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ThatDamnedPanda -> RE: Romance & the BDSM Lifestyle (Valentine's Day topic) (2/7/2009 10:01:45 AM)
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quote:
Since I have never been in a lifestyle relationship, I really have no way to gauging if I am correct in my assumption that it is more romantic. I realize I may be putting the whole lifestyle thing on a pedestal. I also realize this may be like discussing art-- all in the eye of the beholder.
You've definitely got ahold of something valid here, but you also seem to understand that it's not necessarily a universal truth. Like any other type of relationship, the personality of a D/s relationship is a product of whatever the individuals in that relationship make of it.
In my experience and opinion, a lifestyle D/s relationship is the most romantic relationship imaginable. But not necessarily for the reasons you suggested. For me, the romance of BDSM comes primarily from the bottomless sacrifices I make for my lover's pleasure, her unlimited acceptance of me and of my surrender to her, and the unconditional devotion with which we regard each other. To me, that's the absolute essence of romance right there.
I think that another reason I associate BDSM with deeper romance is that all of my relationships have had a very strong power exchange component as a fundamental element of the relationship - I gravitate toward 24/7 ownership-based relationships, with standing rules and protocols by which I am expected to abide at all times, without fail. And, I typically spend a great deal of my time in these relationships under some form of direct control, usually some variety of bondage or confinement. The nature of that dynamic is such that both parties must necessarily pay a great deal of attention to each other at all times, to the point where the two of us become almost psychically connected. To me, that level of connection and wordless communication is the most romantic dynamic imaginable between two people. My ex would often not allow me to speak for an entire day, sometimes longer, and the experience of being able to spend the better part of a whole weekend in the almost constant presence of someone you love, never speaking a single word, and still the two of you know exactly what's going on with the other one - what they're thinking, what they're feeling, what they need - almost the entire time is one of the most romantic things I can even imagine. For two people to know each other that well, to love each other and trust each other well enough that they can still communicate like that, well... what could be more romantic than that? Nothing I've ever heard of.
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