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Preparing (maybe) to play !? - 1/5/2009 9:28:13 AM

MsFlutter

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GreedyTop's response to the Insta-domme thread of 'what kills me is the morbidly obese 'dom' playing the role of pot, while calling the kettle black' got me to thinking.

Author's note: #1 The nature of the thread may preclude static (standing) relationships of any kind. #2 Immediate medical attention is crucial – rhetorical questions are used to provoke discussion; #3 This thread does not suspend responsibility for the discussion of these or similar concerns prior to play.

Not everyone is shaped like a runway model or calendar beefcake and some may even have ongoing health limitations. It does NOT diminish the value of them as a person or what they bring to the role they have chosen but CAN present unique problems for their potential play partner.

I recall a time fifteen years ago when I played with a Dom in his 60s (back in my subbie days!) His absolute devotion to rope bondage was a joy to watch and experience. I recall asking him during a scene if he would leave sufficient wiggle room in the rope so that I could get free to assist him should it be necessary. He granted my request and thanked me for thinking of his welfare. Apparently he didn’t carry that practice with him and died of a cardiac event during a session a few years later. His play partner was shattered by the experience and her inability to get free to help him.

Are there those among us who would forego play with candidates that could be, for any reason, considered ‘at risk’? Are concessions (e.g.playing only with a spotter present or using only panic-release hardware) enough? In the event something does go wrong – clean up the scene first or call for medical personnel?

A dominant thinking far enough ahead to know that they are not able to effectively render assistance (lifting, dragging, chest compressions) risks being perceived as ‘mean’ when the reality is they may simply realizing their own limitations and are trying to act responsibly.

A submissive/slave evaluating the ability of a potential Dom/me to consistently keep him/her safe risks being perceived as ungrateful or uppity ...or just too dang picky or ungrateful.

Can't wait to see the discussion !

_____________________________

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"The right data, filtered through an idiot, can yield a bad answer." einstien5201

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RE: Preparing (maybe) to play !? - 1/5/2009 11:02:02 AM

JustDarkness

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quote:

A submissive/slave evaluating the ability of a potential Dom/me to consistently keep him/her safe risks being perceived as ungrateful or uppity ...or just too dang picky or ungrateful.

I am gratefull for advise of anykind. No one is to old to learn. And when busy.."little" things are easily forgotten.
Health issues..(when known) I keep always in mind. Perhaps I am soemtimes to carefull in the beginning..but better safe then sorry.
I had a girl who had breast implants...and I was scared as hell to slap them. So I listened to her what she could handle. It was soemthing we did do together.
You should keep eachother in mind...and not be selfish.

Also when I know them...I want them to inform others were she is...or what number I could call.
In the past I had a girlfriend who past out (epeleptic...damn scary)...and I had no clue where she lived exactly. I was afraid I would end with a corpse in the house.

< Message edited by JustDarkness -- 1/5/2009 11:05:04 AM >

(in reply to MsFlutter)

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RE: Preparing (maybe) to play !? - 1/5/2009 11:04:09 AM

T1981

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Wow. This is a really good question. I have NEVER thought of that, not when put that way. It'll be interesting to see what other people feel. (And that poor girl, omg, I don't know what I'd do......)

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RE: Preparing (maybe) to play !? - 1/5/2009 11:05:40 AM

colouredin

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I think limitations have to be taken into consideration either changing or modifying something or forgoing something all together. We bang on about safty and in our heads I think the dramatic comes to mind and often the safty of the submissive. In a relationship of course it is differant you will want to protect your partner no matter what side of the slash they are one. There is a differance between protection and nagging though and its something i havent quite got the hang of to be honest.

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RE: Preparing (maybe) to play !? - 1/5/2009 11:09:39 AM

Lockit

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I think about it... haven't found a totally safe way yet... but still working on things. But think about it. How many die young with no warning whatsoever? No health issues known to them and no risky behavior, living healthy, who just go down and it's over? I have known a few young, healthy seemingly who died just like that. No one is safe totally. At least with some of us with issues... you can try to prepare.

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RE: Preparing (maybe) to play !? - 1/5/2009 12:49:58 PM

silkncarol

Posts: 318
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It goes back to knowing who you're playing with....discussion of health issues, possible physical limitations, and also having a contact number of some kind.

As a submissive i would want to know if my play partner was diabetic or had previous heart problems....so perhaps our play could be structured in a way to make us both feel safer.

I have to know the person's hands i've put myself into has enough integrity and skill to either administer first aide or call for emergency help...not hauling ass because of their own fear of incrimination or panic.
In the end, no matter how well you think you're prepared shit happens...then you have to be responsible enough to deal with the problem.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsFlutter

A submissive/slave evaluating the ability of a potential Dom/me to consistently keep him/her safe risks being perceived as ungrateful or uppity ...or just too dang picky or ungrateful.

