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RE: Is Collarme the right place for me? - 1/23/2009 7:07:52 PM   
BondageBarbieX


Posts: 495
Joined: 4/1/2008
Status: offline 		I don't think there is a typical type.. .there are many different types of subs as well as Doms.I also ktink you sound like a switch.

(in reply to ddogg2)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Is Collarme the right place for me? - 1/31/2009 2:47:32 PM   
cplisoMaster


Posts: 4
Joined: 1/26/2009
Status: offline 		Is there a place in a community such as this for a couple that is just into certain aspects of the culture?  Say, we would like to try the bondage part, and maybe slightly get into the dom/sub part, but only during certain times?  If somebody just wants these aspects in the bedroom, or only when a meeting could be set up (maybe not even monthly), are they shunned?  Does that make them vanilla that just gets super kinky when able?  I pesonally think labels suck, but I understand the need. 
It is possible to find somebody that could be a top or a dom, but not deal with the master/slave aspect?
Thanks in advance.

(in reply to BondageBarbieX)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Is Collarme the right place for me? - 1/31/2009 6:20:04 PM   
Aneirin


Posts: 6121
Joined: 3/18/2006
From: Tamaris
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ddogg2

I've had an interest in more kinky things for a while and I always thought the term "bdsm" was just to far out there for me.   Well a girl, its always a girl, that I meet off craigslist started telling me about her experiences.   So I have started to get an interest in the subject.   Its been about 6 months now since I meet her and I would say my experiences have still been mostly vanilla except for a few little adventures.   Nothing too major.  Oh we have not gotten together if you cared to know.

I've been reading alot on the subject and have decided a few things.   I know I am not a sub as that is just not my personality.   I don't think I am a dom in the bdsm term as I have no desire to have a slave or to really smack someone around and give them pain.   In fact I really don't have any desire to experiment with decipline or pain.   So why am I here?

Well I have always had a lingerie fetish.  I'm not really interested in cross dressing.   I enjoy anal sex, what guy doesn't?  I like giving mild spankings.  I've always found a woman wearing a strapon to be a huge turn on, but I don't need anal play to get off.

I just don't think my interests line up with the typical bdsm crowd?   Maybe I am somewhere in between?   All I know is that the typical girl on the street would find me to be a little wierd based on my above interests.   From 6 months of reading I would think the typical person interested in bdsm would find me too tame.

So the question is what does everyone think?   I like the online dating way of meeting woman but where should I go to find someone with like interests?




Ddogg 2

Be here by all means, you will learn a lot, the best bits being you are not alone and any idea you have, you might if you chose to ask receive useful advice on the safe application of your desires. As to what you are, sub, switch or dom, does it matter, as all is important is that you find a like minded person to share desires with. Not all of us subscribe to the set stereotypes. Your kink is what you define it to be, you and your partner to be, not the dogma of the bdsm  '' community''. The people I know, most of them keep clear of the bdsm community for that reason, their kink is how they define it and are not wanting to get sucked into the dom must be this and the sub that etc.

But to be sure with online dating on sites like this, you will unfortunately have to define yourself in one way or other, just so that you might attract a similar mind, but as for myself, I list as switch, there it displays both sides of me, but I am not a switch, well not a switch as many define it, if a switch can be defined, I just see a switch as open to any possibilities.

Ask yourself, do you wish to limit yourself, or be free to explore.


_____________________________

Everything we are is the result of what we have thought, the mind is everything, what we think, we become - Guatama Buddha

Conservatism is distrust of people tempered by fear - William Gladstone

(in reply to ddogg2)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Is Collarme the right place for me? - 1/31/2009 6:24:00 PM   
YoursMistress


Posts: 894
Joined: 12/17/2008
Status: offline 		Honestly I think people get way too serious about labels.  If you want someone to tie you up and call you a Dom, you don't have to pass a test, you just need to find someone who cares enough about you to do it.  The categories and labels can be helpful in finding people who share some of the traits you may be looking for, but not every Dom will get on with every sub.  Talk to lots of people who share interests with you and raise the chances of finding someone compatible.  Good luck. 

