CreativeDominant
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Joined: 3/11/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: MadRabbit
When it comes to my intimate relationships with women, I consider myself to be possessive. I get an erotic thrill from controlling women. It's in my nature to be controlling and something that got me in quite a lot of trouble with past attempts at egalatarian relationships. I've always had a tendecy to treat women who were intimate with me like they "belonged" to me. I like to tell them what to do. How to dress, walk, talk, act and fuck. I agree with this overall. I am not into micromanagement so I don't want to be telling my partner what to wear each day but in all honesty, what dominant has not spent at least a little time telling their submissive what styles of clothing they like to see on their partner, how they expect them to speak (in my case, courteously), what manner of speech they prefer (intelligent and civil and romantic and nasty...all at the appropriate time), how they expect them to behave around family, friends, at the club in terms of expression and display of the D/s dynamic that exists? If that is possessive, along with the control in other areas...and given your definition of "possessiveness" you use later, it is...then I am possessive.
quote:
How do you define "possessiveness"?
As a dominant, do you consider yourself to be "possessive"? I define possessiveness...in a healthy way...as wanting to control my partner, wanting to be their owner, putting boundaries in place and expecting them to be followed. I want their heart and their mind and their romantic love to be mine, though their body might be shared with another. As sabis noted about her dominant, I don't mind sharing but if they are mine, then I expect their heart-loyalty and their mind-loyalty to belong to me. Does that mean they cannot care about another? No. But caring about another, for another...even loving another...is different than being "in love" with another. When romance comes into play or someone trying to alter the mindset that I have set up, then I would have a problem with that.
As a slave or sub, do you consider your Master to be "possessive"? Is this a quality you find attractive? Are you attracted to a man who will actively treat you like his possession or propety? Would this be considered a "red flag" in dating?
Is "possessiveness" part of your dynamic? Is there a difference between being your Owner's "possession/property" and them being "possessive" of you?
How can "possessiveness" be "healthy" or "unhealthy"?
It has been in every dynamic I have been in, whether it was a conventional relationship or a D/s relationship or a combination romantic-D/s relationship. It gets unhealthy when it is used to cover insecurity or to micromanage someone who did not sign up for micromanagement or to change the base core of the relationship that both agreed to and are trying to build. Tis a fine line...expression of what you feel about someone else's involvement elsewhere can well be a sign of possessiveness in a healthy and growing manner or it can be a sign of jealousy or it can be a sign of insecurity or it can be a dominant/submissive laying out their feelings about something that they can see as a problem down the road if the involvement grows or, if it has not begun to grow, as an impediment to it growing. All you can do in these cases is communicate and, when your partner-potential partner-friend is trying to communicate with you, try to give their viewpoint the same consideration you would expect of your own from them.
kyra noted that one of the ways that Knight shows his possession of Alandra is by giving her to someone else to please. I don't imagine that point came about without a great deal of communication and understanding of the motivations and thoughts and concerns of both Knight and alandra.
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