RE: That First Home Visit Part II

RE: That First Home Visit Part II (Full Version)

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SimplyIsaac -> RE: That First Home Visit Part II (1/13/2009 12:40:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: marie2 No. Never. If I don't trust a person on that level, they don't get to walk through my door. i'm with Marie2 on this. Just don't do it if you can't trust them yet.

Underumam -> RE: That First Home Visit Part II (1/13/2009 4:09:21 PM)
Well, since this is a new thread, I'll share some thoughts I have on the subject. While I've only been active in the bdsm aspects of life/relationships for a little over 6 years, my ex wife, our children and I had a very open door policy regarding people staying with us. We were always having "extended family" and even had "never before seen guests" come to our farm for ceremonial purposes. I have to admit the reason they came in the first place was quite different, as it was spiritually oriented, and I didn't confuse the fact they came there searching for a healing from the ceremonoies with self glorification. I believe what we put out returns to us, and there are very few exceptions to this rule. Birds of a feather DO flock together, and who knows what hidden intents and/or agendas one may hold inwardly in secret. I believe what we do to/for others, returns to us a thousand fold, and in this way we create/shape our realities. In other words, most often there's no such things as a victim. We all eat the sweet or bitter fruits of the seeds we have sown, whether in a past, or present decision. For this reason in itself, I would do my very best never to betray the trust placed in me by another. I have of course,(as have we all), done exactly this in the past, and like clockwork, have attracted the reciprocal/returning effects of what I'd sown. I have conversely, enjoyed the sweetest fruits of good things returning to me as well. I won't engage in defamation, and character bashing here, or anywhere else. I'm really not focusing on the negative things, because if I do, all I'm doing is attracting their likenesses. I really don't desire to have negativity in my life. I have enough of this, so will try and keep my thoughts on the more positive aspects of my life, and trust that I will attract my likeness in the form of a good woman/family/life. As for the negative things/accusations shared on this forum, I believe that anyone with "eyes and ears" has already seen through the facade.

KatyLied -> RE: That First Home Visit Part II (1/13/2009 7:02:16 PM)
I think for the most part, that people reap what they sow. I've had one person whom I've met on-line in my home and in family property (cabin in the woods). We knew each other for some time before he visited me and we'd met in neutral territory and I'd been to his place first. It never occured to me that I'd have to lock up my possessions in order to entertain him. If I thought that was necessary I wouldn't have invited him in the first place. I am cautious regarding whom I allow into my life.

Underumam -> RE: That First Home Visit Part II (1/13/2009 7:31:33 PM)
I've met plenty of people in RT from different sites. It's not much different than meeting people anywhere else. Some are just "images", and have very little realness about them. I haven't found the the ONE I'm looking for yet, but have made quite a few long time friends. Life's still great!

