how do i get a Mistress to believe me

how do i get a Mistress to believe me (Full Version)

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dman88 -> how do i get a Mistress to believe me (2/10/2009 8:10:17 PM)
since there are really isnt any bdsm in the city i live in, i have to message Mistresses from a couple hours away. It seems that when i message them, most of them think im a fake. What do i need to do to get them to believe me without being annoying?

crouchingtigress -> RE: how do i get a Mistress to believe me (2/10/2009 8:15:58 PM)
great question and welcome to the boards! Well what sort of things are you wnating them to believe?

FullfigRIMAAM1 -> RE: how do i get a Mistress to believe me (2/10/2009 8:21:20 PM)
I read your profile, and besides being 20yo (fairly young), you have a full list of kinks you want to experience. There is nothing wrong with that... You may have to start joining, and learning from within your social circles; perhaps finding a service top that way, since from my quick reading, I don't see what's in it for the mistress. What is it about you, the man, you want to let women know about? How do you do dating vanilla circles? If those women aren't taking you seriously, it would do you well, to reconsider your approach. Mistresses are just women. M

dman88 -> RE: how do i get a Mistress to believe me (2/10/2009 8:23:00 PM)
Thank you! When i send a message saying i would like the chance to get to know them and possibly serve them, a lot of the time they send a message back saying they think im just a wanker. I mean i have a cam so i can show that i am real but i also think if i keep sending them messages they will get annoyed.

Sanguinarian -> RE: how do i get a Mistress to believe me (2/10/2009 8:23:21 PM)
Do you want a Mistress for kink only, or for real time nonsexual service as well?

dman88 -> RE: how do i get a Mistress to believe me (2/10/2009 8:30:32 PM)
yeah maybe your right, maybe i should change my approach. I would be lying if i said i wasnt looking for kink because i havent been lucky enough to experience anything real time, but i also am wanting nonsexual service. My goal is to one day be a complete slave and serve as best as i can..

Sanguinarian -> RE: how do i get a Mistress to believe me (2/10/2009 8:33:09 PM)
Well, cookie, your best bet is to first approach the potential Dominant as a person, not a sex machine. Most Dominants, myself included, get annoyed with new subbies who detail the kinks they want, without ever once asking who I/They are and if they would even want such things,.

dman88 -> RE: how do i get a Mistress to believe me (2/10/2009 8:36:52 PM)
Theres been a few times when ive sent a message that has detailed my kinks and i learned that those messages usually dont get responses, but i do send messages saying that i am interested and would like to get to know that Mistress if she would allow it and still most of them think im just some wanker trying to relocate to them and live off of them

Sanguinarian -> RE: how do i get a Mistress to believe me (2/10/2009 8:39:18 PM)
How exactly are you detailing that you want to get to know them? You have a cmail by the way.

crouchingtigress -> RE: how do i get a Mistress to believe me (2/10/2009 8:39:43 PM)
to really help you I would need to see the letter you are sending.... a. is it a form letter, or does it dhow you have gone to thier profile and commenting on things that are important to them? b. are you being cheeky. or accdentally seeming cheeky....lets see that letter....ok?

dman88 -> RE: how do i get a Mistress to believe me (2/10/2009 8:44:25 PM)
well after i read their profile, i send a message with a heading of Mistress, Goddess, etc. whichever they prefer to be called and then i say hi, my name is danny. i live in Illinois. After reading your profile, I would like to say that i am very interested in the possibility of serving you. I am very obedient, respectful, and have a strong passion to serve. If there is anything i can do to earn your consideration, please let me know. Thanks for your time. And then i either dont get a message back or i do get one that accuses me of being a fake and thats it.

