   then we wonder why people have troubles coping with sadness and pain in  healthy manner

or we avoid people with major illnessess or accidents  who may need to talk out their experiences or fears....because it may leave us feeling down or uncomfortable without considering the benefits to the person needing to talk.



NorthernGent -> RE: Sadness (2/22/2009 11:31:30 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: catize

quote:

 and I'd say empathy is fairly common among people.

 
There are many people who are empathetic.  It might be that sometimes the person feeling sad just thinks no one wants to hear it.
 


Perhaps so, but there are always people willing to take the time to listen. Going back to the OP, life can be extremely tough at times, but you've no option to find a way through it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: catize

quote:

  (though we have a high rate of robbery, so if you value your life but don't mind having your bag stolen, then it's the place for you),  <snipped> and we only ever speak in cliches

I’ll put on my thinking cap, and when all is said and done, I won’t put all my eggs in one basket and be happy as a clam.



An admirable approach to life in England. Take the rough with the smooth and see how it goes.



colouredin -> RE: Sadness (2/22/2009 11:34:18 AM)

God its all a pile of rubbish. Yeah sure you need to get through it. However if we are valuing sadness up in here then really thats got bog all about getting through it, when you are sad you are sad. There is no way that in the midst of personal trauma anyone would start a thread like this, the realisation comes later while you are sad thats what you are sad.



antipode -> RE: Sadness (2/22/2009 11:40:54 AM)

quote:

an awful lot of posts concerning 'feeling low'


That is because people in need will communicate more than those who aren't. That would be a statistic, not a philosophy. And no, every cloud does not have a silver lining - that depends on someone's personality, and they're not going to change that because you quote platitudes. My experience is that you can only help people who ask for help.... and most don't, they get stuck and stay stuck.



NorthernGent -> RE: Sadness (2/22/2009 11:43:19 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

There is no way that in the midst of personal trauma anyone would start a thread like this, the realisation comes later while you are sad thats what you are sad.



The OP wasn't directed at any particular state of mind - the sad or the deliriously happy. It's a philosophical view of the ups and downs of life. If there's nothing for you on this thread, then that's fair enough - it's not everyone's cup of tea, I'm sure.



NorthernGent -> RE: Sadness (2/22/2009 11:46:27 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: antipode

every cloud does not have a silver lining



Only in extreme circumstances can a positive not be taken from a situation - unless of course you don't want to take the positive.



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