Twicehappy2x -> RE: That First Home Visit Part II (1/14/2009 4:32:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Underumam I won't engage in defamation, and character bashing here, or anywhere else. As for the negative things/accusations shared on this forum, I believe that anyone with "eyes and ears" has already seen through the facade And Yet; quote: ORIGINAL Underumam There was/is some "outside interference" going on here, and what I thought was just distortion and rudeness in our group conversations, seems to be rearing its head in daily affairs as well. I'm not referring to Scooter and Jewel here. Anyhow, I'm feeling very fortunate that this showed itself before I tried to permanently relocate First off, i was not going to comment further. But i am also not going to let anybody bash me or this household without commenting on it. Let's see, there are three people living in this house. So a group conversation would be Scooter, Jewel and who else? So how, do you, a visitor, get off calling me "outside interference" or "distortion and rudeness" ? Or is it that female subbies have no place in the decision making process of adding another family member? Kinda like women and football don't mix, huh? Guess once more i've been put in the position of defending these accusations. That there was or is any need of a facade in this household for any reason is just ridiculous. If any member of this house was uncomfortable about you being here they would only have to state that fact. So i guess i am going to explain the "outside interference" that got Underumam so upset; When asked by the group what Underumam's plans were he responded " I'd like to go back, cancel my classes, pack up and stay at my brothers for a little bit then move in". At which point came my rude and ugly outside interference. I stated " hold on, we (indicating the three of us who currently live here) have not had a chance to discuss this yet." Then i went on to note " you probably need to stay in your current location to obtain a public defender to handle your current legal issues. As i don't think if you are residing in another state they will provide you with one". Which would have meant his shelling out cash for a lawyer, something he already indicated he could not do. I also called attention to the fact that expecting the family to make all the back and forth trips to handle his legal issues was a bit much. At which point Jewel stated she had not thought about the public defender problem, and Scooter stated that yes, it was a bit much to expect. He was also told if he got the public defender set up then the family would happily make the trip to take him to court and would be in court to support him as well. He was additionally provided with resources to help him obtain both a public defender and witnesses for his case. The research for which was done by me, the distorted and rude outside interference that i am. While i did understand his desire to move the relationship right along, and to have somebody beside himself deal with his issues, he must understand that expecting the family to do all this for him was a bit much, especially considering it would involve a 6 hour drive each way for each trip. The reason we have these group discussions is so all angles and possibilities are thoroughly thought out and a fair and equitable decision for all involved is made. I even get his rather obvious and serious resentment of me as i happened to be the one to call attention to this issue. And i realize my calling attention to this put the kibosh on his immediate plans. If i'd have kept quiet and not brought this fact up, he could have moved right along with his stated desires. Hence the resentment and calling me the outside interference and rude distortion. He were made aware from the very beginning that any decision to have him here would involve all three of us. At another time, in another discussion it could just as easily have been Scooter or Jewel who brought something up. We balance one another by each looking at and bringing up the pros and cons of any situation and talking about it. So, while i would seriously rather let this die and not have to put forth any further family business on the boards, i am not going to stand by while you defame this house or it's members or policies. I guess i am saying you can either let it die or keep up your feeble attempts to bash this group or any of it's members.

sirsholly -> RE: That First Home Visit Part II (1/14/2009 4:57:53 AM)
quote: I'd like to go back, cancel my classes, pack up and stay at my brothers for a little bit then move in". At which point came my rude and ugly outside interference. I stated " hold on, we (indicating the three of us who currently live here) have not had a chance to discuss this yet." Then i went on to note " you probably need to stay in your current location to obtain a public defender to handle your current legal issues. As i don't think if you are residing in another state they will provide you with one". Which would have meant his shelling out cash for a lawyer, something he already indicated he could not do. perhaps i view things differently...but i would see this as running away from the legal issues. A sign of a lack of character

Twicehappy2x -> RE: That First Home Visit Part II (1/14/2009 5:00:23 AM)
I do apologize for the previous hijack, so here is a post that is on topic. While we would never ever deliberately bait someone in way when we are expecting a visit to this house from somebody we've not met before we do take a few precautions. The first is that all narcotics are locked up in a safe place in my room. You cannot enter my room without being heard from anywhere in the house. With Jewel having diabetic neuropathy and my having RA, there is usually pain meds in the house. The second thing is that all prescriptions that need to be kept available are moved out of sight but kept in a convenient location for use. Household papers etc are always kept in our office and it is located next to Scooter and Jewel's bedroom so no chance of anybody sneaking around in there either. Wallets and such are removed to the respective owners room. To tell you the truth we did not start out this way. Then there was the girl who while packing her things Jewel discovered she had legal paperwork, bank statements and personal property from another Dom, in her things. The guy who after he left it was discovered had used my Visa card to the tune of over six grand in charges. The missing steroids which meant the ability to move to me. The missing asthma medication which meant the ability to breathe to Jewel. The person (just a guest not a prospective family member) who took those tried to put that on me BTW. Which was funny because i was the one buying them over the counter, showing three forms of ID to get them and paying for them as well. As well as the fact that i had an unopened container of them currently in my possession at the time. The male sub who took so many pills he actually ran out during a visit and asked for some of mine. That one did not stay because he was informed he would be going to detox first. Each one was a learning experience. So yes we take precautions, we have to. But no, we've never felt the need to "set some one up" so to speak. We figure if some body is going to do something we will find out eventually. But still we continue to open our home and our hearts. We invite new people including those who are just visiting as friends as well as prospective family members. We do not "expect" the worst, no do we feel like we are being overly suspicious when we make these invitations yet take our precautions. We hope for the best, welcome newcomers with open arms and do try to provide gracious hospitality. You know "trust in Allah but tie up your camel" sort of thing, lol. Of those who has made it here i think most really enjoyed their visit, and several have come back, so we must be doing something right. You cannot let the few darken your opinion of the many, nor dash your trust that mankind is basically good. Because in addition to those i mentioned above there was also; The little chicky from England whose every visit brought so much joy and laughter to this house. The couple who allowed me to showcase my talents as a baker and flower designer for their wedding and had the three of us as witnesses to their wonderful ceremony. The good friend i made, to whom i always run when i need to talk. Her Master who demonstrated such wonderful techniques to us. Who made us all laugh so hard during his visit our ribs hurt for days. The lesbians who had many a guest singing "one little two little three little lesbians" to all our delight. The male subs who while they were not a good fit for our family restored Jewels faith that they do exist. The band members who brought music to this house. The redneck girl with her simple outlook on life who keeps us in stitches. And too many more to list. All of whom we are thankful to have come into our lives and homes, and who we'd welcome again and again as honored guests.