BTW, if you include other interests besides BDSM you will again raise your chances of finding someone (perhaps it's in your other profile).  If you are only listing your kink interests, you suggest that you are looking for a pro. 

yours


_____________________________

May your service of love a beautiful thing; want nothing else, fear nothing else and let love be free to become what love truly is. -- Hadewijch of Antwerp

As a rule, I don't like to make general statements.

(in reply to cplisoMaster)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Is Collarme the right place for me? - 1/31/2009 6:30:51 PM   
NCNutCase


Posts: 129
Joined: 2/2/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cplisoMaster

Is there a place in a community such as this for a couple that is just into certain aspects of the culture?  Say, we would like to try the bondage part, and maybe slightly get into the dom/sub part, but only during certain times?  If somebody just wants these aspects in the bedroom, or only when a meeting could be set up (maybe not even monthly), are they shunned?  Does that make them vanilla that just gets super kinky when able?  I pesonally think labels suck, but I understand the need. 
It is possible to find somebody that could be a top or a dom, but not deal with the master/slave aspect?
Thanks in advance.


In my experience... sites like this are great for meeting people...

But if your already with someone and looking to learn about practical application of aspects of 'the lifestyle' local groups would be much more beneficial. Most groups that I've been around have demonstrations which are great for learning the "how to" aspects. Also going to munches (basically meet and greets) can give you the chance to meet others who apply various aspects/levels of BDSM to their relationships.

In local groups I personally find a much more balanced variety of how "deep" into the lifestyle people are.

No promises... but that's been my experience in the Carolinas...

(in reply to cplisoMaster)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Is Collarme the right place for me? - 1/31/2009 7:05:37 PM   
cplisoMaster


Posts: 4
Joined: 1/26/2009
Status: offline 		Lol...no local groups here in smalltown, very rural community.  I'm pretty sure we's have to drive 45-50 minutes minimum to get to any sort of groups. I'm learning quite a bit from this site, so I'm liking it.

(in reply to NCNutCase)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Is Collarme the right place for me? - 1/31/2009 7:18:20 PM   
Nikitaa


Posts: 416
Joined: 1/26/2009
Status: offline 		You do not have to act as dominant or submissive. You have fetish or fetishes. I usually see BDSM AND fetish listed as two separate interest. People with fetish for feet are not bdsm. They just want to kiss and play with feet.

I think you have only fetishes and you will not find much interest on collarme forums. Maybe I am wrong but I know most threads reference dominants and submissives. There are some fetish threads but they deal with how dominants and submissives deal with the fetish.

Be what you are. A kinky man. Do not worry about top or bottom. Enjoy your fetish.



ps. If you like hamburger helper there is long thread in off-topic forum. In case you wonder what hamburger helper is on kink forum. Is same thing as in grocery store. lol.


I make edit.....reason I say fetish people not find interest in forums is because the fetish men writing to me are rarely on forums. They want to talk about feet or cute dresses or other specific fetish. There are not many threads where people only talk about how yummy feet are and what color looks good on yummy feets toenails. I have many stocking men write to me and none of them on forum. They want to speak about stockings only and not about doms and subs.

< Message edited by Nikitaa -- 1/31/2009 7:22:50 PM >

(in reply to ddogg2)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Is Collarme the right place for me? - 1/31/2009 7:23:35 PM   
YoursMistress


Posts: 894
Joined: 12/17/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Nikitaa

ps. If you like hamburger helper there is long thread in off-topic forum. In case you wonder what hamburger helper is on kink forum. Is same thing as in grocery store. lol.


I'd like to nominate Nikita for the Lifetime Achievement in Comedy Award.

yours


_____________________________

May your service of love a beautiful thing; want nothing else, fear nothing else and let love be free to become what love truly is. -- Hadewijch of Antwerp

As a rule, I don't like to make general statements.

(in reply to Nikitaa)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Is Collarme the right place for me? - 1/31/2009 7:41:46 PM   
Voodali


Posts: 255
Joined: 10/2/2007
Status: offline 		I think so long as you are crystal clear in your profile about what you are and aren't looking for, this is a good place for you to be.  Here you will find people who are more accepting of things that might make your standard vanilla girl balk.  Maybe you should also post the same sort of profile on a more standard site, and hope that the right person comes along.  I'm imagine that the right girl has similar issues to you, and is searching both vanilla and kink sites as we speak.
If its any help, I have a friend who has very similar interests.  He's a manly man, but wears frilly panties, and enjoys some not so standard things in the bedroom, even though he's not into BDSM per se. He met his match in a regular old bar....so it is possible.

