RE: Changing my name - how to break it to the parents

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RE: Changing my name - how to break it to the parents - 2/21/2009 9:31:03 PM

rexrgisformidoni

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That settles it. I am changing my name to something new just to screw with my parents. Seriously though, just do it. You are your own person, follow your own path.

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RE: Changing my name - how to break it to the parents - 2/21/2009 9:38:22 PM

heartcream

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From: Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop
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Anyway who cares if your mom calls you your given name? She is your mom. Everyone else can call you your new name. It isnt a big deal. You are about the only one who calls her 'mom'. Let her call you the name she gave you but not anyone else. You are making changes that is the most important thing. The actual name your actual mom calls you isnt going to make a difference in all of that is it?

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RE: Changing my name - how to break it to the parents - 2/21/2009 9:47:46 PM

PanthersMom

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From: Cleveland Ohio
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i thought of changing my name as a younger person, but never got around to it. sometimes i wish i had, but i guess it grew on me. i don't mind it so much now that i'm older, other things matter more. now as for my surname, i kinda wish i hadn't kept the ex's name, did it to mainly piss off his family, but all these years later i'm tired of being called mrs (insert the asshole's surname here). i have the same name as my kids, and that's the only reason i'd keep it.
PM

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RE: Changing my name - how to break it to the parents - 2/22/2009 1:22:44 AM

Vendaval

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(giggle fit) Come on now man, tell us how you really feel!

quote:

ORIGINAL: Irishknight
I tried to be polite for several months but then, in my fashion, I crawled their asses like they were children caught trying to burn the house down. I explained that this was a legal and binding name change performed in a court of law and that if they could not get their heads out of their asses and stop acting like fools, we were done. I even offered to bring a copy of the official paperwork to my creature in law and insert it up her giant rectum if she gave the girls a hard time over it again. Everyone now uses the right name and the girls got an apology from the beast.

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RE: Changing my name - how to break it to the parents - 2/22/2009 11:05:51 AM

aravain

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Joined: 8/26/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kdsub
I would not bring it up at all... if they do OK.

The only problem I have with this advice is if the OP gets hurt or is otherwise put in the hospital... if she doesn't know that her name is legally changed it might be impossible then for the mother to see her or get in.

And it was said well, if anything legal is involved (medical power of attorney or a will) they should know as well.

I know that regardless of how angry she gets at me or how much she disagrees with anything I do... if my mom knows that I've gotten hurt she's going to everything possible to get to me, no matter how far away I am from her. I know that it's not typical, but the OP's description of her mother reminds me of mine, so it may be relevant.

And I've actually been thinking about legally changing MY name (nothing drastic, just switching my middle and first) and, while I know she would be pissed she would also eventually get over it (and would be more annoyed if I tried to hide it from her). Of course, my middle name is my Dad's first name, so he'd just love it to be my first

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RE: Changing my name - how to break it to the parents - 2/23/2009 8:22:12 AM

chamberqueen

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Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
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My sister chose to change her name as an adult. Similar to you, she was hoping that it would help her to shed bad memories. She still needs to use her former name for certain legal purposes since she did not go through a legal name change. Her parents (we only shared one parent) had a bit of a difficult time dealing with it and she couldn't explain to them that she needed to shed part of her upbringing. My step-father still refers to her with her given name and she graciously accepts this, even 20 years after she chose the new name for herself.

Ironically, she and I both grew up with an abusive/neglectful parent even though we were raised in different homes. I have never really liked my name but changing it would not have shed any of what I went through. I needed to find a different way to heal. I respect her decision because it works for her. I hope that it also works for you. Just remember that while you have the right to call yourself by a new name does not negate the right of others who have known you previously to call you by the name that they think of you as. This does not necessarily equate to disrespect. It could be either just an ingrained pattern or a feeling on their part that you have somehow disrespected them by your choice. You cannot control how they feel, only try to understand it.

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