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Nature of the D/s relationship - 1/9/2009 10:17:37 PM   
Devynsdoggy


Posts: 5
Joined: 1/16/2007
Status: offline 		I've been asked to lead the discussion at a munch and I want to explore the nature of the Dom/me - sub relationship.  Not the superficial stuff like what fetishes you like, but what actually passes between a Mistress or Master and their submissives.  Or Owner and slave.

I have my own thoughts, but I would love to hear others thoughts.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Nature of the D/s relationship - 1/9/2009 10:21:57 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline 		For me, a very primal emotional connection between myself and a girl that serves as my gateway for expressing intimacy. There is certain aspects to "owning" a women in the metaphysical sense that fulfill me on deep levels that are hard to properly articulate. More or less, because she is "MINE".

I don't really think the experience of what's it like to "own" someone or be "owned" can be really shared via written word. I'm searching for a way to explain it, but I really just can't. It's music that has to be heard if it's your kind of music.

< Message edited by MadRabbit -- 1/9/2009 10:23:07 PM >

_____________________________

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The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

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(in reply to Devynsdoggy)
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RE: Nature of the D/s relationship - 1/9/2009 11:05:44 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		90% of Ms relationships look exactly like vanilla ones 90% of the time.  It's all about the authority dynamic which flows through everything.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MadRabbit)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Nature of the D/s relationship - 1/10/2009 12:24:15 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Devynsdoggy

I've been asked to lead the discussion at a munch and I want to explore the nature of the Dom/me - sub relationship.  Not the superficial stuff like what fetishes you like, but what actually passes between a Mistress or Master and their submissives.  Or Owner and slave.

I have my own thoughts, but I would love to hear others thoughts.

 For me, it's about power, energy, connection, the influence that has on me and what inspires me to want to dance.  ::repost:: Power - Darkness, that stormy weather of the soul and the ability to harness it and unleash it with control. It's no wonder to me that some Masters who have that ability think they are Gods. To shape and dictate where the lightening strikes, when the rain falls, how fast the heart beats, such, to me, are elements of BDSM power. Without that bit of darkness, the sunshine blinds me. Without the shadows, there is no unknown and I need that because my own shadows love the dance, the touch of fear, the primal and visceral that lays within me and can't be pulled out by 'kind' or 'nice.' Kind and nice are eaten alive in the face of that power. Without the unknown, there is no journey to take, no territory to discover, no growth to be had. "Firm but gentle." How often I see those words and to my mind, they do not hold hands very well with power and control. They have their place and, indeed, gentle and tender thoughts are part of an intimate and loving relationship, but it's not the relationship I may have with another which feeds the beast. Relationships feed my humanity, but the darkness, the blood, the roar and rage of controlled power feeds those things which fall outside of my humanity. God help me, but I absolutely require that balance. Those are the things I sought and which brought me to where I reside today, here, in this place and moment in time. The deer makes no gift of her meat to the hunter. He takes it and eats it at his leisure. What is beautiful for me, is that there is no death when he eats my power because it remains in tact and whole within him. He digests it then utilizes it and snaps it out the end of his whip, the blade of his tongue.. he makes the rain fall in the form of my tears. He makes the Earth stand still or rotate with single words dropped from great height so that I quake with unknowing. Shall the world spin to the left or right today? Always, always, his choice. Such is why his direction and clarity are so important. Without being told right or left, I can spin out into the void, not knowing where the handholds may be.

This is how it is for me.. how I wanted it, how I craved it.. how I live it .. without that.. without that darkness.. without the control of that wild. I am lost. The ability to stay in my center is the last thing that I need. It's the edge, the very edge.. to the point where you fall or fly that brings me back again and again.. so I can dance knowing I may trip and fall .. yet still taking that chance. The edge maintains the core. I fear it and welcome it at the same time, but, know in truth, a part of me can't exist without it.
    