Vendaval -> RE: how do i get a Mistress to believe me (2/10/2009 8:48:58 PM)
Hello dman88, I checked your profile for location and you have some resources in Illinois that would be good places to start. Dominant women are bombarded with form letters, spam and photos of penises. So don't be too discouraged. You are probably going to have quite a big of driving in your future after finding a community within a few hours of where you live. Also do a browser search for groups in all the major metro areas in Illinois or other cities that could be closer to you. http://www.riverbound.net/ http://www.leatherarchives.org/

DrkJourney -> RE: how do i get a Mistress to believe me (2/10/2009 8:55:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dman88 Thank you! When i send a message saying i would like the chance to get to know them and possibly serve them, a lot of the time they send a message back saying they think im just a wanker. I mean i have a cam so i can show that i am real but i also think if i keep sending them messages they will get annoyed. Actually, just because you have a cam doesn't prove whether you are real or not. Reading your profile, as others have said, it doesn't say what kind of relationship that you are looking for, and you mention things you enjoy, but yet you've never served? Like whips, have you ever been hit with a whip? Many put that as a fav, but they get the actual "whip" confused with getting a "whipping", which could be with a belt, or a paddling, well you get the idea. Also, not all Dommes want your money. Just tell what kind of relationship you are looking for, talk about who you are and things you like to do as a person, not a submissive. They want to get to know you to see if they click with you or not, they are really not all that interested in your fantasies at that point, and they will ask when and if they are interested. I would suggest you write the profile in a more warm manner. Make it seem that you are open to most ideas, no need to get bogged down with list, at this point, especially since you filled out the checklists, leave that for a conversation with "her". Forget the cam, if she wants to see you on cam she'll ask. You are new and excited, but you have to understand, Dommes here get a lot of, as you say "wankers" that use the same approach and sometimes it's hard to tell one from the other. Just take it slow and especially at first just talk to her as a person, just like you would talk to any other person, lifestyle talk will fall into place on it's own. Just write her a nice respectful email, no form letter, and trust me, just changing the name at the top does not personalize it, we always know. We like to feel that we are the only one you felt the need to contact because you read our profile and felt a connection with us. notan IM within an email, means make it more than one or two lines. Leave out the part about wanting to serve, and don't forget a greeting....you'll do fine.

RedMagic1 -> RE: how do i get a Mistress to believe me (2/10/2009 9:08:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dman88 well after i read their profile, i send a message with a heading of Mistress, Goddess, etc. whichever they prefer to be called and then i say hi, my name is danny. i live in Illinois. After reading your profile, I would like to say that i am very interested in the possibility of serving you. I am very obedient, respectful, and have a strong passion to serve. If there is anything i can do to earn your consideration, please let me know. Thanks for your time. And then i either dont get a message back or i do get one that accuses me of being a fake and thats it. This sounds as though you have not read her profile, even if you have. Write something about her profile in the first line of your email. You don't even have to agree with it. "I see you are looking for a long-term relationship with a sub or slave. I don't know if that's for me, but I'd like to get to know you better, and see where things go." Stuff like that. Be human and realistic. Don't be fooled by the fact that there are 20 kajillion sub male profiles. Write a letter written by a human being, not a masturbating supplicant, and the dominant woman will pay attention to you.

dman88 -> RE: how do i get a Mistress to believe me (2/10/2009 9:10:22 PM)
ok i will try that out. Thank you.

SimplyIsaac -> RE: how do i get a Mistress to believe me (2/10/2009 9:13:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dman88 since there are really isnt any bdsm in the city i live in, i have to message Mistresses from a couple hours away. It seems that when i message them, most of them think im a fake. What do i need to do to get them to believe me without being annoying? Find other ways of getting in touch. Sometimes Mistresses just get overwhelmed by a stuffed inbox that they don't even read their emails. When you get your foot in the door, don't shoot yourself in the foot by being stingy (there's a thread in Ask a Mistress discussing this right now, in fact) or inconsiderate or too demanding. Be generous and respectful, don't say too much (but don't say too little). Listen, say what you mean and do what you say you'll do (obey her). Think about what you're going to be bringing to the table, too. What do you have to offer a Mistress...other than your fabulous self? Don't be a punk. Pay attention to manners and good grooming and grammar. Consider all these things and you might get a chance of getting noticed and taken seriously. Edited to add: And get some better photos.