< Message edited by Voodali -- 1/31/2009 7:44:52 PM >

(in reply to ddogg2)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Is Collarme the right place for me? - 1/31/2009 9:14:22 PM   
Nikitaa


Posts: 416
Joined: 1/26/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: YoursMistress

quote:

ORIGINAL: Nikitaa

ps. If you like hamburger helper there is long thread in off-topic forum. In case you wonder what hamburger helper is on kink forum. Is same thing as in grocery store. lol.


I'd like to nominate Nikita for the Lifetime Achievement in Comedy Award.

yours




Thank you. It is an honor just to be nominated.


???? ^^^Was dictated to me by dorm mate. She thinks is funny but I do not understand and the bitch will not explain.

(in reply to YoursMistress)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Is Collarme the right place for me? - 2/1/2009 2:53:36 AM   
VioletAshes


Posts: 101
Joined: 1/16/2008
Status: offline 		There is a lot of knowledge to explore here, I have learned a lot about the BDSM world and my place in it from this site. If nothing else my Husband and I quite often have a good laugh at the more entertaining forums that come up. It is worth sticking around for a while.

_____________________________

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I'm not like other girls that you know
but I believe I'm worth coming home to"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(in reply to Godhand502)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Is Collarme the right place for me? - 2/1/2009 3:58:22 AM   
lateralist1


Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline 		Is it the right place for you? Who knows.
Will you find a partner ? Who knows.
If being here interests you then stay. If it doesn't then don't.
The only problem as I can see for you being here is that some poor woman who is interested in a BDSM Dominant will waste a lot of her time with you.
Just like I've wasted a lot of my time with men who say they are BDSM submissive.
My advice is to change your profile to say what you have said on this post.
Clear, simple, honest. That way noone gets strung along.
Like a few people I have always known what I needed. I just didn't think it was possible until I discovered the 'lifestyle'. After about five years I have gone back to thinking it's impossible. So I probably won't find the man for me BUT being here has taught me a lot about life and a bit more about myself. So it hasnt been a complete waste of time.

(in reply to VioletAshes)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Is Collarme the right place for me? - 2/1/2009 4:06:39 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		Hey dude, im not going to tell you what you are because seriously no one can tell you that you have to find it out for yourself. Many people on the site are just as you say you are, each person here wants differant things. Id start by using this site to find out what you want, see whats out there.

You dont have to 'be' anything just use it as a way to learn more about yourself.

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to ddogg2)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Is Collarme the right place for me? - 2/1/2009 7:14:24 AM   
T1981


Posts: 557
Joined: 12/6/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cplisoMaster

Is there a place in a community such as this for a couple that is just into certain aspects of the culture?  Say, we would like to try the bondage part, and maybe slightly get into the dom/sub part, but only during certain times?  If somebody just wants these aspects in the bedroom, or only when a meeting could be set up (maybe not even monthly), are they shunned?  Does that make them vanilla that just gets super kinky when able? 


This is exactly how my husband and I came to BDSM. We enjoyed the super kinky sex and found the psychological aspects of D/s to be very interesting and so we decided to learn more. As we learned, we found (or rather, are finding) that the D/s part of the BDSM is seeping more, little by little, into our daily lives.

It's a learning process, and you may be suprised to find where you wind up.

We're far from a "Master/slave" relationship, and the majority of kink is still in the bedroom - but I have yet to run into a person who shuns or dissaproves of us for it. Collarme is full of many different people, so I'm sure you'll be able to find someone (or someones!) that will fit the bill of what you are looking for! Don't be embarresed if you are looking for someone to share fun, kinky sex with - that's what many of us are looking for! You may also be surprised at the friendships that develop out of the search - the friends we have now are actual friends, people that we'd love to just go have coffee with.

As Gywn, another poster on this board has written in her signature line,

"Come for the boobs, stay for the brains!"

That is what all of this is adding up to for us!


