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subfever -> RE: i'm lonely (2/19/2009 10:38:56 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: UncleNasty
Staying busy and occupied is a good thing. But too much of a good thing is not. Doing that is a way to provide relief from our uncomfortable feelings. Too much of that and those feelings are never suitably or fully processed.
Your counselor/therapist will likely help you balance those out.
Uncle Nasty
There's a lot of truth in what you say.
When I went through this many years ago, I kept myself so busy with work, a new relationship, and seeing my children at every opportunity allowed by the court, that I literally put the emotional homework (processing) of divorce on a shelf for two long years. When my subsequent relationship ended, I suddenly found myself with free time on my hands. Guess what finally came down hard off the shelf?
Ignoring the process doesn't make the need for it go away. Whether sooner or later, a little bit at a time or a lot at once, it will still have to be dealt with. I believe it is far better to face it head-on than to ignore it simply by "keeping yourself busy" all day long. I further believe that there are many people out there carrying around loads of unresolved issues from the past, to their great detriment.
There are excellent books out there that can help. It's been so long for me now, that I cannot recall the titles and authors of these books. However, I would imagine that any councelor worth his/her salt will be able to recommend good sources of information. In fact, this is how I came upon these self-help books myself. They were worth every penny I spent, and every minute of my invested time in them.
I'm not suggesting to wallow in self-pity and use processing as an excuse to be inactive, non-productive, or otherwise indulged in self-destructive behavior. But I am suggesting to face processing head-on, and allow a set amount of each day to deal with it.
One thing I can emphatically say to the OP, there is life after divorce. The skies will turn blue again.
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