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to Devynsdoggy)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Nature of the D/s relationship - 1/10/2009 12:28:00 AM   
JustDarkness


Posts: 1461
Joined: 7/25/2008
Status: offline
quote:

Not the superficial stuff like what fetishes you like


to some the fetishes might actually might be the thing going on between them.

to me it is the bond between M and s simply said. What she gives to me and I to her...especially the trust and loyalty.


Not sure if you have to talk about others or yourself. But isn't presenting about your own experiences eassier befor other people?
You know better how to explain what you feel. Also you would be able to answer the question better.
Just a thought

< Message edited by JustDarkness -- 1/10/2009 12:29:27 AM >

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Nature of the D/s relationship - 1/10/2009 2:43:48 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		A sense of destiny and fulfillment because this is what we are meant to be doing.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to Devynsdoggy)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Nature of the D/s relationship - 1/10/2009 3:42:11 AM   
JustDarkness


Posts: 1461
Joined: 7/25/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

A sense of destiny and fulfillment because this is what we are meant to be doing.

Master Fire




that is nicely put.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Nature of the D/s relationship - 1/10/2009 3:49:33 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		I find the Power exchange between Master, Mistress and slave/s and the Authority dynamic the major difference between M/s and Mundane relationships including poly. I thrive in a well constructed hierarchical structure together with highly defined protocols both of which works in a Mundane, Alternative Lifestyle and a BDSM arena. For me, this is the way in which I was born to and destined to live. 

< Message edited by IronBear -- 1/10/2009 3:50:49 AM >

_____________________________

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Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to JustDarkness)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Nature of the D/s relationship - 1/10/2009 4:28:58 AM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline 		For me, it is like that very first bite of chocolate you've been craving, and can't help savoring; it is like falling in love over and over and over again; and sometimes it is like having your teeth pulled....YMMV

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Nature of the D/s relationship - 1/10/2009 7:43:02 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		 As Lucky said .....authority is the root from which everything else springs...for M and I.

My life is arranged in the way he wants it..not for him, but for me....so that it works the best way , for me.

He's not interested, nor does he want me to be submissive 'for him' but TO him, which seems reasonable enough and makes sense.

agirl

(in reply to Devynsdoggy)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Nature of the D/s relationship - 1/10/2009 8:02:06 AM   
hereyesruponyou


Posts: 770
Joined: 1/22/2007
Status: offline 		I think the nature of the relationship is as individual as the people in it. While there can be some commonalities, the actual dynamic is driven by the needs of the people involved. While titles are not really important in many ways, what they mean to someone specifically will definately affect the relationship. What i get out of being  a Domme has been different for me based on who i was with. Prior to my current situation i have never made it to the point of collaring someone. My interactions therefore were much more limited and i tended to be in control but not very firmly and mostly in the kink area.

With my pet, it is different. I can almost pin point the time we went from being just friends who enjoyed chatting to the D/s relationship. The change was both subtle and dramatic at the same time. The gift he gave me of submission was in a way i had not experienced before and it affected my domination of him. Over time i have learned to exert this control into more and more of his daily life. This is what he craves and needed, and it is his needs that have taken me to another level, as i find myself changing and growing as our dynamic strengthens. I am having much more input into some of the simplest activities, totally non-kink. I couldn't understand how that would make me feel so good before now, but it does.

So what is the nature of our dynamic? complimentary sides of a whole. that last piece of the puzzle for both of us that makes us both more than we were separately. nothing you can't live without, but that slightly bonus something when it is there.

_____________________________

Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be


(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Nature of the D/s relationship - 1/10/2009 8:14:49 AM   
ALAstella


Posts: 253
Joined: 12/3/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Devynsdoggy

but what actually passes between a Mistress or Master and their submissives.  Or Owner and slave.



fluids

(in reply to Devynsdoggy)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Nature of the D/s relationship - 1/10/2009 8:21:21 AM   
pompeii


Posts: 934
Joined: 1/4/2007
From: Silicon Valley, San Jose, California
Status: offline 		It's how you feel. What gets your attention. How you daydream about doing with others .... 