< Message edited by T1981 -- 2/1/2009 7:35:05 AM >

_____________________________

"Nothing is pointless, every single thing you do resonates." -Pintsize

(in reply to cplisoMaster)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Is Collarme the right place for me? - 2/1/2009 11:02:48 AM   
MistressXahDee


Posts: 43
Joined: 4/29/2008
From: San Diego, Ca.
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Nikitaa


quote:

ORIGINAL: YoursMistress

quote:

ORIGINAL: Nikitaa

ps. If you like hamburger helper there is long thread in off-topic forum. In case you wonder what hamburger helper is on kink forum. Is same thing as in grocery store. lol.


I'd like to nominate Nikita for the Lifetime Achievement in Comedy Award.

yours




Thank you. It is an honor just to be nominated.


???? ^^^Was dictated to me by dorm mate. She thinks is funny but I do not understand and the bitch will not explain.

LOL, case in point. Yes, give that woman an award.

To OP, just enjoy being here because there are a myriad of interest covered, from mild to wild.

(in reply to Nikitaa)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Is Collarme the right place for me? - 2/1/2009 11:19:41 AM   
MsDDom


Posts: 368
Joined: 1/1/2009
From: GA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ddogg2
I've been reading alot on the subject and have decided a few things.   I know I am not a sub as that is just not my personality.   I don't think I am a dom in the bdsm term as I have no desire to have a slave or to really smack someone around and give them pain.   In fact I really don't have any desire to experiment with decipline or pain.   So why am I here?

Well I have always had a lingerie fetish. 

Maybe I am somewhere in between? 



u r seeking answers to which u hope many of U/us can give u.
study and research is definitely the advice i suggest.



_____________________________

...:: MsDDom ::...
... live Life honestly ...

(in reply to ddogg2)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Is Collarme the right place for me? - 2/1/2009 12:29:22 PM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline 		Well, I wouldn't say it's necessarily the wrong place, or that you don't belong here, but the majority of people here are into D/s, or at least into a more intense degree of kink. Even for those folks, it can be tough to find someone who is actually compatible! I'd venture to guess that men have more difficulty in getting replies or people to initiate contact, due to the demographics. Women can have just as much trouble finding a good match, but they tend to have a lot more options to sift through, by and large, since men tend to more frequently initiate e-mails. The only kink you mention that I specifically associate with BDSM is mild spanking, but there are some people who are into cross-dressing and/or strap-ons who also have other BDSM interests. I've actually had quite good luck with finding partners through vanilla interests (the relationships weren't vanilla, and I let them know very quickly about my interests).


(in reply to BondageBarbieX)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Is Collarme the right place for me? - 2/5/2009 3:58:11 PM   
cplisoMaster


Posts: 4
Joined: 1/26/2009
Status: offline 		We're already actively communicating with several people/couples with our tame profile, so I think we're doing good.  I think you're absolutely correct.  I really like it here.

(in reply to T1981)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Is Collarme the right place for me? - 2/5/2009 7:43:19 PM   
MyWorldCT


Posts: 98
Joined: 1/23/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ddogg2

quote:

ORIGINAL: Carnae7
I think the fact that you even found this place speaks volumes and should answer your question for you. 


I guess I think I am to vanilla for the typical collar me person.   I have not  meet anyone here yet.   I guess my interests are too tame.   I prefer online dating / meeting people.   Just wondering if this was the best place or was there a better place for my tame vanilla ways :)



If you truely want a label.. then call yourself a "Kinkster".  Be whomever you want to be.  Be sensitive, be cruel, be fun, be sadistic, be vanilla, be perverted, be happy, be angry, but just be you.  If nobody on here is looking for you, then that is what it is.  If your profile rings true for someone, then that is great, but if not, then at least you have had moments of self-discovery. 

Growth takes many forms... keep your passions and eagerness watered.

(in reply to ddogg2)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Is Collarme the right place for me? - 2/6/2009 7:30:31 AM   
zoohays


Posts: 1
Joined: 2/4/2009
Status: offline 		Hi ddogg2...I'm not sure why I'm here either. But I have a job where I only
have things to do when a customer has a problem. So I have to find
fun someplace and this is one of the places. Occasionally, I get into S/M
stuff with women I meet and the scenario changes regularly. I get ideas
from this website that I propose to women. Sometimes, they like it.
Sometimes they don't. In any case, I always negotiate to see what is
OK. I am often surprised. Try it. You might be surprised. Have fun.
zoohays

(in reply to Godhand502)
Profile   Post #: 40
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