Underumam -> RE: That First Home Visit Part II (1/14/2009 5:14:24 AM)
I don't know why you feel the need to spew my personal info all over this thread. I have only generalized anything I've said about you. It only shows that YOU wish to ruin my reputation, which has NEVER been accused of the things you have openly suggested here. I as well, have had MANY good relationships with meeting people online, and yet you have no problem trying to "warn others" about me. I most certainly never said I didn't enjoy my visit either. You're grasping at straws, and shadow-boxing with fantomes.

bamagirl4u -> RE: That First Home Visit Part II (1/14/2009 5:36:20 AM)
I am too confused to post a proper answer...[sm=dunno.gif]so I will just hope that all parties come to a settlement and things work out.

Twicehappy2x -> RE: That First Home Visit Part II (1/14/2009 5:40:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Underumam I don't know why you feel the need to spew my personal info all over this thread. From my statement above; i was not going to comment further. But i am also not going to let anybody bash me or this household without commenting on it. quote: ORIGINAL Underumam . I have only generalized anything I've said about you. quote: ORIGINAL Underumam There was/is some "outside interference" going on here, and what I thought was just distortion and rudeness in our group conversations, seems to be rearing its head in daily affairs as well. I'm not referring to Scooter and Jewel here. *Generalized? The above comment specifically references " I'm not referring to Scooter and Jewel here."* That leaves either the cat or me. quote: ORIGINAL Underumam and yet you have no problem trying to "warn others" about me. You're grasping at straws, and shadow-boxing with phantoms. *At no point did this become about nor was i attempting to warn others about you. You* outed yourself, you called attention to it being about you. It could just as easily have been about a guest we might have had in addition to yourself. So i will repeat all the explanation i feel i need to give;** "So, while i would seriously rather let this die and not have to put forth any further family business on the boards, i am not going to stand by while you defame this house or it's members or policies. I guess i am saying you can either let it die or keep up your feeble attempts to bash this group or any of it's members." At which point i will once again, do what i feel i must to protect the reputation of this house and it's members, including myself. If that involves explaining exactly what happened, and if during the course of that explanation i am forced to reveal facts that involve you, well that is what happens when you put me in this position.

NuevaVida -> RE: That First Home Visit Part II (1/14/2009 6:52:24 AM)
~ Fast Reply ~ It is my opinion that leaving something as bait is just as dishonest as someone actually taking that bait. I try to live my life simply and honestly these days, and without games.

CalifChick -> RE: That First Home Visit Part II (1/14/2009 8:07:04 AM)
Twice? Is there a reason why you brought posts from the other thread into this one to continue the saga? Or were there other posts that were mod-deleted? I'm so confused. This is about testing or not testing someone in your home. It's not about you or your family. Cali

Twicehappy2x -> RE: That First Home Visit Part II (1/14/2009 8:38:00 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CalifChick Twice? Is there a reason why you brought posts from the other thread into this one to continue the saga? Or were there other posts that were mod-deleted? I'm so confused. This is about testing or not testing someone in your home. It's not about you or your family. Actually, if you read the post i was responding to once again impugning this household you will see that there was. If you don't well it certainly felt that way to me. As i was responding to such i do not see the need to explain once again how/why that post ended up here. And, btw, i did apologize to the OP for the hijack as well as post something more on topic. And, no , nothing has been deleted by a mod. And at the very beginning of this thread the OP stated quit clearly that this came about due to Jewel's original thread, a link was even posted.

