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Relationships (or lack of) issues - 1/31/2009 7:18:04 PM   
KaineD


Posts: 497
Joined: 2/14/2006
Status: offline 		This doesn't really fit into the BDSM section of the forum.

I'm just having some issues with relationships and I'm not sure where to turn.  It's been about 3 years since my last relationship, and I don't wanna get into how long since I've had sex.  I wouldn't say I'm unattractive, I'm smart, creative, social, I love to read, I have a wide range of interests.  I just haven't been able to meet anyone.  I used to attend a munch group, and they were a pretty unwelcoming bunch.  Vanilla wise it just seems like this city has a dry spell, doesn't seem like I have a variety of places I can go to meet women.  Bars and clubs are horrible places for meeting women.  I dunno, maybe I have a mental block that's preventing me from seeing what's in front of me and approaching the right people. 

Anyway, I think its having a real adverse affect on me.  I find myself stressed (buildups of sexual frustration?) and slightly depressed at the lack intimacy with people of the opposite sex.  Add onto this that I'm a Dom, yet still relatively inexperienced at 24 approaching 25.  There is that added pressure that to really find someone that can make me happy... well, most subs want knowledge and experience from a Dom that I just don't have.  Then again, reading through some profiles, some subs (in my view) have unrealistic expectations anyway.  But that's probably another thread for another time. 

Is it just me, or is it harder for a lot of people in this generation generally to find someone?  Considering how easy computer technology makes it for people to talk without never even having to meet, etc.  I've tried.  I've hit on girls at bars and that's always disasterous, I've tried hitting on a random girl on the street when she stopped me to talk about some charity thing (I dunno, she seemed very friendly, and we had a date but it was pretty awful), I was almost seeing someone there but she's pretty dull and I don't think she's interested in me either (she was a friend of a friend), I've tried internet dating (like Collarme but also Vanilla websites) and I've had varrying results including being stood up but never a face to face real life meet up.  I've kept my eyes open I think to any possibilities out there.  My friends don't seem to know many single women, and one of my closest friends is a woman!

This is all true, but in a way it still feels like I'm making excuses, but I know I'm not.  I dunno.  I'm at a loss.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Relationships (or lack of) issues - 2/1/2009 2:33:12 PM   
Termyn8or


Posts: 18681
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline 		This may sound flippant at first, but read on. If you got a cache of cash, go to the islands, get warm, get your balls drained out. I mean it.

At your age you have a strong sexual drive and really, if you just go with some honeys and lolitas or whatever, it takes that stress away. Then you can see clearly and might see some prospectus that has been sitting there all along.

First of all you clear your mind, second of all it almost seems as if Wimen can smell whether you are satisfied or frustrated. When frustrated you might get gold diggers, when satisfied you might get gold.

Just a thought.

T

(in reply to KaineD)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Relationships (or lack of) issues - 2/1/2009 3:43:15 PM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		Sometimes the right relationship comes along when you least expect it.  Take the time to discover what it is you really want - D/s with or without romance, monogamy vs. poly, whether you are more of a Daddy style or more of a sadist, etc.  The more you are in touch with yourself and your own needs (without going overboard in the self interest) the more confident and attractive you will appear to someone looking.  Hang in there.  

_____________________________



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RE: Relationships (or lack of) issues - 2/1/2009 9:33:11 PM   
YoursMistress


Posts: 894
Joined: 12/17/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Termyn8or

First of all you clear your mind, second of all it almost seems as if Wimen can smell whether you are satisfied or frustrated. When frustrated you might get gold diggers, when satisfied you might get gold.

Just a thought.

T


Hmm, I'm extremely frustrated and I haven't found any gold diggers.  Maybe I'm not looking in the right places either. 

yours


_____________________________

May your service of love a beautiful thing; want nothing else, fear nothing else and let love be free to become what love truly is. -- Hadewijch of Antwerp

As a rule, I don't like to make general statements.

(in reply to Termyn8or)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Relationships (or lack of) issues - 2/1/2009 10:30:04 PM   
Vendaval


Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		Kaine, there are guides for single people that list various metro areas and the best places to have fun and meet potential partners.
An example is the US guide that Cosmopolitan magazine publishes.

http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/city-guide/

Check around for a UK version in a bookstore or Online and/or take a holiday and get a fresh perspective.  Term already laid out a great plan.  

_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE


http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to KaineD)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Relationships (or lack of) issues - 2/1/2009 10:39:49 PM   
philosophy


Posts: 5284
Joined: 2/15/2004
Status: offline 		...ever been to a munch?

This may help.

Belfast: B4P monthly munch
www.b4p-belfast.com Belfast city centre
We meet monthly in a Belfast City Centre bar for a purely social gathering - but dont be surprised if you are invited to a party afterwards!! If you are visiting Belfast and can be vouched for by your own munch we will be happy to see you. [Contact [email protected]] [Contributed by sweetie] [Last modified 3 Jul 08]

http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/uk/munches/all/

(in reply to KaineD)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Relationships (or lack of) issues - 2/1/2009 11:01:32 PM   
kinkbound


Posts: 387
Joined: 9/15/2007
Status: offline 		Termy's right. Women really can smell desperation a mile away.

Do whatever it takes to gain back your confidence, even if it means "paying your way" for a while.

Don't have the coin to travel? No problem. Just find a local working girl or two to take care of business with.


(in reply to KaineD)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Relationships (or lack of) issues - 2/2/2009 3:29:31 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KaineD


Is it just me, or is it harder for a lot of people in this generation generally to find someone? 

Considering how easy computer technology makes it for people to talk without never even having to meet, etc. 



