Living lifestyle/married vanilla (Full Version)

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MistressAinCT -> Living lifestyle/married vanilla (2/4/2009 5:56:20 AM)

I KNOW this is going to cause a rukus (My posts usually do for some reason) but I need to ask.

Can a person live or consider themselves Lifestyle D/s and be married to or have a vanilla significant other?  Is the definition of "Lifestyle D/s" or "Lives it 24/7" that one has to always have Dominants or slaves?

I married a MAN-he isn't Dom, he isn't submissive.  He tried the Dominant route once but it didn't work for him-wasn't an interest-so he gave it up (he was good at it though-just didn't want to).  He doesn't care that I pursue it or have slaves.  He accepts what and who I am, and we go from there.

But many people say that because I am not in a D/s relationship/marriage with HIMSELF, I am not Lifestyle nor do I live it 24/7 even though I do own a slave and have for years.  I consider Myself 24/7 lifestyle not just because I own a slave, but because it is an active interest of Mine. 

Knowing that the definitions of "Lifestyle" and D/s-or even "Lifestyle D/s"- aren't just black and white but many shades of gray in between:

What say you? 



colouredin -> RE: Living lifestyle/married vanilla (2/4/2009 6:01:23 AM)

I got told the other day that I could never call myself 24/7 because I dont work in the scene.

People have their own definitions, im sorry I say this all the time but all that matters really is what you think you are.

So really all that needs to be asked is, what do you think?



CelticPrince -> RE: Living lifestyle/married vanilla (2/4/2009 6:37:06 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressAinCT

I KNOW this is going to cause a rukus (My posts usually do for some reason) but I need to ask.

Can a person live or consider themselves Lifestyle D/s and be married to or have a vanilla significant other?  Is the definition of "Lifestyle D/s" or "Lives it 24/7" that one has to always have Dominants or slaves?

I married a MAN-he isn't Dom, he isn't submissive.  He tried the Dominant route once but it didn't work for him-wasn't an interest-so he gave it up (he was good at it though-just didn't want to).  He doesn't care that I pursue it or have slaves.  He accepts what and who I am, and we go from there.

But many people say that because I am not in a D/s relationship/marriage with HIMSELF, I am not Lifestyle nor do I live it 24/7 even though I do own a slave and have for years.  I consider Myself 24/7 lifestyle not just because I own a slave, but because it is an active interest of Mine. 

Knowing that the definitions of "Lifestyle" and D/s-or even "Lifestyle D/s"- aren't just black and white but many shades of gray in between:

What say you? 


MistressA

A real thought provolking post. yes you streching the boundry of the normally accepted interpretation of 24/7 but in a way that holds some foundation. If both your mental states are into the relationship......... then why not? The physicality takes second place to the mental state which is the most important. in my view.

CP



LaTigresse -> RE: Living lifestyle/married vanilla (2/4/2009 6:40:35 AM)

It is whatever it is for you. Who cares what anyone else thinks?



JustDarkness -> RE: Living lifestyle/married vanilla (2/4/2009 8:03:34 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

It is whatever it is for you. Who cares what anyone else thinks?
 what LT says...no need to say it with more words.



peppermint -> RE: Living lifestyle/married vanilla (2/4/2009 8:19:34 AM)

You do what you need to do to keep yourself and yours happy...and thumb your nose at any who say you aren't following the rules. 

I used to think that 24/7 meant the people in question were actually living together.  Then people who live hundreds of miles apart claimed that they were 24/7.  (shrugs)  They did argue their point well.  To each her/his own. 

So you stick whatever label, name, or title on yourself.  All is good to go and no one can say nay. 



oceanwynds -> RE: Living lifestyle/married vanilla (2/4/2009 8:39:46 AM)

One thing that helps me when I start worrying if what I actually have is real verses what is 'true', is to put my attention on what we do have. It does not need to fit what is acceptable, etc. It works for us, and it works well. I choose to give the power to Sir, not to words written by others. I also do know that I am rather intelligent, and not easily mislead. So, I can trust in myself to make the correct choice for myself on who I surrender too in my life.



jakelogan01 -> RE: Living lifestyle/married vanilla (2/4/2009 8:39:56 AM)

exactly. labels, labels. does it work for you? do the people you care about understand what you mean? the rest are irrelevant



thetammyjo -> RE: Living lifestyle/married vanilla (2/4/2009 8:52:09 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressAinCT

I KNOW this is going to cause a rukus (My posts usually do for some reason) but I need to ask.

Can a person live or consider themselves Lifestyle D/s and be married to or have a vanilla significant other?  Is the definition of "Lifestyle D/s" or "Lives it 24/7" that one has to always have Dominants or slaves?

I married a MAN-he isn't Dom, he isn't submissive.  He tried the Dominant route once but it didn't work for him-wasn't an interest-so he gave it up (he was good at it though-just didn't want to).  He doesn't care that I pursue it or have slaves.  He accepts what and who I am, and we go from there.

But many people say that because I am not in a D/s relationship/marriage with HIMSELF, I am not Lifestyle nor do I live it 24/7 even though I do own a slave and have for years.  I consider Myself 24/7 lifestyle not just because I own a slave, but because it is an active interest of Mine. 

Knowing that the definitions of "Lifestyle" and D/s-or even "Lifestyle D/s"- aren't just black and white but many shades of gray in between:

What say you? 


Those people who criticize you are probably either looking for some way to make themselves feel good by bashing others or they are so stuck in a fantasy world that they can't imagine how RL works.

