RE: Sadness

RE: Sadness (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion

Message

colouredin -> RE: Sadness (2/22/2009 11:47:18 AM)
The OP is about feeling low, heck its called sadness so I think arguably it was directed at a particular state of mind. As Antipode said throwing platitudes at the situation doesnt help, plenty more fish in the sea, what doesnt kill you makes you stronger yadda yadda and they are fairly meaningless. The only way that they are true is if you work out what you did wrong in the first place but you dont tend to because you are told that when a door closes a window opens and there be a pot of gold at the end of that there rainbow. We are told so frequently to be happy that we dont allow the 'negative' emotions to do their job, they are almost seen as being a dirty thing

NorthernGent -> RE: Sadness (2/22/2009 11:53:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: colouredin We are told so frequently to be happy that we dont allow the 'negative' emotions to do their job, they are almost seen as being a dirty thing You might not, Colouredin, but I have no problem accepting the range of my emotions, which was a key thrust of the OP - to be sad from time to time is to be human.

scarlethiney -> RE: Sadness (2/22/2009 11:56:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NorthernGent There seems to be an awful lot of posts concerning 'feeling low', so in my state of meglomania and quest for adoration I thought I'd pen a line or two in order to place some of this in context. Sadness and anxiety are as much a part of human existence as joy. You could of course attempt to wipe this out by drinking yourself into oblivion or going to the doctor for anti-depressants, but then you'd rob yourself of what it means to be a human being. It is the lows that make the highs so joyous, and we learn more from our failures than successes - the lows drive us forward. That is the trick of evolution: we are free to choose and this choice can only possibly lead to success and failure, joy and sadness. Imagine a world where everything went right: what a boring, load of old bollocks that would be. This alternative world would render us docile and devoid of emotion and meaning. Life can't be a bed of roses, by virtue of our state as human beings. I'm not attempting to devalue people's situations, but failure and its consequences, in broad terms, are unavoidable; so it's how you deal with failure that matters, not the failure itself. So, next time you're feeling pissed off because something hasn't gone your way, well, every cloud has a silver lining and there's always something good around the corner.....assuming you want it, that is. There you go, brought to you from a small corner of the world where the streets are paved with gold, and tits and beer are served up every Sunday afternoon by the local charity shop. [sm=applause.gif] perfectly put!

colouredin -> RE: Sadness (2/22/2009 11:59:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NorthernGent quote: ORIGINAL: colouredin We are told so frequently to be happy that we dont allow the 'negative' emotions to do their job, they are almost seen as being a dirty thing You might not, Colouredin, but I have no problem accepting the range of my emotions, which was a key thrust of the OP - to be sad from time to time is to be human. Yup because every cloud.

OneMoreWaste -> RE: Sadness (2/22/2009 12:07:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici The one thing you forgot is that just when you think your life sucks, there is someone whose life sucks more--sure it isn't you--but in any given quirk of fate it could be. It doesn't help to reflect on all the ways in which things can get worse [&o]

scarlethiney -> RE: Sadness (2/22/2009 12:14:01 PM)
Every one does not handle depression, sadness, or bad news the same way. Everyone does not move past a negative situation in the same time frame. Part of my makeup is the ability, the need even to find something positive to focus on. My sister has an inoperable brain tumor cancer of the brain. Yes it makes me horribly sad to think of her not being here, of her children not having her for the majority of their lives. But that isn't what I choose to focus on. I choose to focus on and be grateful for the time I have had with her, the memories I can recall, how much I love her and what wonderful pieces of advice she will leave me as she exits this plane. I could chose to be angry and depressed but I just can't. I do not fault anyone who would feel that way. For my peace of mind I must as NorthernGent said find the silver lining or something positive to hold on to. I so appreciate you posting this NorthernGent. It helps reaffirm what I have always felt. scarlet

kiwisub12 -> RE: Sadness (2/22/2009 12:23:05 PM)
Silver linings ..... silver linings????? Well - online hugs from Pers are golden. People willing to share about how they coped in similar situations helps. Knowing that our relationship is strong enough to last through major life trauma is silver. Still isn't enough to make up for the original trauma, but they are silver linings. [:)]

DesFIP -> RE: Sadness (2/22/2009 12:29:20 PM)
It's true enough as far as it goes, but it doesn't address the fact that depression will strike one in four people. Probably only the common cold is more frequent an illness. And someone suffering from that isn't able to see the good stuff coming around the corner, nor appreciate it when it does come.