Sorry this is going to sound really harsh but yeah it is just you. But I think that there is a reason for this (though I would love to blame the internet, it has been the place I have met many of my partners)

What I think is that you are looking for little miss perfect the pressure of finding someone to make you happy. How do you know what type of person would make you happy? Its been 3 years thats a fair old while. I mean I date people all the time and I still dont know what type of person would make me happy but I am starting to get a better idea.

The thing is you shouldnt be looking for anything specific you should just get out there. As has been recomended go to munchs and other events you may not meet people there you are interested in but you will be able to build up a network which would make it easier to find someone who wont stand you up.

I wouldnt recomend pulling in a pub, it does not a relationship make. Having said that if you go to the same place regularly you should be able to build up relationships with people who recognise you and maybe that will lead somewhere.

What I tend to find is that when you dont want a relationship one turns up, if you want one you wont find one. I understand that you are frustrated but it will happen you have to be more proactive but dont expect anything other than experience.

Good luck


_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to KaineD)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Relationships (or lack of) issues - 2/2/2009 3:34:32 AM   
JustDarkness


Posts: 1461
Joined: 7/25/2008
Status: offline 		I do think people turn into themselfs a little more then a few years ago.
People used to live together a lott..married young...got kids......but nowadays many stay single.
No clue why...just something I noticed the last 15 years or so.



do you do sports? Perhaps a mixed sport..like fitness or so...to meet people


< Message edited by JustDarkness -- 2/2/2009 3:37:26 AM >

(in reply to KaineD)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Relationships (or lack of) issues - 2/2/2009 3:35:53 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Get involved in different things AWAY from the computer. Local events, charities, walkathons, whatEVER suits your interests and gets you around more people. Start being involved and quit obsessing over being alone. Keep yourself too busy to mope and moan.

Those are the times when someone wonderful comes into your life.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to KaineD)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Relationships (or lack of) issues - 2/2/2009 3:02:31 PM   
KaineD


Posts: 497
Joined: 2/14/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: philosophy

...ever been to a munch?

This may help.

Belfast: B4P monthly munch
www.b4p-belfast.com Belfast city centre
We meet monthly in a Belfast City Centre bar for a purely social gathering - but dont be surprised if you are invited to a party afterwards!! If you are visiting Belfast and can be vouched for by your own munch we will be happy to see you. [Contact [email protected]] [Contributed by sweetie] [Last modified 3 Jul 08]

http://www.informedconsent.co.uk/uk/munches/all/


I've been to that group and it didn't really work out.  Thanks anyway though.

(in reply to philosophy)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Relationships (or lack of) issues - 2/2/2009 3:05:07 PM   
KaineD


Posts: 497
Joined: 2/14/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kinkbound

Termy's right. Women really can smell desperation a mile away.

Do whatever it takes to gain back your confidence, even if it means "paying your way" for a while.

Don't have the coin to travel? No problem. Just find a local working girl or two to take care of business with.




I'm afraid that any future partners might judge me harshly for doing something like that, you know?

(in reply to kinkbound)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Relationships (or lack of) issues - 2/2/2009 8:24:49 PM   
TreasureKY


Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KaineD

... I've hit on girls at bars and that's always disasterous, I've tried hitting on a random girl on the street when she stopped me to talk about some charity thing (I dunno, she seemed very friendly, and we had a date but it was pretty awful), I was almost seeing someone there but she's pretty dull and I don't think she's interested in me either (she was a friend of a friend), I've tried internet dating (like Collarme but also Vanilla websites) and I've had varrying results including being stood up but never a face to face real life meet up.  I've kept my eyes open I think to any possibilities out there...


Please don't take this the wrong way, but... stop "hitting" on women.  I have no idea what your personality is like, or what your style of communication is, but just using the terminology of "hitting" on women leads me to think of you as "smarmy" and desperate. 

No matter what your generation is, there are women all over the place.  Just get out and have a life... take a class you might enjoy, learn to sail or rock climb, join a gym... anything that you would really enjoy doing that gets you out around people who enjoy the same things.  You're bound to run into women in the process and they're already going to have something in common with you.  Then, instead of "hitting" on them, just make friends with them.  You may eventually meet a new friend who clicks with you in more than just a friendly way.  If not, you've gained a lot of new friends and enjoyed your life in the meantime.  What have you got to lose?

(in reply to KaineD)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Relationships (or lack of) issues - 2/3/2009 6:51:08 AM   
KaineD


Posts: 497
Joined: 2/14/2006
Status: offline 		Its just the terminology.

(in reply to TreasureKY)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Relationships (or lack of) issues - 2/3/2009 2:01:29 PM   
TreasureKY


Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KaineD

Its just the terminology.


Be that as it may, my point of making friends with rather than "hitting" on women still stands.

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Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Relationships (or lack of) issues - 2/3/2009 2:04:20 PM   
philosophy


Posts: 5284
Joined: 2/15/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TreasureKY

quote:

ORIGINAL: KaineD

Its just the terminology.


Be that as it may, my point of making friends with rather than "hitting" on women still stands.



...a rare occasion where Treasure and i are in complete agreement (good job i have some 12 year old single malt to celebrate with)......take a zen approach to this and just stop looking. Live your life, do things. What you need will come to you.

(in reply to TreasureKY)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Relationships (or lack of) issues - 2/3/2009 2:06:57 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

Live your life, do things. What you need will come to you.


It is important to get in this zone.  It's not always easy and can sometimes prove to be challenging.  But it's best to live your life for you.  Be an interesting person.  Allow the future to unfold without forcing it.


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to philosophy)
Profile   Post #: 17
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