WyldHrt -> RE: how do i get a Mistress to believe me (2/10/2009 9:21:58 PM)
Note: incoming female sub opinion [:D] RM is right. Simply saying that you have read the profile means nothing. Most females here get craploads of mail and that is often the first thing said. Unfortunately, what follows usually makes it crystal clear that it is NOT true. Commenting on something specific, particularly something "vanilla", in her profile shows her that you really did read it. If you can find an interest you share, so much the better. As has been said, put your best foot forward and approach her as a woman, not as a life support apparatus for your kink, and you will do much better. Good luck

dman88 -> RE: how do i get a Mistress to believe me (2/10/2009 9:29:25 PM)
Thanks for all of your advise..

strangedesire -> RE: how do i get a Mistress to believe me (2/11/2009 12:04:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dman88 Thank you! When i send a message saying i would like the chance to get to know them and possibly serve them, a lot of the time they send a message back saying they think im just a wanker. I mean i have a cam so i can show that i am real but i also think if i keep sending them messages they will get annoyed. A small piece of advice: if you want to meet someone in real life, I'd think twice about offering to go on cam for her. Most women will read it as "looking for online play," and the men who want to play online often won't make the transition into real life, even when they live close by. Basically, by offering to go on cam, you're acting like a wanker. quote: ORIGINAL: RedMagic1 quote: ORIGINAL: dman88 well after i read their profile, i send a message with a heading of Mistress, Goddess, etc. whichever they prefer to be called and then i say hi, my name is danny. i live in Illinois. After reading your profile, I would like to say that i am very interested in the possibility of serving you. I am very obedient, respectful, and have a strong passion to serve. If there is anything i can do to earn your consideration, please let me know. Thanks for your time. And then i either dont get a message back or i do get one that accuses me of being a fake and thats it. This sounds as though you have not read her profile, even if you have. Write something about her profile in the first line of your email. You don't even have to agree with it. "I see you are looking for a long-term relationship with a sub or slave. I don't know if that's for me, but I'd like to get to know you better, and see where things go." Stuff like that. Be human and realistic. Don't be fooled by the fact that there are 20 kajillion sub male profiles. Write a letter written by a human being, not a masturbating supplicant, and the dominant woman will pay attention to you. Good advice. One of the best messages I've ever received literally went through my profile line by line and responded to everything I'd written. He was more than 200 miles away and offering to drive up to see me, which is usually a red flag, but I was blown away by the amount of effort and consideration that he put into his email.

MaamJay -> RE: how do i get a Mistress to believe me (2/11/2009 12:22:34 AM)
Some great advice here. Yes, forget about the cam, that screams online wanker. It can be mentioned much later when you have found someone who is interested in you. Another tip, steer clear of insincerity and flattery. For eg, "You are a beautiful Woman" ... well in My case, My picture is deliberately headless so that's a pile of bullshit which just pushes My finger closer to the IGNORE button. Don't offer to serve right away ... as this tells Me that you'll serve any old dame with 2 feet and a heartbeat (and possibly one lacking some or all of those!). Wait till you know ME before you offer to serve Me. Service is personal. And don't do as lots do and tell Me you'll grovel at My feet etc etc ... I may not want you to do that! Definitely do NOT just send something inane like "Hello Maam" ... that drives Me absolutely nuts! Where is that supposed to lead?? Also don't make light of or deny something in Her profile that is a dealbreaker to Her if you don't think it's a dealbreaker for you. It is to HER and that's what matters! For eg, I state I want boys already resident in Australia and get very sick of boys overseas assuring Me it's not a problem to them to relocate. Well, it's likely to be a problem to the Australian government and I have no wish to put Myself through the years of angst required to "import" a sub! Especially as I have no intention whatsoever of marrying one to make him a citizen! So, as others have said, be specific about what's in Her profile that interests you (beyond the fact that She's a Dominant Woman). Ask Her a question if you can (much more likely to get an answer). Pay attention to being polite (so greet Her according to Her given nickname) and close in a nice way (regards, best wishes, thank you are all good). Pay attention to spelling and grammar and use full words and sentences. Yes, Dommes are often seen as grammar Nazis but what it says to Us is that you are willing to take the time and effort to do something right. That's the real message and that's one We want to hear! Show Us what you have to offer as a person. Good luck! Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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