NorthernGent -> RE: Sadness (2/22/2009 1:10:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: scarlethiney For my peace of mind I must.........find the silver lining or something positive to hold on to. I'd do, and have done, exactly the same in your shoes. I simply couldn't give in no matter the trauma, though I fully agree that grieving is a must in order to come to terms with the experience. I'd estimate that the vast majority of people over 30 have experienced extreme emotions in their lives brought on by the death of a loved one, or/and mental/physical health problems, but memories (as you stated) and good friends/family are a blessing at times such as those. When my Dad died I was 19, and there wasn't a great deal anyone could do - sometimes you want to be alone with your thoughts, at other times talking/listening with others who have been through the same experience. Time helps of course, as do good friends. But, what can you do apart from keep going in the knowledge that life will return to normal at some point? And, when life does get back on an even keel, there are the good times to remember and the good times to come; the sadness will always be there but it becomes balanced with the memories, rather than being all consuming and nigh on unbearable.

untamedshysub -> RE: Sadness (2/22/2009 1:48:22 PM)
having suffered from depression most of my life I have learned for me( key here is this works for me) to allow the feelings causing it to slowly come to the surface deal with them and then climb out of the pit. I use to use food but can no longer do that I am working on learning to feel and deal with those emotions. it is very difficult because I have to face things I prefer to pretend do not exist. Since sept I have faced more of my demons than I have in my whole life but I am feeling a lot better. Being sad means something is going on and I need to deal with it. Some days I win other days I decide to try another day.

CuddlyCreative -> RE: Sadness (2/22/2009 2:49:58 PM)
"Some people call me and want medication to help them through a crisis or series of crises. . . I try to help them see that these feelings are not only normal, but they are necessary for the healing process. " On the other hand, if someone is so emotionally debilitated that they cannot take the actions necessary to, for example, get out of an abusive relationship, a scrip for anti-depression or anti-anxiiety meds may give them enough of a lift that they can then do so. "They believe they should not have to feel badly." Are you absolutely sure that is an accurate representation of these folks' feelings? They call up and say, "I should never feel bad"? Or perhaps they call up and feel VERY bad, desperately bad, and you as a gatekeeper can either help them feel better or proselytize about such feelings being "necessary".

califsue -> RE: Sadness (2/22/2009 3:26:37 PM)
I think it always helps when one has periods of sadness to share and I think the reason people post on the boards is they are looking for support and just the ability to pour our hearts out. It is true, we all have things happen in our life that we would prefer not to have happen. It is also true without those moments, that we may not truly relish and know and live in the joy and love we do find or have in our life. We never understand why a loved one falls ill or any other potential bad things that can happen in our lives. The key is to grieve in the moment, surround ourselves with love from the universe and be grateful for all the wonderful things we have in our lives. A good friend told me to live life with no regrets and learn to enjoy the ride with all it gives one to handle.

oceanwynds -> RE: Sadness (2/22/2009 3:46:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kiwisub12 Silver linings ..... silver linings????? Well - online hugs from Pers are golden. People willing to share about how they coped in similar situations helps. Knowing that our relationship is strong enough to last through major life trauma is silver. Still isn't enough to make up for the original trauma, but they are silver linings. [:)] \ silver linings exist and i have had many in my life. But, i do love to throw the occassional hissy fit and throw my hands up in wallow in self pity. I call that the 1 hour pity party and then I leave the party and find something I can do to bring a smile. Nature brings smiles to me:) Kiwisub, I have often wonder how your Master and you are doing. Again, please feel free to write me on the other side if you wish. You two are in my prayers. oceanwynds

heartcream -> RE: Sadness (2/22/2009 5:31:09 PM)
I think a world where everything right would be fantastic, I am all for it. This is not our lot though. I was never one who thought you had to go way down to know how it feels way up. I like emotions and trust others who do too. I think crying is amazing. I am sorry for all the pain and suffering our world is in. I feel bad for all the anxiety, survival fears, frustration, confusion, abuse and depression many humans and other living beings suffer. Depression often stems from unexpressed emotions building up into futility and despair. Our world looks like Gotham these days but I have not given up hope one day it will all be so much better. Grief is connected to feeling separations and one small look at our world and all the pain so many of us deal with no wonder we are so very sad and stuff.

catize -> RE: Sadness (2/22/2009 8:25:19 PM)
To clarify, there certainly are times when medication will be helpful...in fact, MOST of the time it is. Sometimes a combination of medication and therapy are called for. And sometimes, therapy is what they need to help them learn how to deal. I don’t deny them help! I evaluate what they are telling me and I ask questions to determine what course is best. In asking those questions it becomes clear that there are people who do, indeed, want to mask situations. They say things like ‘but, I’m anxious!’ as if they shouldn’t be, as if that feeling is abnormal, when the facts are it is a perfectly reasonable and normal feeling under their particular circumstances.