I'm in a similar situation as you.

While my husband is not vanilla we have a vanilla marriage in many ways simply because our BDSM needs and interests do not overlap enough to make it worthwhile. Trust me, I'd have a lot less stress if my husband really was a submissive like he claims -- I think he's just really a fetishist which is ok just not for me.

However I've owned Fox now for over 9 years and of those 9 years he's lived with us the last 7. He and I are 24/7 M/s dynamic.

However I do not say that I am "lifestyle" -- this is just my life, period.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Living lifestyle/married vanilla (2/4/2009 9:03:46 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressAinCT
Can a person live or consider themselves Lifestyle D/s and be married to or have a vanilla significant other? 

Yes, happens not that uncommonly

quote:

 Is the definition of "Lifestyle D/s" or "Lives it 24/7" that one has to always have Dominants or slaves?

No

quote:

But many people say that because I am not in a D/s relationship/marriage with HIMSELF, I am not Lifestyle nor do I live it 24/7 even though I do own a slave and have for years.  I consider Myself 24/7 lifestyle not just because I own a slave, but because it is an active interest of Mine. 

Knowing that the definitions of "Lifestyle" and D/s-or even "Lifestyle D/s"- aren't just black and white but many shades of gray in between:

What say you? 

My partner and I are in a vanilla relationship.  It is based on the expectation of no authority transfer.

However, we are both switches and switch with eachother.  It is pretty rare when one of us is not in authority over the other. 

I am polyamorous.  He is monogamous.

Just because you have X type of relationship doesn't make you X type of person.  A bisexual can be content their whole lives being married and having sex with one person.  That doesn't stop them being a bisexual.



DesFIP -> RE: Living lifestyle/married vanilla (2/4/2009 9:09:46 AM)

I don't care what other people think or what labels they apply to us. I'm not submissive to the other people who want to stick the label on me so it doesn't matter to me what they think. I don't need someone else's approval to be who I am.



bammik458 -> RE: Living lifestyle/married vanilla (2/4/2009 9:19:40 AM)

Any others married to a partner not interested.  My wifes not into it at all.



agirl -> RE: Living lifestyle/married vanilla (2/4/2009 10:41:31 AM)

If you don't go bungee-jumping with your hubby it doesn't mean you're not a bungee-jumper.

agirl



BalletBob -> RE: Living lifestyle/married vanilla (2/4/2009 10:51:20 AM)

You sound just like my situation, except the oppisite. I am a sub, and my dear wief isn't a Domme. She also tried it, and doesn't want anything to do with it. I use to go to a Mistress for sessions, and that was okay with my wife too, since she knew I needed it at times. She is very understanding, even if she doesn't want to get involved, herself. She even met MADAM a few times and they got along great.

I feel that since you are into the feeling and all 24/7, it doesn't matter if your acturally doing something, 24/7.

At least your lucky too in having a sub, and I haven't got a Mistress right now.

Be happy and don't worry (or care) about what some Pin Head says about you. It is YOUR LIFE, and no one elses.

Sincerly Understanding, sub BalletBob



SassySarijane -> RE: Living lifestyle/married vanilla (2/4/2009 4:12:40 PM)

I figure I do what works best for me and call it what fits for me. If others are putting me down or saying I'm not "true" because my way is not theirs, I figure they are needing to make themselves feel good by putting others down and take it for what it's worth............nothing.



MsDDom -> RE: Living lifestyle/married vanilla (2/4/2009 4:24:00 PM)

wow, that is the question of the month! i often ask married men who seek dominance outside of their marriage, would they consider themselves a "lifer?

it is all relative...i think. if any aspect of O/one's live deals with bdsm, D/s, s/m, then i would venture to say U r a lifer...w/ or without Ur current marriage. 

P/people raise and eyebrow, like i do at time, at being vanilla married, yet going outside to satisfy the lifestyle.  but again, it all relative...



Knite064 -> RE: Living lifestyle/married vanilla (2/4/2009 5:35:56 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressAinCT



Knowing that the definitions of "Lifestyle" and D/s-or even "Lifestyle D/s"- aren't just black and white but many shades of gray in between:

What say you? 

Thanks for asking :) I agree, but there will always be someone round the corner that will disagree......



devotedinSD -> RE: Living lifestyle/married vanilla (2/4/2009 10:14:30 PM)

I think it's irrelevant what others think when it feels like that for you. For what it's worth, I do agree with you here.



antipode -> RE: Living lifestyle/married vanilla (2/5/2009 2:47:35 AM)

quote:

Can a person live or consider themselves Lifestyle D/s and be married to or have a vanilla significant other? Is the definition of "Lifestyle D/s" or "Lives it 24/7" that one has to always have Dominants or slaves?


I am not clear why this would cause a ruckus(sp!).. Unless you mean the huff some folks get into when they read a question that has been asked 123,245,456,113,444.99 times, as of last Friday.

There aren't any definitions in this life, we all make this up as we go along. Consequently, whatever floats your boat is fine and legit.

The answer is yes. Or no. Or maybe. Or "depends who you hang out with".



LadyPact -> RE: Living lifestyle/married vanilla (2/5/2009 10:29:11 PM)

What do I say?  I say please feel free to tell Me that My sub doesn't belong to Me or that we don't have a good D/s dynamic because I happen to have another partner.  Please come along and watch us interact or watch the way we treat each other.  I'd say, if you can't see us when you look at us together, then that is a fault of your own.



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