Can't wait to see the discussion !

_____________________________

We attract hearts by the qualities we display. We retain them by the qualities we possess.

Shoes can change your life................. Cinderella

(in reply to MsFlutter)

Post #: 6

RE: Preparing (maybe) to play !? - 1/5/2009 1:02:27 PM

Dewolfsslave

Posts: 31
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quote:

ORIGINAL: silkncarol

It goes back to knowing who you're playing with....discussion of health issues, possible physical limitations, and also having a contact number of some kind.

As a submissive i would want to know if my play partner was diabetic or had previous heart problems....so perhaps our play could be structured in a way to make us both feel safer.

I have to know the person's hands i've put myself into has enough integrity and skill to either administer first aide or call for emergency help...not hauling ass because of their own fear of incrimination or panic.
In the end, no matter how well you think you're prepared shit happens...then you have to be responsible enough to deal with the problem.

Well said, no matter which side of the flogger you play on.

(in reply to silkncarol)

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RE: Preparing (maybe) to play !? - 1/5/2009 3:25:12 PM

MidMichCowboy

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I did "scene or play" in the past. I was always careful (key for cuffs somewhere they could get it if they had to, slipknots, whatever) but I was always careful of the lady and really never thought of myself.
Now, I don't really "play" any more. I would hope when I get involved with a person, we would know each other well enough to know what we are doing.
For myself, passing to next level while in throes .... Not a bad way to go. :)

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Post #: 8

RE: Preparing (maybe) to play !? - 1/5/2009 3:28:52 PM

proudsub

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My first dom had a heart condition and we always made sure i could get loose if necessary. Now with Hubby we do the same thing. I think even with a younger dom i would want the ability to get free in an emergency.

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proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to MsFlutter)

Post #: 9

RE: Preparing (maybe) to play !? - 1/5/2009 3:59:08 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
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This is one of the reasons I only get involved in relationships with healthy, balanced men who take care of themselves physically, mentally and spiritually and I try to be the same for them. It makes both our lives easier and more worry-free.

Sure accidents can happen but I've already had one husband die. I'm not looking to have it happen again anytime soon. The less I can keep that from happening the better.

(in reply to proudsub)

Post #: 10

RE: Preparing (maybe) to play !? - 1/5/2009 5:31:45 PM

Maya2001

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From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
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quote:

Not everyone is shaped like a runway model or calendar beefcake and some may even have ongoing health limitations. It does NOT diminish the value of them as a person or what they bring to the role they have chosen but CAN present unique problems for their potential play partner.

Problem with this post is that people will think that if someone is obese that we should treat them differently...

I have heart problems ..I am very far from being obese... in the past year 4 guys from work in their mid 40's died of heart attacks...none had prior knowledge they had heart problems, 3 were slim, a one was husky but far from obese, none had been sickly and they put in their 40 hours a week of physical labour like everyone else and appeared healthy strong...learning they had heart attacks came as a huge shock and we felt they were some of the last people at work that would die of heart problems.

It would be better to assume something could go wrong with any dom/me and have precautions in place..then to select simply by a person appearance

With my heart problems and the current med I am on ...it will prevent a rhythm disturbance, angina, or heart attack...the med was chosen since I am about to under go a major surgery for another health issue ...and my heart must function properly for me to get thru the surgery so a med was chosen to ensure along with having a stress test to make sure it was working.... so right now even though I have a known heart problem...I am one of the least likely to have a heart attack... and makes me a hell of a lot safer to play with than someone with an unknown heart problem. During my early heart check I came back as healthy because each time I was tested my heart was functioning properly...it took 9 months before the problem was finally picked up in diagnostic testing ...I was more of a risk to play with then while I was being told there was nothing wrong with my heart than I am now that I do have a diagnosis that I am being treated for.

< Message edited by Maya2001 -- 1/5/2009 5:33:42 PM >

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RE: Preparing (maybe) to play !? - 1/5/2009 6:03:47 PM

kristileigh

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Joined: 3/23/2008
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my Master has a heart problem and has had a heart attack in the past. He is on meds and i plan on Him being around a long time.

i am diabetic. W/we always have juice on hand so if i crash. When W/we have play parties everyone that is there and playing know about me and what to watch for. Master is always there to watch for trouble though and never leaves me.

W/we use precautions but W/we still enjoy O/our play sessions alot!

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proud submissive/slave belonging heart and soul to
Master Chris!

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Post #: 12

RE: Preparing (maybe) to play !? - 1/5/2009 6:33:54 PM

BalletBob

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Wow. This does get one to think.