stef -> RE: That First Home Visit Part II (1/14/2009 8:47:33 AM)
Good god, the drama! It's like watching COPS and Jerry Springer at the same time. If any of the parties in this soap opera think they're doing themselves any favors by continuing this, they're really not. ~stef

happypervert -> RE: That First Home Visit Part II (1/14/2009 9:37:36 AM)
quote: Twice? Is there a reason why you brought posts from the other thread into this one to continue the saga? Maybe as a warning to anyone else considering a visit about what would get to put up with?

slaveluci -> RE: That First Home Visit Part II (1/14/2009 6:28:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NuevaVida ~ Fast Reply ~ It is my opinion that leaving something as bait is just as dishonest as someone actually taking that bait. I try to live my life simply and honestly these days, and without games. As usual, I agree with you 1,000%[:)]. For one partner to test the other's honesty by being so dishonest as to bait them really shows the "tester's" true colors, imho. If I found out I had been baited like that, I'd really have to question the character of the one who baited me. I'd consider it juvenile and deceitful at best................luci

MaamJay -> RE: That First Home Visit Part II (1/15/2009 10:56:02 PM)
Much as I am fond of Twice, Jewel and Scooter, I feel the need to say to you Twice "Drop it!" Just as I'd say to a pit bull that's done an excellent job of defending her family but who's being a bit over-zealous after the threat has gone! Can't believe the guy outed himself anyway, not all of Us had read or spotted other threads and knew who he was! To the OP ... I have never felt the need to bait anyone, neither, as I realise now I've caught up with both threads ... do I take precautions! When the sub I'd been talking to for 9 months was finally met in person (for 2 dinners) and then had the opportunity to come and stay for 24 hours, I didn't even think of hiding meds, purses, wallets etc! Maybe I am foolish, and it's been food for thought ... but I felt if this boy trusted Me enough to come for a play session, then I trusted him enough to be in My house and stay overnight. That trust was vindicated and he is welcome back any time it can be arranged, just as I believe I would be welcome to stay at his place (if I could handle the 42 stairs and no lift!). I think in general, Aussies are a bit more laidback about guests ... something I hope doesn't change. Maam Jay aka violet[A]

ShiftedJewel -> RE: That First Home Visit Part II (1/16/2009 6:02:44 AM)
*Thank you, thank you and thank you Jay. I couldn't agree more.* *Jewel*

Twicehappy2x -> RE: That First Home Visit Part II (1/16/2009 6:34:57 PM)
You know as this issue was literally dropped in my lap to handle, I did so, to the best of my abilities and using my best judgment. To those who did not/do not care for how I handled it, I'd apologize, but the apology would be a lie. Perhaps others would have handled it differently, i handled it in the manner i am well known for handling matters of this type. I am and always will be a biker before i am a slave, everybody who knows me, knows this for a fact. There are other ways to handle such issues, this i know, but right, wrong or indifferent they are not my way. If you send pit bull out to guard your house don't get pissed at it's barking and growling.

manaclesvelvet -> RE: That First Home Visit Part II (1/18/2009 6:16:06 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Phoenixpower Well, thankfully at my place over here isn't much which I would call "valuable." Certain things which are from value are kept in my parents home in germany as I don't want to have the responsibility for them as long as I am living here how I live at the moment. Once I settle down in my next country (on my own or with a partner) then I will take them with me, therefore the risk for me over here is limited. I also am fairly trustworthy, because if I can't trust the person into my home, then I wouldn't invite him in the first place, but even when you trust a person things can still go wrong, thats just how life is at times...you never stop learning [8\|] But nevertheless, I try to stay positive when I get involved with others. A current contact gets the impression at times that I would be negative, but I am not...am just a bit more cautious maybe... I agree. Things like this can happen even with people you have come to trust, when they were more likely building that trust to take advantage of you in some way. I'm with you in that I am cautious, not negative.

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