TranceTara -> RE: Sadness (2/23/2009 3:58:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NorthernGent There seems to be an awful lot of posts concerning 'feeling low', so in my state of meglomania and quest for adoration I thought I'd pen a line or two in order to place some of this in context. Sadness and anxiety are as much a part of human existence as joy. You could of course attempt to wipe this out by drinking yourself into oblivion or going to the doctor for anti-depressants, but then you'd rob yourself of what it means to be a human being. It is the lows that make the highs so joyous, and we learn more from our failures than successes - the lows drive us forward. That is the trick of evolution: we are free to choose and this choice can only possibly lead to success and failure, joy and sadness. Imagine a world where everything went right: what a boring, load of old bollocks that would be. This alternative world would render us docile and devoid of emotion and meaning. Life can't be a bed of roses, by virtue of our state as human beings. I'm not attempting to devalue people's situations, but failure and its consequences, in broad terms, are unavoidable; so it's how you deal with failure that matters, not the failure itself. So, next time you're feeling pissed off because something hasn't gone your way, well, every cloud has a silver lining and there's always something good around the corner.....assuming you want it, that is. There you go, brought to you from a small corner of the world where the streets are paved with gold, and tits and beer are served up every Sunday afternoon by the local charity shop. This is why I was drawn to Buddhism. The Buddha mentioned dukkha, that ever present suffering that we find in life. It is our attachments to this world, to our opinions, to our desires, to our thoughts, and many other things, that cause us suffering. And, many of the meditations in Tibetan Buddhism are on one's own death. They are to try to get one from being attached to our bodies. Also, we would focus on the preciousness of this human life and know that at any moment, we could die or a loved one could die. Some say "Why me?" The universe can say, "Why not?" And yes, scarlet, enjoy the preciousness of each and every moment you have with your sister. I have suffered depression most of my life. Suicide attempt in early teens. I saw psychologists, psychiatrists, LCSWs, you name it. I had one psychiatrist try over 15 anti-depressants on me and none worked. And, when I was in those moods, if anyone would ever have tried to say, "Look on the bright side, there's a silver lining," well, I'd want to have punched them, but I would have been too depressed to act. (I was to later to find out it was a medication I was on causing the intense chemical imbalance.) Then there's sadness and grief. I cared for my dad as he died of cancer. I was caretaker to my mum who had Alzheimer's. Then a few years ago, in six months, I lost an uncle, aunt and my brother. My immediate family were now all dead. It hurt, but somehow I found this place inside that was an anchor. All those years of Buddhism paid off. Yes, I hurt, I cried, but I could still feel joy. And these days, I find I have a mild depression from Seasonal Affectual Disorder. I allow myself to cry. I allow myself to sit in the depression and not want to leave the flat when I'm not at work. It's okay. And, I do feel a tinge of guilt at not being a good aunt to my niece and nephew, but I have let them know I do suffer bouts of depression and it is not them. I allow my soul to rejoice when a bird sings. I smile and giggle when I see a puppy or a baby or a kitten. I can be depressed, sad and happy all in the same moment. I cannot explain why. I don't care. I've earned it. And, I know, if a friend is sad, I'll be there to offer my shoulder, not a platitude, for I've been there. Platitudes suck when you're sad and depressed. Actions mean the world. I'll be there to drive them to the beach or the park if they want. Or to just sit. So many people cannot stand being around a sad person. I know that first hand. And, I also know it's because many do not wish to face there own sadness, grief or that deep hurt inside that is our doorway to bliss. I love this definition of sad from an episode in series 3 of the New Doctor Who. The episode was called Blink: Sally: I love old things. They make me feel sad. Kathy: What’s good about sad? Sally: It’s happy for deep people. My heart goes out to all of you who are suffering and big hugs to both of you kiwisub and scarlet. Sláinte, TT