(in reply to ALAstella)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Nature of the D/s relationship - 1/10/2009 10:11:35 AM   
Amaros


Posts: 1363
Joined: 7/25/2005
Status: offline 		I'd focus on the notion of PE, Power Exchange itself - it requires and act of will on the part of both parties in order to form a functional dyad - it's the difference between authoritarianism and leadership: the authoritarian does not ask, he/she compels unconditional obedience through the application of force majure, they do not offer you a choice - the leader makes you an offer, There is an exchange that is both implicit and explicit, ideally, the sub does not surrender their power unconditionally, they exchange it for something, and that implies responsibility on the part of the dominant.

BDSM largely describes the methodology of kink, it alludes to both personality and practice - PE describes the underlying nature of the dynamic, whether it's confined to the bedroom, the duration of a scene, or a lifelong commitment.

< Message edited by Amaros -- 1/10/2009 10:23:29 AM >

(in reply to pompeii)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Nature of the D/s relationship - 1/10/2009 10:18:28 AM   
Amaros


Posts: 1363
Joined: 7/25/2005
Status: offline 		For the record, I'm quite smitten with BitaTrubl's description, it's much more poetic, and speaks better to the emotional side of this issue - why it is that people need to do what it is we do. 

(in reply to Amaros)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Nature of the D/s relationship - 1/10/2009 10:38:26 AM   
whiteslavebitch


Posts: 479
Joined: 9/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

quote:

ORIGINAL: Devynsdoggy

I've been asked to lead the discussion at a munch and I want to explore the nature of the Dom/me - sub relationship.  Not the superficial stuff like what fetishes you like, but what actually passes between a Mistress or Master and their submissives.  Or Owner and slave.

I have my own thoughts, but I would love to hear others thoughts.

 For me, it's about power, energy, connection, the influence that has on me and what inspires me to want to dance.  ::repost:: Power - Darkness, that stormy weather of the soul and the ability to harness it and unleash it with control. It's no wonder to me that some Masters who have that ability think they are Gods. To shape and dictate where the lightening strikes, when the rain falls, how fast the heart beats, such, to me, are elements of BDSM power. Without that bit of darkness, the sunshine blinds me. Without the shadows, there is no unknown and I need that because my own shadows love the dance, the touch of fear, the primal and visceral that lays within me and can't be pulled out by 'kind' or 'nice.' Kind and nice are eaten alive in the face of that power. Without the unknown, there is no journey to take, no territory to discover, no growth to be had. "Firm but gentle." How often I see those words and to my mind, they do not hold hands very well with power and control. They have their place and, indeed, gentle and tender thoughts are part of an intimate and loving relationship, but it's not the relationship I may have with another which feeds the beast. Relationships feed my humanity, but the darkness, the blood, the roar and rage of controlled power feeds those things which fall outside of my humanity. God help me, but I absolutely require that balance. Those are the things I sought and which brought me to where I reside today, here, in this place and moment in time. The deer makes no gift of her meat to the hunter. He takes it and eats it at his leisure. What is beautiful for me, is that there is no death when he eats my power because it remains in tact and whole within him. He digests it then utilizes it and snaps it out the end of his whip, the blade of his tongue.. he makes the rain fall in the form of my tears. He makes the Earth stand still or rotate with single words dropped from great height so that I quake with unknowing. Shall the world spin to the left or right today? Always, always, his choice. Such is why his direction and clarity are so important. Without being told right or left, I can spin out into the void, not knowing where the handholds may be.

This is how it is for me.. how I wanted it, how I craved it.. how I live it .. without that.. without that darkness.. without the control of that wild. I am lost. The ability to stay in my center is the last thing that I need. It's the edge, the very edge.. to the point where you fall or fly that brings me back again and again.. so I can dance knowing I may trip and fall .. yet still taking that chance. The edge maintains the core. I fear it and welcome it at the same time, but, know in truth, a part of me can't exist without it.
    


Celeste, that is absolutely beautifully said.

_____________________________

MasterK's whiteslavebitch

formally collared 1/30/09

"I give to you my everything, you've given me these loving wings." - DMB

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 16
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