Sincerly, BalletBob

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RE: Preparing (maybe) to play !? - 1/6/2009 4:46:18 AM

SassySarijane

Posts: 1558
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: KC Area Missouri
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Thank you for this thread. You've brought up a major point for discussion that maybe doesn't get discussed enough.

Maya, while I agree that some may think that from reading the OP, I certainly didn't and I don't think a lot will. It really came across to me as just one example of something that had nothing to do with weight and everything to do with communicating existing health issues and making any necessary plans and adjustments to accomodate for them.

I really hope most see it that way too because health issues do not equal overweight and vice versa. Anyone can have potentially severe health issues and I believe that should be and is the focus in this thread, at least as it comes off to me; and your post definitely showed that anyone, no matter their looks can have such issues.

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RE: Preparing (maybe) to play !? - 1/6/2009 12:56:20 PM

Gleegal67

Posts: 218
Joined: 6/18/2007
From: Phoenix
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Being the happy go lucky slut that I've always been and still am...I find it is always in the best interest of my partner to find out any medical issues...I make sure I do the same for them...(I've got trashed knees...and not by being a slut as you may determine...it's from being a daredevil my whole life!)

I had to learn to ask the medical questions the hard way and at a young age...

I have had to perform CPR after an amazing time with an older gentleman...afterwards he was grateful...but he told me that he still would have been happy dying while in the position we were in...it scared the hell outta me...he loved telling the paramedics, doctors, nurses, his family when he got his breath back...what we were doing during his heart attack...cheeky man! He was only 55 at the time with no history of heart problems.

Now, I act like a nurse taking down a potential partners medical history...

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~always the gleeful one~

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RE: Preparing (maybe) to play !? - 1/6/2009 2:56:44 PM

Midgie

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Joined: 12/30/2007
From: Arizona
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Wow. What an interesting topic.

I find it important that in more dynamic relationships, especially one where the relationship may become physical, that people know what limitations and health problems are going on ahead of time. Safety is extremely important.

My fiancé has two full rods in his back. This makes some positions impossible or uncomfortable. We discussed his health problems early on. As things develop or we feel something differently we discuss them.

I also make knowing (at least) some medical history a requirement for plain ol roommates as well. You never know when something may go wrong.

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What do you say?

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RE: Preparing (maybe) to play !? - 1/6/2009 3:46:11 PM

GoodFeathers

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Often a dom or a top will miscalculate what I'm actually capable of doing. They see me, overweight, and assume that I am unable to do many things or are afraid to try them because of it. While I appreciate the concern, I do not appreciate the assumptions on their part.

I have come across one dom, who, sweet, cute as a button and simply a joy to spend time with, had what I considered a disturbing diet. He appeared very healthy, but his eating habits are not. I expressed concerns for his heart health because when my father was about his age, he was in the same physical condition and had the same diet, then had a heart attack that nearly killed him. Obviously, I was highly concerned. A concern which fell on deaf ears.

What can I say? I'm a woman. I care. Therefore, I worry. If I'm not worried, the SO should be.

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RE: Preparing (maybe) to play !? - 1/6/2009 3:47:43 PM

Dewolfsslave

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Random thought for the day. After reading this thread, i happened to glance over at my bookshelf, and guess what was right at eye level? Yep, Gerald's Game...

(in reply to Midgie)

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RE: Preparing (maybe) to play !? - 1/6/2009 3:58:18 PM

Midgie

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Joined: 12/30/2007
From: Arizona
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I totally understand. I get really irritated when people make assumptions about me because of my weight. I don't actually eat all that much, or eat all that unhealthy. I just don't exercise (my downfall really). People make a lot of assumptions about my fiancé's physical abilities as well. This bothers me because he's not THAT limited. He just does not bend certain ways.

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What do you say?

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RE: Preparing (maybe) to play !? - 1/6/2009 3:58:46 PM

Maxwell67

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Dewolfsslave

Random thought for the day. After reading this thread, i happened to glance over at my bookshelf, and guess what was right at eye level? Yep, Gerald's Game...

That book should be required reading for anyone involved in heavy restriction style bondage play. I enjoy shibari and suspension also, but the shibari I am doing now I mostly for the aesthetics of the art and the zen aspects, and I started in suspension by rigging actors to be flown in theater so I always provide a safety release. I am much more of a 'mental bondage' fetishist, to be honest. I like mine to simply stay very sitll and they do. I have never felt any need to put them into an inescapable situation. If I say "stay put" they do that. I am interested in playing with mumification at some future point though and that is expremely restrictive by it's very nature. Though I am in good shape, this is something I will have to keep in mind before I start in on any of those games.

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Use your head can't you use your head? You're on Earth! There's no cure for that! - Samuel Beckett (Endgame)

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