came4U -> RE: Sadness (2/23/2009 4:13:28 AM)
quote: There seems to be an awful lot of posts concerning 'feeling low', so in my state of meglomania and quest for adoration I thought I'd pen a line or two in order to place some of this in context. Sadness and anxiety are as much a part of human existence as joy. You could of course attempt to wipe this out by drinking yourself into oblivion or going to the doctor for anti-depressants, but then you'd rob yourself of what it means to be a human being. It is the lows that make the highs so joyous, and we learn more from our failures than successes - the lows drive us forward. That is the trick of evolution: we are free to choose and this choice can only possibly lead to success and failure, joy and sadness. Imagine a world where everything went right: what a boring, load of old bollocks that would be. This alternative world would render us docile and devoid of emotion and meaning. Life can't be a bed of roses, by virtue of our state as human beings. I'm not attempting to devalue people's situations, but failure and its consequences, in broad terms, are unavoidable; so it's how you deal with failure that matters, not the failure itself. So, next time you're feeling pissed off because something hasn't gone your way, well, every cloud has a silver lining and there's always something good around the corner.....assuming you want it, that is. Just where have you been that you didn't learn this in basic sociology/psychology 101-302? Depression and sadness is an affect of an effect. Forget about that for a minute and think about the larger, sober scope. Quit accepting the facf that your lesser happiness is YOUR fault and not your environment. Most bad/sad emotions are the cause of one's surroundings. By sucking up drugs of any sort (booze, dope, pre-script or non) is great for the system that wants to keep you as happy as possible in the shitty conditions that surround ya. Even if those faux-happiness or numb feelings are temporary, they still make you forget the bad and shut you up. Once you become sober of mind and realize that the world is not as great as you thought and you are not the bad one who is deserving of sadness or depression (your world around you made you that way--including the people in it) then you can take the time to heal naturally and stop fixing or blaming yourself and especially to STOP tolerating the shit around you. Fix it!! There is nothing wrong with anyone (unless they kill or maim others), stand up and be productive and stop accepting being told that you are lesser than you actually are or that your happiness depends on this/that/other. It isn't you, it is your environment and all that is in it. (news, government, politicians, laws, job, bosses, corporations, foods, chemicals, prices etc etc...) Quit feeling like shit, with any excuse to keep feeling like shit and take part in your community to make others feel better than shit (like you do). Being isolated, medicated and mentally-conflicted is the best way to get an enemy to lay down arms. Don't be an enemy to yourself. Get involved with local political organizations or foodbanks or other charities. *edit to add: don't even tell me about medical/mental problems and the people who need that medication. I am talking about the un-medicated and non-user of legal or illegal drugs that get low and in shitty mood.

cjan -> RE: Sadness (2/23/2009 4:44:41 AM)
Good post, Tara. Imo, Buddhism and dukkha can only really be grasped by investigating it and experiencing it for oneself. Otherwise, they remain abstractions and concepts that don't (can't ) help someone who is experiencing suffering. To sit with our feelings and openly investigate them can be a great help, especially when the real shit hits the fan. As you ( and Northern Gent ) say, suffering is part of life. But we make it worse by pushing it away and clinging to the notion that things should be otherwise. We also make it worse by feeling sorry for ourselves . That's why I like the line from D. H. Lawrence in my sig.

LaTigresse -> RE: Sadness (2/23/2009 7:27:29 AM)
Some very good points made. I've never been one to throw myself a pitty party. I've also never been tollerant of those doing so. There is a way to find joy in the worst of times. A way to cry and laugh at the funeral of a loved one. To be upset at shitty life events yet joyful that it isn't as bad as could be. It is a way of life, learning to view things in such a way. Some people seem to be born with it, others learn it early on, some learn it in old age, and others.....never.

apiercedkitty -> RE: Sadness (2/23/2009 7:38:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: colouredin God its all a pile of rubbish. Yeah sure you need to get through it. However if we are valuing sadness up in here then really thats got bog all about getting through it, when you are sad you are sad. There is no way that in the midst of personal trauma anyone would start a thread like this, the realisation comes later while you are sad thats what you are sad. i would disagree. i've learned the best way thru a bad situation (and i've had a few of my own, not the least of which was spending a night in jail for something i didn't do) is to suck it up and move on. Do i enjoy being sad, hell no. But i know that i'm the only one who can bring about change to myself. i choose not to dwell on the bad and look forward with my chin up to deal with whatever comes next. It really boils down to attitude. If you allow yourself to wallow, things will suck for sure. But, if you take a few minutes to be righteous in your feelings and then figure out how best to move thru, things work out a whole lot faster.

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

3.100586E-02