RE: Looking for help/mentoring/guidance

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RE: Looking for help/mentoring/guidance - 2/6/2009 5:38:02 PM

oceanwynds

Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline

Hi OP
Sir in the beginning had his close female slave friend to mentor me. This was mostly to help me with my submissive feelings that were emerging. It would have been very confusing to me if I had two Doms training me. No two people are the same.

One thing that I had a hard time understanding how Ds and vanilla fit in. Since we do not live together, i figured I didn't have a total Ds relationship. Sir though seen it as Ds. After doing a lot of research the lines that seperated them become more fuzzy. One Post that helped me understand this was just posted a couple weeks ago, "The ratio of Ds and vanilla by CelticPrince. Perhaps reading that post and doing some searching on what a Ds relationship is might help you get a more concrete idea of how you two are Ds and eliminate the confusion.

blessings
oceanwynds

< Message edited by oceanwynds -- 2/6/2009 5:39:30 PM >

(in reply to NCNutCase)

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Post #: 21

RE: Looking for help/mentoring/guidance - 2/6/2009 9:11:03 PM

antipode

Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline

quote:

I know that I am opening myself up for people to ridicule me and to say that I am not real

Nah... you're young, inexperienced, you're here, talking, that'll do for real.

Whenever I see that two people do D/s but vanilla, too, and in your case, adding a mistress to the fray, I wonder why you make your life so complicated. In your case, considering your age, you are likely to be trying to run before you can walk. If there is one thing I know never to do is to combine two different kinds of relationship into one. I know some do, I know some are even successful at it, but I know that it can get very complicated, and that the vast majority that try end up having neither relationship.

Then, and she is not here to talk to, you say that your partner's "submissive side is getting greater". That, I am afraid, is a figment of your imagination. While people need to learn to live, and learn how they are stuck together, someone is submissive, or they're not. If you mean she is discovering herself, that'd be fine. But from the way you talk I think you all may be pushing square pegs into round holes, manipulatively, and that can only be done with a sledgehammer, which hurts. A good and golden rule is that you should never attempt to change another person, they can only do that for themselves. And the only change you can effect is the change you create in your self. If you read your own post back, you will see that you announce that you think you know what people will say about you, and raising that as an introduction of yourself is normally the hallmark of a manipulative personality.

(in reply to Krymzin)

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Post #: 22

RE: Looking for help/mentoring/guidance - 2/7/2009 3:43:49 PM

MyWorldCT

Posts: 98
Joined: 1/23/2009
Status: offline

Hey Krymzin,

I am also from CT and you are welcome to message me to talk, but you need to remember one thing. If you like her (vanilla or D/s), then TALK to her man. COMMUNICATE... tell her your thoughts and feelings.. only those who are weak let their worries and emotions overtake them.

If you are Dom, then you are Dom... there is no switch to turn it off or on... there may be a knob to tone it down a bit, if it is to be politically correct or something, but YOU ARE DOM. What do you not understand about that?

Are you a Kinkster...? Just like to be Dom in the bedroom, then do that. Talk to her and listen to what she wants, and if you don't agree, then move on or make it happen. You need to know that D/s relationships are just as hard as a vanilla relationship, and many of those are 2 subs or 2 Doms butting heads without even knowing what they are inside. Many successful relationships are D/s without them even knowing it also.

Communicate with her and yourself, be honest, and have fun with it! All we can do on here is give you our opinions based on what we read, and our viewpoints based on OUR experiences. Everybody is not the same, so make your own path as long as you are both happy. If not, then find someone who will happily walk your path with you.

Don't be afraid to show emotion, to make a mistake, to laugh at yourself, to admit you are wrong, or to cash-in when you need to leave the table.

(in reply to antipode)

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RE: Looking for help/mentoring/guidance - 2/23/2009 2:59:20 AM

SirDarkside357

Posts: 393
Joined: 8/7/2005
Status: offline

I don't mean this to be "negative feed back", but, and I will get a lot of flack about this, your first mistake is letting a "mistress" have any say in it. Be the Man, you say you know you are a Dom, then relax and be the Dom. Do you think any one was super Master in the beginning. Every one had to mature in who they are. It takes time. Trying to rush will only cause problems.

(in reply to Krymzin)

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Post #: 24